Oooh La La

This was intended to be a "while in Mexico" blog post, but I never really got the chance to whip out my laptop and focus long enough to post.

I was listening to a song on the plane and out of the corner of my eye I caught you smiling.  It was that kind of "mildly drunk, super relaxed" smile I love so much.  The song has no real reference to us, the lyrics aren't all that representative of us, but the chorus kind of hit me.  Couple the moment of your smile with the chorus and voila, a blog entry.

I'll get to the song in a second, but I got to tell you about that smile.  You see my love, you have a a beautiful smile,  You actually have hundreds of them, but they all sparkle.  They all make me feel warm inside.  They all kind of turn me on a bit.  I can't imagine a life where I wasn't lucky enough to see it a dozen times a day.

I'm not sure you see it that way - which bugs me - but it is there.  The picture I took in Mexico that I was so enamored with?  Your smile.  The picture I stole from you when we were dating? Your smile. None the same exact smile, but your smile all the same.

So why is the song important?  Well it's called "ooh la la" by Faces.  That old Rod Stewart/Ronnie Wood band from the early 70's.  The Grateful Dead did it as well, but of course my version is by the Counting Crows.  It is kind of upbeat happy little song (although the lyrics read kind of weird) but the chorus reminds me that I have had a lifetime with you.  And that lifetime has taught me so much.

Ooh la la, la la, yeah

I wish that I knew what I know
When I was younger
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was stronger

Thanks angel.  Because of you I am looking many years into the future.  Knowing that I will learn a million more things I'll wish I had known now.

You're the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

About 14 minutes....

So you just left about, oh say, 14 minutes ago.  There is no dog and the work I thought would take an hour took about 5 minutes.  Which worries me a bit because sometimes this whole work thing seems to easy right now, but oh well.  The key is that right now I am utterly alone.  Not a bad thing, just not very normal.

So I figured it was time that I put into your blog something that occurred to me recently and I can't seem to get out of my head.  It is hopelessly romantic, but a bit weird all the same.  Again you have been gone only 14 minutes or so when I dropped everything to type this, so it really means something to me.

Remember when my brother was here and he was telling us about what happened?  The whole LMN version of the true story of someone else's life?  Burner phones?  I swear the thought never crosses my mind.  I mean where the fuck do you buy one? I feel so bad for him, but I feel so guilty all the same.

You see my love, I have no freaking clue how to associate with his pains.  I am so freaking spoiled by you.  I can't imagine not being completely with the right person.  I can't fathom not being happy or best friends.  I can't imagine not putting all of my efforts in us.  I just can't hear what he has to say and feel like he thinks I am being compassionate.  Hell maybe that's what he needs.  A guy who he thinks will always fall on the side of "fix it" because he has it so good himself and take his side.  Got me, but I really felt kind of embarrassed when he was telling us.

Why?  Because I know that every day I wake up next to the one person I want to make happy today.  Amazingly, she wakes up next to the same guy.  How can we make each other happy today?  Every day.  Like in some scary way this has become a textbook for "how to really enjoy being married."  How fucking lucky are we?  Our riches of marriage abound.

Still doesn't change the fact that I felt weird the whole time.  Like in some way shape or form if I had leaned over to kiss you, it would have made him think I was showing off.  Again just a weird thought.  I'll find a way to positively communicate with my brother, he needs the helping hand.  But, I can't stress enough how awkward the conversations feel.

So I guess the whole point of this blog is to tell you that I don't take what we have for granted.  I can't imagine how any other human can be as happy as I am right now.  How for almost 30 years, being happy was an after thought.  It just happens for me.  Because I have you.  I am pretty sure you are the same.  Even the worst moments of the past 30 years have been fleeting and quickly replaced by moments of "Us".

Thank you baby.  I just pray that our girls find the same.  Its really pretty great, I must say.

Now focus on your nails.  Because now it's been 30 minutes.  You won't be back for an hour. Yikes.  And its too early for sports on TV.  Ugh.

You're the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.