Thumb Wrestling

This past weekend our nephew's future wife had her wedding shower. While I wasn't there I gather the subject of how to have a successful marriage came up more than few times. The concept of "rules of marriage" was discussed among the attendees at the wedding. Well after nearly 20 years of the closest thing to a perfect marriage there has ever been, I am claiming some expertise on this matter. Because I have this blog I created for the better half of my marriage, I have a real forum to give you my side of the equation.

I will start with a quick story. When your aunt and I got married, we obviously didn't do it the conventional way. We had a modest "ceremony" where a guy got us "hitched". While we followed it up with a real ceremony more than a year later, there was a very important moment that occurred during our "hitching".

With our hands locked together and just as we said our "I do's" I captured a brief victory. Yup a thumb wrestling win. One of many I have won over the years. Of course I have lost just as many. However, isn't that really what marriage is all about? Is marriage really as simple as thumb wrestling?

So to my nephew I'll give you my advice. I am doing it in an ode to my wife. Since she loves you so much young man, she won't have a hard time sharing this space this one time. I attribute it all to thumb wrestling.

You see young man, despite any claims, no one is really good or bad at thumb wrestling. It is just a game. Simple rules. Simple outcomes. Its is just thumb wrestling. Marriage is that simple as well. So here are my rules.

Look at her often young man. She is beautiful. Over the years she will get even more beautiful. Over the years you will look at her and notice things you never thought you would notice. And with each thing she will look even more beautiful. Sometimes she will smile a little differently and her beauty will surprise you. Sometimes she will look back at you with eyes you haven't seen before. And while you thought she had pretty eyes before, you suddenly find them even more beautiful. Remember that not everyone sees her the same way you do. They aren't lucky enough to view her through your eyes. The can't see what you see. They never will. What they might find ordinary, you will find amazing. It is the gift of being truly in love. Like in thumb wrestling, tomorrow you get to play again. In this match you win, other people lose. The rule is simple. Keep gazing at her through your eyes.

Tell her everything. There are no secrets. This is the one person you want to tell everything. You know why? Because she will really listen. Because she won't judge or condemn you. She will just listen. You have to trust her. You have to trust in her. I promise you this is a comfort you cannot get anywhere else. It is just you and her talking. Just her listening to you. Just you sharing with her. Like in thumb wrestling you two are the only audience. There are no crowds in thumb wrestling. It is a private event between 2 people. The rule is simple. Make her part of your entire life, not pieces of your life.

Put her first. Always put her first. You didn't marry her family and she didn't marry yours. You married each other. Even when you have children. Put your wife first. Remember, you picked her. You could have picked thousands of different girls. You picked her. Her family was just part of the deal for you and your family is just part of the deal for her. Your children, while amazing and important, are just a result of the choice you made to pick her. At the end of everyday all of the people outside of you and her are somewhere else. Only you and her will be there when you turn off that light at night to go to sleep. Put her first. Like in thumb wrestling marriage is a one on one event. There are no other participants. The rule is truly simple. Put her first.

The last one sounds the least important, but to me is the most important. Make your marriage fun. Life is too short to not enjoy yourself. Remember that you didn't ask her to marry you because she bored you to tears. You had fun together. Keep doing that. Find time for just the two of you to enjoy the little things. Make each other laugh. Make each other smile. Inside jokes are the sign of a great team. Have many of them. Remember you are team. A team of two. Because just like thumb wrestling, marriage is supposed to be fun. Marriage is supposed to bring you joys you cannot get anywhere else. Simple rule again - have fun and enjoy each other.

Now I know at your young age you will read this and think it is sappy. In fact you may not even be mature enough to truly understand what I am talking about. I am not sure I was at your age. I do know this though. Being in love is easy. Getting married is easy. Being happily married is hard work. No matter what your career success is young man, it will never be able to bring you the joy that being happily married will bring. You can't purchase a good marriage. You can't even show it off. You can't brag about it. It doesn't have some designer label. It is truly just between you and your wife. Only you and her will know what it really means. While others may seem to understand, they won't.

There are my rules. Nothing dumb like "never go to bed angry" or "make sure you make time for friends" or "never tell she looks fat". Those are easy to decipher. You are far to intelligent to need that kind of advice. These are the real rules of marriage. The kind that push you to appreciate the gift you have been given.

So in the end my young nephew remember this this. Thumb wrestling is really nothing more than another reason to hold hands. Sometimes it is as simple as that.

I'll end this with a note to my wife (since this is her forum and this message was really for her). I mean all of this from the bottom of my heart. Seeing our nephew about to get married reminds me of how lucky I am to have you as my wife. I love you. I would thumb wrestle with you any time.