Merry Christmas Baby!

December 25, 2011

(This is our 24^th Christmas Together!)

t. –

Merry Christmas my love. I can’t believe that this year went by so quickly. It seems like only yesterday we were preparing for Meg’s graduation. I can’t imagine a year in our near quarter of a century together where so much has changed. We became empty nester’s, we moved to a whole new city and we did all we could to manage the overwhelming amount of disruption to our lives. Most important, like always we did it all together. No matter how stressful things got, no matter how sad we were at times, no matter how excited we got over this or that – we did it together.

This holiday season has just seemed out of sorts the entire time. No chatty girls around all the time, no house to decorate, limited space, limited resources, etc. Yet somehow I know that when we wake up on December 26^th, it will be a memorable and fantastic Christmas that we will remember as fondly as we have the past 23 Christmases. It will be a Christmas of transition to a new way of managing our family. One we didn’t quite prepare for the right way, but in the end you will have made it amazing.

So with that in mind, I figured I would tell you what Christmas will be like for the next near quarter of a century. I did Christmas past, present and future a few years ago in this letter, but this year I am going to give you a “glimpse” of what Grandma Tracy Christmases will be like for years to come.

First of all, I will get you that “stop the car Uncle Frank” house just as soon as I possibly can. It is where you were born to be during this holiday season. How could I have missed that all these years? I mean I married a girl who did basement Christmas concerts in JULY when she was kid. Who better to have a house literally designed to be decorated for the holidays. So read the rest of this letter with that picture in your mind. A house with ceilings tall enough to put up 12 foot trees. Mantles galore adorned with stockings for our girls, their spouses and all of the grandkids. A staircase lined with whatever seasonal decoration meets your fancy that year. Fireplaces in every room imaginable each with crackling logs for warmth and that seasonal smell. I promise you it will be yours.

The Christmas holiday will need more than one day for certain. A single day won’t do for all of the traditions we will need to honor. The girls and their families (ok I cried at just typing that) will arrive a few days early. The first day you will leave me at home with husbands and grandkids while you and the girls go have lunch together. You will spend hours catching up (you know on all the stuff that happened on their flight/drive in – since you talked to them at length the day before anyway) while you are reminded how proud you are of them. How happy their lives turned out as perfectly as you had hoped. How happy they are and how loved and respected they are by their husbands and kids. Meanwhile, I will be pulling out the hundreds of toys you have picked up over the years to entertain the grandkids on visits and playing on the floor in a room somewhere. The girls husbands will be watching TV and catching up on their latest business endeavors and sports. It won’t be much catching up though, because the girls are still so close that their husbands are likely good friends anyway. But they get a chance to relax and I get to PLAY!

We will all go out for dinner somewhere nice. Then come home and it is your turn to revel in your grandkids. They can’t get enough of being with you. They want to tell you everything. Who their friends are, what they do at school, what their favorite color is, what their dog (well Sadie anyway) did that was funny, how soccer is going, how ballet was – you name it. Most of it isn’t that big of news to you, since you likely were at most of those events anyway. But hearing their excitement is the only gift you need. You put them all to bed very late, because they simply had so much to tell you – and you simply had to hear it all.

The next morning everyone goes last minute shopping. You help the grandkids buy “mommy and daddy” gifts, you help them wrap them, and get the under one of the many trees. Then you all start baking some cookies. Likely the candy canes that Megan loves so much or some new recipe our now very experienced baker Meg has concocted. You know the one her and her kids saved “just for grandma”. Kendall, meanwhile, helps with dinner. She brings a new specialty to you as well. One her and her kids make all the time that they are dying to share with grandma as well. We finish the night with a cinema-fest of your favorite Christmas movies. All of us crammed on to the couches, floors and chairs as a huge family. Watching into the night. Again you put everyone to bed, smile and hold my hand as we head off to our own bed.

On Christmas Eve day, we make sure we hit a show or the Nutcracker. Just like we have done for years. To get there of course you have to spend tons of time dressing the grandkids in the new outfits you got them just for the shows. You fix hair, out on dresses, sweaters, etc. They look perfect. The grandkids argue about who gets to sit next to you at the show. So at intermission the whole row is re-arranged to avoid conflict and to be fair. I of course, wish I could sit next you, but I take the seat just between my girls. After the show we all hit Starbucks for some hot chocolate. Then we head back home for a fine Italian meal – likely your famous lasagna or farfalle. It turns out that the girls husbands are secretly requesting that you make both every year and every year you make both.

That night you get to watch more Christmas movies and read “Twas the Night Before Christmas” to everyone. More fireplace action, more crowding onto couches, chairs and floors and more time with grandma. Finally, you and the girls take all of the kids outside to feed reindeer and see if they can see Santa or Rudolph. Local airplanes provide some magic for you and then you rush them off to bed. Everyone is giddy with excitement for the next morning. All of us parents spend time getting the gifts perfectly placed (and perfectly balanced by count) under the tree. Santa is – as always – really good to everyone. We all know who Santa is by now.

Christmas morning we are awakened by grandkids at like 5AM. They get their parents first, but then rush to our room and grab you. The literally drag you downstairs in excitement. I make some coffee, they rip into presents, one after the other with growing excitement. I get as many pictures as I can for the “Christmas book” (this will make more sense later). The play with toys, do fashion shows, call their friends and tell them what they got, etc. We all sit back and in wonderment.

Then the cooking begins. I suspect our turkey will be about 25 lbs and by then we may be sporting 2 of them. Megan starts asking about mashed potatoes and Kendall makes sure the “inside stuffing” has been appropriately apportioned. By luck, both husbands are huge brussel sprout fans. We bust through a few cheese balls and finally hit the table for a perfect meal. Of course, by now we have a real kids table to deal with. So you and I spend ample time jumping up and down to make sure they have everything they need.

The girls and their husbands manage to get the dishes done (it takes 3 hours because Megan and Kendall fight over when to start). Then we break out the cookies. We all cram back onto those couches, chairs and the floor and watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” – because it truly is one.

They all stay for a few days more then head home. We both cry because we want nothing more than for them to be there every day – like it was when they were younger. The grandkids cry because they’d much rather stay with you a while longer. The girls cry because they are reminded just how amazing you made their lives. It is the perfect ending to a perfect holiday.

A few days later we all board a plane on our way to Los Angeles to watch the Badgers win the Rose Bowl. Sorry I couldn’t resist.

I hope this is how every holiday goes for you baby. You have spent your whole life preparing for it to happen. It gets closer every day.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Merry Christmas!

Holding Hands

Your comment yesterday made me feel so bad. I am racking my brains to try and understand why I never reached over to hold your hand the whole drive. I can't come up with a reason of any kind. It was a missed opportunity to hold the one hand I'd rather hold over all others.

Holding hands has always been one of my favorite things to do with you. It seems that our hands fit together perfectly. Like they were meant to hold each other.

I think holding hands is the best way for a relationship to bond. Hugs are great, kisses are great, other things are great too. However, holding hands is like a method of expressing love and providing support. Like giving each other the ability to lean on one another. Hand holding so often says things we don't actually need to say aloud.

We have been holding hands for almost a quarter of a century now. Walking hand in hand. Holding hands on the couch when we watch TV. Holding hands at dinner out. Holding hands while we drive in the car. A few times even in bed as we lay down to sleep. Both of our hands, perfectly made for each other.

I picture us as a younger couple walking hand in hand. Our hands swinging a little, like young couples do when they are just completely overwhelmed by their new found love. Swinging hands just a little, because it is as close to yelling "I love you" out loud for the whole world to hear as you can do without causing a scene. A young signal to each other that we didn't ever plan on letting the other go. A future sign of our forever together.

I see us a few years later. Holding hands in a hospital room. Awaiting the birth of our first child (or our second one). Holding hands tightly rather than speaking, because holding hands said exactly what we both wanted to hear. "Our baby is coming, I am so excited! Look what we have done together". Our hands tightly held together with the other hand over the coupled hands as a means of quelling our excitement. But also showing that we did something together. Something special worthy of an excited hand holding.

I see a few more years into the future. Holding hands at the side of our sick child's hospital bed. Holding hands to give each other the strength needed to know that soon everything will be ok. Holding tightly to let each other know that no matter what we are here for each other while give all of our attention to the sick little baby in the bed before us. The having the hand holding change to excited hand holding when we find out for certain that everything is going to be ok.

A few more years pass. We walk hand in hand behind out babies - who are walking hand in hand with each other in front of us. Their hand holding speaks of their trust and love for each other. Ours boasts of how proud of them we are at that very moment. How lucky we are to have them and have each other. How proud we are that we have the amazing little family we made together.

So many other things happen to make us hold hands tightly over the years. Yet we find more and more reasons to hold hands. Even as we start to notice that other couples our age have stopped handing hands. We laugh at how they are missing out. We just go right on holding hands.

Right now I love walking the city streets holding your hand. At times i find myself wanting to swing my arms a little bit, or even grip it a little harder. Using holding your hand to say things to you I don't need to say with words. Our fingers intertwined. Our grip still representing the forever we will share together. Using our held hands to support each other, to show love for one another and as a constant reminder that we are here for each other.

As I look into the future, I see us holding holding hands more gently. For longer periods of time. Needing to be there for each other. Proud hand holding at weddings. Excited hand holding at grand-kids births. Romantic hand holding for every major accomplishment our relationship surpasses. Holding hands for the next 50 years just as we have for the past 25.

How I missed an opportunity yesterday to do something I truly love to do, I have no idea. I am sorry.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Out of our control

I cant believe that I have never considered this before right now, but it just kind of struck me out of the blue. It must be the song I am listening to or the fact that I miss you so dearly right now. It could be the length of this flight that has me anxious to get home to you like crazy. Who knows why these things strike when they do.

What if neither of our kids find love like we have? What if they are unable to find somebody in their live who will treat them the same way we treat each other? What will we do?

I can't accept that either of them wakes up next to someone who didn't go to bed the night before with the thought that today was another day when he was lucky enough to be with them. I know I go to bed that way every night.

I cant imagine them not having someone turn to them and randomly think to themselves, "oh my god she is beautiful, how lucky am I?". I know it happens to me all he time.

What happens if their husbands travel on business and don't count he minutes until they get home to their arms. What if the cab ride home doesn't make then anxious to see them? What if the flight home seems short instead of like an eternity? I know my trips home seem like the longest Christmas Eve in history.

How sad will it be if they have husbands who would rather spend time on the golf course with their buddies than hang out with them all day doing almost nothing? What if they don't really enjoy making spending time with them a priority? What if time together is just like any other time? I know my time is always best spent with you.

What if hey have just ordinary relatioships? With ordinary people? What if people aren't jealous of their marriages? What if people question why they are together? What if they don't look and act like they are perfect for each other? I know we are perfect for each other and people who see us together know it immediately. I can't even count how many random strangers have made comments about it to us. What if they never have those moments.

I know we can't hand pick spouses for them, but it sure would be nice. Then again no one would have picked us for each other and look how we turned out. I think we have found the saddest thing in our girls lives that we have no control over. We can't fix it for them if they don't do it right. We can only hope they get it right on their own.

We can only hope they find love "like we do" Which by the way is the song that prompted all of this. Funny how these things work huh?

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Turkey Day

Only a few more days until we carve the bird. The smells of food will permeate the house. I'll get stuffed beyond belief and still find room for a piece of pie. Oh I love Thanksgiving day!

I guess this year we start the reluctant process of trying to determine what "future" holidays will be like for our family. What will we do when the girls have other commitments around the holiday? What about their husbands? What about where we have it? Ugh, it was all so simple when they were younger.

I won't make this a long post, because I am on the train and I always feel like people are looking over my shoulder. But I want you to know something and be assured for the rest of your life of something.

It isn't the meal that they will come back for every year. Although you are a turkey day genius.

It isn't the decorations around the house that will make them spend the day at home. Although they always look perfect.

It isn't the table-scape (insert Sandra Lee reference) and how amazing it looks that will have them at the table. Although it gets better every year.

They will make being with us on the holidays a priority because they want to be with you. They want to be with the one person who will always make sure that everything is just as they need it to be for them. The one person who thinks of them before she thinks of herself.

They'll come back for you my love. Every time. Every year. Because they love you more than they can ever imagine. Trust me on that.

Happy Thanksgiving.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Outlasted....them all

I am sitting on the flight back from DC. It is really the first time in a while I have been able to listen to my iPod for a prolonged period of time. Lots of those songs that remind me of you - but then again I put them there for a reason.

Music sure has changed over the years. But so many of our songs have stood the test of time. How ever it appears that the bands haven't stood the same test. In fact we have outlasted more than a few of the bands that i relied so heavily upon to construct my life long "ode to my love".

A few examples:

Breathe - apparently they never made it past 1991. In fact after they provided us a few songs, they called it quits. Such a shame, they really were a solid band. Not quite as solid as you and I though.

R.E.M. - Sadly they broke up. We should have known that the Micheal Stipe act wasn't as solid as ours. However, they hold a special place in our history and we will always have the lyric "You are here with me/You are here with me/You are here and you are everything". I still remember hearing it in the car on the drive to your sister's house and knowing that having you with me was the right thing. On a side note, R.E.M. made it 31 years together, so we actually will have to catch up to them.

Anita Baker - according to Wikipedia, she officially called it quits in 2007 after a "heavily criticized performance of the National Anthem at the NBA All-Star game". She holds a truly special place for us because to my knowledge she sang the first songs you associated with me - rather than songs I associated with you. Plus man can she sing.

The Style Council - alas, they created a perfect song, we made it ours and they must have figured they could never top that accomplishment. I looked hard for the quote from Paul Wellar (their singer) where he publicly acknowledged that they "could never have more success than creating a song for the world most in love, meant for each other and long lasting couple." It doesn't exist on the internet. But them again the internet doesn't know everything. They broke up in 1998. Played their last concert in 1998 - and fittingly made "You're the Best Thing" the last song they ever played. I'll find that quote because I know it exists.

So as we move through the rest of our lives, we are going to have to know that music will come and go, fashion will come and go, TV shows, favorite actors/actresses, will all appear and disappear and we will just keep moving forward hand in hand. Because in the end we will outlast them all.

I like it that way. People will remember us long after Justin Beiber is into adulthood or Lady Gaga has finally stopped wearing meat products. Because they are fads. We are the real thing.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The Feeling I Get Sometimes

I have these periods where I just feel so in love with you. I just can't stop wanting to kiss you, hold your hand, smell you or be close to you. It is often quite overwhelming - makes me miss you dearly. Even sometimes makes me shirk responsibility (aka work I have to accomplish) to get home to you. I have had that feeling the past 2 days or so.

I want so badly for this whole move and next phase of our lives to be perfect. I want to have great times, great memories and great friends. I want this to be our time together to grow older (not old) and truly take the opportunity to enjoy each others company for many many years. We have had some fun so far, but I can't wait until we have some "normal" time. So far it has been mostly hectic back and forth to Madison, get ready for the cruise, get ready for visitors time, etc. It will be nice when we have dinner, movies, tv nights and relaxation together (although this week has been really nice).

I really enjoyed the drive back from Madison listening to your iPod, waiting for our songs to come on, knowing that the more i heard them the more I wish I listened to them more often and the more they remind me of how I feel about you. It sure beat hearing the same 10 songs on Sirius over and over again.

I love you so much. I simply can't tell you how much. I can't even find a song that tells me how much. So I hope you feel it in my attention to you over the past few days. I just want you to feel how important you are to me.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

At least you were amazing....

Our exciting Caribbean cruise was a flop. I think people all laugh when we refer to it as the "floating hillbilly festival" or refer to the people who never saw a buffet before (or who order 3 entrees because they are free). Add in the alphabet tour, obesity level and those with a lack of dignity and it was an overall mess. While we had some fun nights out and we did get to dance for the first time in forever, there are likely better ways for us to vacation in the future.

This won't be a long blog post because I am eager to get home to you tonight, but I had to mention that there was one thing I will always remember about that cruise. One thing I learned I need to provide you more opportunity to do in the future.

You looked amazing in your dresses. When you get dressed up you become the perfect combination of sexy, classy and beautiful. You wear a dress like no one else. You fix your makeup perfectly. You get the right shoes. Your hair (despite limited resource on the boat) looks perfect. When you walk out of the room - you are perfect. I have never been so amazed at your beauty. And I am always amazed by your beauty. But dressed up you add the perfect touches.

So now that we live in the big city, with fancy restaurants and places to have an elegant night out. I need to get you more opportunity to get dressed up. Maybe even buy some new dresses - who knows. You do it so well and make me feel so special to be with you. You are my arm candy. I couldn't be luckier.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Happy Birthday

It is hard to believe that this blog is now 4 years old. It just keepsmgetting older and older every day. Ironically the person the blog is for, you my love, doesn't seem to be aging the same way. So while today is your "Happy Birthday", I guess we aren't really celebrating you getting older, but rather just you being you.

I say this because you just never seem old to me. After all of these years, you still have that youthful aura about you. You still seem younger than you actually are in years. You still look younger than you actuallyare in years. You obviously have a hold of some kind of magic potion.

I can see it in your eyes. They still sparkle. They still have that shien that they did when I first met you. Rather than getting old and steely through the yeras, they have a youthful glow to them. They are bright and open tomthe world. They clearly haven't aged, they have just become better.

You can tell you are young from your smile. It isn't "put on" and fake. It is real and joyful. It has an exuberance only seen in children. It lures people in with a curious need to be a part of your fun approach to life. Like a young child who always seems to have people drawn to them, you smile put you at the center of attention. It is young and vibrant. It hasn't aged, it has just become better through the years.

You still approach life with your "kind of silly, kind of me" attitude. A very youthful and fun way to live your life. The very reason that you are sp popular with our kids friends. People are drawn to your fun style. They love to be a part of the way you behave about things. It is hardly immature, but rarely mature. It is a polished method of being young, while still having the wisdom of adulthood. You are fun to be around at any given time. You are entertaining all the time. You bring smiles to anyone who crosses your path. You may have aged on the calendar, but in reality you remain as exuberant as you were as child.

So I guess we have to celebrate your birthday, but not because you are getting older. We can celebrate it in the truest form of the phrase. We will celebrate your "birth", because after 42 years you have remained young and vibrant. In the best form of the phrase, "you haven't gotten older, you have just become better". Lucky for me, I get to be with you every day. Birthday or no birthday, I celebrate you every day.

Happy Birthday my love.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Closer

The move is over, the weekend travel is on hold. We are now living our lives in our new home. Things seem to have settled down. Our time is here.

I tried really hard to come up with some really poignant and clever way to make this post. Some really insightful way to let you know what I wanted to say. But my excitement overcame me.

Sweetie, for over 20 years I have waited for this time. A time with just you. Just the two of us. Don't get me wrong, I love the girls. But in all honesty the 3 of you have a circle I can't break. It is pretty amazing and very well documented in this blog. I have been on the outside of that circle, waiting patiently for my time with you for a while now. It is finally here.

We never really had much time without kids or huge life responsibility and it isn't like those things have gone away. However, the ability for "us" to move up the list of importance has finally come. Time for just you and I to make our way. We have been a very special couple for many years. Now we can become an extra special couple. It is like we are dating again. Starting something kind of new, but with a long history of the past to flavor our lives.

So far so good. We have had some really good times in just a few short weeks. We have already started experiencing new things (bad Chinese food included). We do it hand in hand. Together. Just us.

I can't tell you how much I love walking the city streets holding your hand. I can't tell you how much I love walking through the door to see just you. I can express how much I look forward to whatever we are planning to do for the night. Even if it is as simple as watching TV.

I love you sweetie. I love being with you. I love it when I get your attention. I love giving you my attention. I love it when you are being silly. I love it when we have serious discussions. I love it when we can't figure out what to talk about, but know it is OK to just sit there in silence.

You are my favorite person in the world. The person who amazes me most. The person who constantly surprises me. The person I count on.

You are the best date I have ever had. Even if that date has now lasted over 2 decades.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A Loving Look

I don't have a really long post today. I thought of many ways to try and spruce this up into something longer, but everything I considered only got in the way of the message. So my only concern is that reading this will make you cry. Not sad cry, but happy cry.

Last night I couldn't sleep after finishing my work. TV was boring, so I decided to watch the girls videos on my iPad. I really l love those videos. The girls have no idea how often I watch them. They also likely don't comprehend how proud I am of them.

What hit me during the videos was that I noticed something had not noticed before. A certain pattern in the videos that crossed both girls, extened through every age and never changed. It was something you did/do. I think it is a special gift given to you by god for our children. It is a gift of comfort and safety, but I never realized how it was delivered.

I am sure you have seen a million pictures of proud parents holding their newborn babies and gazing at them. That special look you give to something so new that you love so much. The one where you are holding the baby in your arms extended in front of you and you just staring at them in awe. It is the kind of look they put on cards and in picture frames.

Ironically there is picture in both of the girls videos of you in that pose, with that look on your face. Your look is of course much better than the normal look. It shows your amazement in the babies. It shows how much you love them. It shows how much you care for them. It shows how much you will protect them. It is magical.

Here is the thing. The older they get in the pictures, you still look at them that way. It isn't even subtle. It is obvious. It never goes away. Like an on going Mona Lisa of sorts. Year after year. Situation after situation. Your magical blue eyes look down on them with amazement, wonder, care and love. Whether at age 10 months, 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, etc. It doesn't matter, it is always there for them. And just as they did as babies, they catch the look. They smile. They feel comfort. They feel safe. Most of all they feel loved.

I checked even some of the Facebook photos of recent times. The look is still there. Protecting them into adulthood. Caring for them like no one ever will. I think that without even knowing it, they have started to look for the look to give them comfort.

So there you have it, something new I learned about you after all these years. Something to add to the magic that is my amazing wife and mother of my children.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Less Than a Week Now

In less than a week we will be officially moved out of Wisconsin and into the fine city of Chicago. Nearly 23 years after I promised to get you back home, I am finally doing so. I may be slow, but I always find a way to get you the things you really want in life.

I can remember how hard the decision to move from Texas was for us. We have that fine story about meeting people in Cabo and deciding to move on our own, but in reality it was a huge step for us. Nearly 8 years later, we are off again. This time it is just the two of us, but I gather that those little girls will find plenty of time to spend with us in our new home(s).

By my count we have lived in Wisconsin for 2,888 days, roughly 35% of our marriage. We have been in this house for 2,539 days. No matter how you look at it, we have spent a considerable portion of our lives and the girls personal development in Wisconsin. So no matter how excited I am about the move, I will be a bit sad to leave such an important chapter in our history together.

So because I have not done a Top 10 List in a long time, I figured I would do one for our time in Wisconsin and illuminate some of the memories we have created while we lived in the fine state.

10) The time that we spent on the back patio at the "ghetto house" with our good friends. We burned virtually everything in sight trying to stay warm. We even finally opted to give our good friend the cross she so desperately needed at the time.

9) Proms - both of our amazing daughters looked heavenly. They stood out from the crowd and these are memories we will never forget. Part of their coming of age so to speak.

8) Snow, snow, snow....by my count we likely saw over 600 inches of snow (did some research on this). That is 50 feet! I love the pictures of the girls first "snow" play, them learning to snowboard, how cool you look in gloves, a scarf and sunglasses, and frankly it is just darned pretty. I learned to love the cold as much as the warm.

7) Graduation celebrations galore. Parties our families will remember forever and I think our girls will be hard pressed to top for their own kids. No worries though, they have you to help out.

6) Sing Star baby. Countless hours of drunken singing. We dragged family, friends and kids into the mix. In the end we even found out that we can do it all by ourselves and still have a great time. Best sing star moments include, "oh my god we rocked rocket Man!", constant defeats at your hands on "Creep", singing "everybody wants to rule the world" with my baby and the introduction of fake instruments.

5) Living in one city and working in another. Mostly I remember how well you adapted, maintained and ensured the family remained as normal as possible.

4) Our "local" bar. we have really made our mark on the Centennial. We were officially regulars without being drunks. Lots of fun debates, arguments and silly stories.

3) The introduction of the Kayak. "Did they move Mcdonalds?"

2) The shuffle. It remains a top ten parental moment of all time across all parents. I recant that. It is top 3 - from any parent anywhere. It is on film, it is hilarious and it is why our girls worship their mother. Your sense of humor permeates all of us.

1) Really this one is a combination. While we ha da very short rough patch, the time we spent in WI are some of the best years of our marriage. We made it without and extended family to lean on. we grew closer all the time. Our family unit became a very tight unit who relies on each other for support and love. We grew so much as people. As a couple. As a family. These have been a great nearly 3,000 days.

Now off to start writing the next chapter. While I have so many things to look back on, you always give me so many things to look forward to every ay.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Our Time

Yesterday was kind of a beginning of a new era for us my love. We have both of the girls off at college. While that was sad, it is hard to not feel really proud of both of them and ourselves for raising two amazing young ladies. They will both be very successful, very happy and we will all remain very close as a family. So officially I am claiming that the proud part has officially taken over the sad part.

Now it is left to just you and me. It's funny but I have that shrilling sound of Monica from the TV show Friends going off in my head when she realized it was going to be just her and Chandler - "I have to live with a boy!". Well, my love, I am your boy. From my end, I couldn't be happier.

Sunday will count as the "let it go day". A day of drowning our sorrows and at the same time enjoying a baseball game and each others company. It was fun, but I knew that most of the day your mind was elsewhere. I heard rumors of you texting all day long. That is ok. I know your will need some time to adjust to your new world as well.

Yesterday was the day. A start of sorts. Just you and I together. It couldn't have been better. I was reminded that we are best friends. That we really are that close. That any time we spend together is time well spent. We did normal things all day, and frankly it was a wonderful day.

I had a really proud moment this weekend. I was on the phone with our nephew. We were talking about this empty nest concept. His direct quote was, "yeah I think a lot of couples don't know how to respond to that, but not you guys. You are really close and really happy. I'm not worried about you guys at all". Coming from a guy who isn't prone to dole out compliments, I took that as praise in the highest order. The best part is that he is completely correct. We are "that close", we are best friends and we are the most important thing to each other. It is a formula for our success. Has been for over 20 years.

We have about 2 more weeks of "change" to deal with before we move. Then things will be really different. It will e some new turmoil, new stress, new tears and lots of change. But we will be more than just "fine" through it all. We will thrive. Because we are the world's greatest love story. We are the happy ending at the end of silly chick flick. We are the old couple walking off into the sunset at the end of a classic novel. More simply - we are perfect for each other.

So now we enter the next chapter of our lives. Another chapter of the best book ever written. I can't wait to turn a new page everyday.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

So Young

It seems to me that we are about to embark on a very new time in our lives. One where our day to day lives involve only each other. One where we have kids away at school and very limited time committed to them on a 24-hour basis. Sure they will be part of our every day lives. There will be thousands of phone calls, video chats, urgent messages, etc. They will always need us (mostly you) in some way every day. They will be far but near. However, you and I will always be "near".

This got me to thinking about just what a great choice we made to have them when we were young. How opposite that is of most people and how amazing the opportunity in front of us as a result of our choice. We have always said that having them young would free us up at a young age to enjoy a long life together, but I think there are other forces that made our decision so wise.

We were barely kids ourselves when we had the girls. You officially were a teenager when you first got pregnant and I was not far from acting like one. We were young, knew very little about life or parenting and seemed way out of comfort zone. But magically it worked. Magically you made us a family.

One of the biggest benefits in having the girls at a young age is that we got to grow up with them. As we learned about life so did they. As we made mistakes we got to have them close by to comfort us. As we learned what life was all about we got to make sure they knew as well. Life lessons weren't far from our memories and so when they learned life lessons we were right there with in many cases very recent memory to guide us through the situation. We don't have those "back in the day" stories to compare our children's lives to, we have current days to compare to their current days.

Lets face it, most of our marriage we have been broke. We weren't "career" oriented or workaholics. Mostly because we were at ages in live where we worked for someone else and didn't have that great of work responsibility. It meant that we could be with our kids. We gave them time. And it wasn't just regular time - it was always fun time. We were able to really play with them. Enjoy them daily. We had the added benefit of the boys to be extra playmates. We did silly things like dress up, singing, hour long baths, playing in the yard, movies, etc. Mostly not expensive things, but always very involved things. We made them laugh and in turn they made us laugh.

We also had the benefit of being young enough to participate and understand in most everything they were doing. Coaching soccer, being a team mom, coaching little league, being a room mom or whatever. But we also were able to be involved in other things that older parents wouldn't have participated in. We enjoyed music with them, we got on Facebook, we video chatted, IM'd, texted, etc. Things many older parents would have scoffed at as ridiculous - we did right along with them. We embraced most of their friends, because we were young and sort of cool (you were always cool). We taught them to interact with adults because in a way we were also "interacting with adults". We were fun - so they hung around more than other kids did with their parents. It was good to be young - had we been old we would have had other priorities.

But the most important part is that we gave them all the love we had. We gave them all of us - everything we had to give them. They were our number one priority in life because we never had a chance to have other more important priorities. Even as we aged, we knew that including them closely in our lives was the only way to do things. They taught us to be good parents. we learned on the fly. I think being young made that so much easier - we made a good choice.

So now we move on to "adulthood". I don't think you will change at all. You will very likely be that "young" grandparent (not in a Florida white trash sort of way). You will get to start all over again. Pretty nice huh? This decision of ours just keeps getting better and better.

It will be odd to have them both gone. But I am sure they will teach us a few new things about being on our own too. See we all just keep growing up together don't we?

Just a quick reminder that they are so lucky to have you (as am I) - you made this family what is is today. Thank you my love.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Rain Rain Come Again

I woke up Saturday night to the storm outside. There was lightning, some thunder and a pretty strong sound of raindrops. It was 2AM. The dog woke up as well, but only because she was afraid of the rain. Me? I love the rain. Not always, but there are certain times that it just makes me feel "different".

We have certainly had our connection to the rain over the years. It always seems to provide me with nice memories (flooded basements being the lone exception). I kind of associate our relationship with the rain. Not in the storm sense, but in the romantic sense.

It would be impossible for me to forget our first memory of rain together. It was among the most intimate moments of our lives. I am not sure why we were laying on the floor and not in a bed, but I remember how close our heads were to the open window. The rain fell beautifully outside. A clasp of thunder here a flash of lightning there, all filling our romantic evening together. The sound of The Cure's Disintegration CD played in the background. It was romantic, passionate and most certainly memorable. It was as if the rain fell in rhythm with us as we kissed and touched. It remains a moment I recall often and a moment I will never forget.

The rain quickly involved the girls. Even before we had them. OD you remember me telling you about my dream of how I was playing with them in the rain? We lived in the townhouse at the time. I am not even sure that Kendall was quite born yet. I know Megan wasn't. Yet had this very vivid dream on playing with them BOTH in the rain. I regrettably don't think that ever really happened. However, the dream was so real.

I remember numerous times when we got soaked together in the rain. However, one time sticks out. I remember kissing you in the rain. It wasn't raining that hard. We were both very wet though. Your hair was very wet and looked very sexy. I am not sure why we stayed in the rina, but the kiss is very memorable to me.

I can also remember a few times in our pool when you and I swam around while raindrops fell on top of us. While that isn't very safe, it was always very cool.

So when I woke up the other night and heard the rain. It just reminded me of how much I love you. It reminded me of how I pretty much associate everything with you in some way. But rain, although a nuisance to most, is not to me. It is way to relvie some really nice memories of you. Some truly romantic moments. Some truly cute moments. Some fun moments. But mostlyu, just moments when we were together.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Just a simple routine

It is late. Really late. I tried sleeping but I can't. There is this other side of the bed where you should be and it is empty. There is a leg somewhere that my foot should be touching, but it isn't. There is a soft sound of someone breathing next to me somewhere, but I can't hear it here. Being in bed alone isn't how it should be - ever.

How does that happen? That you become so accustom to having things be a certain way that when they aren't you simply can't adapt? How is it that "normal" is so important in life?

Tomorrow I will eventually wake up and next I won't kiss you goodbye. I won't hug you or kiss you softly on the head while I sneak out of bed to get my morning coffee. When I get dressed I won't peek out the door at you sleeping, just to see you sleep. I love to watch you sleep, which is good because you really love to sleep. When I leave there won't be that last smell of your neck to last me throughout my day. There won't be your arms around me to send me off.

Why is that routine so important? It is like I am child who hates his routine disrupted. When things aren't like they should be, I can't function. Why does the routine mean so much?

Tomorrow I won't walk through the door and see you. I won't ask you how your day was or pester you about dinner. I won't ask where the girls are or what you guys did today. You won't show me something cool you did today or ask me about something we got in the mail. I won't follow you around the kitchen while you are busy trying to grab that first hug that is so important to me when I get home. In fact that hug wont' happen at all.

Tomorrow night won't wind up with us both on the couch. Watching something useless on TV. We won't fall asleep way before bed time. There won't be the "pillow" endeavor that prepares us for bed. I won't lay in bed while you are changing in the bathroom waiting to see what nightgown you picked. I won't flip back and forth between the "standard bed time TV shows" and the Brewer game while I wait for the bathroom door to open. There won't be any watching you play your last SNOOD of the day while I wait to see if "it" is going to happen tonight. No last hug of the day or kiss goodnight. No snuggling. No conveniently placed hands. Nothing but an empty bed.

You know something? After reading this post over again I realized something. My days are pretty good. Lots of things happen that I count on and love. They all involve you. I like that. I like my routines, my normal....my wife. For now - good night sweetie.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Rocking Hats

I finally figured out how to get my pictures from my phone to my laptop. Thus I was treated to the gallery of pictures of you in your new hats. I must say, I am really impressed at how you rock the hats. Not surprised, but certainly impressed.

I had such fun with you this past week as we hit the Summerfest circuit. Day after day of music, drinking and fun. However, the best part was that I got to be in public with you on my arm for a full week. I got to show off how amazing my wife looks. I got to play "arm candy" nearly everyday.

It was fun watching you get ready every day. The "jean" selection, followed by the inevitable showing off of your truly fine backside to me. Then the - at a minimum - 3 shirt change, until you finally settled on the perfect selection (I found it also interesting that you could change bra's so quickly too. It all ended in me leaving the house with you looking your very best and me pretty excited about being able to show you off to the world. Nothing makes a man more proud than having his beautiful bride on his arm for every one to be jealous of - I got that for so many days in a row (although I did worry about the day you went without me - the same people saw you, but didn't have me there to claim you as mine).

The coolest thing was the end of each night. I really love you in hats. So the "pick tonight's hat" process was very cool. If you combine the pre-Summerfest process (see above), with the Summerfest drinks (that give you that sexy smile I love so much) and the addition of the sexy hats......well it is no wonder I couldn't keep my hands off you. You truly are THAT sexy.

Thanks for making me look so good all week. I can't believe that after 23 years together you just keep getting better. The current version of my wife is my favorite of all time. I am sure I'll say that again in the future as well.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Only You

Only you my love.

Only you can make me smile the way you do.
Only you can make me feel at ease the way you do.
Only you can make me safe the way you do.
Only you can make me know everything is OK the way you do.

It's always you my love.

It's always a simple touch or the way you hold my arm when we walk.
It's always a small gesture like running your fingers through my hair.
It's always an unexpected kiss that takes my breath away.
It's always a hug at just the right time.

Nothing surprises me more my love.

Nothing surprises me more than the feelings I have when you are around.
Nothing surprises me more than how much I miss you when we are apart.
Nothing surprises me more than how much joy I feel when I see you again.
Nothing surprises me more than how quickly I know you are always right where I should be.

Time passes so quickly my love.

Time passes so quickly when we are just hanging around.
Time passes so quickly when we are thinking about the next 50 years.
Time passes so quickly when we talk about the past.
Time passes so quickly when we are in each others arms.

I love you my love.

I love you more than you will ever know.
I love you more than anyone could ever feel.
I love you more than words can say.
I love you more than I can ever express.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Styx Styx Styx

Ok this blog will serve as my pre-concert apology for dissing Styx all these years. I really am looking forward to seeing them tonight and after much research on the band, their music and what not, I have to admit to just being a boneheaded idiot for trashing them for 2 decades. I blame Mr Roboto for placing the stigma in my head.

So a bit of trickery for you. Call it a lyrical magic.

One touch was all I need to know. For me to know you were my fate, my destiny. Your lovin has always seemed the best thing I ever had. You're the only woman that could show me what love could be. You're the only woman that understands a man like me. I thought you were an angel, but to my surprise, we climbed aboard this starship and headed for the skies. Come sail away, come sail away - come sail away with me. What can I do, when pictures of you still make me smile. What can I say when those pictures still make me cry. They say a man can't live in this world if he is wearing his heart on his sleeve. With you I can. And I will hold all your dreams in my hand. You're fooling yourself if you don't believe it. The best of times, are when I am alone with you. Some rain, some shine. We can make this a world for two. I've got too much time on my hands, to not fill my eyes with your beautiful smile. Cause you know it's you babe, whenever I get weary and I've had enough, who gives me the courage and the strength I need.

So there you go. Tonight's the night we make history. Only you and I. Come on, come on and dance all night. Despite the heat - it will be alright. Music is my game, but when I'm with you, I treat a lady like she is wearing a crown.

Tonight's the night - we make history.

I think Styx has essentially said it all huh? Can't wait for tonight.

You're the World to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Beautiful.....more than ever

I have to admit I am in love. Puppy dog love. That is pretty nice after all these years. There are so many things I love about you, that a single blog entry won't allow for sufficient space. However, there is one thing that I need to mention now.

I mean it when I say "you have never looked better to me". Ever.

There have been many versions of my wife in terms of appearance. The "diet coke and ice cream figure", the pregnant version, the blonde version, short haired, long haired, curly haired.... the list goes on and on. However, it is the current version I think I like best.

You have worked so hard the past 2 years. Your have transformed your figure into something fit, trim and sexy-curvy. You should be so proud of yourself for all of your hard work. But frankly, I have always like your figure, not matter what physical shape it took on. The difference now is how you feel about how you look. Trust me that coming home and having you show me a sexy new pair of Joe's Jean on your amazing body is both a joy for me visually and mentally. You have regained the sexy swagger I have always loved about you. It is the perfect combination of your shy about you looks humility and your appreciation of just how attractive you really have become over the years.

But it isn't just your rocking body that I am currently in love with. You still have that youthful smile and attitude that sets you apart from every other woman your age. Looking at your face still gives me chills. You smile and you lose 10 years of age. You pull your hair back and you look youthful. I am sure that it is because you have those incredible eyes and that having your hair pulled back means they also light up your face. Add in the cutest nose ever, perfectly ears, the right amount of tiny freckles...what more could a guy want?

There are other things that you likely don't know that I find attractive about you and have for years. You smell amazing. This is actually something I can remember from one of our first few dates. I can remember thinking, how can someone smell so sweet? It wasn't perfume or anything, it was just you. Maybe that was the "pheromone" effect that makes one person attracted to another. But I can remember it like it was yesterday. No matter what ever happens, I know I will be able to tell your scent from any other person's scent. It will always make me smile.

You have an incredibly soft touch. The feel of your finger tips on me still drives me wild. Remember a long time ago how I would have your gently run your fingers across my inner forearm? It was that incredible soft touch that made it so amazing. The feel of your hands on the back of my neck while we are in the car? Drives me wild! Holding your hand and feeling your finger tips grasp the back of my hand is still a feeling that gives me goosebumps.

I consider myself to be the luckiest man in the world. My wife of more than 20 years just keeps getting better and better. She is sexier, softer, prettier and more loveable than she was 20 years ago. She is better than she was yesterday and not quite as good as she will be tomorrow. She creates a constant desire to be with her. No matter what you think, everyone is jealous of me. Every day.

You are in every sense of the word just like the song....."Perfect Skin".

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Celebrating Summer

Summer is upon us my love. Soon the girls will both be out of school. The weather is changing again. This season and the fall are really the best times in the midwest. It is my favorite time of the year. Not for weather purposes, but because we start spending such quality time together.

The summer represents lots of grilling, chilling and fun for the two of us. It has already started. Sunday was really nice. We worked hard on the patio and planting plants. Then we did what I enjoy so much. We broke out some beers, some chips, some salsa and then the day just started getting away from us. It is so nice to spend that kind of time with you. We just sit, talk, enjoy the weather and enjoy being together.

I kind of thought back through our past and this isn't a new thing for us. We have always been summer people. Our first date, which by the way we celebrate a 23rd anniversary of on Sunday, was in the summer. We got our first baby in the summer. Our second baby came at the technical beginning of Texas summer. We had pool fun, park going fun, picnic fun, soccer trip fun, we always had the boys around more than usual in the summer and we always have each other. The summer is essentially our time. The season we have spent some of our best times.

Our best vacations have been in the summer. Hilton Head trips, Maui, Cabo San Lucas, Cancun with friends/family, Dells with friends and the few car trips to places like dinosaur valley or wherever in the early days. We always find somewhere to go or something big to do. Summer is our time.

You always look your best in the summer. You were a tan better than anyone ever has worn one. It brings out your dazzling smile and perfect eyes. Plus tan lines are so sexy! But I'll keep the blog at least PG rated this time.

So as we head into what may be the last really normal summer we have for some time, let's make it a great one. Let's make every Sunday grill and chill day. Let's find a day trip or two (Door County maybe?) to make with the girls. Maybe later this summer we splurge and take us all somehwere, who knows? All I know is I get to spend my 23rd summer with the person I want to enjoy life with the most. I can't wait. I hear a cold Miller Lite, some great music, some cool talk and can see that gorgeous face of yours now. Welcome back summer! It is officially hammock time! Want to share a sunny nap with me?

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A few weeks gone by

My love I see that it has been two weeks since my last post. I last posted while I was in Nice. Since that time we have been together every day. It just never makes sense to me to take time away from you to write to you. I am sorry about that and sorry for missing a week.

It's June already. That time is finally here. Our younger daughter is about to graduate from high school. I just spent considerable time reading letters about Paige and how people thought about her and it got me to thinking what I would write about our little girl.

It struck me during the thought that I would write so many things about her that I have written about you over the years. How as amazing that people think of her, they likely think of you. She just has all of those "accomplishments" at a young age to display. Who knows what kind you may have had if you were raised by you? She has that advantage no matter what the comparison.

You must be so proud and yet so humbled at the same time. How can you not look at her or listen to her without it being a constant reminder of who you are? Same smile, same sense of humor, same "hidden" compassion for everything, same ability to defeat anything in your paths. She may never realize how many gifts you gave her over the years that were able to be unwrapped or shipped to her.

I am certain it is why she and I butt heads so often. I see so much of you in her and you love me so much, so why do she and I have such a different relationship? It must be some kind of chemical thing. However, I know that someday she will find her true love and he will feel the same way you make me feel. He will officially be the "second" luckiest man in the world.

So as we praise he for all she has accomplished, don't let it past you that she has done what she has done because she had so much of you inside her and the benefit of having you at her side to escape every adversity that was in front of you at the same age. While she is her own person in every way, she still represents so much of what you would have accomplished given the same opportunity.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.