Holding Hands

Your comment yesterday made me feel so bad. I am racking my brains to try and understand why I never reached over to hold your hand the whole drive. I can't come up with a reason of any kind. It was a missed opportunity to hold the one hand I'd rather hold over all others.

Holding hands has always been one of my favorite things to do with you. It seems that our hands fit together perfectly. Like they were meant to hold each other.

I think holding hands is the best way for a relationship to bond. Hugs are great, kisses are great, other things are great too. However, holding hands is like a method of expressing love and providing support. Like giving each other the ability to lean on one another. Hand holding so often says things we don't actually need to say aloud.

We have been holding hands for almost a quarter of a century now. Walking hand in hand. Holding hands on the couch when we watch TV. Holding hands at dinner out. Holding hands while we drive in the car. A few times even in bed as we lay down to sleep. Both of our hands, perfectly made for each other.

I picture us as a younger couple walking hand in hand. Our hands swinging a little, like young couples do when they are just completely overwhelmed by their new found love. Swinging hands just a little, because it is as close to yelling "I love you" out loud for the whole world to hear as you can do without causing a scene. A young signal to each other that we didn't ever plan on letting the other go. A future sign of our forever together.

I see us a few years later. Holding hands in a hospital room. Awaiting the birth of our first child (or our second one). Holding hands tightly rather than speaking, because holding hands said exactly what we both wanted to hear. "Our baby is coming, I am so excited! Look what we have done together". Our hands tightly held together with the other hand over the coupled hands as a means of quelling our excitement. But also showing that we did something together. Something special worthy of an excited hand holding.

I see a few more years into the future. Holding hands at the side of our sick child's hospital bed. Holding hands to give each other the strength needed to know that soon everything will be ok. Holding tightly to let each other know that no matter what we are here for each other while give all of our attention to the sick little baby in the bed before us. The having the hand holding change to excited hand holding when we find out for certain that everything is going to be ok.

A few more years pass. We walk hand in hand behind out babies - who are walking hand in hand with each other in front of us. Their hand holding speaks of their trust and love for each other. Ours boasts of how proud of them we are at that very moment. How lucky we are to have them and have each other. How proud we are that we have the amazing little family we made together.

So many other things happen to make us hold hands tightly over the years. Yet we find more and more reasons to hold hands. Even as we start to notice that other couples our age have stopped handing hands. We laugh at how they are missing out. We just go right on holding hands.

Right now I love walking the city streets holding your hand. At times i find myself wanting to swing my arms a little bit, or even grip it a little harder. Using holding your hand to say things to you I don't need to say with words. Our fingers intertwined. Our grip still representing the forever we will share together. Using our held hands to support each other, to show love for one another and as a constant reminder that we are here for each other.

As I look into the future, I see us holding holding hands more gently. For longer periods of time. Needing to be there for each other. Proud hand holding at weddings. Excited hand holding at grand-kids births. Romantic hand holding for every major accomplishment our relationship surpasses. Holding hands for the next 50 years just as we have for the past 25.

How I missed an opportunity yesterday to do something I truly love to do, I have no idea. I am sorry.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.