Knight in Shinig Armor

So I think about stuff a lot.  No matter how hard I try I keep things out of my head they creep in.  Every fear, every concern, everything that makes my chest pound – I keep them to myself.  I am certain it is something from my childhood.  I am certain that it isn’t healthy.  I am really certain that I am not the only one in this world who does so.

I wonder – often – if our daughter didn’t get some of her issues from me.  I stress.  I worry. I try to fix things on my own.  Just like I think Megan does.  Who knows why?  The irony is that neither of us had tragic lives.  In fact, we generally had nothing but good in our lives.  What wires someone like that?  Who knows.  What makes someone kind of scared so often

It isn’t that I am a sad person.  In fact, I consider myself quite happy.  It is that I want things to always be good.  Good for me and good for those around me and that I love.

So now – having just read that set of paragraphs myself – do I realize I am full of crap.  Everyone needs someone.  Everyone needs a little help.  Everyone needs a Knight in Shining Armor.  Everyone.

So about three nights ago I texted to myself the following:  “blog entry Tracy is my night in shining armour…..no one e sticks up for me like her”.  For your enjoyment, I kept every typo and misspelling.  I have no idea why exactly it was texted.  For more humor I can tell you my next text to myself was 21 minutes later and said nothing more than “Samantha Stevens”.

So why would I text that to myself?  What did you do that prompted it?  What did I do that prompted me needing you to rescue me? Because that is what Knights in Shining Armor do right?  I really don’t remember.

So for about 3 days now I have been building this blog in my head.  I have to because I told myself to write it.  I really beat myself trying to remember what it was that prompted the text.  Then it kind of hit me.  Why would it require ONE thing to make me realize that you are my Knight in Shining Armor?  There are so many reasons.  Millions.  New ones every day.

Why do I call you my Knight in Shining Armor? Well that is easy.  You are the one person in life I know that no matter what I can count on.  You will be there for me.  You will support me.  You will love me.

You don’t care how successful I am at work.  You don’t care if I get things right or wrong.  You don’t even care if I fix things.  You just love me.

You somehow know when I had a bad day.  Like some kind of magic, you take my bad to good.  Like you somehow waved magic wand over my head and “POOF!”  - all better.

You somehow know what will make me smile.  You are the only person in my whole life who has every so consistently made me laugh.  You are like a “cheering up” waiting to happen.

You warm me inside.  You make me feel loved.  If I sat here all day and thought to myself “I wonder if anyone else is thinking about me”, I know that the answer is yes.  You are. You are the one person, one person who is concerned about me even when I am not with them.

You are my Knight in Shining Armor.  The person who rescues me from anything I can’t handle.  The person who won’t expect me to thank them for just being there.

You are the one person in life I can count on to love me best.

Just so you know, I will always be that person for you as well.  We can ride our white horses together – rescuing each other every day for the rest of our lives.

So I just re-read this whole blog.  It is rambling.  I gave thought to scrapping it and trying again tomorrow.  I thought she is going to read this and think “what the hell is wrong”?  But nothing is wrong my love.  It was a response to a self text – because at the moment the text was sent, I was feeling in love.  As aimless as it reads, it accomplished my goal.  It did what I wanted.  And that goal was you ask?

Read it again my love.  It is aimless rambling of someone so truly in love with someone he gets confused from time to time.  Someone so truly in love with someone that he keeps expecting it to become “too good to be true” and yet day after day after day it never does.  It is a response to a text sent in a moment when I was likely having another – how could this life with her be so good? And got scared.  Because being this in love is kind of scary right?

It is the aimless rambling of a guy who has met the love of his life and somehow knows that “nothing can be this perfect”.  But it is.  So it sounds confusing.  Because in reality no two people should have ever been this lucky.  Lottery?  Don’t need a ticket.  I have already won.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

Giving you your blog back for Valentine’s Day….

I am not sure if you realize it but we are getting pretty close to celebrating something for the 30^th time.  2016 will mark our 28^th Valentine’s Day together.  So close to 30.  28 times I will have asked you to be my Valentine and for the 28^th time I will wait to hear you say “yes” (well assuming you do say yes J).

Valentine’s Day poses kind of a dilemma for us.  So I thought long and hard a few weeks ago about what to give you this year.  Flowers? A given.  Cook dinner or something of the sort?  Easy.  But a present?  Can’t even imagine what you want/need.  However, I can give you something you used to have and should have back.

So I am giving you the blog back.  Giving it back with a commitment to updating it as regularly as possible.  No less than once a month and hopefully more frequent.  I saw the last “bringing the blog back post”, but that plan was hijacked by life events.  It just never seemed the right mood for the blog.  That was wrong of me. I missed the point. Because after all my love, I have lots to say to you about us. 

Welcome back blog entries, oh how I missed you.

After deciding to return, I struggled with what topics.  I have a “2016:  A Long December” idea.  But it is a different kind of romantic than Valentine’s Day.  I have an “I saw something in your smile” idea.  But in all honesty it was kind of a “sexy smile” and the topic might get mildly racy.  I have my “happy thoughts jar entry in my head.  But we kind of need to get that jar first.  There are a few more, so I will have loads of topics to keep things going.  But currently none have that “Valentine” feel.

We both make the joke that Valentine’s Day is for amateurs. We certainly are not rookies at this being in love stuff.  It is what we do best of all.  We kind of always have.  I just wonder to this day who really thought that not only would we still be together, but that after 28 years we never had so much a “gap” in our happiness.  Never so much as thought that this wasn’t forever.  Never a doubt that we hadn’t found the perfect pairing of two people who should be together forever.  So taking just ONE day a year and trying to make it “extra special”, well isn’t that what our anniversary is for in March?

But Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love.  So I thought how better to celebrate love by making the day be really special?  So I came up with this plan.  I think it is truly romantic.

We will start the day late in the afternoon.  Because prior to that we just kind do daily stuff, nothing special just daily stuff.  As we got dressed we make sure that fragrances are strategically placed.  Me with my one spray of the scent you love and you making sure that you hit every spot where I like to kiss with your best scent.  Even if that means scenting your hair so I smell you when I kiss your head while we hug.

First up is deciding what to have for dinner.  We may cook.  You may surprise me with an already planned special meal – nachos maybe?  A great new taco recipe?  Chili that knocks my socks off?  It could be something as simple as dialing 773-472-7400 and ordering a pizza.  Or we could go more romantic and do cheese and crackers.

Then we will set the table.  It will be truly special.  It will have some bells and whistling horns.  Ice in glasses.  Cocktails. Everything arranged just perfect.  Each of us with our special seats.

We will listen to music and watch some of our beloved Blackhawks.  We will play cards.  Drink cocktails and enjoy ourselves.  We will celebrate a Kaner goal and a Corey save.  You will have Chelsea Dagger queued up at the perfect time.  We will say “gin” like 20 times.  The score book will grow and grow.

Then we will dance and sing.  Sometimes a slow dance.  Sometimes an upbeat dance.  We will belt out tunes at the top of our lungs.  Singing often to one another and sometimes to entertain the imaginary throngs of people who aren’t really in the room.  (BTW I have a whole blog planned for the “Suddenly I get to sing all these songs to you” aspect of our basement concerts).

When we finally wear out we will head upstairs for a late night snack.  Then head to bed for late night “cuddling”.  Then finally fall asleep in each other’s arms.

The whole night will be about two people being in love with each other.  Two people still wildly attracted to one another.  Spending a romantic evening just being together.  Enjoying each other’s company.  Great conversation, some romantic kisses, dancing, randomly saying “I love you” all night, amazing hugs…..perfection.  A dream date for almost any couple.  One they will talk about for years.  “Oh how we had such a nice time that night.  It was so much fun.  We laughed and danced.”…….Valentine’s Day 2016.  Memorable forever.

Except that in our case, it won’t be “Valentine’s Special”.  It will be like oh say a Tuesday.  Or a Thursday.

Why?  Because in our world February 14^th really IS for amateurs.  We don’t need a special day each year to have a perfect date with each other.  We don’t need a day to “step up our” game.  We are in love every day.  We celebrate it often.  We “date” all the time.  We celebrate Valentine’s Day every day.  As it should be when you love someone so much.

So Happy Sunday my love.  Happy Tuesday and Thursday.  I will let Hallmark know they need a new line of romantic cards.  It is time to celebrate our love again.  Time to smile and laugh with each other.  Time to kiss and hug.  Time to desire one another.  Time to care about each other.  Time to enjoy being with the one true love of your life.  It is always that time with you my life long Valentine.

You are the love of my life.  A reason to celebrate every day.

Happy Valentine’s Day, will you be mine ONE MORE TIME?

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.