Uncertain Smile

"A howling wind blows the litter as the rain flows,
As street lamps pour orange coloured shapes through your window,
a broken soul stares from a pair of watering eyes,
uncertain emotions force an uncertain smile..." ("uncertain smile", the the)

I know you don't like the song lyric approach to the blog, but the lyrics above seem to fit the past few weeks around our house. It has been a difficult time and as you say nearly every day, "when is it going to stop"?

My love, while there is so much going on that causes us stress, angst, anger and hurt right now, we have to keep reminding ourselves of the amazing things that happen every day as well. Our lives may be going through a rough cycle now, but we too have been blessed by so many things we cannot take for granted.

The most important thing is our relationship. Few couples can bounce back from an argument like we do. Honestly, few couples have as few real arguments as we do. We truly love each other. No matter what happens I always know that is true. I can feel it in the way we hold hands or even in the reluctant hugs after we argue. We have an amazing ability to comfort one another with actually trying. We seem to be able to find the smallest things to reassure the other with when things are tough. It may be as small as getting coffee, making sure a stuffed animal is placed appropriately or a favorite meal is on the table, but we know what cues to give the other to subtly remind them that we are still in love. I know I say this too often, but this a relationship that exceeds normal relationships. It is truly special. It is a love affair others cannot comprehend.

We have our amazing girls. And while they frustrate us from time to time, they remain one of the greatest gifts we ever gave each other. One is struggling so hard to find her way in life. The other is struggling so hard to make sure she makes the right choices to create a path for her life. Maybe both are in the same boat, but at different times. Who knows. It causes us grief because all we want to do is make everything right for them. Think about how lucky they are that we care that deeply for them. Neither of us had such care at the same age, and while it often frustrates them, they will soon enough know how blessed they were to have us hold their hands through everything.

I will give you a moment that brings everything together. One that shows how blessed we are even in light of all that is going on around us. Consider the "skittles" episode on Sunday night. It brought all of us a great laugh, made all of us smile and was a reminder that no matter what happens we can create smiles that make us feel good at virtually any time.

So I know you are scared, and even the light at the end of the tunnel seems dim. I know that each smile you give me or share with the girls is a bit "uncertain". I know that behind the smiles and watering eyes are emotions that are founded in "uncertain" times (see how neatly I tied the lyrics back into this, pretty slick huh?). Just remember there are many things we can count on every day. Things that while maybe only glimpses are certain enough to lean on when uncertainty weighs too heavy on us.

When you feel afraid or uncertain, grab my hand. When you feel nervous or unsure, put your head on my shoulder. I will always be there. You will always know that I love you. You will always know you are not alone.

t., remember that I wake up every morning feeling lucky to have you in my life. I go to bed every night knowing that, no matter what my day was blessed because you were in my life. My love for you has no limits or thresholds. It will be tree for you always.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.