My Lame Apology

I just looked at the VERY few posts I had during the month of August. One I am really proud of and 2 that were done either late at night or while I was at home. The good news is that the biggest reason I had so few posts was that I was home at night for all but 5 nights during the entire month. That is a very good thing. That the reason was due to your surgery is probably not such a good thing for you.

It was a rough past 10 days or so.

Your surgery was much rougher on you than either of us anticipated. I remember you had plans of exercising the 3 days after the surgery. Either the doctor was understated the amount of pain you would be in or we way underestimated the same. In either case your discomfort and pain has lasted longer than we thought it would.

Then we ended the week by taking our baby to her second year off at college. I am serious when I say we had just really had her back for a few weeks. It seemed that she became "the little girl we know and love" for only a short time before she left. It was much better than the "crappy obnoxious brat" she was the first month or so she was home.

Now our youngest heads off to her second to last year of high school. A junior? Wow. Where has time gone. While I am proud of her, I can remember how fast time went by for the older daughter at this point. Once she is gone we are on our own. As much as I am going to love being with you and having you all to myself, not having either of them around is going to be hard.

I am very sorry that my care for you was lackluster to say the least. I do try. Seriously. However, I just can't seem to get past times when you aren't really you. It frustrates me to have you feel bad and be able to do nothing about it. Then when aren't getting better and I can't do anything about it, I guess I get mad. First at me for being able to do nothing. Then at you for me not being able to make you feel better. Its a shitty excuse. And I am an ass for being that way. All I can say is that I am sorry.

It was good to see you smiling yesterday. I missed your smile. It was good to hear you laugh yesterday. I missed your laugh. It was nice to snuggle close to you when we fell asleep last night. I missed snuggling like that. Even though you aren't 100% yet, it is good to have you almost back. I missed you.

I'll try to start making it all up to you this weekend. I owe you at least that.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.