I had an entirely different theme planned for this blog. It was silly and Christmas related, but since Christmas is next week and I will be writing my annual Christmas letter I changed plans. You impacted that change with the surprise card you left me this morning anyway.
It takes just a moment for a different perspective. Over the years we have been together, you have clearly taught me to believe that is possible. This morning was a yet another example. So I derived short poem of sorts for you.
Just a moment
Is all it really takes
Just a moment
To change a smile into something that makes me tingle
Just a moment
For the warmth of your touch to make it all the way to me heart
Just a moment
To have that perfect joke turn bored into happy
Just a moment
To see how truly beautiful you are
Just a moment
To hear that love in your voice
Just a moment
To press my lips against yours
Just a moment
To feel the safety in your arms
Just a moment
To know that we are always on each others mind
Just a moment
To know how much I am loved
Just a moment
To know that a million moments are yet to come
I know our lives are filled with so many of these moments. I know the rest of our lives will have a million more moments to come. I'll never get bored of counting my moments with you. Every moment is just a little better than the last.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Just a quick reminder that on Friday we will be 2 weeks from Christmas Day. Hopefully you have completed you shopping by then!
I saw this morning a news article about a couple celebrating their 80th wedding anniversary. 80 years! Wow. That's 10 decades together. The interesting thing is that the wife referred to him as "her honey" throughout the news clip. After 80 years, she still uses pet names for him. They were also holding hands during the interview, further illustrating that a relationship that successful is made up of not one big thing, but so many little things that become so important over the years.
It got me thinking about what our "little things" are right now and which will still be those little things when we celebrate our 80th anniversary (which by the way is mathematically possible). So I figured a list was in order. Counting backwards....
10). The obvious will be that we too will still be holding hands. It remains one of our more romantic acts.
9). We will still have a laundry list of songs that remind us of each other. I figure by our 80th year we will have whole days worth of songs to commemorate our time together.
8). There will be a million stories that make us laugh about hints we have done in the past. Not the major stories but day to day stuff like who the dog talked about me behind my back or how you startled me at the most opportune times.
7). We will have our stated positions on whatever couches we have owned over the years. The places that made certain your feet always fit nicely across my lap.
6). Stories of our grandchildren. This will rank higher later in our life, but since our girls are VERY far from this stage of their lives, it places in the middle.
5). Stories of our various homes over our lives. The paces we lived. What was good and bad about each. From our first home to the ghetto to our place in the city.
4). This blog. Which might have over 5,000 entries by then. If blogs still even exist in 2069.
3). Stories of the various dumb things I have done over the years (this may be too long to mention by then). Like how I couldn't eat without spilling on myself, how I never got the a/an thing right or how many times I embarrassed myself in public.
2). A million well placed hugs. A million perfect kisses. A million snuggles.
1). Our amazing daughters and their amazing lives and how proud we were of them. How they are one of our greatest accomplishments.
So some of those aren't little things, but it will be 80 years worth of things we have had together. We will tell the stories like they were yesterday. We will hug during the stories and tease each other about how silly we were about things so often.
Maybe we too will be on the news. Who knows?
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
I saw this morning a news article about a couple celebrating their 80th wedding anniversary. 80 years! Wow. That's 10 decades together. The interesting thing is that the wife referred to him as "her honey" throughout the news clip. After 80 years, she still uses pet names for him. They were also holding hands during the interview, further illustrating that a relationship that successful is made up of not one big thing, but so many little things that become so important over the years.
It got me thinking about what our "little things" are right now and which will still be those little things when we celebrate our 80th anniversary (which by the way is mathematically possible). So I figured a list was in order. Counting backwards....
10). The obvious will be that we too will still be holding hands. It remains one of our more romantic acts.
9). We will still have a laundry list of songs that remind us of each other. I figure by our 80th year we will have whole days worth of songs to commemorate our time together.
8). There will be a million stories that make us laugh about hints we have done in the past. Not the major stories but day to day stuff like who the dog talked about me behind my back or how you startled me at the most opportune times.
7). We will have our stated positions on whatever couches we have owned over the years. The places that made certain your feet always fit nicely across my lap.
6). Stories of our grandchildren. This will rank higher later in our life, but since our girls are VERY far from this stage of their lives, it places in the middle.
5). Stories of our various homes over our lives. The paces we lived. What was good and bad about each. From our first home to the ghetto to our place in the city.
4). This blog. Which might have over 5,000 entries by then. If blogs still even exist in 2069.
3). Stories of the various dumb things I have done over the years (this may be too long to mention by then). Like how I couldn't eat without spilling on myself, how I never got the a/an thing right or how many times I embarrassed myself in public.
2). A million well placed hugs. A million perfect kisses. A million snuggles.
1). Our amazing daughters and their amazing lives and how proud we were of them. How they are one of our greatest accomplishments.
So some of those aren't little things, but it will be 80 years worth of things we have had together. We will tell the stories like they were yesterday. We will hug during the stories and tease each other about how silly we were about things so often.
Maybe we too will be on the news. Who knows?
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Love Conquers All
This blog post is a week late. I admit to not feeling well over the holiday week and apologize for the lapse. This is a post I really wanted to make last week.
I spent some time in New York with my nephew and his wife this past weekend. They are experiencing the most challenging part of their lives right now and it was nice to just hang out with them. It turns out I learned a lot of very good information about them. So this blog entry will couple a note about us in the same light as our young, recently married nephew and his wife.
I think few people really understand the true power of being in love with someone. So few people really get to experience what it really means. There are millions of people who date or even marry without really knowing what it means. Luckily, I now know a second couple who truly gets he true meaning and the real power of being in love.
True love is all about being there for each other no matter what the challenge. When life throws you one of it's many curves, having someone to manage through it with is important. Take this past summer for us, it was one of the most challenging times for our marriage. Only the fact that we truly love each other and have that knowing that we will always be there for each other made our challenge bearable. It was one of those times that we tapped into the power of our love to carry us through. Our nephew and his wife find themselves in a similar situation.
The power of true love allows you to do the following things...
It allows you to hide how scared you might be so at you don't upset the other, and still have them intuitively know exactly how you are feeling.
It allows you to find a way to sleep in a hospital bed together even though you know one of you might all to the floor.
It allows you to know when a hug is really the best medicine you need at that moment.
It allows you to see how amazing someone looks even youth they aren't showered, made up, or looking like they did when you first met them.
It allows you to hold a hand for as long as it needs to be held. Never for an instant considering letting go. Because at least one of you (and likely both of you) needs that hand to be held.
It talks about the future even when everything around you indicates that those conversations might not be the best fit right now.
It allows you to see past a bad day and know that good days are just around the corner.
It allows you to smile and joke around at the exact right time to make the other person feel just a little more comfortable.
It knows when you need that look from across the room that let's you know at this moment too will pass very shortly.
So we should be proud of our nephew and his wife. They seem to be pretty close to the path we took to truly being in love with each other. Because as we have learned over the years, the is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.
As always I am in love with you.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
I spent some time in New York with my nephew and his wife this past weekend. They are experiencing the most challenging part of their lives right now and it was nice to just hang out with them. It turns out I learned a lot of very good information about them. So this blog entry will couple a note about us in the same light as our young, recently married nephew and his wife.
I think few people really understand the true power of being in love with someone. So few people really get to experience what it really means. There are millions of people who date or even marry without really knowing what it means. Luckily, I now know a second couple who truly gets he true meaning and the real power of being in love.
True love is all about being there for each other no matter what the challenge. When life throws you one of it's many curves, having someone to manage through it with is important. Take this past summer for us, it was one of the most challenging times for our marriage. Only the fact that we truly love each other and have that knowing that we will always be there for each other made our challenge bearable. It was one of those times that we tapped into the power of our love to carry us through. Our nephew and his wife find themselves in a similar situation.
The power of true love allows you to do the following things...
It allows you to hide how scared you might be so at you don't upset the other, and still have them intuitively know exactly how you are feeling.
It allows you to find a way to sleep in a hospital bed together even though you know one of you might all to the floor.
It allows you to know when a hug is really the best medicine you need at that moment.
It allows you to see how amazing someone looks even youth they aren't showered, made up, or looking like they did when you first met them.
It allows you to hold a hand for as long as it needs to be held. Never for an instant considering letting go. Because at least one of you (and likely both of you) needs that hand to be held.
It talks about the future even when everything around you indicates that those conversations might not be the best fit right now.
It allows you to see past a bad day and know that good days are just around the corner.
It allows you to smile and joke around at the exact right time to make the other person feel just a little more comfortable.
It knows when you need that look from across the room that let's you know at this moment too will pass very shortly.
So we should be proud of our nephew and his wife. They seem to be pretty close to the path we took to truly being in love with each other. Because as we have learned over the years, the is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.
As always I am in love with you.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sealed with a Kiss
So last night we spent a good amount of time kissing. Very nice kissing. Soft kissing. Romantic kissing.
Because kissing is among my all time favorite things to do with you, it made me wonder. Why do people kiss? When did it start? How do we rank?
Kissing it turns out is a biblical thing. It was a means of confirmation of your faith. The first kisses were simply nothing more than "pecks on the cheek". Over time it grew into something far more intimate. It grew into something used as a means to express love, affection, joy, friendship or passion. Hundreds of years after the peck on the cheek craze, people started pressing their lips together. From there it was well, nothing short of a miracle.
Kissing is more intimate than almost any display of affection. The obvious reason is that it is mouth to mouth and very little is more personal than ones mouth. However, the real reason is that a kiss is the perfect meshing of many of he best senses. The sense of touch, smell and taste. Literally the 3 most sensual of all of the senses. So kissing is essentially designed to be intimate.
So now at the. History lesson is over, I find myself wondering how we rank in terms of kissing.
First of all we have some memorable kisses.
Our first kiss is an event worth talking about at any time. It is almost story book. Neither of us expected it. Neither of us planned it. But neither of us could avoid it. It was a rare moment where two people had a moment that may have changed their lives forever. Just think if we hadn't kissed on that first date. Would there have been a second date? Would we have just assumed we were friends? You should know that you are the only first date, first kiss of my entire life. I never had that kind of courage. I never felt so at ease to make that move as I did with you on at night.
We have the kiss in the streets of Chicago in what remains an almost surreal moment. In my mind it replays like a movie scene. The lights found us just right, the mist in the background, the music playing behind us. Much of that may not have really been there, but in my head it replays that way.
Our kiss when we "got hitched". While it was a quickie it sealed something perfect, so it has to be mentioned.
The next question is "are we good at kissing"? I have watched a Tom of movies and TV. Seen a lot of people kiss over the years. And frankly none come close. Our kisses are soft. Our kisses are passionate. Our kisses have love in them. We don't slobber on each other. We don't force tongues where they shouldn't be shoved. We simply kiss. At the point we kiss we mesh perfectly. At the time we kiss, i never feel better.
So tonight when i walk in the Door, i plan on kissing you. Because a) walking through the door kisses are some of the best and b) I know it will be an awesome event.
After 22+ years we still have so much to offer each other. Kissing is still at or near the top of the list.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Because kissing is among my all time favorite things to do with you, it made me wonder. Why do people kiss? When did it start? How do we rank?
Kissing it turns out is a biblical thing. It was a means of confirmation of your faith. The first kisses were simply nothing more than "pecks on the cheek". Over time it grew into something far more intimate. It grew into something used as a means to express love, affection, joy, friendship or passion. Hundreds of years after the peck on the cheek craze, people started pressing their lips together. From there it was well, nothing short of a miracle.
Kissing is more intimate than almost any display of affection. The obvious reason is that it is mouth to mouth and very little is more personal than ones mouth. However, the real reason is that a kiss is the perfect meshing of many of he best senses. The sense of touch, smell and taste. Literally the 3 most sensual of all of the senses. So kissing is essentially designed to be intimate.
So now at the. History lesson is over, I find myself wondering how we rank in terms of kissing.
First of all we have some memorable kisses.
Our first kiss is an event worth talking about at any time. It is almost story book. Neither of us expected it. Neither of us planned it. But neither of us could avoid it. It was a rare moment where two people had a moment that may have changed their lives forever. Just think if we hadn't kissed on that first date. Would there have been a second date? Would we have just assumed we were friends? You should know that you are the only first date, first kiss of my entire life. I never had that kind of courage. I never felt so at ease to make that move as I did with you on at night.
We have the kiss in the streets of Chicago in what remains an almost surreal moment. In my mind it replays like a movie scene. The lights found us just right, the mist in the background, the music playing behind us. Much of that may not have really been there, but in my head it replays that way.
Our kiss when we "got hitched". While it was a quickie it sealed something perfect, so it has to be mentioned.
The next question is "are we good at kissing"? I have watched a Tom of movies and TV. Seen a lot of people kiss over the years. And frankly none come close. Our kisses are soft. Our kisses are passionate. Our kisses have love in them. We don't slobber on each other. We don't force tongues where they shouldn't be shoved. We simply kiss. At the point we kiss we mesh perfectly. At the time we kiss, i never feel better.
So tonight when i walk in the Door, i plan on kissing you. Because a) walking through the door kisses are some of the best and b) I know it will be an awesome event.
After 22+ years we still have so much to offer each other. Kissing is still at or near the top of the list.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
And so it begins....Happy Holidays.
Well it is THAT time of year again. The holidays are upon us. I find it kind of strange that you mentioned Thanksgiving to me this morning, because I saw my first real Christmas commercial last night and realized that the holidays have officially begun. Mark the goofy Radio Shack Super Hero commercial as my first of the season.
First up is the awesomeness of the turkey day feast. I really love that day. I am sorry it is such work for you. I'll do whatever I can to assist, but it is a meal you have mastered and I know there is little beyond menial tasks ( like pealing, chopping, etc ) that I can really assist with for the finished product.
This Holiday season will seem kind of odd because it will be the last in our house and it will be the last with a kid who "lives at home". Next year not only will we be somewhere different, both of our girls will have "come home" for the holidays. That just seems weird doesn't it? So i figure this one needs to be special. Really special.
So I made us a list of things we should accomplish this holiday season. I know how you love lists.....
1). We should likely shoot for the tallest most auspicious tree we have ever had this year. Let's see if we can't break the 14 foot mark. We have the ceiling space for it and I know we have ample ornaments.
2). Let's hit every possible holiday celebration we can. We get the Choir singing servers, the Dickens dinner, etc. But we need to find more. Maybe we can add ice skating somewhere or hit Door County for the holidays.
3). Presents galore. This has never been an issue, but I figured I should remind you.
4). We have to know someone who is having a real holiday party. Or maybe we savor this one for next year when we have real friends in Chicago.
5). Cookies. I will be home to help, I really have not been home for the past 4 years during the holidays to help. Lean on mean. I will roll dough, mix this or that, watch ovens, whatever you need.
6). Christmas movies, TV specials, old TV shows, etc. Let's watch them all. Maybe we plan for a 1 movie a night schedule until we have watched them all.
7). Charity. Let's find the right one and make someone else's holiday special. I was really quite shocked to hear how much we have already donated this year, in what was one of our worst financial years ever. Yet we still gave. Let's find a way to make someone have a great Christmas.
8). An all out X-Mas radio bonanza. I checked and 99.3 goes holiday next Saturday.
9). (gulp) A thanksgiving gift exchange.....
I am sure you can think of more things. You always do. This is clearly the time of year when you shine brightest. Like some kind of angel. Maybe that is what you really are. A holiday angel. That might just be what your special skill is in life. Maybe those summer days singing Jack Jones in your basement weren't silly, but rather training for the future.
This year I am all in for you baby. This holiday season seems like it is some kind of critical destiny like holiday for us and our family. I know that with you in charge we are in good hands. Because you truly make this season perfect in every way. You always have. The girls and I love that about you. Let's face it we just love you!
So this is your first Happy Holidays wish from me, there will be many more to come.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
First up is the awesomeness of the turkey day feast. I really love that day. I am sorry it is such work for you. I'll do whatever I can to assist, but it is a meal you have mastered and I know there is little beyond menial tasks ( like pealing, chopping, etc ) that I can really assist with for the finished product.
This Holiday season will seem kind of odd because it will be the last in our house and it will be the last with a kid who "lives at home". Next year not only will we be somewhere different, both of our girls will have "come home" for the holidays. That just seems weird doesn't it? So i figure this one needs to be special. Really special.
So I made us a list of things we should accomplish this holiday season. I know how you love lists.....
1). We should likely shoot for the tallest most auspicious tree we have ever had this year. Let's see if we can't break the 14 foot mark. We have the ceiling space for it and I know we have ample ornaments.
2). Let's hit every possible holiday celebration we can. We get the Choir singing servers, the Dickens dinner, etc. But we need to find more. Maybe we can add ice skating somewhere or hit Door County for the holidays.
3). Presents galore. This has never been an issue, but I figured I should remind you.
4). We have to know someone who is having a real holiday party. Or maybe we savor this one for next year when we have real friends in Chicago.
5). Cookies. I will be home to help, I really have not been home for the past 4 years during the holidays to help. Lean on mean. I will roll dough, mix this or that, watch ovens, whatever you need.
6). Christmas movies, TV specials, old TV shows, etc. Let's watch them all. Maybe we plan for a 1 movie a night schedule until we have watched them all.
7). Charity. Let's find the right one and make someone else's holiday special. I was really quite shocked to hear how much we have already donated this year, in what was one of our worst financial years ever. Yet we still gave. Let's find a way to make someone have a great Christmas.
8). An all out X-Mas radio bonanza. I checked and 99.3 goes holiday next Saturday.
9). (gulp) A thanksgiving gift exchange.....
I am sure you can think of more things. You always do. This is clearly the time of year when you shine brightest. Like some kind of angel. Maybe that is what you really are. A holiday angel. That might just be what your special skill is in life. Maybe those summer days singing Jack Jones in your basement weren't silly, but rather training for the future.
This year I am all in for you baby. This holiday season seems like it is some kind of critical destiny like holiday for us and our family. I know that with you in charge we are in good hands. Because you truly make this season perfect in every way. You always have. The girls and I love that about you. Let's face it we just love you!
So this is your first Happy Holidays wish from me, there will be many more to come.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Crazy Love
I was watching some sappy movie the other day and in the background they were playing the Van Morrison song "Crazy Love". As I think it may be the song most used in romantic movies ever, I took the instant to look up the lyrics. They are really quite romantic. I also noted that the moments that the song seems to get used are always perfect.
So while I won't post the lyrics word for word, I figured that a perfect couple needs to have at least some reference to the song in our history. So I am going to write a short move scene starring us, and have you imagine the song in the background. Here is the link to the Youtube of the song.
Our scene....
We are older. One of our girls is getting married, I won't pick one or the other. She is getting dressed and she is nervous. You are right next to her assuring her that everything is going to be fine. She is worried but won't say why.
I walk in and tell her how beautiful she looks. I remind her that we love her and we even love the guy she is marrying. He is perfect for her and we know he will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. You ask me tom leave so that you can finish. Surprisingly, she asks you to leave and give her a moment as well.
The song starts and suddenly it becomes apparent why she is nervous. The screen begins a series of flashbacks. Not of her and her future husband, but of us. Memory after memory of us flashes by on the screen. All of the hand holding, the hugs and the smiles. All of the glances across the room while we did nothing more than watch television. She reflects on how two people truly in love really should act. She knows that we are the model for such behavior.
Then it becomes clear why she is nervous. No matter how in love she may be, will her future hold the same relationship and love her parents had? A tear drips down her face and the song fades as you reappear in the room.
You ask her why she is crying. She tells you her fears. You tell her what she needs to hear and she smiles. I walk back into the room. The song comes back on and you grab my hand and squeeze it quickly. We taught our baby what it means to really be in love. We know it, she knows it. The song fades again as the scene moves forward to her walking down the aisle.
There you have it. Our use of the most romantic movie song ever. Somehow telling our love story to the whole world.
By the way, the movie ends with everyone in a happily ever after. Just like I love my movies to end.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
So while I won't post the lyrics word for word, I figured that a perfect couple needs to have at least some reference to the song in our history. So I am going to write a short move scene starring us, and have you imagine the song in the background. Here is the link to the Youtube of the song.
Our scene....
We are older. One of our girls is getting married, I won't pick one or the other. She is getting dressed and she is nervous. You are right next to her assuring her that everything is going to be fine. She is worried but won't say why.
I walk in and tell her how beautiful she looks. I remind her that we love her and we even love the guy she is marrying. He is perfect for her and we know he will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. You ask me tom leave so that you can finish. Surprisingly, she asks you to leave and give her a moment as well.
The song starts and suddenly it becomes apparent why she is nervous. The screen begins a series of flashbacks. Not of her and her future husband, but of us. Memory after memory of us flashes by on the screen. All of the hand holding, the hugs and the smiles. All of the glances across the room while we did nothing more than watch television. She reflects on how two people truly in love really should act. She knows that we are the model for such behavior.
Then it becomes clear why she is nervous. No matter how in love she may be, will her future hold the same relationship and love her parents had? A tear drips down her face and the song fades as you reappear in the room.
You ask her why she is crying. She tells you her fears. You tell her what she needs to hear and she smiles. I walk back into the room. The song comes back on and you grab my hand and squeeze it quickly. We taught our baby what it means to really be in love. We know it, she knows it. The song fades again as the scene moves forward to her walking down the aisle.
There you have it. Our use of the most romantic movie song ever. Somehow telling our love story to the whole world.
By the way, the movie ends with everyone in a happily ever after. Just like I love my movies to end.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Uncertain Smile
"A howling wind blows the litter as the rain flows,
As street lamps pour orange coloured shapes through your window,
a broken soul stares from a pair of watering eyes,
uncertain emotions force an uncertain smile..." ("uncertain smile", the the)
I know you don't like the song lyric approach to the blog, but the lyrics above seem to fit the past few weeks around our house. It has been a difficult time and as you say nearly every day, "when is it going to stop"?
My love, while there is so much going on that causes us stress, angst, anger and hurt right now, we have to keep reminding ourselves of the amazing things that happen every day as well. Our lives may be going through a rough cycle now, but we too have been blessed by so many things we cannot take for granted.
The most important thing is our relationship. Few couples can bounce back from an argument like we do. Honestly, few couples have as few real arguments as we do. We truly love each other. No matter what happens I always know that is true. I can feel it in the way we hold hands or even in the reluctant hugs after we argue. We have an amazing ability to comfort one another with actually trying. We seem to be able to find the smallest things to reassure the other with when things are tough. It may be as small as getting coffee, making sure a stuffed animal is placed appropriately or a favorite meal is on the table, but we know what cues to give the other to subtly remind them that we are still in love. I know I say this too often, but this a relationship that exceeds normal relationships. It is truly special. It is a love affair others cannot comprehend.
We have our amazing girls. And while they frustrate us from time to time, they remain one of the greatest gifts we ever gave each other. One is struggling so hard to find her way in life. The other is struggling so hard to make sure she makes the right choices to create a path for her life. Maybe both are in the same boat, but at different times. Who knows. It causes us grief because all we want to do is make everything right for them. Think about how lucky they are that we care that deeply for them. Neither of us had such care at the same age, and while it often frustrates them, they will soon enough know how blessed they were to have us hold their hands through everything.
I will give you a moment that brings everything together. One that shows how blessed we are even in light of all that is going on around us. Consider the "skittles" episode on Sunday night. It brought all of us a great laugh, made all of us smile and was a reminder that no matter what happens we can create smiles that make us feel good at virtually any time.
So I know you are scared, and even the light at the end of the tunnel seems dim. I know that each smile you give me or share with the girls is a bit "uncertain". I know that behind the smiles and watering eyes are emotions that are founded in "uncertain" times (see how neatly I tied the lyrics back into this, pretty slick huh?). Just remember there are many things we can count on every day. Things that while maybe only glimpses are certain enough to lean on when uncertainty weighs too heavy on us.
When you feel afraid or uncertain, grab my hand. When you feel nervous or unsure, put your head on my shoulder. I will always be there. You will always know that I love you. You will always know you are not alone.
t., remember that I wake up every morning feeling lucky to have you in my life. I go to bed every night knowing that, no matter what my day was blessed because you were in my life. My love for you has no limits or thresholds. It will be tree for you always.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
As street lamps pour orange coloured shapes through your window,
a broken soul stares from a pair of watering eyes,
uncertain emotions force an uncertain smile..." ("uncertain smile", the the)
I know you don't like the song lyric approach to the blog, but the lyrics above seem to fit the past few weeks around our house. It has been a difficult time and as you say nearly every day, "when is it going to stop"?
My love, while there is so much going on that causes us stress, angst, anger and hurt right now, we have to keep reminding ourselves of the amazing things that happen every day as well. Our lives may be going through a rough cycle now, but we too have been blessed by so many things we cannot take for granted.
The most important thing is our relationship. Few couples can bounce back from an argument like we do. Honestly, few couples have as few real arguments as we do. We truly love each other. No matter what happens I always know that is true. I can feel it in the way we hold hands or even in the reluctant hugs after we argue. We have an amazing ability to comfort one another with actually trying. We seem to be able to find the smallest things to reassure the other with when things are tough. It may be as small as getting coffee, making sure a stuffed animal is placed appropriately or a favorite meal is on the table, but we know what cues to give the other to subtly remind them that we are still in love. I know I say this too often, but this a relationship that exceeds normal relationships. It is truly special. It is a love affair others cannot comprehend.
We have our amazing girls. And while they frustrate us from time to time, they remain one of the greatest gifts we ever gave each other. One is struggling so hard to find her way in life. The other is struggling so hard to make sure she makes the right choices to create a path for her life. Maybe both are in the same boat, but at different times. Who knows. It causes us grief because all we want to do is make everything right for them. Think about how lucky they are that we care that deeply for them. Neither of us had such care at the same age, and while it often frustrates them, they will soon enough know how blessed they were to have us hold their hands through everything.
I will give you a moment that brings everything together. One that shows how blessed we are even in light of all that is going on around us. Consider the "skittles" episode on Sunday night. It brought all of us a great laugh, made all of us smile and was a reminder that no matter what happens we can create smiles that make us feel good at virtually any time.
So I know you are scared, and even the light at the end of the tunnel seems dim. I know that each smile you give me or share with the girls is a bit "uncertain". I know that behind the smiles and watering eyes are emotions that are founded in "uncertain" times (see how neatly I tied the lyrics back into this, pretty slick huh?). Just remember there are many things we can count on every day. Things that while maybe only glimpses are certain enough to lean on when uncertainty weighs too heavy on us.
When you feel afraid or uncertain, grab my hand. When you feel nervous or unsure, put your head on my shoulder. I will always be there. You will always know that I love you. You will always know you are not alone.
t., remember that I wake up every morning feeling lucky to have you in my life. I go to bed every night knowing that, no matter what my day was blessed because you were in my life. My love for you has no limits or thresholds. It will be tree for you always.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The simple truth
After today I am really not sure what to write this week. I know it is your birthday week, but I felt that it was necessary to make sure you knew a few things....
I love you.
I can't imagine a day without you.
It kills me to know your are feeling the way you are feeling.
I will do whatever it takes to make things right. Anything.
You are and always have been the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.
I wish I could make it all better.
I love you.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
I love you.
I can't imagine a day without you.
It kills me to know your are feeling the way you are feeling.
I will do whatever it takes to make things right. Anything.
You are and always have been the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.
I wish I could make it all better.
I love you.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Not so long ago....
Not so long ago there was a couple who had everything they ever wanted.....
Two little girls full of smiles.
The happiest marriage anyone had ever seen.
The family of boys entertaining us at every turn.
Time spent together because that is how we wanted to spend our time.
Not so long ago there was a couple who had so many things to do....
A Christmas concert starring some yet to be known future choral stars.
A t-ball game where every run was a home run.
A soccer game with a shining set of stars.
A drive to just see the shiny lights and decorations, and no one really cared about a little spilt hot chocolate.
Not so long ago there was a couple who figured out to make the little things into big things....
Sunday morning donuts of all kinds of flavors.
A bagful of animal toys.
Bicycle rides and playing in the leaves.
The perfect first day of school outfit.
Not so long ago there was a couple who knew that even simple time together was good time together....
Watching our favorite TV shows.
Playing cards and always the same winner.
Silly rhyming games with rules we made up on the fly.
Dancing, no matter where we were.
Isn't it funny how "not so long ago" was so simple? We made so many memories together no matter what we had to endure. Today is no different. Tomorrow will be no different. Nor will next week or next month or next year.
We have each other. It is the key ingredient in that couple who made so much out of so little. You are still the only thing that matters to me. The only thing I need to make my life complete.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Two little girls full of smiles.
The happiest marriage anyone had ever seen.
The family of boys entertaining us at every turn.
Time spent together because that is how we wanted to spend our time.
Not so long ago there was a couple who had so many things to do....
A Christmas concert starring some yet to be known future choral stars.
A t-ball game where every run was a home run.
A soccer game with a shining set of stars.
A drive to just see the shiny lights and decorations, and no one really cared about a little spilt hot chocolate.
Not so long ago there was a couple who figured out to make the little things into big things....
Sunday morning donuts of all kinds of flavors.
A bagful of animal toys.
Bicycle rides and playing in the leaves.
The perfect first day of school outfit.
Not so long ago there was a couple who knew that even simple time together was good time together....
Watching our favorite TV shows.
Playing cards and always the same winner.
Silly rhyming games with rules we made up on the fly.
Dancing, no matter where we were.
Isn't it funny how "not so long ago" was so simple? We made so many memories together no matter what we had to endure. Today is no different. Tomorrow will be no different. Nor will next week or next month or next year.
We have each other. It is the key ingredient in that couple who made so much out of so little. You are still the only thing that matters to me. The only thing I need to make my life complete.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Senses Working Overtime
Being away last week was really rougher than I remember it being. I can't even tell you how much I missed you. I think you think I just say those things, but I really spent most of my time counting the minutes and hours until I saw you again. I can't imagine how I did that for the better part of 4 years.
I had an odd phenomenon take place when I finally saw you. One that seemed weird at the time and over the days since I have been home seems stronger and stronger. It is likely why I can't keep my hands off you right now.
When I walked in the door I knew I missed you, but when we hugged I was overwhelmed with your scent. It was amazing. It was like an overpowering reminder that I hadn't smelled you in days. I know it isn't your perfume or haircare products that I smelled, it was your scent. Like a rush of pheromones coming over me as we hugged. A sweet and gentle aroma that drives me wild. I found myself over the past few days doing whatever I can to "sniff" you. Even the thought of it right now is driving me nuts.
The other thing I found that I missed was your soft touch. You have an amazing sense of touch with your hands. It is soft, it is sensual and it also drives me nuts. I love the feel of your fingertips on the back of my neck, I love the way you hand feels when I hold it in mine and even the softness of your feet feels good right now. Not feeling that touch for 4 days really made me yearn for your touch.
The last thing isn't a sense so much. Since I got back, I have noticed that your eyes have taken on a new color. They have an amazing blue tint to them right now that they have never had at anytime in the past. I know they have changed colors over the years, but they have never taken on a color so blue. I really can't get enough of looking at them - I think I have told you 50 times in the past few days how amazing your eyes look, now you know why.
I guess after 22 years together I can get addicted to certain aspects of you. I assume these are 3 of them. How lucky am I to have such an amazing woman in my life. One I am still so attracted to in so many ways. It is likely why I can't stop touching you right now.
I guess this means you should likely sleep with one pretty blue eye open, if you know what I mean.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
I had an odd phenomenon take place when I finally saw you. One that seemed weird at the time and over the days since I have been home seems stronger and stronger. It is likely why I can't keep my hands off you right now.
When I walked in the door I knew I missed you, but when we hugged I was overwhelmed with your scent. It was amazing. It was like an overpowering reminder that I hadn't smelled you in days. I know it isn't your perfume or haircare products that I smelled, it was your scent. Like a rush of pheromones coming over me as we hugged. A sweet and gentle aroma that drives me wild. I found myself over the past few days doing whatever I can to "sniff" you. Even the thought of it right now is driving me nuts.
The other thing I found that I missed was your soft touch. You have an amazing sense of touch with your hands. It is soft, it is sensual and it also drives me nuts. I love the feel of your fingertips on the back of my neck, I love the way you hand feels when I hold it in mine and even the softness of your feet feels good right now. Not feeling that touch for 4 days really made me yearn for your touch.
The last thing isn't a sense so much. Since I got back, I have noticed that your eyes have taken on a new color. They have an amazing blue tint to them right now that they have never had at anytime in the past. I know they have changed colors over the years, but they have never taken on a color so blue. I really can't get enough of looking at them - I think I have told you 50 times in the past few days how amazing your eyes look, now you know why.
I guess after 22 years together I can get addicted to certain aspects of you. I assume these are 3 of them. How lucky am I to have such an amazing woman in my life. One I am still so attracted to in so many ways. It is likely why I can't stop touching you right now.
I guess this means you should likely sleep with one pretty blue eye open, if you know what I mean.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Of Course They Do
I was on the plane to Washington this week. I had barely been away from you for 12 hours and I missed you tremendously. I took out my nifty iPad and started flipping through the photos I had uploaded. They helped me feel like you were near me and that helped me not feel so bad for being away.
As I looked at all of the beautiful pictures of our family (and there are so many), I remembered a conversation we had just recently. Do people look at us and think "hey that is an attractive couple"? I submit the picture below and answer the question with an emphatic YES!
How could they not is really the question. Look at you. You are young. You are gorgeous. You smile like no other person in this world. You have sex appeal. You carry yourself with class. Without adding a million more adjectives, you are simply a stunningly beautiful woman. I am so lucky to have you on my arm.
I won't discuss the guy in the picture, but thanks to you he no longer has a mullet, his clothes finally match and he does have that sexy lady standing next to him.
Over the years I truly think you have become even more attractive. Yes part of that is because I grow more and more in love with you every day. However, there are things about your beauty now that you didn't have when we met. Your eyes have changed over the years. Not physically so much, but what in see in them has changed. Your smile has changed over the years as well. It has more confidence and true happiness. You carry yourself differently and while I can't put the rights words to describe what I mean by that, I prefer the new model to the old.
So do people look at us and think we make an attractive couple? Of course they do. Half of us is beyond amazing and the other half is the guy with you. If you add in your sense of humor, charm and quick wit it reminds them even more what great couple they are seeing. Don't even get me started on what they think when you add in those pretty little girls you raised into young ladies.
Now I know I have never posted a photo to this blog and it is intended to be anonymous, but in this case I felt it necessary to show you what people see. If you are uncomfortable I can remove the photo after you read this. But it is a pretty amazing picture isn't it?
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
As I looked at all of the beautiful pictures of our family (and there are so many), I remembered a conversation we had just recently. Do people look at us and think "hey that is an attractive couple"? I submit the picture below and answer the question with an emphatic YES!
How could they not is really the question. Look at you. You are young. You are gorgeous. You smile like no other person in this world. You have sex appeal. You carry yourself with class. Without adding a million more adjectives, you are simply a stunningly beautiful woman. I am so lucky to have you on my arm.
I won't discuss the guy in the picture, but thanks to you he no longer has a mullet, his clothes finally match and he does have that sexy lady standing next to him.
Over the years I truly think you have become even more attractive. Yes part of that is because I grow more and more in love with you every day. However, there are things about your beauty now that you didn't have when we met. Your eyes have changed over the years. Not physically so much, but what in see in them has changed. Your smile has changed over the years as well. It has more confidence and true happiness. You carry yourself differently and while I can't put the rights words to describe what I mean by that, I prefer the new model to the old.
So do people look at us and think we make an attractive couple? Of course they do. Half of us is beyond amazing and the other half is the guy with you. If you add in your sense of humor, charm and quick wit it reminds them even more what great couple they are seeing. Don't even get me started on what they think when you add in those pretty little girls you raised into young ladies.
Now I know I have never posted a photo to this blog and it is intended to be anonymous, but in this case I felt it necessary to show you what people see. If you are uncomfortable I can remove the photo after you read this. But it is a pretty amazing picture isn't it?
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Your Forever – I Promise
I posted a quick reference to this on your Facebook about a week ago, you didn’t know why at the time but it was in preparation for this post. Then I just never found the time to do this properly. Even now you could be looking over my shoulder and I just find that odd while I am typing these updates. It is exactly why I don’t do them in the office at home. Anyway, I digress….
We have been married for 20+ years now my love. I know that I promised to take care of you forever. I intend upon fulfilling that promise. However, for the first time in 20+ years you truly scared me. Really scared me. So much so that I am now beyond taking care of you and feel the need to make you feel safe – to protect you.
You likely don’t remember what happened because you had had a few beers. It is always then that those kinds of things that hurt us most come to the surface. Its ok, everyone needs some liquid courage every now and again. We were at your brother’s house, talks of when you guys where younger began, they shifted to the pregnant niece in Florida, they shifted to her worthless parents, then to a funeral conversation that took place long ago….I really don’t need to go further. Then you just got upset. Not angry upset. But hurt upset. It was like you suddenly realized that no one supports you. That no one cares about what happened. That no one is on your side. You held back tears because you didn’t want to bring every one down. You bit your lip so to speak. But I know when you are hurting. I know you better than anyone.
Its not true my love. You aren’t alone. You don’t have to deal with anything by yourself. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you are all alone in dealing with things, you aren’t. I am here. I am always here. I am that one person who puts you above all else. I put you above myself. I will always protect you.
I am always here to hold you. To hug you. To thrust whatever hurt you are feeling upon. To vent against. To take out frustration one. Whatever you need. I will always bee there with whatever you need. If you need me to be strong for you, I will be strong. If you need a laugh I will make you smile. If you need a shoulder to lean on I will stand upright forever. If you need a tear wiped, I will be your tissue. If you need to take for granted that I am there, I’ll accept that.
I know you think that God has a plan. a reason for why everything happens. I know it makes you mad that I don’t always feel the same way. But trust me in whatever plan God had for you – I was the thing he sent to make things better for you. Forever. To protect you. Forever. To take care of you. Forever.
I am your forever sweetie. No matter what you do to me I will always be there. No matter what you need from me – it is yours. Because of me you never have to be alone. You never have to deal with anything by yourself. I may not be perfect, I may not close drawers, I may not wipe off the counter or take off my shoes when you ask me, but I am here for you. I am the one person who loves you above everything else.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Not Sure How to Say This
My love, I know I have been not myself lately. There has been so much going on in our lives and for the first time in a long long time I feel like we have taken different paths to address what is going on around us. We have always been so together and in sync. We have always taken things on together and been able to come out on top as a couple rather than as individuals.
This time seems so different. We seem so different. We haven't talked about anything that is going on and as soon as I feel like I am about to talk about it, something external comes up and I feel like I should not burden you further. You didn't need to see me not confident when you were dealing with our daughter all summer, or when she was moving back to college, you didn't need to see me nervous when you got the news about our nephew and then when you got sick I didn't feel like that was the right time either. As for this blog, with so much that I should have been saying to you face to face, posting in this blog just always seemed to cowardice. I am sorry for that.
I know at this point you don't believe me, but I was pretty scared when you were in the emergency room. It was officially this first time I ever imagined losing you. It was the first time I thought to myself, "oh my god what would I do without her". You looked so scared and in such pain. But selfishly all I could think about was what would happen to me and the girls without you. But again, that wasn't the right time to bring that up to you and as the days passed the moment to discuss it with you never came. Thankfully you got better quickly (well except the medication mishap - which also made me feel bad because I should have been giving them to you all along).
So I have been trying to deal with all of this myself. Trying to put things right. And just as you kind of "tossed in the towel" and felt sorry for yourself with your workouts, I did the same with our current problems. When I needed you most, you needed me not to need you. So I opted to try to muster whatever I had to be there for you and the "other" things going on around us. I tried to be superman. I really did. I tried very hard. So many times I lifted my chin, said "today is going to the day" and day after day it wasn't. I can promise you that there are so many days when I know how close I am to making this work. I know this business will work. I know that it will be everything I envisioned it to be. I know that it was the right thing to do. But it isn't happening fast enough. I trusted the wrong people and I only have myself to blame.
But as I suspected it was you I needed. As I have written so many times, it is you who gives me my Superman strength. Having you and having us be right is the one thing makes me go. So even today when we argued, I knew that while you were mad, you reminded me how you believed in me (it was subtle but it was there). How you are there for me - even when I am too dumb to notice it. You re-started my Superman strength. I got back to business and go a lot accomplished.
That is what makes us so great together. Being there for reach other. We have so many good times to look back on and so many better times to look forward too in the future. It is just us sweetie. We don't have much more than that, so we need to make sure that WE stay strong together. The better WE are the better our lives will be.
I love you so much. More than you I think you really know. You are such a huge part of my life. In fact you are pretty much my entire life. I have only one chance to be the most important person in the world to someone and that is you. So I selfishly rely on you for much more than I should. Rely on you to give me my super powers. I get angry at you when I think you are taking them away and giving them to someone else (that is my petty way of being jealous). I wake up in the morning thinking of you and I go to bed at night doing the same. The same way I do every day.
So I am using this blog post to put this all behind us. My focus is on the short term fix we need so badly. I will spend every day contacting anyone who will listen until I fix it. I promise you that. If I am really lucky at the same time the original vision for my new company will come to light as I thought it would, but I'll make sure the NOW is taken care of ASAP.
Just make sure you are beside me the whole time. I don't know what I would do if you weren't. I need you for my super power worse than ever. I love you.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
This time seems so different. We seem so different. We haven't talked about anything that is going on and as soon as I feel like I am about to talk about it, something external comes up and I feel like I should not burden you further. You didn't need to see me not confident when you were dealing with our daughter all summer, or when she was moving back to college, you didn't need to see me nervous when you got the news about our nephew and then when you got sick I didn't feel like that was the right time either. As for this blog, with so much that I should have been saying to you face to face, posting in this blog just always seemed to cowardice. I am sorry for that.
I know at this point you don't believe me, but I was pretty scared when you were in the emergency room. It was officially this first time I ever imagined losing you. It was the first time I thought to myself, "oh my god what would I do without her". You looked so scared and in such pain. But selfishly all I could think about was what would happen to me and the girls without you. But again, that wasn't the right time to bring that up to you and as the days passed the moment to discuss it with you never came. Thankfully you got better quickly (well except the medication mishap - which also made me feel bad because I should have been giving them to you all along).
So I have been trying to deal with all of this myself. Trying to put things right. And just as you kind of "tossed in the towel" and felt sorry for yourself with your workouts, I did the same with our current problems. When I needed you most, you needed me not to need you. So I opted to try to muster whatever I had to be there for you and the "other" things going on around us. I tried to be superman. I really did. I tried very hard. So many times I lifted my chin, said "today is going to the day" and day after day it wasn't. I can promise you that there are so many days when I know how close I am to making this work. I know this business will work. I know that it will be everything I envisioned it to be. I know that it was the right thing to do. But it isn't happening fast enough. I trusted the wrong people and I only have myself to blame.
But as I suspected it was you I needed. As I have written so many times, it is you who gives me my Superman strength. Having you and having us be right is the one thing makes me go. So even today when we argued, I knew that while you were mad, you reminded me how you believed in me (it was subtle but it was there). How you are there for me - even when I am too dumb to notice it. You re-started my Superman strength. I got back to business and go a lot accomplished.
That is what makes us so great together. Being there for reach other. We have so many good times to look back on and so many better times to look forward too in the future. It is just us sweetie. We don't have much more than that, so we need to make sure that WE stay strong together. The better WE are the better our lives will be.
I love you so much. More than you I think you really know. You are such a huge part of my life. In fact you are pretty much my entire life. I have only one chance to be the most important person in the world to someone and that is you. So I selfishly rely on you for much more than I should. Rely on you to give me my super powers. I get angry at you when I think you are taking them away and giving them to someone else (that is my petty way of being jealous). I wake up in the morning thinking of you and I go to bed at night doing the same. The same way I do every day.
So I am using this blog post to put this all behind us. My focus is on the short term fix we need so badly. I will spend every day contacting anyone who will listen until I fix it. I promise you that. If I am really lucky at the same time the original vision for my new company will come to light as I thought it would, but I'll make sure the NOW is taken care of ASAP.
Just make sure you are beside me the whole time. I don't know what I would do if you weren't. I need you for my super power worse than ever. I love you.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Friday, September 3, 2010
The next 8,000 or so days.
This past week or so has been pretty rough on you sweetie. From our daughter going off to college again, our other daughter starting her last year of school, very sick nephew and then very scary sick you. How you keep a smile on your face is beyond me.
Things will get better though, they always do. Seems like over the past 22 years (8,000 plus days) we have ridden so many ups and downs that we almost have become accustomed weathering storms. While a few of the most recent are far more severe than we have dealt with in the past, I know that they will pass too. They will pass with something positive on the other end.
I am suddenly excited about one new thing in our future. The idea of finding a new place that is "ours" and preparing for the future that will be mostly just you and me. Not that I don't love our girls, but spending the rest of my life with you alone has some real appeal. Making new or connecting with some old friends will be a bonus as well. Just think how much time we will have to spend relaxing, laughing and enjoying each other.
I have always wondered what life "after kids" (in quotes because I know you never really have after kids) would be like for us. How would we spend our days, what would we do, where would we travel, what new traditions would we create, the list goes on and on. We are getting very close to that time and while portions of it make me sad, much of it makes me excited.
It won't matter what we do so long as we do it together. Just as we always have. Hand in hand. Me and you. We could live in a shack, or a house or a downtown townhouse. It won't matter so long as we are together. It is still the best part of my life.
The countdown begins to the next 50 years. I know it isn't retirement, but it is a big change.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Things will get better though, they always do. Seems like over the past 22 years (8,000 plus days) we have ridden so many ups and downs that we almost have become accustomed weathering storms. While a few of the most recent are far more severe than we have dealt with in the past, I know that they will pass too. They will pass with something positive on the other end.
I am suddenly excited about one new thing in our future. The idea of finding a new place that is "ours" and preparing for the future that will be mostly just you and me. Not that I don't love our girls, but spending the rest of my life with you alone has some real appeal. Making new or connecting with some old friends will be a bonus as well. Just think how much time we will have to spend relaxing, laughing and enjoying each other.
I have always wondered what life "after kids" (in quotes because I know you never really have after kids) would be like for us. How would we spend our days, what would we do, where would we travel, what new traditions would we create, the list goes on and on. We are getting very close to that time and while portions of it make me sad, much of it makes me excited.
It won't matter what we do so long as we do it together. Just as we always have. Hand in hand. Me and you. We could live in a shack, or a house or a downtown townhouse. It won't matter so long as we are together. It is still the best part of my life.
The countdown begins to the next 50 years. I know it isn't retirement, but it is a big change.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Letting Go - They will never have to....
I know we have had a few "other" things come up in the past few days, but this thought crossed my mind last week and I felt it was necessary to update your blog with this thought. I wish there was more I could do on the other thing, I'll tap into my Superman powers when the time is right. I promise.
Most of my thoughts this week are part of your relationship with the girls. I watched how hard it was for you to leave the older one at colleg this week. I saw the unusually long hug your gave the younger one when she got home yesterday. So I know how hard it is going to be for you when they both are off at school. I know that is a year away, but I thought you would feel better knowing a few things about them before they go.
First of all they will always need you. I find it quite amazing that there is such a huge part of them that is really a part of you. They count on you for more than "mothering care", they count on you for continuing to remind them who they are and how amazing they have become as young ladies. While they may fight with you and argue with you, they only seem really pleased with themselves when they notice you approve. Not in a bad way, but in a good way. If they stumble and correct, they wait for your hug or smile to let them know they "righted" whatever was wrong. It is really amazing.
They count on you to be their ear. someone to listen to them gripe, take their side, counsel them on how ot respond and often times do the difficult things they really do not want to do on their own. You are like a really strong set of shouldrs upon which they can rest and get strength from at any time. They can always call you, talk to you or laugh with you when they truly need calming down. That is something they will always be able to rely on - no matter how old they are or where they live.
So why does this have anything to do with "letting" go? I guess because they know that neither of you ever have to let go. While the direct hold will change over time. There will be no letting go with your daughters. There will be no najor changes in theior life that won't have support. Therw will be no times when they wonder what they will have to do next. They will always have you. While "letting go" is part of life. You have with your usual style made it different for our girls. Maybe we should just call it "letting loose".
I am sorry that I missed a week in your blog. Things are just so insane right now. With everything going on, it just never seems like the right thing to do or the right time to do it. I'll be better. I hope that I cna use this to keep your spirits up over the next few months. i know they willbe trying times for you.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Most of my thoughts this week are part of your relationship with the girls. I watched how hard it was for you to leave the older one at colleg this week. I saw the unusually long hug your gave the younger one when she got home yesterday. So I know how hard it is going to be for you when they both are off at school. I know that is a year away, but I thought you would feel better knowing a few things about them before they go.
First of all they will always need you. I find it quite amazing that there is such a huge part of them that is really a part of you. They count on you for more than "mothering care", they count on you for continuing to remind them who they are and how amazing they have become as young ladies. While they may fight with you and argue with you, they only seem really pleased with themselves when they notice you approve. Not in a bad way, but in a good way. If they stumble and correct, they wait for your hug or smile to let them know they "righted" whatever was wrong. It is really amazing.
They count on you to be their ear. someone to listen to them gripe, take their side, counsel them on how ot respond and often times do the difficult things they really do not want to do on their own. You are like a really strong set of shouldrs upon which they can rest and get strength from at any time. They can always call you, talk to you or laugh with you when they truly need calming down. That is something they will always be able to rely on - no matter how old they are or where they live.
So why does this have anything to do with "letting" go? I guess because they know that neither of you ever have to let go. While the direct hold will change over time. There will be no letting go with your daughters. There will be no najor changes in theior life that won't have support. Therw will be no times when they wonder what they will have to do next. They will always have you. While "letting go" is part of life. You have with your usual style made it different for our girls. Maybe we should just call it "letting loose".
I am sorry that I missed a week in your blog. Things are just so insane right now. With everything going on, it just never seems like the right thing to do or the right time to do it. I'll be better. I hope that I cna use this to keep your spirits up over the next few months. i know they willbe trying times for you.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I would have made you up....
I hope this makes up for missing an update last week, but at the time it just didn't feel like you needed a blog entry form me. So this week I wrote you a poem of sorts.
========
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
If I hadn't found you, I would have never stopped looking
If I hadn't kissed you, my lips would still be numb
If I hadn't fallen in love with you, My heart would still be empty
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
If I'd never seen you, my eyes would still be sore
If I hadn't felt you, my hands would still be cold
If I hadn't had time with you, I wouldn't know what it was to miss someone
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
I would have picked those eyes, so I could see perfection at any time
I would have shaped those curves, so I could hold you in that way
I would have made you that kind of warm, so i would never be cold
I would have made your arms the exact length they are, so they fit around me perfectly
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
Your voice would sound just like it does, so when i heard "I love you" it would always sound perfect
You would smell just like you do, so that I always could find something sweet
You would taste just like you do, so that when I rested my lips on your body it would always taste perfect
You would sleep just the way you do, so that when I needed to find an angel I would know just where one was
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
I would have made you so funny, so that when I needed to smile I always had someone to amuse me
I would have made you so smart, so that when I needed challenged you could question me
I would have made you so charming, so all of my friends would be in awe of the person with me
I would have made you so beautiful, so that everyone noticed you wherever I went
Lucky for me, you found me
Even luckier for me, I found you
Because had I made you up, no one would have believed such a perfect being existed
Because had I made you up, people would have asked me to do it again and again
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
Lucky for me, I didn't have to
================
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
========
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
If I hadn't found you, I would have never stopped looking
If I hadn't kissed you, my lips would still be numb
If I hadn't fallen in love with you, My heart would still be empty
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
If I'd never seen you, my eyes would still be sore
If I hadn't felt you, my hands would still be cold
If I hadn't had time with you, I wouldn't know what it was to miss someone
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
I would have picked those eyes, so I could see perfection at any time
I would have shaped those curves, so I could hold you in that way
I would have made you that kind of warm, so i would never be cold
I would have made your arms the exact length they are, so they fit around me perfectly
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
Your voice would sound just like it does, so when i heard "I love you" it would always sound perfect
You would smell just like you do, so that I always could find something sweet
You would taste just like you do, so that when I rested my lips on your body it would always taste perfect
You would sleep just the way you do, so that when I needed to find an angel I would know just where one was
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
I would have made you so funny, so that when I needed to smile I always had someone to amuse me
I would have made you so smart, so that when I needed challenged you could question me
I would have made you so charming, so all of my friends would be in awe of the person with me
I would have made you so beautiful, so that everyone noticed you wherever I went
Lucky for me, you found me
Even luckier for me, I found you
Because had I made you up, no one would have believed such a perfect being existed
Because had I made you up, people would have asked me to do it again and again
If you weren't real, I would have made you up
Lucky for me, I didn't have to
================
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
A simple smile
Just before I left you weren't feeling well, i hope youbare feeling better.
So i spent much of this past weekend following you around telling you how much I loved you. I think almost to the point where it was annoying you at times. So I figure I will use the blog to explain why i felt so compelled to tell you all weekend.
It was Thursday night during the flood recovery when it happened. Choas ensued throughout the house. Water pouring in from the outside and us trying to figure out how to get our stuff put up quickly enough to avoid damage. Just prior we had spent time in the basement avoiding a potential tornado. It was during these critical times that i realized you had your own super power.
Your power is your smile. You may not know this but at both times when the girls looked nervous you smilwd and said something witty. Both times even in your own uncertainty you made them feel safe and comfortable. Both times it was what you said near as much as the smile you gave them to make them feel safer. I felt it too. It was like suddenly you put all of us on your shoulders so we knew exactly what to do. And you did with one of your finest smiles making us feel comfortable.
So i started thinking. When have we seen that smile before? And we have. I have seen it way more lately than in previous yeras because you must hvae some sense of my nerves right now. We saw it in Hilton Head when you tried to calm the unstoppable nephew. It just turns out that the smile i saw is your "don't worry everything will be fine" smile. The best part is that I don't even think you know that you do it.
So it made me really attracted to you all weekend. It made me feel so comfortable to be with you. It made me realize that even after over 8,000 days together, I am still learning new things about the person I love so much. I know that this life with you will never be boring.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
So i spent much of this past weekend following you around telling you how much I loved you. I think almost to the point where it was annoying you at times. So I figure I will use the blog to explain why i felt so compelled to tell you all weekend.
It was Thursday night during the flood recovery when it happened. Choas ensued throughout the house. Water pouring in from the outside and us trying to figure out how to get our stuff put up quickly enough to avoid damage. Just prior we had spent time in the basement avoiding a potential tornado. It was during these critical times that i realized you had your own super power.
Your power is your smile. You may not know this but at both times when the girls looked nervous you smilwd and said something witty. Both times even in your own uncertainty you made them feel safe and comfortable. Both times it was what you said near as much as the smile you gave them to make them feel safer. I felt it too. It was like suddenly you put all of us on your shoulders so we knew exactly what to do. And you did with one of your finest smiles making us feel comfortable.
So i started thinking. When have we seen that smile before? And we have. I have seen it way more lately than in previous yeras because you must hvae some sense of my nerves right now. We saw it in Hilton Head when you tried to calm the unstoppable nephew. It just turns out that the smile i saw is your "don't worry everything will be fine" smile. The best part is that I don't even think you know that you do it.
So it made me really attracted to you all weekend. It made me feel so comfortable to be with you. It made me realize that even after over 8,000 days together, I am still learning new things about the person I love so much. I know that this life with you will never be boring.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The Importance of OUR Family
It was a long 12 days. There was certainly much fun. Certainly much activity. Certainly much drama. Certainly some memorable moments. But it wasn't the kind of relaxing vacation we as a family are used to taking. I had a great time though and look forward to the next one as always.
I did get to spend a considerable amount of time reflecting on a few things. Most of them are centered around the kind of family we have built over the years. Not the extended family, but our family of four. It's funny but I think I posted a very similar entry following our summer vacation to Hilton Head last year. I could be wrong.
So why I have I decdided to be so proud of my family? Why is it so important to post about how important we are to each other? I think the answer is in the future of all of us. What will we be like when we are "older" and more seperated? What will happen when "new" family members expand upon the small group we have now?
I saw this past week how some distance can cause some grief in a family. How not being together all the time or in constant communication with each other can suddenly make things that seem so normal and routine appear weird. I understand why you have such a strong desire to have the girls close. I understand why it is so important to make certain that they always feel comfortable reaching out to us for anything. I saw why a simple thing like daily phone calls and a routine "good night" call are so valuable to the family as a whole. Once some distance gets between you and your family other things start to take the place of the family. We can't let that happen. You have done such a strong job of not letting that happen. You keep our family close. You keep it in tact. While I know that will get harder and harder over the years, we all count on you to maintain what we have built.
Then I saw how adding a "new" family member completely changes the dynamics of a family. Suddenly this new member has input, contribution and impact on something that had remained so stable over a long period of time. Handling that appears to be very difficult. The balance of pleasing the existing family member who brough the new member and helping the new "very different" memeber adapt is tricky to say the least. I am pretty certain that a rigorous screening process should be undertaken before such endeavors are made official. How we are going to handle that remains to be seen and is hopefully many years in the future.
So what does all this mean and why did I think it was so important? I was proud of the family we have made. We are a strong unit. We bounce back well and always remember that we are together no matter what happens. We managed to make the best of strange situations. We managed to lead the fun whenever possible. More importantly we all looked out for one another when things were sketchy. I couldn't have been more proud.
I know that we do so becuase that is the kind of family you have always wanted. The kind fo family you designed. The kind of family you know that we all need to maximize our lives. I can't help but wonder where all of us would be if you hadn't taken such meticulous care to build this family the way you have. We likely take for granted how strong it is and how much it helps all of us. It is your greatest accomplishment in life.
So when we embarked on the 3 day trek home we did so together. More together than when we left and more together than the rest of the family we left behind. We had a great time on our "mini" post vacation (the 3 day drive) and we solidified our family of four yet again.
My love I can't thank you enough for our family. While it was my idea for you "to get off your ass and have a baby" it has been all you ever since. We reflect exactly what you wanted us to become as a family. You have done such a terrific job molding us into what we have become.
I love you so much for all of our family. I love you so much for being there for all of us. I love you so much for being the leader of our amazing family. Frankly honey I just love you so much. The rest of our family may be able to tout their educations, careers, money, successes or whatever, but you have built something so much more important. So much more rewarding and so much longer lasting. You have done it with style, flare and a huge smile. You are incredibly humble about it even where you should brag. You have done this one thing almost perfectly.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
I did get to spend a considerable amount of time reflecting on a few things. Most of them are centered around the kind of family we have built over the years. Not the extended family, but our family of four. It's funny but I think I posted a very similar entry following our summer vacation to Hilton Head last year. I could be wrong.
So why I have I decdided to be so proud of my family? Why is it so important to post about how important we are to each other? I think the answer is in the future of all of us. What will we be like when we are "older" and more seperated? What will happen when "new" family members expand upon the small group we have now?
I saw this past week how some distance can cause some grief in a family. How not being together all the time or in constant communication with each other can suddenly make things that seem so normal and routine appear weird. I understand why you have such a strong desire to have the girls close. I understand why it is so important to make certain that they always feel comfortable reaching out to us for anything. I saw why a simple thing like daily phone calls and a routine "good night" call are so valuable to the family as a whole. Once some distance gets between you and your family other things start to take the place of the family. We can't let that happen. You have done such a strong job of not letting that happen. You keep our family close. You keep it in tact. While I know that will get harder and harder over the years, we all count on you to maintain what we have built.
Then I saw how adding a "new" family member completely changes the dynamics of a family. Suddenly this new member has input, contribution and impact on something that had remained so stable over a long period of time. Handling that appears to be very difficult. The balance of pleasing the existing family member who brough the new member and helping the new "very different" memeber adapt is tricky to say the least. I am pretty certain that a rigorous screening process should be undertaken before such endeavors are made official. How we are going to handle that remains to be seen and is hopefully many years in the future.
So what does all this mean and why did I think it was so important? I was proud of the family we have made. We are a strong unit. We bounce back well and always remember that we are together no matter what happens. We managed to make the best of strange situations. We managed to lead the fun whenever possible. More importantly we all looked out for one another when things were sketchy. I couldn't have been more proud.
I know that we do so becuase that is the kind of family you have always wanted. The kind fo family you designed. The kind of family you know that we all need to maximize our lives. I can't help but wonder where all of us would be if you hadn't taken such meticulous care to build this family the way you have. We likely take for granted how strong it is and how much it helps all of us. It is your greatest accomplishment in life.
So when we embarked on the 3 day trek home we did so together. More together than when we left and more together than the rest of the family we left behind. We had a great time on our "mini" post vacation (the 3 day drive) and we solidified our family of four yet again.
My love I can't thank you enough for our family. While it was my idea for you "to get off your ass and have a baby" it has been all you ever since. We reflect exactly what you wanted us to become as a family. You have done such a terrific job molding us into what we have become.
I love you so much for all of our family. I love you so much for being there for all of us. I love you so much for being the leader of our amazing family. Frankly honey I just love you so much. The rest of our family may be able to tout their educations, careers, money, successes or whatever, but you have built something so much more important. So much more rewarding and so much longer lasting. You have done it with style, flare and a huge smile. You are incredibly humble about it even where you should brag. You have done this one thing almost perfectly.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
My life the movie
"a real tear jerker, the chick flick to end all chick flicks!" - LA Times
"more action than Benji - and twice the fun" - NY Post
"If superheroes were real, this would be their movie" - Paducah Post Gazette
Yup thats what the reviews would say. My life the movie. I guess that is a scenario we all think about. What if my life were a movie? Everything wrapped up in 100 minutes or so. Nothing left hanging. No unknown. Resolution at every turn.
So what would my life the movie be like? I figured i would start by telling you why I like so many of the movies I like now. You know the ones that make me laugh, think, and tear up so easily.
"Family Man" - Clearly one of my favorite movies. The perfect couple and an outside view of why. When either of them says the "we have made some sacrifices" speech I cannot help but think of us. "we've had a few surprises and made our share of sacrifices, but we always stay together. You see we're in love, unbelievably in love. And nothing is more important than that". Whther the Jersey thing fits or not, it is the same for us. But the best thing said in the movie is the part that fits us best. As Jack describes how his new life of success will make people Envy them she replies simply "Jack - they already do.". I can't help but cry. It is exactly what i think people think about us.
"Big Fish" - a man larger than life. A man who simply wants to make sure his life was memorable. A man who realizes that through him so many other people have been made special and who wants nothing more than to feel the same. Big fancy exaggerations of routine stories of life. So what they entertain. They make him bigger than life in his eyes. They make sure that he is immortal and the stories live on after he passes. How coul you not want that? All i ever think about when i watch that movie is how people will remember you and I. Will they talk about us like a lasting love story? A passionate tale of two people so enamored with one another that amazing life surrounded them? I sure hope so. We'll craft this "story of our lives" together. It will romantic. It will be a fairy tale. We wil be a big fish who's legend lives on long after we are gone.
"P.S. I Love You" - how anyone doesn't think this movie is the most uplifting movie ever i have no idea. How can anyome not be touched by a love story that goes beyond physical life? How can anyone not see that even after passing he knew that he had to care for her. To coach her into the next phase of her life. Because even in death she was still important to him and having her be happy was all he cared about? I am literally tearing up right now. I wilk take care of you forever my love. No matter how i have to accomplish it - no matter how it needs to be done.
"Superman" - ok this one is obvious. Needed a superhero rference and I got one. I will go to my grave believing in my super powers. My ability to accomplish anything. My ability to bear the burdens of the world for you if i have to do so. You give me superpowers like Superman. Your love powers me to feats i never imagined. Needed a superhero movie. Got one.
I couldn't thinkmof a good chick flick to mention, but you know how I love them. Not becuase they are chick flicks but becuase they all have one thing in common. They end happily. Which is all I want out of life. Our continued happy ending.
So with that in mind here is a summary of my life the movie. Its is simple. Boy meets girl. Girl changes boy's life. Boy changes girls's life right back. Boy and girl have a lifetime of adventures together. Boy and girl are inseperable. Boy and girl shar funny memories for decades. Boy and girl can't keep their hand off one another. Boy cherishes girls. Girl makes boy a better person for it. The ending is happy. The ending is memorable. The ending is perfect.
So if my life was a movie you would be the co-star. Maybe my life is kind of like a movie after all. Every day a new happy ending.
Finally on a totally seperate note. I read something romantic the other day and all I can remember was this phrase..."I can feel you breathing for me my love" - I feel that way about you all the time.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
"more action than Benji - and twice the fun" - NY Post
"If superheroes were real, this would be their movie" - Paducah Post Gazette
Yup thats what the reviews would say. My life the movie. I guess that is a scenario we all think about. What if my life were a movie? Everything wrapped up in 100 minutes or so. Nothing left hanging. No unknown. Resolution at every turn.
So what would my life the movie be like? I figured i would start by telling you why I like so many of the movies I like now. You know the ones that make me laugh, think, and tear up so easily.
"Family Man" - Clearly one of my favorite movies. The perfect couple and an outside view of why. When either of them says the "we have made some sacrifices" speech I cannot help but think of us. "we've had a few surprises and made our share of sacrifices, but we always stay together. You see we're in love, unbelievably in love. And nothing is more important than that". Whther the Jersey thing fits or not, it is the same for us. But the best thing said in the movie is the part that fits us best. As Jack describes how his new life of success will make people Envy them she replies simply "Jack - they already do.". I can't help but cry. It is exactly what i think people think about us.
"Big Fish" - a man larger than life. A man who simply wants to make sure his life was memorable. A man who realizes that through him so many other people have been made special and who wants nothing more than to feel the same. Big fancy exaggerations of routine stories of life. So what they entertain. They make him bigger than life in his eyes. They make sure that he is immortal and the stories live on after he passes. How coul you not want that? All i ever think about when i watch that movie is how people will remember you and I. Will they talk about us like a lasting love story? A passionate tale of two people so enamored with one another that amazing life surrounded them? I sure hope so. We'll craft this "story of our lives" together. It will romantic. It will be a fairy tale. We wil be a big fish who's legend lives on long after we are gone.
"P.S. I Love You" - how anyone doesn't think this movie is the most uplifting movie ever i have no idea. How can anyome not be touched by a love story that goes beyond physical life? How can anyone not see that even after passing he knew that he had to care for her. To coach her into the next phase of her life. Because even in death she was still important to him and having her be happy was all he cared about? I am literally tearing up right now. I wilk take care of you forever my love. No matter how i have to accomplish it - no matter how it needs to be done.
"Superman" - ok this one is obvious. Needed a superhero rference and I got one. I will go to my grave believing in my super powers. My ability to accomplish anything. My ability to bear the burdens of the world for you if i have to do so. You give me superpowers like Superman. Your love powers me to feats i never imagined. Needed a superhero movie. Got one.
I couldn't thinkmof a good chick flick to mention, but you know how I love them. Not becuase they are chick flicks but becuase they all have one thing in common. They end happily. Which is all I want out of life. Our continued happy ending.
So with that in mind here is a summary of my life the movie. Its is simple. Boy meets girl. Girl changes boy's life. Boy changes girls's life right back. Boy and girl have a lifetime of adventures together. Boy and girl are inseperable. Boy and girl shar funny memories for decades. Boy and girl can't keep their hand off one another. Boy cherishes girls. Girl makes boy a better person for it. The ending is happy. The ending is memorable. The ending is perfect.
So if my life was a movie you would be the co-star. Maybe my life is kind of like a movie after all. Every day a new happy ending.
Finally on a totally seperate note. I read something romantic the other day and all I can remember was this phrase..."I can feel you breathing for me my love" - I feel that way about you all the time.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Knowing You Are There
Sometimes it is difficult to come up with something for thsi blog that isn't simply a different way to say I love you or that you are beautiful or that you amaze me. So many times I start to write something and then think "didn't I just do a blog on that?". Tonight I started out that way. Call it writers block.
Then I looked down at the other end of the couch. It is Tuesday night aand it is kind of a night like any other night. You guys went and volunteered, I cooked dinner, we had ice cream delivered to us and then retired to the couch. A pretty routine night by any definition.
Then it kind of hit me. Why was I in such a good mood. Nothing spectacular happened today. Nothing shocking took place. But suddenly I knew why I was pleased.
I looked down at the end of the couch and there you were. Sleeping. Pillows under your head. Nothing special other than my usual enjoying seeing you sleep. But what is special is that simply having you so near me and being here with you is what made me smile. You are wrapped in the very blanket I got for you to sleep on the couch with every night. You look content, safe and comfortable.
It is all of that little stuff that makes me so happy right now. That I am here on the couch with you while you do it is making me even more pleased. knowing that in a bit we will both get up and go to bed together. Do our now very routine getting into bed things. TV on, lights off (usually me getting the lights), pillows shifted, maybe some soduku, you setting the timer, channel 18 firmly in place with re-runs - all the normal stuff. Then we fall asleep together.
So while I struggled to come up with some massively insightful blog entry tonight. I came up with something simple. And sometimes it is the little things that make our lives together so amazing. Something as small and insignificant as seeing you wrapped up and asleep at the other end of the couch.
Maybe tomorrow it will hapen again - who knows? But I can only hope.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Then I looked down at the other end of the couch. It is Tuesday night aand it is kind of a night like any other night. You guys went and volunteered, I cooked dinner, we had ice cream delivered to us and then retired to the couch. A pretty routine night by any definition.
Then it kind of hit me. Why was I in such a good mood. Nothing spectacular happened today. Nothing shocking took place. But suddenly I knew why I was pleased.
I looked down at the end of the couch and there you were. Sleeping. Pillows under your head. Nothing special other than my usual enjoying seeing you sleep. But what is special is that simply having you so near me and being here with you is what made me smile. You are wrapped in the very blanket I got for you to sleep on the couch with every night. You look content, safe and comfortable.
It is all of that little stuff that makes me so happy right now. That I am here on the couch with you while you do it is making me even more pleased. knowing that in a bit we will both get up and go to bed together. Do our now very routine getting into bed things. TV on, lights off (usually me getting the lights), pillows shifted, maybe some soduku, you setting the timer, channel 18 firmly in place with re-runs - all the normal stuff. Then we fall asleep together.
So while I struggled to come up with some massively insightful blog entry tonight. I came up with something simple. And sometimes it is the little things that make our lives together so amazing. Something as small and insignificant as seeing you wrapped up and asleep at the other end of the couch.
Maybe tomorrow it will hapen again - who knows? But I can only hope.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The Luckiest
After 22 years together i am still quite enamored with the fact that I hear songs and they make me think of you. New songs, old songs, songs of every genre. I still hear someone with "that tone in their voice" or sing "that perfect lyric" and feel compelled to share the song with you. Often I hear them and wish I was with you. I tend to hear them more often when I am not with you (maybe because you would never listen to "my" music) and often they make me either miss you more or feel like you are actually with me.
When I was in San Francisco last week I heard anothe one. This one by Ben Folds (he doesn't have the 5 anymore I guess). The song is hopelessly romanti. It is one of those "tells a story" kind of songs. It is a story of meeting, loving beyond imagination and leaving together. It is kind of "Notebook" like in a way. The best line is when he says "I love you more than I have ever found a way to say".
So here it is.
"The Luckiest" - Ben Folds
I don't get many things right the first time,
In fact i am told that a lot.
Now i know all the wrong turns ands tumbles and falls
Brought me here.
Now it was right before the day that i first saw your lovely face.
Now i see it everyday
And i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.
What if i'd been born 50 year before you
In a house on the street where you live?
Maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike,
Would i know?
And then i'd see your eyes,
I'd see one pair that i'd recognize.
And i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.
I love you more
Than i have ever found a way to say
To you.
Next door there's an old man
Who lived to his 90's
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away.
I'm sorry i know that's a strange way
To tell you that i know we belong.
That i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.
Pretty good huh? You know he only has one thing wrong. He isn't the "luckiest". I am.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
When I was in San Francisco last week I heard anothe one. This one by Ben Folds (he doesn't have the 5 anymore I guess). The song is hopelessly romanti. It is one of those "tells a story" kind of songs. It is a story of meeting, loving beyond imagination and leaving together. It is kind of "Notebook" like in a way. The best line is when he says "I love you more than I have ever found a way to say".
So here it is.
"The Luckiest" - Ben Folds
I don't get many things right the first time,
In fact i am told that a lot.
Now i know all the wrong turns ands tumbles and falls
Brought me here.
Now it was right before the day that i first saw your lovely face.
Now i see it everyday
And i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.
What if i'd been born 50 year before you
In a house on the street where you live?
Maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike,
Would i know?
And then i'd see your eyes,
I'd see one pair that i'd recognize.
And i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.
I love you more
Than i have ever found a way to say
To you.
Next door there's an old man
Who lived to his 90's
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away.
I'm sorry i know that's a strange way
To tell you that i know we belong.
That i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.
Pretty good huh? You know he only has one thing wrong. He isn't the "luckiest". I am.
You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Preparing for Summer
Yesterday my business partner and I were trying to determine when we could launch our next pilot in DC. I told him we needed to look at the calendar because in a week or so my “summer” started and it was busy. Then I realized how much I was looking forward to my summer. Then I realized how lucky I was to have such a wonderful wife plan out such and exciting summer for me and the rest of the family.
So I doubt this blog entry is going to fall into the “romantic” category. However, if will certainly fall into the “she is amazing category”.
Summer I guess officially starts for us on Friday. A short trip to Chicago. While we have some business planned, you have now managed to add an overnight stay, some dinner/party plans with your friends (I am so excited for you on that on) and I am certain short trips to grab some of my favorite Chicago foods. We can add to that a 90 mile car trip each way with some hand holding, one on one conversation and singing along with whatever we happen to pick on the radio.
The following weekend we took the Milwaukee annual Summerfest extravaganza to a whole new level. Started first with a casual invitation to our nephew and his bride. Grew into the addition of another nephew and finally the 3 musketeers completed with the final nephew. So now it becomes the “pre vacation” weekend. Such fun will be had with mass drinking, tailgating, concerts, fun food, Singstar, brewery tours and so much reminiscing over the all the other times we have spent together.
Barely two weeks will pass from then before we load up the family truckster (thanks Chevy Chase) and head across the country to the actual summer vacation. 2 1/2 days in the car one way. Stops at a few sights along the way. A bourbon tour and experiencing Louisville’s famous downtown atmosphere (you could buy a weekend condo it is so awesome) on the way there. Hours upon hours of family conversation about whatever along the ride. Innumerate times of asking the girls to stop arguing or to take off the headphones and pay attention. Again more hand holding for us, listening to whatever master playlist you created for the trip (come one you know you have this planned) and stopping at a variety of fast food joints we don’t have privy to in Wisconsin as though they were actually part of our vacation.
Then we arrive at Hilton Head. It will be the second straight year there, but this one will be so much better. This time we are with real family. We picked a better house/neighborhood. Know so much more about what we should/should not do. The boys, your sister, our girls and us all in a house for a week. Lots of sun. Lots of activity. Lots of game playing. Lots of Singstar. Sharing every story we have created over the years. Drinking way more than we should. Then actually drinking some more. Creating a whole new set of stories to share the next time we get together. So much fun. So little stress. So many memories.
A week later we head home. 2 1/2 more days in the car, but more stops planned along the way. The Vanderbilt house will be awesome. I know you are excited about that. More hand holding, more MP3 searching, more girls arguing. Just good family time.
So what does all of this have in common? You. What would we do without you making sure every detail was covered? Ad-hoc gathering of the boys. Finding the house. Coordinating the house decision. Planning the route. Taping together the map. Booking the hotels. All so that over the next 4-6 weeks we are able to create a thousand new funny stories, fabulous memories and appreciation of the family we have assembled.
I can’t wait for summer. I think we have underestimated just how packed it will be for us. And I haven’t even considered what we do after Hilton Head. I am sure you will think of something. And it too will be awesome.
So while this entry wasn’t a “romantic” entry, it will serve as a reminder of what our summer and a huge thank you to you for making it all possible.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Anan Cara
The only drawback to the fact that I am finally home more often is that I don’t necessarily get dressed first thing in the morning. That means that the bracelet that we share together doesn’t always find its way to my wrist until much later in the day. I have stated in the blog before that bracelet has provided me with much protection and warmth over the years. Not having it on all the time seems weird.
The concept of the phrase is still so fitting for us. “Soul mate” or “friend of my soul” no matter which definition you find they all speak to our relationship. The Celtic tradition of having a companion to walk with you on your journey throughout life is so appropriate for us. We walk together in everything we do. Most often hand in hand. Sometimes arm in arm. Always with our hearts as one. We are perfect soul mates. The best way to be with our perfect love.
I gave a tom of thought to how I would write this blog entry. Then i stumbled upon an anonymous poem called “Anan Cara”. I read it like a million times. I had a few moments of tears of happiness as i read. It really is nearly perfect for us. So I figured I would simply post it for you and have you enjoy it as well.
Anan Cara
Only in love can we depend
A link stronger than steel
A bond that will connect us beyond the end
Embrace me with your iron bands Ana Cara
Hold me tight as my tears gently whisper
Let the world wash away around us
When we are apart tell the world “I miss her”
As rose petals float gently down to earth
Their silky velvet soft on my fingers
Anan cara, without words
The love i have inside for you flourishes and blooms
Anan cara – the whole world will know
The poem even speaks to the bonds the bracelets hold between us. How perfect.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Al and Tipper Gore
So I kind of lied this morning. I heard the whole Al/Tipper Gore thing on GMA. Sad that a couple that appeared so happy for so long is not longer together. But i listened closely and know why that will never happen to us.
The key driver from what I heard was that they “grew” apart as their interests in life changed. All went Hollywood and Tipper didn’t go along with him. I am certain that she found things around Tennessee to occupy her time and put her effort towards. But as they remained apart they started getting “different” interests. Separation is the hardest thing for any couple to deal with on a regular basis. Even after 40 years they apparently failed.
The reason I know this will never happen to us is that we put so much effort into being together. Not always physically, but always together. That we take such copious effort to make sure that we have the regular things in our lives that keep them connected. That keep us connected.
I am certain Al Gore traveled a ton. Time away from Tipper. I traveled too. But did Al make certain he was in his room at a certain time every night possible to have an appropriate good night call? Did All and Tipper ever watch a TV show with the phone attached to their ears together from 500 or 1,000 miles away? Was Tipper sharing with Al what they got in the mail everyday as though the mail was some kind of daily event? These little things always helped bridge our physical distance from each other and make us seem so much closer. So much more “together”.
The other way people start to grow apart is when they develop interests that don’t involve the other. We have never done that either. While we have some small things that we both “like” that the other doesn’t “like”. We always take interest in what the other is doing (no matter how painful it is for you). Even small things like “The Kill Your Husband” TV channel, or my stupid books or the music we like. We never let the other have a “completely separate” piece of their life. Not in a creepy way, but in a “we are in this together for the next 70 years, so I had better be interested” kind of way.
They talked about how Al and Tipper changed after the kids where all grown and out of the house. We have been preparing for this for years. It is the time you and I spend together that is most important. We love the girls and the times we spend with them are so memorable. But we have so many memories of just you and I. So many simple times with funny stories or classic situations. Our time together with just us has been as much a treasure as the time we spent as a family. Someday one of the girls will make a book/dvd of the times their parents had together. Kind of like the book of adventures in “Up”.
So I don’t worry about what happened to Al and Tipper happening to us. No matter how “happy” any other couple is they aren’t “us”. No couple is – nor will any ever be. I only hope the girls get and their husbands get close. Al and Tipper likely failed long ago at prioritizing their lives. We never do. We won’t fail. Plus they are democrats for god sake – failure was in their genes.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Kisses Mark Time
A long time ago I had a magically romantic night with my wife as the rain poured outside our window. It was Texas and the rain made for a cool breeze across our faces as we kissed and music played along with us.
The music seemed so appropriate at the time. The perfect beat. The droning romantic tones of a haunting melody.
“i will kiss you i will kiss you i will kiss you
forever on nights like this i will kiss you i will
kiss you and we shall be together...forever”
The singer sang those lyrics as the music played to our moment. I have loved the rain ever since. It like so many other moments are frozen in time in our past. Moments that remind us of the amazing romance our lives have become.
What I noticed in that romance is that the “kiss” has been such a large part of our memories.
The most important kiss is due for it’s 23rd anniversary in a few weeks. Our first kiss. That unexpected moment that neither of us saw coming. That moment of courage I had never managed to muster before. The classic “on the porch” first kiss. Magical moment in my life. Surprise moment of yours. The perfect kiss.
“Upon her lips I placed the perfect first kiss. Never so soft. Never so gentle. Never so long. A moment trapped in time. A moment trapped in my mind. Forever perfect. Forever ours”
We walked the streets of Chicago. Only hours after I arrived. An arrival unexpected and surprising. A night out with your friends. And your best friend dragging us all over town. The somehow we found ourselves on the streets. Under what seemed to be the brightest light. On the darkest street. In the middle of nowhere. It suddenly went quiet. We uttered “those” words for the first time. Then kissed. The moon seemed to get brighter as we kissed (maybe it was the light), but the moment remains frozen in time. A perfect kiss at a perfect time.
“And when I kiss the moon
She smiles and I sit for a while
Count the stars until the sky turn blue
I count the stars until the sky turns blue”
They all watched as we danced. The music played along at a level I swear only we could hear. Slowly we danced. In each others arms. Now in each others lives forever. The music played for what may as well been forever, because that music has never stopped in my head. They all watched. And unlike so many other “first dances” no one joined the floor. They left the moment for us. As the song ended we kissed. Your lips were so soft. Your smile afterwards so perfect. A moment so perfect that everyone who watched knew they were witnessing something truly beautiful.
“I could chase around for nothing to be found
But why look for something that is never there
I may get it wrong sometimes but I'll come back in style
For I realize your love means more than anything”
finally it is a moment we wish had been different. A moment we wish had come with so much more ceremony. Married rather than hitched. But the “kiss” was important. It meant we were forever together. It was the first kiss of the perfect marriage. By definition it was perfect.
So what brought this train of thought on? The kiss as you dropped me off at the airport. Sometimes memorable kisses come at the most amazing and unexpected times.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Feeling Happy
This past weekend was my birthday. I had a great time with my family at the tailgating baseball game, grilled a really nice dinner and got some wonderful gifts. As you always do, you made my day really special. I love how you do that so consistently.
I had a strange thought during my birthday though. Why didn’t I feel happier than a usual day? I mean it was birthday right? Then a really cool thought hit me…..thanks to you I don’t need a special day to fell really happy. I feel that way every day.
Our life together is what makes me feel this way all the time. I have everything I could ever want. Beautiful wife who entertains me every day. Amazing children who make me so proud. Our future has never looked (or felt) brighter. Who wouldn’t feel happy?
I owe all of this to you. We all do our parts in making our family special. And I am certain that our “special family” is at the root of my happiness. But we all know that our family is exactly as you envisioned it to be. So we all owe you for our happiness.
Every day is fantastic. I wake up next to a simply gorgeous and sexy woman. There is always some hugging and snuggling. It is a great way to start a day. We spend most of the day together, usually just “doing stuff”, but together. We have lunch together. Dinner together. Then retire to the couch for our evening shows. Then it is off to bed where we can fall asleep close to each other before we awake and start all over again.
Summer is coming quickly and those days are even better – if that is possible. We will have the girls around full time, maybe have some picnics, maybe the zoo, but we will all be together. We can nap in the hammock together as often as you like. But as long as we are together, I am happy. As long as I can reach across and hold you hand, I am happy. As long as I can see your amazing eyes, I am happy. As long as I can hear your voice, I am happy.
Being with you makes me happy.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The Return of Superman
Much has changed since my last update. Our future is now and we both may be a little bit scared. No bosom of a large company to protect us – only what we accomplish in front of us. I know you are nervous. But no worries my love – you married Superman.
I promised that I would always take care of you and that will never change. So to make you feel better I went into the closet and found my cape. The return of Superman. Time to use all of the magic powers at my disposal. But I am going to use them not to make myself successful, but rather to make you feel safe.
You deserve all the things you have become accustomed to the past few years. Not the material things. That is easy. But rather the ability to live your life as you have been doing. Helping your family out when needed. Bring the boys on vacation. Surprising your sister with trips to New York. Donating to a shelter. The things that truly give your life purpose. The one thing that makes you the happiest – doing things for other people. To make sure you can continue that life, Superman has to make certain everything is ok.
I told you the other day that all that matters to me is you. That every day I wake up knowing that if I go to sleep that night with you in my life that it was a good day. So I am recommitting myself to making sure that you feel safe and secure. That every day you wake up with no worries or uncertainty. I just want you to be happy. I promise you will be.
As long as we have each other we can handle anything. As long as we are together any challenge is possible. Superman gets all of his powers from “us”. I have never felt so powerful.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Happy Mothers Day
So this morning finds you celebrating the 21st Mother’s Day of your life. I kind of find it ironic that YOU celebrate Mother’s Day when it is us who should continually celebrate you being the Mother in our family. But I guess we get all the other 364 days and you get this one day.
I’m not certain what other people are doing today for the Mom’s in their families and I am further uncertain that whatever we do will be sufficient for you, but I know that this is a day you deserve. More than any other Mother in the world.
I looked up the definition of Mother and found it to be quite interesting. It lists 5 categories: female Parent, woman acting as parent, originator, origin of something and protector. I think you fit under all 5.
The female stuff is obvious. We all know you are the girl’s parent and act as the female parent in our family. Those require no further insight. However the others offer some real understanding of how important you are to our family.
“Originator or origin of something”. Wow that is you alright. You started this family. Crafted it in exactly the image you wanted it to be. Every moment, memory and event carefully crafted so that our girls had such amazing memories of the childhood. From birthday parties, to Christmases, to graduations, to proms, to random reasons to make them smile…the list goes on. You created a family that not only cares about each other, but is always there for one another. Someday when everyone is older and we have grandkids, our girls will have been given a roadmap to a happy family that they will have picked up from years of their own mom making certain their every moment was special.
“Protector”. Definitely your domain. While you joke often about “running someone over with your car”, we all know that your protection capabilities are far more important than random retaliation against some mean teenage girls. I think protector in your case is about how safe you make the girls feel. How they know that no matter what you will make sure that they are taken care of in some way shape or form. Sometimes so much so that they make you feel taken for granted. I can’t remember where I read this (it was long ago), but the definition of success for a parent is realizing that you kids have come to expect and rely upon the parent that you are for them. I am pretty sure that every night our kids go to bed knowing that no matter what lies in front of them you will be right there by their side helping them through. You provide them the courage and the strength to know that “things will always be ok”. You protect them from any harm.
Now is that part where I get sappy.
My love, a family isn’t a family without a mother. A good family isn’t a good family without a good mother. A remarkable family is only remarkable because of a remarkable mother. We are a remarkable family, because you are a remarkable mother.
I can’t imagine you being any more perfect for the role of mother in our family. You make us smile, you make us safe, you make us laugh and you make us all feel special and loved. Our family is what it is because we have you with us every day. I am so thankful that you are the head of my family.
I love you more and more every day as wife, mother and friend. Because all of the things you provide our family as a mother you also provide me as a wife and friend. There is nothing more amazing than the feel of one of your hugs. It makes us all feel safe, loved, special and warm. Only the most amazing “mother” in the world could accomplish that.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Monday, April 26, 2010
A Blog-jacking
There have not been many instances where I used the blog for more than just stories of “us” or odes to you. But I figured this weekend’s event warrant a ‘special” edition dedicated to our youngest daughter. I did the research and the blog started after the oldest daughter’s prom event, she would have warranted an entry as well.
I guess I should start by reminding you that I have always thought the younger daughter reminds me of you. She has your wit, your smile, facial expressions and (it has to be said) thumbs. So I can’t help but wonder if what I witnessed this weekend might have been similar to seeing you go to prom as well.
The whole prom thing go exciting for me about a month ago. I love our little girl so much, but have always wish she could see how beautiful a young lady she has become. I think the trip to Chicago for dress shopping was the start. I’ll take time to remind you that you have made certain that they will remember “prom dress shopping” as an event. They are so lucky to have a mother who wants to make their lives so memorable.
Store 1 in Chicago was uneventful. No dresses of any consequence. store two wasn’t much better. Then she found the black dress at store 3. The look on her face when she walked out and saw herself. She was amazing. People stopped to look at her. She knew it. It was the next dress that put us all over the top. I’ll remember the look on her face as she saw herself in the mirror forever. I remember your smile because you knew it was the “one”. Add in the shoes of her dreams, the text from the boy and well she was in heaven.
Making court made her even more proud. I know how important it became to her, even if she didn’t think she was going to make it at first. But you were thee making her feel like she deserved it, helping her believe in herself. She likely had visions of herself in that dress with every vote that was counted.
I’m going to skip a ton of other details like the mass of people for the pictures or the “tennis” scare. They aren’t as important as the next part.
I hope she is reading this because she has to know that she was breathtaking. Clearly the most beautiful girl in the entire court. The most amazing during pictures. A picture of perfection. That dress was clearly made for her specifically. He hair was perfect, her makeup made her look just a bit older, I can count at least 4 times I teared up just looking at her. My little girl didn’t look little anymore. She looked like a grown up. She looked like an angel.
The prom court event at prom was truly an amazing thing to see. She was so nervous, but she was for one fleeting moment the complete center of attention. As she walked up there after her announcement all I could think was how much she deserved this moment. When I saw her dance I knew that she was feeling “awkward” but I knew she was smiling the whole time.
Even when she came home between prom and post prom she was still smiling. Then when she came home the next morning she was still smiling. Being that beautiful made my daughter so happy. Seeing her happy is all I have ever wanted for her.
So my young lady all I can say is thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your special weekend. Thank you for creating a memory I know I won’t forget, but I know you will never forget. You were picture perfect. I have shown your pictures to a dozen people already, i am so proud.
So there you have it, a hi-jacked blog entry. Our little girl was amazing. She was likely as amazing as you were my love. A vision of beauty and perfection.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tomorrow Morning Never Comes
For the first time in the over 4 years we have been doing this “travelling husband” thing I have to come up with a solution for waking up without you. The past 5 weeks have reminded me that it is not acceptable to not wake up in the morning next to the one person I want to have near me when I first open my eyes. Tonight the streak of 32 straight nights (and 45 of 47) comes to an end. Facing not waking up to you has me more than a bit sad.
So I came up with a solution. Never go to sleep. That way I don’t have to wake up without you. Rather, it will just be a long day away from you. A long day and not a night. Sounds good right? I guess it is a silly approach, but I can’t really think of another way.
The rambling above may be silly, but it is a reminder of how nice it has been to have a pretty normal life the past 6 weeks or so. So many people likely take for granted that they spend time with their families. That they have dinner together, run to the store together, have lunch together and ultimately turn out the lights, lock the doors and go to bed together.
I don’t take it for granted sweetie. I know that all those little things are what makes life wonderful. Those routine events that make our “life” together. we are still the only couple I see holding hands on the walk from the car to Sendiks. We are also the only couple I know who makes going to get coffee and event. Stopping at Cafe 1505 and grabbing a sandwich for lunch even though we are both in out workout clothes – and then heading home because you like the chips at home better is awesome. Dog training classes are fun – even though our dog really doesn’t know the commands and I suck at teaching her (I need training).
I was there for NHS induction, birthday dinners, in fact I didn’t miss a thing. It was so nice. We will eventually get to where it is the routine of every day. I can’t wait. And I will cherish every tiny moment then too. Thank you for making every day and every little thing so amazing for me. You make time worth spending.
Now I just need to stay awake for 8 more hours.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Yes You Are That Pretty
You know you have had quite a bit of fun the past few days teasing me about the “girls of my past”. I guess Facebook has a funny way of finding everything that is true. Even if it turns out to be embarrassing.
It doesn’t matter because no matter what any previous girls looked like, meeting you completely changed how I look at girls/women. Now all I do is compare them to you. Are they pretty relative to you? Do they have your smile? Do they have your eyes? They never do and haven’t since I met you. After a while you just stop looking.
I have always thought you were pretty my love. From the very first moment I saw you. You are just different. Different good not different bad. You have an amazing youthful look about you. You look not only beautiful, but fun and charming. You have a smile I can’t get enough of and eyes I could stare at for days. Add in that perfect nose and well…..you are perfect. But I have never been shy about telling you how beautiful I think you are at any given time.
What wound up being cool is how it appears to have made you feel about how pretty you are or at least I think you are. That is a good thing. You are clearly the most attractive woman I have ever had in my wife, and I am glad you finally “know” it. Even if you have mad it part of a little joke. You knowing how attractive you really are provides me even more benefit, because the more confident you are about it the more attractive I find you to be.
There is really no need to compare you to anyone, there isn’t a comparison to make. And it isn’t just girls of the past my love it is all girls everywhere. You are the single luckiest thing to ever happen to me. I have lifetime “arm candy”. How can I lose?
So go ahead and Facebook away my love. Find out whatever you need to find out. It always seems to work to my advantage.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
5 Minutes of Time
Our family trip for “Spring Break” was fun. While our friends don’t always comply with the “fun” part, we still had a good time together as a family.
One of the nicest moments was on the pane ride home when we were watching “The Notebook” together. I was sure that it wasn’t going to be as “touching” as you guys told me it was, but you proved me wrong. I can only imagine what the other people on the plane were thinking when you and I were hugging each other with tears in our eyes. It was a nice moment no matter who was watching.
The movie kind of struck me in different ways. First of all I’d give all of my super powers to make the ending come true for us as well. I’ll start trying to figure out ways to make that happen. Of course it makes me start thinking about the “end” so that isn’t good. But if us passing hand in hand with no pain for the other one to endure is possible, then it has to be a goal.
The part of the movie I most enjoyed was the extent that he would go to get “5 minutes” of his wife back. No matter how painful the time afterwards was going to be for him. To spend all day telling a story so that for a brief moment he could get back what was most important to him is truly romantic. But it made me wonder, just how important is 5 minutes now?
So I thought of some 5 minute things I truly enjoy about you. By 5 minute things I mean things that happen pretty much every day that many couples take for granted. Here is what i came up with:
- A dozen glimpse of your smile
- 10 times holding hands in the car
- The time after we eat dinner that you make me stay at the table, even though I want to get up
- Watching you get dressed
- Checking your daily “color” selection
- Making sure that the TV is set to the proper channel when we go to bed
- Anytime we are in the home office back to back doing whatever it is we happen to be doing at the time
- Anytime you make me laugh
- More glimpses of your smile
- Waking you up from the couch to go to bed at night
I guess there are so many things we do all day long that make up our time together. That he went to such lengths to get 5 minutes – any 5 minutes – to have the person he loved back with him is truly romantic. I do the same thing to get any 5 minutes back from you.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Up
(I know we discussed this, but I thought it needed to be in the blog for future reference)
A few weeks ago we watched the movie “Up”. I find it hard to believe but a cartoon really touched me and made me think.
There was so much about the couple that reminded me of our lives together. They had an unlikely first meeting. A long romance. And an inseparable life together.
The story shows them spending their lives together just doing stuff. Kind of like my reference to “killing time” together. The things they did together in the movie were not extraordinary, but rather normal day to day stuff. Very much like us. They painted the house. They ate meals. They watched TV. It didn’t matter, so long as they were together.
The wife had very much wanted to have a life of “adventure”. She wanted to go places and see things. Spectacular things. But somehow their lives never led them to those kind of adventures. They had simply a life together, quite unspectacular to the outside world. But quite amazing to them.
Sadly, the wife dies in the movie. Leaving a sad grumpy old man for the rest of the world. It is this part of the movie that I found so chilling. The movie did such a good job of showing how in love they were together. It did such a good job of showing how touching their lives were together. How they held hands, watched each other sleep, fed each other, made each other laugh and smile. So much like the past 21 years I have had with you. That one of them had to die meant the worst thing in the world. They were no longer inseparable.
The pain they showed the man going through was very difficult to watch. That is what got me. I know I have already told you this, but I have make certain that I out live you. Not for selfish reasons, but for you. As your “Superman” I know that I could never allow myself to be responsible for having you be that sad. If I pass first, then you likely will be as sad as that old man. I could never allow that. I could never rest in peace knowing that I left you in pain every day.
It isn’t that I won’t be in pain when I am left alone. I will hurt worse than any human has ever hurt. But my “superman” powers will allow me to carry that burden for you. Because this man could never allow you to have to carry that pain. It would kill me over and over again to have it happen. I don’t mean for this blog entry to sound morbid. I just want you to know that no matter what I will protect you and keep you from being sad. Even if it means I have to be sad instead of you.
Now having told this story to you after we watched the movie and quite frankly blubbering a bit as we hugged, I was overwhelmed by your card on our anniversary. That you recognize, like the wife in the movie, that we have had so many “adventures” together made me feel more loved than any moment in my life. That card was the greatest gift I have ever received. I have read it 3 times since that day as it sits on our mantle.
So there you have it, I now know the purpose of being “superman”. It is to keep you from eve feeling pain or being sad. They let me take one super power sweetie. I just didn’t realize until just recently which one I took. I took the one that protects you. Only you. Always you.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
(PS – This is one of the few times I have written this blog that I teared up while I wrote it.)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Happy Anniversary – 21 Years
I really wanted to title this differently, but on the off chance you read through these from time to time I wanted you to be able to see the header.
Today is the day we celebrate our 21st year of marriage to each other. There are “countless” things I want to say to you, so i figured I would make that theme of this post. Since anniversaries are about the “number” (i.e. 21), the theme is “Countless”.
In the past 21 years there have been…
“Countless” times that just hugging you made my day or may me instantly feel better.
“Countless” times that I have looked at you and thought “how could anything be more beautiful”.
“Countless” times that you made me laugh. Often with your humor, but most times just by being you.
“Countless” times that I have kissed and thought nothing could be any softer on my lips.
“Countless” times that I have held your hand and had that safe, comfortable and loved feeling find its way from my fingertips to my heart.
“Countless” times that snuggling with you in bed made me consider not even bothering to get up in the morning.
“Countless” times that I have seen other people be jealous of the relationship we have and wondered to myself why everyone can’t have what we have.
“Countless” times that wasting a night on the couch watching TV with you was the perfect way to spend my evening.
“Countless” times that I thought about what the rest of my life would hold and how you will be by my side forever.
“Countless” times that thoughts of you gave me that “special feeling” inside (sorry had to add that one one).
“Countless” times you amazed me by planning the perfect event or making something routine seem so special for me and the girls.
“Countless” times that I felt overcome by the need to tell you I love you and have everyone hear it.
Yes, there have been “countless” things over the past 21 years that remind me how perfect we are together. “Countless” things that remind me that this was a match made in heaven.
But to make this very simple there has been ONE thing that only happened once and put all of this in place.
The moment you said “yes”. Its the single best moment of my life. Happy anniversary my love. 21 years of perfection.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Facebook Conflicted
I posted this on Facebook as well, but since this blog is more lasting I kind of hope you ready it here first.
Life has a way of surprising you sometimes. I thought I knew every Counting Crows song. I thought Adam Duritz had a line for EVERY emotion I felt for you. I was wrong. Tonight I found a new song and a new lyric that just made me remember just how amazing my love for you is and how deeply you touch me.
So here goes. It is from the song “August and everything after”. It never made it to an album, but is apparently written on the cover of the album of the same name.
Just a few lines for you.
They're wakin' up Maria 'cause everybody else has got some place to go
She makes a little motion with her head,
Rolls over,
And she says she's gonna sleep for a couple minutes more
I've said "I'm sorry" to Maria for the cold hearted thing that i have done
I've said "I'm sorry", by now, at least once to just about everyone
She says, "I've forgotten what I'm supposed to do today,"
And it slips my mind what I'm supposed to say?
We're getting older and older, and older
And always a little further out of the way
You look into her eyes and it's more than your heart will allow
In August and Everything After, you get a little less than you expected, somehow...
I stumbled into Washington Square just as the sun began to rise
I lay down on the lawn of the cathedral
Right down with the shadow of St. Mary's in the sky
And I'm just one of these late model children waiting for the king
Yeah, but there ain't no sign of Elvis in San Fransisco
It's just me, and I'm playing this rock and roll thing
And She wants to be just like me
And I want every damn thing I can see.
One day you're Daddy's little angel,
The next day you're everything he wanted you to be
They dress you up in white satin
And they give you your very own pair of wings
In August and Everything After, I'm after everything.
There you go. In my head all I can hear right now is Adam singing “You look into her eyes and it’s more than your heart will allow”.
You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.
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