Merry Christmas!

I know I already gave this to you, but I figure it is just as good posted here.  I love you – Merry Christmas Sweetie.

December 25, 2009 This makes 22 Christmases together!

Merry Christmas my love. I can’t believe we have spent 22 Christmases together. Seems like we have come a long way since exchanging what seemed like “mirror” gifts to one another in 1988. We have gone from a dating couple to newlyweds, to new parents, to a small family and now finally to a bigger family. So much change over 22 years.

Since we are seeing a “Christmas Carol” I thought it would be nice to show what the 3 ghosts would have shown us. We have Christmas pasts a plenty, a pretty great Christmas present and Christmas futures galore to come.

Christmas Pasts

Some of our best memories are certainly of the kids. We found out we were pregnant with Kendall during Christmas. Of all of the presents we could every want our angel baby tops them all. We had so many “perfect” mornings for the girls. Presents seemed to be everywhere. We spent as much time blocking off rooms so they couldn’t peak, grabbing Megan’s stocking (noisy to this day!) so it wouldn’t wake them up and “putting together” things for them to see in the morning (do you remember the bicycle handlebars that were actually wrong for months after Christmas?).

Every Christmas morning seemed magical for them. Often even a bit overloaded. Paper was always strewn about the floor. “Thank you Santa’s” being yelled at the top of their lungs. Little did they know who Santa really was all those years? That they believed for so long added to the magic. The video that Megan added to Kendall’s graduation present pretty much says it all. Kendall reading her letter from Santa and Megan tearing into presents in such a cute “Megan” way.

You also made sure that the whole season was special. A routine for decorating the tree (made better when we moved to WI and started chopping our own). The advent calendars with candy to suit them both. Decorations with holiday memories placed all over the house. Only a real elf could have kept up the “Santa hand writing” for so long and so consistently.

You have created such terrific holiday traditions for the whole family. Many are just us, some from your childhood and some just plain traditional.

Christmas Present

This year’s Christmas may be the biggest of them all! I really like that we
have added a Christmas “outing” to the mix. The ballet last year and the
play this year. It is a nice family event for all of us to enjoy and kicks off the 3 days of the holiday perfectly.

This year we will have added a new family member to the mix. Kendall was so excited. By now Megan has her big gift, I’ll bet she is shocked although we may never see her again (Megan cave calling).

Having Christmas be just the four of us is actually very nice. Keeping the focus on our family and not sharing our “special time” with anyone else is the best way to spend the holidays.

As this is the “present” portion let me officially tell you Merry Christmas for 2009. You outdid yourself this year.

Christmas Future

This is where it is really going to get good. I was telling someone about your plans to have the girls be “required” to spend Christmas with us after they have their own families. Everyone I have told agreed that it causes some real family stress. However, I have told EVERY ONE of them that it won’t be an issue for us. 22 years of perfect Christmases have ensured that they wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at this very special holiday.

I figure it will go something like this. Both girls sleep in their own rooms (with husbands and kids) on Christmas Eve. We all wake up in the morning to the shrieks of grandkids opening the tons of presents Santa left them. They’ll know that Santa makes his best visits to Grandma’s house! You’ll have created spreadsheets for every grandchild, rows of gifts well over 50 by that time! Dinner remains perfect and we may actually get to the point where we need multiple 23-25 lb turkeys.

You and I will sit and watch our ever growing family enjoy your favorite holiday. For a few days ever year you get to be a young kid again. It will go on until there are great grandkids and so on and so on.

So there you have it sweetie, your Christmas legacy has been built. You have created decades upon decades of Christmas magic. A thought just occurred to me. Maybe there really is a “Santa Claus”. I think it’s you.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Merry Christmas!

Good morning sweetie

Well I hope your night went well.  Just remember only 1 more night to go before we are together for the rest of the year.

This is likely the last entry of the year before the annual Christmas letter entry.  The year seemed to go by so fast didn’t it?  Christmas is now in the single digits away!  I know you have so much to do and it is causing you stress, but the the reward is always worth it for you.

Today I find my self missing you quite a bit.  Last night when we went to bed I had one of those moments when I knew that what we had was perfect. You curled up next to me so you could be warm.  There you were lying next to me in your nightgown, smelling perfectly feeling warm, content and perfect.  It was as though you were created to be in that spot with me.  A perfect fit. I whispered in your ear “I Love you” and you told smiled and told me you loved me too.  Then you fell asleep.  It was one of the best nights sleep I have had in a really long time.

When we woke up we were still in almost the same position.  It made for a pretty great morning too.  Thus when I tried to fall asleep tonight without you things just weren’t right.  So if you didn’t know, I was missing you even more all night.

After 20+ years it amazes me that we find so many of those little perfect moments.  so many tiny little things that remind us how lucky we are to have each other.  So many thing that remind us how in love we are.

When the older daughters friend came to the house this weekend and you told me about her father situation it made me think.  I thought I wonder did she notice we hold hands in the car?  Even on a short trip to get something to eat.  Did she notice that we stop at various points throughout the house and hug/kiss?  even though there isn’t a “required moment” for doing so?  I know at one point she turned her head and heard me tell you that you looked “really good” in your jeans.  She smiled after i said it.  Maybe it was less because I was ogle-ing you and more because she just thought it was nice that we did so for each other.

I bet our kids take for granted that we still have such a great and close relationship with each other after all this time.  For a few days, I hope a stranger thought it was nice.  Ironically, I only thought of this after she left.  That makes those little nice things we do so much more natural.  Its good to be in love isn’t it?

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

The Holiday Season

The next two weeks are going to be long ones.  I guess they always are at this time of the year.  However, once they are done it becomes the official “old fashioned fun family Christmas” time.

It sure is your time of the year.  Right from the start of October (you know you will probably hit September next year) through the week after Christmas.  It is like your own “quarter” of the year.  You start the thinking in October and this year even some of the buying.  You get decoration round one out of the way with the Halloween decorations, then fall decorations, some more shopping, turkey day is perfect, some more shopping, Christmas decorating, shopping, baking, a Christmas concert, a Christmas event (this year a Christmas Carol), presents galore!, more turkey, a bevy of family calls (ok one call with 4 people to talk to), the annual ski trip and finally New years celebration (this year at our house).  Whew what a season.  So much to do and so precious little time.  But you always pull it off.

I wonder to myself where this massive focus on this holiday originated.  I know you have told me of the summer time Jack Jones concerts in the basement, but what really drives your desire to make this holiday so perfect?  I guess the easy answer is the girls.  Making sure they have the perfect experience, but at this point I think they are really all about the presents.  The presents are really just a small part of the whole experience you have given us over the years.  The rest of the holiday is equally as big to you.  Where did it all come from?  What makes you so focused on this time of the year.

I racked my brains on this and really only came to one conclusion.  This is how you wanted your family to be at the holidays.  Just like the many holiday movies you love so much.  It isn’t because it mirrors your childhood memories, but because you are creating our families memories.  The things our kids will remember forever.  The things that you and I will look back on in 40 years about Christmas past.

I guess all we can say is “Thank you”.  I may call it “your season”, but I know you do it for us.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

Poets write Poetry

husbands do not….

However sometimes we try.

She smiles
And it lights up my world
She laughs
And I become more happy with every tone
She speaks
And every word is music to my ears

And with her my world gets better all every day

She asks
And the answers bring me joy
She sees
And the vision paints a picture
She hears
And the sounds are a symphony in my head

And with her my world gets better all every day

I take
Because everything she gives makes me loved
I feel
Because her presence give me life
I love
Because she makes me feel loved

And with her my world gets better all every day

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

Snow is for you

I am very sorry I didn’t have a “real” update this morning.  The disappointment in your voice made me feel really bad.  It won’t happen again as I remain flattered that you look for them after so long.

So I ran down to the meeting and it turned out to be breakfast.  I grabbed some coffee and came back here real quick to post the one thing I thought today.

It snowed here last night.  Probably 2-3 inches or so.  I can’t look at snow without thinking of you.  Snow is for you.  I love how excited you get about it and how it makes you smile.  For someone who soooo loves to sit on the beach, I think you like snow even more.

So all day as I look out the window and see the snow, I will be thinking of you.  Of course, I am always thinking of you anyway, but today it will be “pretty, happy, snow smile” you.

I need to get back to the group now.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

Snuggly Nights

I realized something cool last night.  It happened when we got into bed.  And now I think it is some kind of strategy on your part.  Let me explain.

It appears on nights when  travel the next morning you are far more snuggly than on any other night.  When we get into bed on a “normal” night you in most cases just go to sleep. Nothing wrong with that.  We have been sharing a bed for so long that our ‘space’ is our ‘space’.  We sleep well together.   We always have.

However, on nights when I travel the next day going to bed together seems a bit different.  You always turn and face me.  You always seem to fin a way to snuggle up in my arms.  You always seem to find a way to have me hold you.  It is truly my favorite way for us to go to sleep.

And it isn’t just regular snuggling.  It has a completely different feel.  It feels so loving.  So perfect.  Almost as though it is some kind of indication I shouldn’t leave at all.  It is one of those moments when all I can do is think how much I love you and how lucky I am that it is YOU snuggling up to me.  It is the time when many of these blog entry ideas come to me.  A moment when i remind myself how much in love I am with you.

So this is where I think you are being strategic.  I think you do it purposefully.  Maybe it is you way of providing subtle reminder that I am going to miss you.  Maybe you just want me to have the perfect memory of you the next time I go to sleep – which will be without you.  Maybe you do it in hopes that I won’t leave at all.

I might be wrong but I believe you do it on purpose.  And if that is true I couldn’t be more flattered.  That you love me enough to make my last nights sleep somehow important before I leave is a truly wonderful gesture.  Then again this could all be in my head.  I doubt that though.

However, pretty soon I won’t be leaving at all.   Then the pressure to make every night perfect will begin.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

Staying Put

I hadn’t really thought about it until we discussed it this past weekend.  But you were right.  It has been a long time for us that we have had opposite “schedules”.  So much time apart for a couple who should spend so much time together.

I guess it started when we first got together.  We had your evening schedule, my day schedule and my working every Saturday (we needed the extra money).  Then we had a break while you watched the boys at our townhouse and I got to come home at 330 every day and help you.  I was still gone every Saturday though.  However, it goes into the “more normal” part of our lives.

We did pretty well there for a while.  Even though we had the brief time when I worked overnight and then tried to be “normal” during the daytime, we weren’t too off schedule.  It was however the first time we didn’t go to bed together every night.

Without giving you a history lesson neither of us want to re-hash we have spent a ton of time away from each other.  The past few years being the worst of the distance.  Now I get presented with an opportunity for yet another long distance opportunity.  and only during that discussion did it hit how “far apart” we have been “for so long”.

So I am putting an end to it now.  We can’t go on like this anymore.  Actually we could, we are that rare couple who can withstand anything.  That couple who no matter what gets thrown at us we fall back on each other and make our way through.  But why should WE have to endure anything like this anyway?

This is what I picture.  I get up at a normal time and get dressed.  I get into my car and drive to my office that is no more than 10-12 minutes away form our home.  At lunch you stop by the office.  You say hello to the people I work with because you know them well – because well you do come by the office often.  I drop what i am working on as i usually do and we take off for lunch.  on a nice day we picnic, on a cold day we certainly get hot chocolate (well I get coffee of some kind) and we are so well know as the “lunch couple” at every spot in town we never have to wait.  after lunch i kiss you goodbye and finish my work day.  I leave the office at a reasonable time and head home to eat dinner, run errands, watch our favorite shows and rub some feet.

Pretty much every day goes something like that.  Pretty much forever.

It is going to happen soon sweetie.  I promise.  Two people who love each other like we do should not be apart.  I am just thankful that our amazing girls have been there for both of us when the other wasn’t home for so long.  Since they are growing up i can’t leave you alone.  It won’t happen.

So start making those lunch plans.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

Amazing “Memorable” Success

Well you pulled it off and made the surprise happen. Kept everything in order and treated everything to a great time. It was just another amazing feat accomplished by an amazing person.

This past weekend in New York was a lot of fun. No one will ever dispute that. We will all remember the things we did, the lasting jokes, the "storied" memories. We will tell the "do you remember that time in NYC when…" stories and laugh. It will have been a memorable occasion.

What will eventually be kind of forgotten is how we all go there. How one person in the family had the vision of how it should be and made it happen. That person is you my love. Eventually the fact that you managed to get all of us there and together won't be the lasting memory about the weekend. In fact we had so much fun this weekend we even started to forgot how we all got there. We started remembering stories of "missed planes", "forgotten numbers", "bar doors needing to be opened", "spelling words with rocks", etc. But in the end we all have you to thank for the whole thing.

You are some kind of an amazing human being. Do you remember that episode of friends where Phoebe tries to do something for someone else and not get any reward from it? Then she realizes she can't do it? Well I think you are one of those rare people who truly does things just to make others happy. And this weekend your plan made so many people happy. I truly believe that while you had fun yourself, your biggest joy was making the rest of us so happy. What kind of amazing person can really be able to do that?

This isn't the only time you have done this kind of thing. The NYC trip was surely a surprise. But just think about how you plan Christmas for the girls. It is all about them having that "awed" moment when they see all the presents under the tree, more "awed" moments when they open each one and the list of memories about the day.

How about the high school graduation celebration? A perfect event. A perfect set of memories. No one will remember the meticulous detail you went to plan the whole thing, they'll just remember all the fun they had on that weekend.

You managed to make perfect memories for both the girls when they got their cars. In some ways the event of giving them car was more important than the car itself. However, them remembering the moment was a big part of the plan.

You are an amazing person my love. You give so much to everyone and expect so little in return. You are in the process of making so many memorable moments for the people that you love and we all are so lucky to have you in our lives. I don't think we will ever thank you enough or even really fully understand what we are thanking you for, but we appreciate everything.

How could anyone not be in love you? I am so lucky to have you in my life – you have made life so much more memorable.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

If They Only Knew

I know this blog is supposed to be about us, but tonight I figured I would follow up on a topic we discussed last week. It was about the things the girls will remember that you did for them that "were special". That you even wondered if they would have trouble with thinking of any was really quite surprising. The number of little things is innumerable and the big things are pretty countless as well.

I really can't list them all, but I think you can get kind of a flavor for them.

How about the whole "movie Monday" thing? The younger one looked so forward to those nights. She loved them. I am honestly quite amazed at how many movies the two of you mentio that you saw but I didn't. I am certain she will expect these again this summer.

How about the "shuffle" training session? Or the impromptu dance session (the one with the "slapping"). Precious moments – all of them.

LIke today there are the "sudden unplanned" trips to Madison or wherever. They like those things. Why? Because the like spending time with you. They enjoy how you make them laugh with your silly approach to things. The love the shared jokes you have together. I'll bet you three could fill hours on goofy dinner table jokes alone.

How about the endless nicknames you have for them? They will remember that stuff forever. The zoo trips, mall trips, lunches together, the list goes one.

I guess the point is that they have no idea how huge you are in their lives. You have done so much more than take them to museums and big stuff. You have given them your time. All of your time. All of your attention. They'll never forget that. They will remember so many moments. And when we are really old they will sit and remind us and our feeble memories of those moments. And in return for all you did for them.

I looked at a picture taken just a few days ago of the older daughter lying on the couch with her head in your lap. She is nearly 20 years old. And she still does that with you. She will remember that.

The "walker" is still hanging out there somewhere for you and the younger daughter to "hide" on each other. It's silly and goofy. She is over 16 years old. She will remember that.

Face it sweetie. You are unforgettable. You are a memory all of your own.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

 

Happy Birthday!

Happy 40^th Birthday my love.

I was going to have a post where I listed the 40 ways I loved you, but realized there were thousands.

I was going to have a post where I listed the 40 ways you were beautiful, but the decided that 40 wouldn't cover the list.

I was going to have a post where I reminded you of the 40 ways you make me smile, but I got to number 800 and realized I was not even close to being done.

I was going to have a post where I mentioned 40 sexy things about you and figured out there were so many more than 40.

So I figured in order to have the post I really wanted I was going to have to wait until your 1,000^th birthday or so to have ample room to cover all the topics I wanted to cover. I know that is not possible, but I sure would be happy if I got to spend that much time with you.

So I will keep this simple and spend my day making your 40^th Birthday a truly happy one.

Happy Birthday my love, no one has ever made 40 look as good as you do.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Words That Fit

The other day we were in the kitchen together with our oldest daughter home for the weekend and something hit me.  I sure love it when she comes home.  She puts everyone in a better mood.  Not that we aren’t in a good mood, but she certainly completes the family.

In any case the discussion somehow came around to music and she made the claim that the most romantic song ever (and the one she planned on having played at her wedding) was The Fray’s “Look After You”.  I think we argued with her (actually we were in the car for this conversation) because our song IS the most romantic song ever.  We also reminded her that her future husband (whomever that may be) would likely want a say so in the song choice.

However, I really like that she is so passionate about some song lyrics.  I really think the ability to have that kind of passion is a sign of intelligence.  Every member of our family has that kind passion for something.  Just ask the younger daughter about her favorite music, she gets pretty passionate about it.  I guess we are pretty smart.

It did get me thinking though.  If this song is “so romantic” and you and I are truly the greatest romance story ever this song should somehow have some application to our romance.  I mean seriously how could the “most romantic song ever” not apply to us?  So I made certain I listened to it on the plane this morning.  I made certain I would read the lyrics.  I was certain I could “map it” somehow to us.

Here are the lyrics in chunks with some proposed application to our romance.

“If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you”

Well so far so good.  We can’t walk away from each other without knowing the heartfelt pain of separation we will feel.  It happens every week.  I leave.  You stay.  I wish I hadn’t left.  You wish I was still home.  Its the last line that really fits.  A long time ago I promised to “take care of you forever”.  I gather “look after you” is almost the same.

“There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you”

I gather now is the appropriate time for the “super man” insert?  I can handle anything so long as when “my city spins around” you are always there for me.  Always the one who I can count on.  The one I know loves me no matter what.  The person who gives me my “super man” ability.  In exchange for that comfort “I’ll look after you”.

”If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
After You
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh”

Hopefully I make you feel protected as well.  Give you a sense of safety.  A sense that no matter what you can “lean into me”.  Because after all, “I’ll look after you”.

“It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
You are so beautiful to me”

This one sums it up.  You are home.  My home.  I have said it a million times, I am never home unless you are with me.  Everything I have is yours for the taking.  My heart, my soul, my being.  Its safe with you.  In exchange for that “I’ll look after you”.  That safe feeling you give me is what makes you “so beautiful to me”.

So I guess the kid is pretty sharp.  Its a true love song.  It must be because it applies to the most true love ever.  Ours.  Thanks older daughter, I have another one to add to the list.  I hope you don’t mind sharing it with your mom and me.

And my love, I will look after you.  Forever.  Its a promise I plan on keeping for eternity.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

The Long Week

It has been a long week. I feel like I have been away for a near eternity. Having you home dealing with all the stress of your parents alone wasn't really fair.

I know you don't need to hear this from me, but you shouldn't let her bug you so much. When you do she wins. She doesn't deserve to win. What she deserves is the constant remorse that she shouldn't ever be forgiven for being the kind of person she is now and was before.

The best part is you so completely are not that person. In fact you are really a quite amazing person. To illustrate I am bring back the top 10 List format.

Top 10 Reasons You are Amazing

10. You are responsible for our wonderful family. 4 people who love, respect and enjoy each other.
9. You are a lot of fun. There isn't anyone who doesn't enjoy having you around. You are and always have been the life of the party (in the good way).
8. You are a stunning beauty. You still look so young and smile so amazing.
7. The older daughter adores you. She won't ever dread having you around. When you visit her 20 years from now, she will count the days to your arrival like it is Christmas.
6. The younger daughter adores you. She may never actually let you get far enough away to have to wait for a visit.
5. You have an amzing sense of humor. You can make anyone laugh.
4. You are really smart. You can hold an intelligent conversation on just about any topic.
3. Even as you approach 40, you are still really sexy.
2. You know what it really means to be happy. You make certain you are a happy person. I don't think you even realize how important a part of who you are this has become.
1. Your husband adores you. After over 20 years every day just gets better and better with you. I can't wait for the next 50 years to come.

There you have it. Looking at the list and thining of your mother I have come to one conclusion. You must be adopted.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Just Spending Time

I guess you have to be married for as long as we have been to actually say you "enjoyed" a day of running errands. But I did. Saturday was a whirlwind of stopping here and stopping there, but in the end it was just a nice day spent with you. Just you and I. Together. Doing just the little things that people do. But doing them together.

Breakfast at the Pfister was nice, even if the atmosphere wasn't what we wanted. The meal was tasty and you got those pancakes you so love. It was nice to come downstairs and see you were getting dressed because you knew we were going. I am not sure how the previous week got messed up. But we made it this past weekend. Breakfast has become our romantic meal time. Everything we do is different.

Then a few trips here and there. All just things we needed to do. Normal stuff. But doing them together was so nice.

So while this is not the most romantic blog entry ever or even the longest, I thought I would use it to remind you just how much I love spending time with you. There is no one in the world I would rather be with. There is no one's company I'd rather share. No one I'd rather laugh with or goof around with. Even the most minimal things seem like a good time when I do them with you.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

I guess you know why…..

…I am picking now to post this.  But I figured now is as good as any to tell you I love you.  Its Friday night, post pizza, post TV, post……well.

The new David Gray CD came out this week and I am pretty sure you will hear plenty of it over the next few weeks/months.  As with any good David Gray music, there are tons of lines that remind me of you as I listen.

However for now I will share the one I like best…

“If for only a second I see it twinkling in your eye,
I gotta try”

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

Finding My Way Home

I haven't really traveled as much this year as I have the past 3 years. If you have been checking the blog "Days Away from Home" tracker you would see that I am below the pace for days away I set at the beginning of the year. In fact while I used to count on Fridays at home, now I pretty much try to make sure that I am home Monday and Friday. I have had a few weeks where I didn't travel at all. While it isn't really necessary to "recap" my travels with you it does lead into the subject of my blog entry this week.

You know when I call and give you the "working my way back to you" song on the days I am travelling to get home? Well it's because I have truly been doing so. I realized this week that while I am away I spend most of my time "marking" the time until I get back home to you. It is kind of a game I play by myself as I wait to get back to you. In all honesty as soon as you drop me off, I am already thinking about the moment when you pick me back up.

Here are the ways I mark my time away from you.

• I track my TV schedule. It is really apparent to me that nothing good is on TV on Tuesday. I know that because there are no shows that I am watch with you that I am missing that night. So I always know that it is Tuesday and that once it is over I only have Wednesday TV until I get home. Wednesday night TV is something we watch together on the DVR.
  
• Tuesday is also the first meal I spend away from you. Dumb thing to think about I know, but I very much realize that I am eating alone that night.
  
• It is also my first night away from you to sleep. It is always hard to get to sleep. As much as you prefer the bed at home all to yourself, I hate not having you in bed with me. I generally do not get a lot of sleep on Tuesday adjusting to not having you there with me. Once I wake up on Wednesday morning I know I have only 1 more night of not sleeping with you.
  
• Then there is my ritual of packing. Wednesday night I get things ready for the next morning. Suits packed, dirty laundry packed and toiletries ready to be packed. Doing so reminds me that after I sleep, awake and get to work the next morning I will be on my way home to you.
  
• When I wake up on the morning I am coming home I always call you to remind you I am coming home that day. I know you always know that I am (you often make jokes like "really" or "oh crap I need to make my boyfriend leave"), but I am pretty excited by then. It is because I know there only a few items left before I see you again.
  
• I head off to work and muddle my way through my day. At lunch (and I almost always eat early) I know that it is one of the last things I will do before I leave. Whatever meeting I have after lunch is pretty useless because I am essentially clock watching until I pack my laptop up and head out the door.
  
• I always call to tell you I am on my way to the airport. You are hardly ever as excited about it as I am, but you often give me an excite tone of voice on the other end. Probably because you know that another call is coming soon once I get on the plane. But this is one of the final marks I make on my way back home.
  

Finally I am at the airport, get on the plane (delays really suck at this point), make the call and fly home. Once I land I am really excited. Anxious to see you. The phrase "Welcome to Milwaukee" means more to me than anyone else on the plane. They might as well say "welcome home, your wife is waiting for you". I get anxious waiting for the door to open, grab my bags and start pushing my way past the other people on the jet bridge.

Finally I call you and tell you I am at the curb. You pull up and it's over. I am home. Back with you where I belong. You have no idea how much I like having you pick me up at the airport. I hated adding the long drive home to this routine. It was just another step on the way. And since the steps essentially start for me as soon as you drop me off, I like removing one of them. Once I get in the car, I give you a kiss and mark myself as home.

Of course on Monday nights I have to deal with starting all over again, but hopefully that ends sooner rather than later.

So why waste a blog entry on this routine? Because I thought you might like to know that I spend whatever time I am away missing you. Making sure I know exactly what steps are required to get back to you. Hating being away from you. Checking off whatever I do as "one more thing until I get back to you".

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Our First Year

Silly me, I hadn't thought about this in a long time. But with our trip to Chicago and being near where we held our wedding and with it being just you and I for a few days, I started thinking back to when we first got married. What a romantic tale we share. What an amazing turn of events led us to this long life together. How we beat all the odds to get where we are today.

I know I blew all the pre-engagement stuff. I lamented for weeks over asking you. Certain you would say "no". Convinced that after hearing "no" there would be no way I could face you again. From Thanksgiving to Christmas that year I waffled back and forth on whether I was doing the right thing or whether the timing was right. Then I missed my first big chance. Christmas Day. You would remember it forever. He asked me on my favorite holiday. He couldn't afford a real gift so he gave me himself for life. It was perfectly romantic. However, in my mind you were going to say "no" and thus Christmas would be ruined forever. My roommate assured me I was wrong, but I still couldn't build the courage. The day came and went. Finally on New Years I decided to do it again. I would wait until the strike of the new year and ask after we shared a kiss. I almost got that right. Well not really. What I got was a hallway exit from the bathroom and a quick and scared "will you marry me". Figuring if you said "huh" or "no" I could laugh it off as a joke. If you said "yes" it would all be ok. Hardly romantic at the moment, but the month long process was very romantic in retrospect.

Then I blew the giving of the ring. I was so excited. I was so anxious to give you the single biggest and most important purchase of my life. I planned on it being romantic. But I didn't even come close. I have much regret on this one. I totally blew it. No excuses and a lifetime of apologies. Still that tiny ring fit so perfectly on your finger. We were official. Even if it took a microscope to find the diamond.

Then our best laid plans for a big wedding were interrupted by the ad-hoc visit to the justice of the peace. Married and not living together? Unheard of. Married and not able to really tell anyone? Seriously? It was ok, we had the big plans. The "licensing ceremony" allowed you to plan the blessed event. To make it perfect and everything you wanted it to be. We decided not to take the cash. Went with the ceremony. Then suddenly a trip to Nashville and a nosy co-worker and we were exposed. How unlikely and unlucky was that? Our secret marriage made public. Oh well, we could still explain the why and move on to the big moment.

Then we both have such incredibly lame roommates we find ourselves deciding to move in together. In all honesty I am not much of a "I remember details" guy, but I remember that little 550 square foot apartment. The first place I ever lived with you. With my wife. The first days of our real life together. It was incredible. Even if we did have to carry groceries up 1,000 stairs. Or if the dog took up as much room as either of us did. Or if the rats invaded once in while. Who cared. We were together in our first home together. Still planning all the while for the big ceremony.

Next came the Christmas outing at Six Flags. "When are you going to get off your lazy ass and have a baby" I asked. Unknown to either of us a single event intended to simply keep me from running off to school one night already had us there. For Christmas we got the ultimate gift. A baby on the way. It would certainly put a damper on our wedding plans, but I can't imagine either of us have ever been more pleased with ourselves. More scared and excited, more anticipating every moment of the rest of our lives. Sure you got sick, but we were about to go from being a married couple to being a family.

That pretty much sealed the deal on the wedding. Obviously we couldn't have the church ceremony. And I am not sure when we even decided to move forward with the party, but we did. It was a great time for all. But it was minor in comparison to what was happening between us. We were young and starting our family. We were naïve and together. Who cared? We had each other. Holding you in my arms as we danced to our song was a perfect moment in time. I can only wonder what all the eyes upon us were thinking. How the really thought we would turn out. I'll bet we surprised more than half of them (probably mostly on my family side right?).

It has been an incredible journey ever since. One more perfect day than the one before for 20+ years. A lifetime of holding hands, smiling at each other, kissing, amazement of our kids and happiness together. And yet no one ever imagined we would make it this far. No one figured we would make past the bad engagement, justice of the peace, blown proposal, rats, etc. Yet we did.

So when we were looking out over the golf course at the bar talking about the 377 person wedding all I could think was "they could only be so lucky to be us". No matter how perfect their ceremony, the engagement, the ring, the proposal or anything else was. They could only be so lucky to be us 20 years from now.

Thanks for making my life part of such a great story.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Having a Good Day

This may seem like an odd post, but since I was having such a good day and am in such a good mood, I figured this was a good time to do this.

Thank you.

See that is simply my thank you. Life has never looked so good. Our future has never looked so bright. For the first time in a few weeks, I feel like I have caught up and have a few moments to take it all in. yet every time I pause to assess what is going on in our lives I see only ONE thing. I see you.

Why do I see only you? Because without you none of this happens. You are like the center of my universe and no matter what I do it comes back to you. I love that. No one likes to accomplish things alone, they like to do it with and for someone. With you I have that. Someone to be proud of me, someone to be happy with me, someone to share my happiness with and someone to keep me wanting to do more. Do more for us and you.

So with a new lease on our health, a new business on the horizon, a current business doing well, happy children and a ton of love in our lives I feel like I have never been in a better place in life. And all I want to do is share it all with you.

I can't wait to spend a whole weekend with you and only you. It should be big fun.

So I am going to share some lyrics with you. Its yet another David Gray song, but one he has never played live. He plays it only for his wife. Read the lyrics and you will see why. The song is called "Be Mine".

"From the very first moment I saw you
That's when I knew
All the dreams I held in my heart
Had suddenly come true
Knock me over, stone-cold sober
Not a think I could say or do
'Cos baby when I'm walking with you now
My eyes are so wide
Like you reached right into my head
And turned on the light inside
Turning on the light
Inside my mind, hey

Come on baby it's all right
Sunday, Monday, day or night
Written blue on white it's plain to see
Be mine! Be mine!
That rainy, shiny, night or day
What's the difference anyway
Honey till your heart belongs to me?

If I had some influence girl
With the powers that be
I'd have them fire that arrow at you
Like they fired it right at me
Maybe when your heart and soul are burning you might see
That every time I'm talking with you
It's always over too soon?
That everyday feels so incomplete
'Till you walk into the room?
Say the word now girl
I'll jump that moon, hey"

I love you. You're the world to me. But today I am going to change my ending line. I think today only you should know that......

"That everyday feels so incomplete, 'til you walk in the room"

How romantic is that?

Rough NIght

Sorry you had such a rough night. I hung up the phone just now knowing that you were tired, sad and frustrated. And yet here I sit a virtual million miles away from were I should be. Right next to you. Easing your pain, making things right, holding you until you feel back asleep.

Friday better be the best day of our lives. Because I can't let what happened tonight happen again.

I feel like a ghost in your world when things like that happen. Like I let you down. Like I didn't or couldn't do anything to help. You should never have to have that sound in your voice. I should be there to protect you.

I am truly sorry I wasn't. I would have stayed on that phone for hours waiting for you to fall asleep if you would have wanted me to.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Perfect Skin redux

I have honestly never seen anything more beautiful. Ever.

As I gazed through a foggy shower door I saw perfection. I saw something so truly amazing I can't get the picture out of my head. I remember every detail.

Every curve. I honestly don't think I have ever looked at you that way before. You have such an amazing set of curves. It is exactly the type of figure I like best.

That smile. Your sheepish grin knowing the shock I would go through. Knowing how amazed I would be. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to get it out of my head.

Black is my favorite color. For obvious reasons, but now solidified as the color of choice.

The bent knee. The way you stood with your knee slightly bent. Because you KNEW how amazing you looked and how amazed I would be.

Touchable but untouchable. Made it even more amazing. More mysterious. More etched in my head forever.

Those eyes. Smiling themselves. Smoky and sexy. Waiting to see my response. Smiling when they saw my response.

I don't need a real picture. I have one in my head. I won't ever forget that.

How lucky am I? How blessed am I? How jealous must everyone else be?

I'll keep this post short by simply saying.....thank you. There is NOTHING more beautiful in this world.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

My Lame Apology

I just looked at the VERY few posts I had during the month of August. One I am really proud of and 2 that were done either late at night or while I was at home. The good news is that the biggest reason I had so few posts was that I was home at night for all but 5 nights during the entire month. That is a very good thing. That the reason was due to your surgery is probably not such a good thing for you.

It was a rough past 10 days or so.

Your surgery was much rougher on you than either of us anticipated. I remember you had plans of exercising the 3 days after the surgery. Either the doctor was understated the amount of pain you would be in or we way underestimated the same. In either case your discomfort and pain has lasted longer than we thought it would.

Then we ended the week by taking our baby to her second year off at college. I am serious when I say we had just really had her back for a few weeks. It seemed that she became "the little girl we know and love" for only a short time before she left. It was much better than the "crappy obnoxious brat" she was the first month or so she was home.

Now our youngest heads off to her second to last year of high school. A junior? Wow. Where has time gone. While I am proud of her, I can remember how fast time went by for the older daughter at this point. Once she is gone we are on our own. As much as I am going to love being with you and having you all to myself, not having either of them around is going to be hard.

I am very sorry that my care for you was lackluster to say the least. I do try. Seriously. However, I just can't seem to get past times when you aren't really you. It frustrates me to have you feel bad and be able to do nothing about it. Then when aren't getting better and I can't do anything about it, I guess I get mad. First at me for being able to do nothing. Then at you for me not being able to make you feel better. Its a shitty excuse. And I am an ass for being that way. All I can say is that I am sorry.

It was good to see you smiling yesterday. I missed your smile. It was good to hear you laugh yesterday. I missed your laugh. It was nice to snuggle close to you when we fell asleep last night. I missed snuggling like that. Even though you aren't 100% yet, it is good to have you almost back. I missed you.

I'll try to start making it all up to you this weekend. I owe you at least that.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Your Perfect Nose

I am sitting in the recovery room with you right now. You keep switching from a truly peaceful looking sleep to slightly startled from something. I gave you a hug the last time and you fell right back to sleep.

So I thought while I waited with you I would finally get around to this weeks entry.

The topic is simple. I love you. Now I know the whole blog is supposed to be about that. However, today it seems especially necessary to tell you. You look so helpless right now. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a surgery or something major happen to me and not know that I had your love to get me through the ordeal. So I am going to make sure you have my love to get you through.

The nurses, et al, are quite shocked at your ability to sleep. They didn't even really give you that much anesthesia. But maybe you were just that tired and getting some really good sleep is what you need. Maybe if I AM LUCKY - you will need another hug soon. It was nice that it helped you calm down so quickly. Its the "power of love".

Your little nose is going to feel so much better. Now in addition to being the cutest nose ever, it will be the most functional nose ever. We will have to refer to it as the "super nose".

Now will be the time to take care of you. A few days of excessive attention and tender loving care is your reward for enduring the surgery. Some foot rubbing, a bit of ice cream, any meal you want, whatever you want to watch on TV, getting you this or that when you need something and laying next to you on the bed while you recover. That is what you need and that is what you will get.

Your daughters have been in constant contact about your status. They really love you. They don't sound as worried now that you are out of surgery. Me neither. I feel so much better knowing you are here safely next to me. You can't really hold a good hand right now, but it feels good to reach over and grab your hand from time to time. You are cooler than usual to the touch, but still have those amazing soft feeling hands I have loved for so long.

Ok I have to wrap up now, they are coming back in.

I Love you sweetie. I'll be so glad to have you be able to breathe again.



You're the world to me. I Love you more than anything in the world.

Keep it Loose, Keep it tight

It is just after 1AM. These late nights working are going to catch up sooner or later. But the irony is that I really enjoy the stuff I am doing for the new company and even the old one. Wish I enjoyed my job as much as I do the other stuff. Oh well, work is work and you have to do it or you starve right?

Anyway, I was starting to close down computer one when I panicked and thought "oh my god I forgot the blog". It isn't really that I forgot, but that I got busy. Then my Pandora gave me a gift. And since I haven't done the blog entry in the form of some lyrics in quite some time I figured this was a sign.

There is an artist that us "old" people really like these days called Amos Lee. He is very mellow and melodic. Nice guitar, nice lyrics and lots of soul. So as I was panicking about the blog. The song that he sings that reminds me of you came into my headphones. Using it as a sign - you get this entry.

The song is called "Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight". I know from history that you won't go look it up or listen to it, so no pressure there. But the lyrics are quite pretty and I thought I would share them with you and pick out the parts I think of you most on. I did confirm it is on Napster and it would mean a lot to me if you listened to it - I'm just saying.

"Well I walked over the bridge
Into the city where I live and I saw my old landlord
Well we both said hello
There was no where else to go
Cause his rent I couldn’t afford

Well relationships change
Though I think it’s kind of strange how money makes a man grow
Ah, some people they claim if you get enough fame
You live over the rainbow
Over the rainbow

But the people on the street,
Out on buses or on feet
We all got the same blood flow

Oh in society every dollar got a deed
We all need a place that we can go and feel over the rainbow

Some times we forget what we got
And who we are and who we are not
I think we got a chance to make it right
Keep it loose
Keep it tight
Keep it tight

I’m in love with a girl who’s in love with the world
Though I can’t help but follow
Though I know someday she is bound to go away and stay over the rainbow
Got to learn how to let her go
Over the rainbow

But sometimes we forget who we got
Who they are and who they are not

There is so much more in love than black and white
Keep it loose child
You gotta keep tight
Keep it loose child
Keep it tight
Keep it tight"

Now i know it isn't one of those message songs. But the way he sings the "over the rainbow" part just sounds so romantic. So "in love". Every time I hear I think of you. Seriously, it is a compelling thought of you. I gave thought to the "Wizard of Oz" reference and that you like that movie so much, but really it is just the sound of his voice. "I'm in love with a girl who's in love with the world"....I like that too. Because again he sings it so cool. So much like he means it so deeply.

But there is a part that not only fits us, but is relevant to some recent conversation we have had recently. "But sometimes we forget who we got, Who they are and who they are not, There is so much more in love than black and white" I don't think we ever forget. We know exactly what we have got. What it means and how important it is to both of us. Nephews, sisters and friends should all pay close attention to those lines. A reminder that this isn't the "I and me" in the relationship, but the "we and us".

They'll probably never get it though. I am glad we do.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A Beautiful Future

I have seen the future my love. It wasn't necessarily our future but it certainly could have been what our future might be going to hold. It was truly romantic.

I was at the airport today and while I waited for my flight there was an elderly couple waiting to go to Omaha. They were probably late 70's or early 80's. They were already smaller than they likely were 30 years ago. They were dressed in old people clothes. She was complete with a woolen sweater and "slacks", but certainly sporting her fashionable shoes. Her hair was a bit messy, but she clearly had tried to make it look as pretty as possible. He was clean cut with his likely weekly barber shop haircut. He obviously has no idea just where to adjust his belt as he assumed his waist was just below his chest. He had on a sweatshirt (UW-Madison!) and white socks. There was nothing funny about their appearance. They obviously had seen better fashion days.

However, it was how they interacted that struck me. "Edward" (as we will name him) NEVER stopped touching "Emily" (her assigned name). The only real separation they had took place when he went to get her a coffee. While they sat together they held hands. Not just for a second here or there, but the whole time they sat together. They took "glances" at each other. Not to see what the other was doing, but to make sure that the other was there and more importantly to make sure the other knew they were looking at them. They were truly romantic. Even from my spot two rows away I couldn't help but watch them. I even moved closer to them to observe from a better vantage point.

"Edward" got up to go after coffee for "Emily". She honestly looked anxious for the 5 minutes he was away. When he left he asked her twice if she "cared for something to eat". The second time he asked her, she asked "what do they have?" Edward responded with a disappointed "I don't know honey, but I think I know what you like". Then off he went. When he returned he not only tested her coffee to make sure it wasn't too hot, but he took copious effort to tear her muffin into perfectly sized edible pieces for her. She smiled every time her handed her a part of the muffin. I almost cried when more than halfway through it she told him that "blueberry was her favorite muffin". As though he didn't know that already, but she was pleased that he found her favorite. She had eaten 3/4ths of it before she even noticed.

She was not without her care for him. She straightened his collar at least 10 times and even did the "spit comb" thing for him once. She seemed so proud that her handsome man was with her. She watched his every move. The she reached into the vacant seat next to them and found a deserted newspaper. "The Brewers won honey" she said as she handed him the paper. She seemed happy for him that they won. Then she straightened the paper and turned it to the Brewers section before she handed it to him.

When the couple boarded the plane they did so hand in hand. The whole way down the jet bridge. Luckily they had only her small purse to carry. "Edward" let "Emily" board the plane first. I passed by them on my way to row 10 (they were in row 2). They were sitting, settled and holding hands. It was truly a nice thing to see.

I lost them when we landed in Omaha somehow because I was on the phone. I am certain they traversed the terminal hand in hand and he carried her bags for her. I didn't see that part, but I envision that is what happened.

So I don't know what their lives were like for however long they have been together. But I saw how much in love they appeared at their advanced age. "Edward" truly loved "Emily" and they both truly cared for each other. This is how I see us in 40 years. Hand in hand taking care of each other. Making sure that every day the other knows how much we love each other and making sure the things in life we enjoy are taken care of by the other.

We have so much to look forward to my love. Someday I hope some young, in love traveller sees us in the airport and types a "I can't wait for that to be us" blog entry to the person he loves most. The amazing love we have for each other is our greatest gift. Maybe someone will be equally and randomly impressed by us as well.

So do you want to get old with me? I'll get old with you any time.

You're the world to me. I Love you more than anything in the world.

A Rare Intimacy

There was no blog update last week. I know I have said it before, but the idea is for me to send you something while I am away from you. When I am with you it just seems odd to update the blog. That's a good new bad news thing I guess. Good news because we are together and bad news because you don't get as many regular updates. The worse new is that I have had a pretty good update planned for a week or so. Being away gives me the chance to do it without infringing on our time together. I guess it is one of the very small benefits of being apart (although I hate being apart).

This topic shocks me that it has never been mentioned. It is one of the things we have done together for more than 20 years. I am not even sure how it started. That it even started seems kind of odd because I can't really even imagine how the first time came about. It remains the one thing I am pretty certain that NO OTHER COUPLE EVER HAS DONE TOGETHER. It is a truly intimate act between us.

First lets define intimate. According to Websters (not the short kid from the TV show)...

intimate1  /ˈɪntəmɪt/
–adjective
1. associated in close personal relations: an intimate friend
2. characterized by or involving warm friendship or a personally close or familiar association or feeling: an intimate greeting.
3. very private; closely personal: one's intimate affairs
4. characterized by or suggesting privacy or intimacy; warmly cozy: an intimate little café.
5. arising from close personal connection or familiar experience
6. engaged in or characterized by sexual relations.

This particular act is intimate by many of those definitions, but it isn't the traditional sex one. Have you guessed what act I am talking about? Think hard.....here it is....

How many wives pop their husbands knuckles for them? And how did you start doing that? It seems so odd that I cannot remember that first time. Can you?

I figure it must have been an odd feeling for you the first time. There is that feeling that you may actually be hurting me. Yet you never have. I know I did it all the time to my self, I always have, but having you do it as well is just kind of cool. How close does a couple have to be to have the wife spend so much time popping her husbands knuckles. It is like our unsung act of true intimacy. It is the one thing that is probably shared only between you and I and no other couple. I guess it is high time we recognize it for the loving act that it truly has become.

I know that at this point I always prefer you to pop them for me. I get especially excited when you get all 8 fingers to pop. I smile at your frustration when you get all but one and laugh when you get mad because I just did it to myself (I swear I do it without thinking - one of those frontal cortex acts that we do without thought). How many times have I held my fingers out and waited for you to pop my knuckles? Ten's of thousands I bet.

So while we have many other intimate moments (popping knuckles doesn't out rank our kissing skills), this one is truly just ours. Maybe you can share with me what you were thinking the first time. I bet it is a good story. In any event is truly an act of love between us.

I'll be home soon. You can pop my knuckles in the car on the way home!

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Home is where...you are

Sorry that yesterday's blog entry was sub-par. I'll do better today in this *bonus* post. Although it will be a shot post.

This week has been hard. I really have missed you since you dropped at the curb on Monday. It was even had to hug you goodbye knowing that I was leaving you after so long together. By Monday night I was really feeling bad knowing that I wouldn't lay down next to you in bed. I can't wait for tomorrow when I get to come home and see you.

It will be nice to be home together for the weekend. Normal activity around the house. I really think I like the being home part of life more than anything. Vacation is nice - and we did some fun stuff - but coming home and being home is really an underrated time in people's lives. Simply knowing that all of your own creature comforts are at your disposal is something I think people take for granted.

Of course it really helps that you have provided us such a nice home. It has so much of "us" all throughout. Pictures here. Perfect decor there. So clean all the time. So in order. Everything in its proper place. It is really a thing of beauty. Thanks for making our house such a great home.

The best thing about home is that you are there with the girls. All those jokes and poking fun. All the laughing. The silly arguments. The silly games you play with them. They light the place up. It makes being home the place to be. While I think that saying goes "home is wherever you lay your head", I think home is wherever you feel the most comfortable. I feel comfortable in our house with you.

So thanks for giving me a home. Thanks for giving me a place I feel safe and loved. I can't wait to get back.

You're the world to me. I Love you more than anything in the world.

Scattershooting

There used to be this guy named Blackie Sherrod who wrote for the Dallas Times Herald a long time ago. He had this column he called "scattershooting". It was essentially a really long series of random thoughts that more often than not were not connected in any way shape or form. I think I "scattershoot" in my head quite a bit. So I am offering you my first "scattershooting" blog entry.

Here goes.

I watched the All-Star game tonight and realized that while the game is a annual event for me, my most special memory is the one where you made me all the "ballgame food" and had it waiting for me when I came home. It was one of the most thoughtful gestures I have ever experienced.....Hilton Head was really pretty, but the best part was being with you....You will find this amusing but I was really spending most of the 11AM hour this past Monday wondering how you were doing with "Mean-chelle" and hoping you had actually remembered your t-shirt. You are so funny.....Maybe our friends are envious of you because you are so easy to be envious of to begin with, seriously who can compete with just you being you.....Have you considered that our oldest daughter actually caught a freaking shark! Afraid of birds and catches sharks, go figure.....Watching Harper's Island on the couch with you Sunday night was a perfect ending to the week, just "time" spent together.....The younger daughter is really an amazing kid. Maybe because she is so much like you. Think about that for a second....I counted at least 10 times last week where I caught myself looking at your grayish eye color. It appears that the climate in Hilton Head brought that color out more than usual. It is one of the best of your ever changing eye colors......The gift giving on Friday night was a touching moment. It does make me wonder if our girls realize how lucky they are to have what they have.....You look really "comfy" in your new grey sweats. "Comfy" is one of your best looks. It gives you a certain sexiness.....I appreciated that you continued to wear the nightgowns even while we were away from home. I know i have told you how much I like them.....Your new underwear is way better than the old ones. I'm just saying.......Have I mentioned how excited I am about this new business thingy?.....Best day of vacation was the kayaking event. We really showed what a cool family we have that day.....While we were playing games I realized how "lovable" our older daughter can really be. She is so charming.....Speaking of games, our family is really a bright set of people. Some of the clues you gave were way creative and indicative of how smart you really are.....Did I mentioned how much I hate our current president?.....At this moment I really miss you. 10 days with you makes even 1 day without you very very difficult.....Your tired voice on the phone at night is very sweet sometimes. It makes me feel like we went to bed together.....240 beers - ugh.....We need to go on a date. Dinner and a movie. Nice dinner. Long drive. Something.....I felt guilty emptying a full 1/2 gallon of our organic milk in Hilton Head. Poor healthy cow.....I can't even tell anyone the funniest story from vacation. Things in the White House. Letter "J". Too funny....FYI - Cheddars wasn't as good as I remembered.....I Love you (should have had at least 3 of those by now).....I Love you (catching up).....Hey we are clearly not "mini-van" people. Way too cool for that by now.....Very flattering to have those country bumpkins not think we were old enough to have kids 16 and almost 19.....Secretly I know you missed the dog.....I Love You (ok I think I caught up).....Palmento, Koolzie, Luminous - you are laughing aren't you?.....The look on your face when you realized you didn't gain 10 pounds on vacation - and actually lost weight - was very pretty. When you are proud of yourself you really shine brightly.....Sorry about the whole couch thing. I found a HUGE way to get back at them. I will tell you tomorrow....I can't wait to get home.

Ok there it is - random "scattershooting". I promise not to do it too much. It isn't very personal and is hard to read. It did however let me say a few quick things I figure you would want to hear.

You're the world to me. I Love You more than anything in the world.

Tonight I am a Doctor - Take My Medical Advice

We are well over 100 blog entries and I have officially realized I have no actual medical facts represented in almost 2 years. So I searched long and hard and I found out that we are in fact very healthy. We do the one thing that can directly attribute itself to reduced stress and better health.

What is that thing we do you ask? Holding hands. Yup - medically speaking it is good for you. Very good for you. But it isn't just holding hands with anyone - nope not even close. It is spouses holding hands that holds such power. Now you may be asking yourself - where doe she find time to make up this crazy stuff? Is he just trying to get me to hold his hand as away to start some kind of weird foreplay? Has he washed those hands? Well I didn't make it up. It is the start of foreplay. And yes washed them 7 times today.

It is a tested medical fact. Here is what the "scientists" did to prove how importance holding hands actually was to healthy lifestyles.

First the hooked wives up to electrodes (nothing kinky it is science after all). Then they showed them a screen with a warning about a small shock they were about to receive or to trick them by telling them no shock was coming. On their own the ladies became very stressed at anticipating the pending shock. But while holding their husbands hands they were far less stressed. The husbands simple act of hand holding calmed them significantly.

Just to be sure the did the same test with the wives holding random strangers hands. I imagine they didn't get Bradley Cooper to hold their hands, but I am certain they were some re-assuring strapping handsome fellows intended to give the wives some of the same effects as the doting, loving husbands who have given their lives to protecting these fine ladies. Guess what? The strangers - no matter how handsome - didn't give the wives the same calming effect. Why? Because holding the RIGHT hand is the key. It has to be a loving hand (and no jokes about how you could "love" Bradley Cooper).

I do have to add that "happy" couples performed better than "less than happy" couples. But this is actual science, so all avenues had to be explored. To prove I didn't make this up in some lame attempt to get you to hold my hand more often I have provide the link for you to read. It came from WebMD - the most reputable source in medicine on the net. ( read article here)

So as we head off to vacation and to alleviate stress in the interest of better health (stress leads to overeating and lack of exercise) we should do the following:

• Hold hands in the car on the way to Savannah
• Hold Hands on the beach
• Hold hands at the pool
  
• Hold hands under the table at dinner
  
• Hold hands as we walk somewhere (well everywhere)
  
• Holds hands while we kiss (this one with the "two handed" hand hold)
  

So there you have it. Medical facts and a plan for better health. Who knew it could be so easy.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The Superman Update

It has been sometime since we heard from Superman. He is still there. He still rules my thoughts. He still helps me decide. He still helps me act. He never goes away.

Superman got smarter over the past few months. He seems to have figured out a “secret formula” that makes him even stronger. He can manipulate time.

Honestly, Superman wants to master time travel, but apparently it isn't possible (although I saw some guy on TV this week who claims to seriously have mastered it). He would take you back in time and “fix” a few moments for you. He might make your marriage proposal just a bit more special. He might have removed the phrase “nothing in common” from the past 20 years. He may even have stopped someone from a miserable Badger game experience. He might help us render this “when our daughter should have started her schooling” dilemma. He might even have stopped us from making a few of our “lessor” financial decisions. However, he is finding that the need to travel back in time isn't so important. In fact now if he did he would simply travel back in time to enjoy some of the great moments of the past 21 years. What he focuses on now is manipulating time.

Superman often finds himself overwhelmed by a lack of time. Too much to do. Too much going on. Too many aspirations and not enough time to make them all happen. He deals with it everyday. Somehow he manages it. He gets what needs to get done completed and despite constant whining about his lack of time he gets things finished. Maybe that is why he is Superman after all.

However, he has found that there is certain kind of time he requires the most. Time with you. Time just spent “being with you”. It makes all other time manageable. With it he can manipulate the cost of time. He can manage the lack of time. It makes all other time seem reasonable.

So what does time with you mean? Is it hours a day? Is it minutes? Seconds? Nope. It is just time. Time spent holding hands. Time spent hugging. Time back to back at different computers doing different things. Time in the car. Time on the couch. Time just knowing you are there. There is no better time.

With that kind of “you” time all other time seems less important. Less stressful. Superman still has moments where his lack of time causes him to stare off into nowhere, but the suddenly the “you time” makes it all OK. All manageable. With you time Superman can manipulate his expectations and efforts on the “other time” so long as he knows there is plenty of “you time” coming soon.

So why is all of this important? Why should you care?

The primary reason is to remind you that I need my “you time”. That time with you is what makes me happy. It makes me strong. It makes me Superman. I can assure you that I value my time with you. Every second, no matter how small. That without it I wouldn't be who I am. I wouldn't be Superman. I'd be just some regular guy.

I figure at this point you probably need some examples. So this past weekend (which was WAY too short I might add) I took some notes. I had a big time constraint with our business and my new business on the horizon. It was causing me great stress. But with my new found power I used “you time” to make things all better.

What were the “you time” examples?

• 15 minutes playing Rock Band with you and the girls
• A prolonged discussion on the way to the dry cleaners about being a father

• A trip to Best Buy

• Watching Harper's Island together

• Walking into Sendik's and discussing the potential movie quotes from “The Hangover”

• A conversation about the “adulthood” of our oldest daughter and how hard it must be for her to grapple with becoming and adult (and how hard it is for us I might add)

• Listening to you and the home re-modeler discuss the new rooms – you always sound so confident

• Your smile when you walked in the house after exercising on Friday – I came down very stressed saw that smile and suddenly it went away

• The moment you came back into the hair salon and resolved my angst over you being “missing”

• Moving furniture around and watching your mind work on how you needed everything to be placed just perfectly

• Watching how proud of yourself you were when we finished with the furniture

So there you have it. My “you time” is what gives brings Superman to life. Gives him powers to manage all the other time. I love time with you.

I hope this all made sense to you. I just re-read it and it seems somewhat confusing. But I promise you that the entire concept is very important to me. It is exactly why I look forward to the next 50 years with you. We will have lots of “time” together. Some “time” will make big memories and some “time” will just make small memories. But the “time” itself will bring us life.

It gets harder and harder to leave you when I have to go away.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Censored: Its about "SEX"

It happens more often than you think sweetie. Those moments where I catch that glimpse of you and it is all I can do to keep my hands off you. Sometimes its the eyes, sometimes the curves, sometimes the smile, sometimes the way you move....it is always something. So this blog entry is essentially not for the young children to read, because it is some thoughts about how sexy you are to me.

I guess I am pretty lucky. After 21 years together (recently celebrated first date) I still get incredibly jazzed thinking of you. There are so many little things I am appreciative of in this area. So without getting graphic I figured I would share them with you.

First there is your sex appeal. You know you have it. I especially like that part. I like even more when you choose to use it. You could pretty get me anytime you turn on the sex appeal. Smiling just right, moving just right, kissing me just right. You know all the triggers and suddenly I am jello with desire. If you ever can use your "control" this is the one area. I mean seriously how many things have we purchased on the "you can have sex any time you want line"? I still fall for it, because frankly the thought of having it is often worth whatever I am deciding to trade for it.

Lets talk about the kissing. Wow. It took about 5 hours into our first date for me to figure this one out. One kiss and I was done. You seem to have this amazing softness with your kiss. A sweet taste in your kiss. I never feel closer to you than when we kiss. If you really don't do a good job of openly showing your emotion, you should know that you can't hide it when you kiss me. In the history of kissing couples, we rank number one. I have officially confirmed this with a number of academic sources - each agrees with me. It's official. I don't say "I Love the kissing" for nothing honey, I LOVE the kissing.

Without getting graphic, we should talk quickly about the sex. In 20+ years we have certainly completely figured each other out. We know each other so well. Yet you have always found ways to make it better. I know you do that for me. To make me happy. It makes it even better. It turns out that many couples lose this after 20 years. Some turn to gross kinky stuff, some turn to affairs. Yet we have not done either. We keep making something good better and yet still keep it within limits of true love. another perfect aspect of our relationship.

So I guess I may not have made my point. I don't know. But you have to know how amazed I am by you and how sexy I find you. It goes way deeper than just physical, so much is just what we have between us. It remains an important part of us and I truly love that.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The "Little Things"

The little things truly make the difference in life. I realized that over the past two plus weeks that I was home. There were so many little things that reminded me how much I love you and want to always be with you. So many things that normally get taken for granted that really make life worth living and make our lives together so special. So I figured I would list them in hopes that either you noticed them too or we will both be more aware of things like this in the future.


The first is a "Category" of little things of sorts. They all fit in to the whole going to bed and waking up area. I LOVE the nightgowns. You simply have no idea how much I love them. They make you look so pretty and sexy. Plus they give you such a "soft" appearance and I just love that look. I also love the goodnight kiss part and the long snuggle that takes place right before we both adjust to our "sleeping positions". I love your routine with the TV. Volume to 10, sleep timer one and remote in regular position so you know just where it is when you wake up int he morning. Finally, I love the waking up in your arms. It is the only way to start the day.

I'll keep with the whole category theme and switch to the couch time watching TV. The new couch has given us a whole new dynamic because it allows far grater snuggling and being near each other. It makes a whole different set of noises that I have to work hard to avoid while you sleep so pretty while I am watching sportscenter (ok I am really not) and don't want you to wake up. It gives me a whole new position to rub your feet in and is much more comfortable to perform foot rubbing on. I loved watching 7 episodes of "Harper's Island" with you even though we hadn't planned to do so at that time. It is the perfect spending time location. And last but not least - I just loved seeing our oldest baby curled up in your arms.

The next category is the study/office. You have no idea how I enjoy having you there while I work. Even if you are watching dumb TV and making fun of my phone conversations. To be able to spend 8 hours with you and get paid for it it the perfect scenario. Your superior computer is fun too. You make such funny jokes about its superiority. And the music you play - while annoying - makes me laugh.

Dinner time is a whole different category. No I don't say much at dinner, but I love watching you and the girls go about this circular conversations you have about completely random topics. Our daughters are remarkably consistent in their dinner roles and you do such a fun job of conversation starting. The recurring dinner themes (friends, family, poop, the dog and periods) will be remember almost as readily as the stories and jokes themselves. I do admit that the chairs are still way uncomfortable for me, that probably will never change.

The shower joke always makes me laugh. "When are you going to take a shower?" Um, I don't know I have been waiting for the signal for an hour. This little process has grown on me over the years. It has moved from a pain in the neck to amusing and expected.

So over the past two weeks I got to be reminded of the cool little things that make us so happy, so a good family and so in love. I miss them already and it has only be 48 hours since I left.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Please Turn Red....

And so one of my new favorite songs goes....

"I could drive
This road with my eyes closed
Know every part home
The three miles
My place to yours"

I could have you know. Straight down Euless Main St., turn right on Trinity Blvd, left on 157/Collins and then at the 2nd light there you were. Probably the biggest risk was "would my car start" or "did I have gas money". But I always knew it wouldn't have been that bad of a walk had I been forced to do so. And had I been forced to do so I would have just to get to you.

"I used to fly
And be at your door in a matter of seconds
You'd be outside waiting by the road"

Maybe you wouldn't be waiting by the road. But I knew you were anxiously waiting for me. Like we were so dying to see each other even though we had probably been on the phone or only apart for a few hours. If you called and said you were home, I wasted no time in getting there. Being with you was all that mattered. Being together was the only important thing.

"And we wouldn't mind getting lost
And at every light where the roads will cross
Thinking in our heads"

And once we did get lost. In all the years since then I have been so frustrated when I was lost, but not this time. This time seemed so romantic. So memorable. Like all that mattered was that we were together. No matter where we were (or weren't) we were together. Hand in hand as we drove. I know now after all these years that you weren't ever lost, you had to know where we were even then.

"Please turn red
Another light is another minute
Another kiss that you knew I meant
Please turn red

Grant me just another second
One more chance to gaze into those innocent eyes
Just another red light"

Have you ever thought what amazing car romance we have had. The holding hands. The rubbing of the neck. The kisses, the holding each other's arm. The light touch of your fingers on my forearm. And yes kisses at stop lights. I love to pull your head onto my shoulder while I drive, just enough to make it "hug-like". I long for a good red light.

There are a few more verses to the song. Some about bad times and good. Each finishing with the "please turn red" chorus. It so reminds me of us. It is very romantic.

However, it reminds me that after all these years so much is still true about us. All we want is to be together. We wait for moments we spend together. No time away is good time. We always want the other one around. That has not changed since I took that drive down Euless Main St to Trinity to 157/Collins. I think that is so nice. So amazing.

And the car romance continues to this day. We still hold hands. Still kiss at stop signs/lights. A trip to Madison or Chicago isn't a task, it is an opportunity for a "car date". Some quiet time together where we can listen to the songs on the radio and have some romance. It is one of those very cool "us" times no one else understands.

Wanna go for a drive?

You're the world to me. I love more than anything in the world.

The 100th Entry

On October 21, 2007 I launched this blog for you. My first post was a birthday gift to you. I had actually started posting almost a month prior to that so that you would have a few entries to read on your birthday. I really can't write songs. I wish I could. It would be cool to sing to you like Adam Duritz a song I had written just for you, but it just isn't my thing. So because of that I started this blog. This entry marks the 100th time I have updated the blog in the past 19 months.

I figured I would share so of my favorite moments from this blog as a reminder to you of how much I truly love you. The idea is that you will read a few of the items I list and then go and re-read the post (and find it) that it references.

1) The very first post was the post I revealed to you that in the morning you smell like pancakes. I find it quite interesting that pancakes have become an important part of our relationship.

2) The post on the "couch" seems even more appropriate now that we have the couch the size of a small country in our family room.

3) I have made reference to almost 60 songs over the past 19 months. Do you remember the first song I wrote about? (answer below)

4) Without us ever really knowing it we were reciting "the airplane text" as a ritual. Once I put it in this blog we both realized how safe it made us feel.

5) The Superman Theme is referred to no fewer than 6 times. It is still something I think I don't really understand. And while I think it is a bad thing at times, it is a terrific thing at other times.

6) The "Pictures of You" post on December 11th is one of my favorites.

7) 14 posts in 2007, 47 in 2008 and 39 in 2009 so far.

8) I actually have a post that refers to an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

9) We had a really good weekend on the first weekend in February of 2008. One word "Gwen".

10) Before the "anniversary poem" I tried and failed at different forms of poems at least 3 times.

11) The younger daughter's video for her sister's graduation was apparently an emotional roller coaster for all us for about 2 months.

12) I wrote a post about being "normal" and I am certain I set a record for typos.

13) Our oldest daughter had hr "dreams" come true when she was accepted to her school of choice. Re-reading the post I made about it makes me even more upset at how she changed while she was away. Get our little girl back this summer.

14) You really do have "perfect skin".

15) The graduations ceremony was a true work of art.

16) You have MANY kinds of pretty.

17) You are the reason I like the Counting Crows so much.

18) Thumb Wrestling and advice to a nephew.

19) I finally gave you some wedding vows.

20) We have played our share of "games" in the past 20 years.

21) I am doing pretty decently on my New Years resolution.

22) The "signature" was a long time in it's development and them you helped make it even better.

23) I pulled off the anniversary poem. It actually worked better than I imagined.

24) Valentines Cards are overrated.

25) There are a dozen references to your eyes and even a song all about them.

So there it is a comprehensive review of the FIRST 100 posts. I guess this blog has turned out to be a good thing. A way to share and tell you how I feel. A way to communicate and have you understand what I feel. A way to make you laugh and remind of good times. There is so much more I would like to say.....I will eventually get it all in this blog. Oh yeah and the answer to the first song question was "Dogs" by Damien Rice.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

My Senses

The next update to this blog will be number 100. I have been waiting for that day to come so I can resurrect some nifty "Top 10" List entries. But not today. Today we focus on you. Lots of you. I really want to spend a whole blog talking about just how beautiful you are. How beautiful you always have been. How certain I am that you will be beautiful forever.

Definition of "Beautiful" according to dictionary.com:

beau·ti·ful (byt-fl)

adj.

1. Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight.

2. Excellent; wonderful.

Seems fitting doesn't it. You certain have qualities that delight my senses. I'd have to go beyond just the sense of sight. I can certainly see your beauty. But there are so many other ways I "sense" it.

I love the way you smell. There is something so sweet about it. In the morning like pancakes. By the afternoon that sweet smell gets more subtle, but ever more enticing. By the time we go to bed your sweet smell makes me feel so safe and warm. With my eyes closed and a million people in a room, I could find you just based on your amazing smell.

I love the sound of your voice. I know you hate it. But nothing makes me happier than hearing your beautiful voice on the other end of the phone after a long day. Or when I need a smile. So rarely do you sound "down". Always "kind of happy, kind of silly..." well you know the rest. It always puts me in a good mood.

I love the sounds you make. Your snore (albeit a rare occurrence) is actually cute. You takes these really safe and content sounding "deep breaths" when you sleep. You laugh so subtly and with such true enjoyment. When you are truly happy and content you very often let out a "mmmmmm" sound - often when we hug. I love that, it makes the hug even better.

I love the way you taste. Nothing is better than your soft sweet kisses. Lip gloss (or whatever the girls call it these days) or not you give sweet tasting kiss. Your skin doesn't have that salty taste, but rather a "soft" taste. It may sound odd to talk about how you taste, but it is one of the senses you arouse in me.

I love the way you feel to the touch. You are the epitome of soft and feminine to touch. Your skin is so smooth and soft. Your feel warm (except your hands sometimes are pretty chilly!) all the time. You fit perfectly in our hugs. I also like the touch of your finger tips on me anywhere you put them. Do you remember when you would simply lightly run your fingers on my forearm? It felt so good. Of how you lightly touch the back of my neck with your fingertips while I drive? I love that.

So it finally comes back to the last sense delighted by your beauty - the way you look. I cannot express to you just how amazed I am every time I look at you. Your smile dazzles me. Your eyes astound me. Your curves arouse me. Your hair is perfect. I love every square inch of you and how beautiful you look. You are truly the most attractive person I know. You are my super model. My princess. My love.

So there you have it. Your beauty in a nutshell. If beauty delights the senses (see the definition again so that doesn't sound weird) then you delight all five of mine. Your are beautiful. Plain and simple.


You're the world to me. I Love you more than anything in the world.

Rambling Rambling Rambling

It was a pretty exciting day today for our little business. I usually don't put these kind of references in the blog, but I thought you might appreciate this small tidbit of information. This morning on the plane I read my horoscope (which I rarely read) and it said "You financial situation will get a big change today". How funny is that?

So with all of that you had me pretty busy today. You are a tough boss, but the "side" benefits are really nice aren't they? It is like a on-going bonus plan.

In looking back at the blog I found the entry where I told you to go and buy a new couch. The one where I finally decided that we should go ahead and get one to make some "new" memories. Well we finally got that new couch. It must be magic because it can make you fall sound asleep at virtually any time of the day. But I sure like the new memories it is bringing. It is pretty cool to have a couch that allows us the space to both stretch out and enjoy whatever we are doing.

This past weekend was nice. It was so nice to get back to "us" and not be arguing. We really have so much more to lose than a regular married couple when things aren't going well. I guess that has its good and bad. Good that what we have is so special and bad because when things don't go well it is so noticeable.

Ok I realized that this is really just a rambling blog entry. It is really late (I just finished working because my "boss" told me I had to!). I am going to make another post tomorrow night when I won't be so distracted. It was kind of fun to ramble to you like you were sitting right next to me or something.

More tomorrow - better tomorrow. I promise. Good night.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. No better day was every created for you. I think that when you look back on your life that being a mother - and more importantly the kind of mother you are - will be your proudest memory. The kind of mother you are is so special. It is the one thing you can never lose, never regret and always be certain is the right way. Our children have not only learned to be the people they are from you, but hopefully have learned to be the kind of mothers they will be from you.

I too have learned from you. I have learned what really unconditional love can mean. I have learned what it means to completely put someone else before myself. I watch you do it with them all the time. It isn't always easy. It does necessarily come naturally. But you seem to do it with them so effortlessly.

You are a perfect mother. The kind that will leave such lasting memories for your children, your husband and every one who you come across in life.

The other night I was searching for some kind of verse on what motherhood really means. I found a poem by Edgar Alan Poe of all people on Mother's Day. While I know it isn't my text I am sharing, it really seems appropriate for you. I hope you enjoy it.

"Because I feel that, in the Heavens above,
The angels, whispering to one another,
Can find, among their burning terms of love,
None so devotional as that of “Mother,”

Therefore by that dear name I long have called you—
You who are more than mother unto me,
And fill my heart of hearts, where Death installed you,
In setting my Virginia’s spirit free.

My mother—my own mother, who died early,
Was but the mother of myself; but you
Are mother to the one I loved so dearly,
And thus are dearer than the mother I knew

By that infinity with which my wife
Was dearer to my soul than its soul-life. "

While it may bother you that I incorrectly say "mommy" all the time. You are the mother that I think of when I think of the word mother. The three of us (me and the girls) are blessed that you are the mother in our family.

You're the world to me. I Love you more than anything in the world.