Just a simple routine

It is late. Really late. I tried sleeping but I can't. There is this other side of the bed where you should be and it is empty. There is a leg somewhere that my foot should be touching, but it isn't. There is a soft sound of someone breathing next to me somewhere, but I can't hear it here. Being in bed alone isn't how it should be - ever.

How does that happen? That you become so accustom to having things be a certain way that when they aren't you simply can't adapt? How is it that "normal" is so important in life?

Tomorrow I will eventually wake up and next I won't kiss you goodbye. I won't hug you or kiss you softly on the head while I sneak out of bed to get my morning coffee. When I get dressed I won't peek out the door at you sleeping, just to see you sleep. I love to watch you sleep, which is good because you really love to sleep. When I leave there won't be that last smell of your neck to last me throughout my day. There won't be your arms around me to send me off.

Why is that routine so important? It is like I am child who hates his routine disrupted. When things aren't like they should be, I can't function. Why does the routine mean so much?

Tomorrow I won't walk through the door and see you. I won't ask you how your day was or pester you about dinner. I won't ask where the girls are or what you guys did today. You won't show me something cool you did today or ask me about something we got in the mail. I won't follow you around the kitchen while you are busy trying to grab that first hug that is so important to me when I get home. In fact that hug wont' happen at all.

Tomorrow night won't wind up with us both on the couch. Watching something useless on TV. We won't fall asleep way before bed time. There won't be the "pillow" endeavor that prepares us for bed. I won't lay in bed while you are changing in the bathroom waiting to see what nightgown you picked. I won't flip back and forth between the "standard bed time TV shows" and the Brewer game while I wait for the bathroom door to open. There won't be any watching you play your last SNOOD of the day while I wait to see if "it" is going to happen tonight. No last hug of the day or kiss goodnight. No snuggling. No conveniently placed hands. Nothing but an empty bed.

You know something? After reading this post over again I realized something. My days are pretty good. Lots of things happen that I count on and love. They all involve you. I like that. I like my routines, my normal....my wife. For now - good night sweetie.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.