Knight in Shinig Armor

So I think about stuff a lot.  No matter how hard I try I keep things out of my head they creep in.  Every fear, every concern, everything that makes my chest pound – I keep them to myself.  I am certain it is something from my childhood.  I am certain that it isn’t healthy.  I am really certain that I am not the only one in this world who does so.

I wonder – often – if our daughter didn’t get some of her issues from me.  I stress.  I worry. I try to fix things on my own.  Just like I think Megan does.  Who knows why?  The irony is that neither of us had tragic lives.  In fact, we generally had nothing but good in our lives.  What wires someone like that?  Who knows.  What makes someone kind of scared so often

It isn’t that I am a sad person.  In fact, I consider myself quite happy.  It is that I want things to always be good.  Good for me and good for those around me and that I love.

So now – having just read that set of paragraphs myself – do I realize I am full of crap.  Everyone needs someone.  Everyone needs a little help.  Everyone needs a Knight in Shining Armor.  Everyone.

So about three nights ago I texted to myself the following:  “blog entry Tracy is my night in shining armour…..no one e sticks up for me like her”.  For your enjoyment, I kept every typo and misspelling.  I have no idea why exactly it was texted.  For more humor I can tell you my next text to myself was 21 minutes later and said nothing more than “Samantha Stevens”.

So why would I text that to myself?  What did you do that prompted it?  What did I do that prompted me needing you to rescue me? Because that is what Knights in Shining Armor do right?  I really don’t remember.

So for about 3 days now I have been building this blog in my head.  I have to because I told myself to write it.  I really beat myself trying to remember what it was that prompted the text.  Then it kind of hit me.  Why would it require ONE thing to make me realize that you are my Knight in Shining Armor?  There are so many reasons.  Millions.  New ones every day.

Why do I call you my Knight in Shining Armor? Well that is easy.  You are the one person in life I know that no matter what I can count on.  You will be there for me.  You will support me.  You will love me.

You don’t care how successful I am at work.  You don’t care if I get things right or wrong.  You don’t even care if I fix things.  You just love me.

You somehow know when I had a bad day.  Like some kind of magic, you take my bad to good.  Like you somehow waved magic wand over my head and “POOF!”  - all better.

You somehow know what will make me smile.  You are the only person in my whole life who has every so consistently made me laugh.  You are like a “cheering up” waiting to happen.

You warm me inside.  You make me feel loved.  If I sat here all day and thought to myself “I wonder if anyone else is thinking about me”, I know that the answer is yes.  You are. You are the one person, one person who is concerned about me even when I am not with them.

You are my Knight in Shining Armor.  The person who rescues me from anything I can’t handle.  The person who won’t expect me to thank them for just being there.

You are the one person in life I can count on to love me best.

Just so you know, I will always be that person for you as well.  We can ride our white horses together – rescuing each other every day for the rest of our lives.

So I just re-read this whole blog.  It is rambling.  I gave thought to scrapping it and trying again tomorrow.  I thought she is going to read this and think “what the hell is wrong”?  But nothing is wrong my love.  It was a response to a self text – because at the moment the text was sent, I was feeling in love.  As aimless as it reads, it accomplished my goal.  It did what I wanted.  And that goal was you ask?

Read it again my love.  It is aimless rambling of someone so truly in love with someone he gets confused from time to time.  Someone so truly in love with someone that he keeps expecting it to become “too good to be true” and yet day after day after day it never does.  It is a response to a text sent in a moment when I was likely having another – how could this life with her be so good? And got scared.  Because being this in love is kind of scary right?

It is the aimless rambling of a guy who has met the love of his life and somehow knows that “nothing can be this perfect”.  But it is.  So it sounds confusing.  Because in reality no two people should have ever been this lucky.  Lottery?  Don’t need a ticket.  I have already won.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.