Getting Their Wish

Wow what wondeful news! Our little baby finally gets her wish. Things finally work our for her and what SHE wants finally comes true! Great news for everyone! Not so fast. I don't think it is a "she finally gets what she wants" scenario. I think she has been getting what she wants all along. It just isn't always everything she wants.

What she wants is to be happy. She is happy. Her mother sees to that. While admission to the college of her choice is "one thing" she wants, she has been provided so much more in life that she may take for granted. Her mother makes certain she has all of that. Both of our daughters have been provided so much in life (not material things) because their mother makes 100% sure that every detail of their lives is as close to perfect as it can possibly be.

I'll give you a few examples.

* The after school event. Do they realize just how often you schedule your entire day around being there when they get home? Hearing the stories, watching one bounce into the house and the other fretfully enter the house looking for food? Do they realize just how important those 15-20 minutes actually are in the grand scheme of their overall day? I'll bet you that when the older one goes off to college that somewhere in the day is a fairly routine call after classes with an abundance of new stories about even more people we do not know. The younger one's entry into the house without her sister will become more entertaining as she builds an even stronger bond with her mother.

* Holidays, birthdays, etc. This one is something I don't even think they can fathom. The level of detail into the gift planning, the perfect scenarios with timing of gifts, order of opening, perfect cards.... the list goes on and on. While they will always be part of this, I am pretty sure that they won't really notice just how amazing you make these events until you are doing it for their own childer. Yes there I said it for our "grandshildren". At this point we really need to begin disucssing their plans to make crtain no grandchildren have overlapping birthdates. You know for "oral planning" purposes.

* Sitting down to dinner with mommy. The conversations about periods, sex and other thinsg that make dads uncomfortable are lasting memories they will have forever. However, I don't think they realize just what an important part of their daya the "sharing" you 3 have is in the life. While you know how much I hate staying at the table after the food is gone, you three really have forged an amizing post meal event and wonderful bond. Its a good thing we readily do not have dessert or we would all be huge!

So while we think she may have just got the new that makde her dreams come true, I think their dreams have already come true thanks to you. To make sure I quote a song I will use the BoDeans. "Ain't this what dreams are made of?" Yes you are my love.

I love you so much.

Missing You Already

I just left this morning and it already seems like I have been gone for days. It was so nice being home with you for the past 11 days. I really wish there was a way for me to be home all the time, but no matter how I try I can't seem to find a solution to the current work situation.

It is really nice having us both in that tiny little office/closet together. While it is cramped, being close to you is always my goal. You should know that after sharing a bed with me for the past 2 decades. I can even get some work done with us in ther together, despite all of my attempts to kiss you and the like.

It was also nice having numerous mornings where we went to "get coffee" together. I know we need a new name for that since you don't drink coffee, but the event itself is always nice. I especially like it when we take time to just sit and talk at Starbucks. Getting up every day and having us both head out to Starbucks is a great way to start the day.

I even got used to not showering until 5 in the afternoon. Spending the whole day in my pajama (pa-jah-mah) pants or my grubby shorts just isn't that bad. The hat hair kind of is annoying (mine not yours), but over the 11 days I finally got used to having hat hair. I am sure my Russian dry cleaner is already wondering what happened to our account.

Having lunch the few times we did it was also great. I even liked when we simply hated leftovers together. Heading to City Market (so we can taunt the girls later) is always wonderful and we even got a North Shore Bistro trip in there. Nothing compares to the 2 days of leftover lasagne (I think it was your best ever). I am also pretty sure you really enjoyed your leftover chicken and sausage.

Finally, thank you for such a wonderful birthday. I was completely overwhelmed. It could not have been a better day.

I had a different topic to write about (it refers to the "sobbing" event on Saturday), but I figured it was part of the super secret graduation gifts and I didn't want to tip the older child off in th event she read this. So I will hit that one up at a later time.

It is really late and despite my 2 hours of sleep on the plane, I am tired.

I miss you so much already. This week is going to be hard to manage even if it is short.

I love you.

How Much I love You

This is kind of odd being home while I write this, it was always intended to be that kind of "on the road" message. However, I think this week I really have something to say. You being off at physical therapy is probably a good thing as it gives me time to get down to business.

I love you so much. In fact I think often it is too much. My sun rises and sets with you and when things don't go well between us I don't think my sun even bothers to come up. While that may sound somewhat romantic it has its problems too. When I feel hurt I have no one to turn to and say anything. So it just sits there waiting for you to come back to me. Sometimes that seems so long and so painful. This weekend was that way.

I won't even bother to tell you what hurt me, it is silly. But I was hurt. And while I waited for you to hug me, kiss me or tell me you loved me it never came. Each hour got a little harder and longer. It seemed like you weren't ever coming back to me. You didn't even know you were gone, but I did. That is how incredibly centered my life is around you. Now I know I am supposed to be the strong man around here, but I can't always be that way. Sometimes I need you - the one person most important to me - to simply hug me, kiss me and tell me you love me. That fixes everything.

So the message for this week is how important you are in my life. How I can't imagine days without you in them. How even the sound of your voice lifts my spirits. When your soft hand touches me it still sends chills through me, when your soft lips kiss me it still makes me feel warm inside and the strength of your hug makes me feel safe and loved. I can't do without those things. When they aren't there I feel hurt. When they aren't there I feel weak. Without them I don't feel loved.

Ironically now that you have come back to me, I feel better. Like our oldest daughter has mastered - you simply bounce back and everything is fine. I love you so much - I don't think all the blogs, cards and notes in the world could ever express how deeply I really feel about you. With every move you make I love you a little more.

It will be really nice to be home with you all week.

I love you.

Mothers Day

My love I am so sorry about not being there for your surgery today. From what you described it must have really hurt. Trust me that I am thinking about your beautiful face and that pretty little nose and hoping tomorrow you feel much better.

This week my post is all about you and the girls.

Sunday is Mothers Day. They should really have a seperate day for you because it really isn't fair to all other Mothers to have them lumped in on your day. It just kind of diminishes their "mothers day" accomplishments to be compared with you. I'll contact Hallmark and see what I can do about getting you your own day.

You really deserve the honor of Mothers Day Those two beautiful girls will always cherish their mother. You define what it means to be a mother. Not in the care you provide. Making sure they are fed, making sure they are dressed properly (although no one esle does it with your style) and making sure they are bathed is what all mothers get accomplished. It is the things you do in addition to that that make you so special.

Your goal to have them be able to look into a mirror and truly love what they see is no small task. Yet, at every turn you have done everything possible to make sure it is true. And with both of them you have really pulled it off. Even more impressive it isn't in some arrogant concieted way. Both girls look confidently at themsleves and truly see someone on the outside they are proud of, but also see someone on the inside that makes them proud. They have you to thank for that. (Maybe all those mirrors came with some kind of purpose uh?)

That you take such care to protect them is also no small task. While the older one has provided you many "protection" challenges over the years, you also do the same for the younger one. How many times have you had to decided you needed to "run over someone" who may have caused them some hurt? While it is kind of your personal joke, they hear it and know that no matter what you will protect them. You would never let anyone cause them harm on your watch. Lucky for us all you haven't actually had to run anyone over yet (well now that I think of it, I haven't seen that cabbage patch faced girl for some time.....).

I am so sorry that you had to work for so long. Every day that you were at work meant one fewer day of the "hi girls how was your day" routine you now have with them when they get home from school. That 10 minutes of sharing their day and you listening to their silly stories is going to be time they remember for ever. It is such a small thing when you think about it, but such a big thing to both of them. That you are so aware of the time and try so hard to make certain it is "their" time with you is very special. Even if some of the stories they tell you are ridiculously silly and mean nothing to you. That you are there and listening is all they need.

Our girls will grow up and have their own children some day and the role model they had as a mother will be a tough act to follow. However, thanks to you they truly know what it means to be a family. They truly know what it means to have a mother involved in their life. They will truly know what the difference between giving birth and providing life. While the girls may take a lot of things they have for granted. Their mother is not one of them. You are the light of their lives.

Happy Mothers Day my love. No one deserves this day more than you do.

I love you so much and I hope you feel better in the morning. I miss you.