Thumb Wrestling

This past weekend our nephew's future wife had her wedding shower. While I wasn't there I gather the subject of how to have a successful marriage came up more than few times. The concept of "rules of marriage" was discussed among the attendees at the wedding. Well after nearly 20 years of the closest thing to a perfect marriage there has ever been, I am claiming some expertise on this matter. Because I have this blog I created for the better half of my marriage, I have a real forum to give you my side of the equation.

I will start with a quick story. When your aunt and I got married, we obviously didn't do it the conventional way. We had a modest "ceremony" where a guy got us "hitched". While we followed it up with a real ceremony more than a year later, there was a very important moment that occurred during our "hitching".

With our hands locked together and just as we said our "I do's" I captured a brief victory. Yup a thumb wrestling win. One of many I have won over the years. Of course I have lost just as many. However, isn't that really what marriage is all about? Is marriage really as simple as thumb wrestling?

So to my nephew I'll give you my advice. I am doing it in an ode to my wife. Since she loves you so much young man, she won't have a hard time sharing this space this one time. I attribute it all to thumb wrestling.

You see young man, despite any claims, no one is really good or bad at thumb wrestling. It is just a game. Simple rules. Simple outcomes. Its is just thumb wrestling. Marriage is that simple as well. So here are my rules.

Look at her often young man. She is beautiful. Over the years she will get even more beautiful. Over the years you will look at her and notice things you never thought you would notice. And with each thing she will look even more beautiful. Sometimes she will smile a little differently and her beauty will surprise you. Sometimes she will look back at you with eyes you haven't seen before. And while you thought she had pretty eyes before, you suddenly find them even more beautiful. Remember that not everyone sees her the same way you do. They aren't lucky enough to view her through your eyes. The can't see what you see. They never will. What they might find ordinary, you will find amazing. It is the gift of being truly in love. Like in thumb wrestling, tomorrow you get to play again. In this match you win, other people lose. The rule is simple. Keep gazing at her through your eyes.

Tell her everything. There are no secrets. This is the one person you want to tell everything. You know why? Because she will really listen. Because she won't judge or condemn you. She will just listen. You have to trust her. You have to trust in her. I promise you this is a comfort you cannot get anywhere else. It is just you and her talking. Just her listening to you. Just you sharing with her. Like in thumb wrestling you two are the only audience. There are no crowds in thumb wrestling. It is a private event between 2 people. The rule is simple. Make her part of your entire life, not pieces of your life.

Put her first. Always put her first. You didn't marry her family and she didn't marry yours. You married each other. Even when you have children. Put your wife first. Remember, you picked her. You could have picked thousands of different girls. You picked her. Her family was just part of the deal for you and your family is just part of the deal for her. Your children, while amazing and important, are just a result of the choice you made to pick her. At the end of everyday all of the people outside of you and her are somewhere else. Only you and her will be there when you turn off that light at night to go to sleep. Put her first. Like in thumb wrestling marriage is a one on one event. There are no other participants. The rule is truly simple. Put her first.

The last one sounds the least important, but to me is the most important. Make your marriage fun. Life is too short to not enjoy yourself. Remember that you didn't ask her to marry you because she bored you to tears. You had fun together. Keep doing that. Find time for just the two of you to enjoy the little things. Make each other laugh. Make each other smile. Inside jokes are the sign of a great team. Have many of them. Remember you are team. A team of two. Because just like thumb wrestling, marriage is supposed to be fun. Marriage is supposed to bring you joys you cannot get anywhere else. Simple rule again - have fun and enjoy each other.

Now I know at your young age you will read this and think it is sappy. In fact you may not even be mature enough to truly understand what I am talking about. I am not sure I was at your age. I do know this though. Being in love is easy. Getting married is easy. Being happily married is hard work. No matter what your career success is young man, it will never be able to bring you the joy that being happily married will bring. You can't purchase a good marriage. You can't even show it off. You can't brag about it. It doesn't have some designer label. It is truly just between you and your wife. Only you and her will know what it really means. While others may seem to understand, they won't.

There are my rules. Nothing dumb like "never go to bed angry" or "make sure you make time for friends" or "never tell she looks fat". Those are easy to decipher. You are far to intelligent to need that kind of advice. These are the real rules of marriage. The kind that push you to appreciate the gift you have been given.

So in the end my young nephew remember this this. Thumb wrestling is really nothing more than another reason to hold hands. Sometimes it is as simple as that.

I'll end this with a note to my wife (since this is her forum and this message was really for her). I mean all of this from the bottom of my heart. Seeing our nephew about to get married reminds me of how lucky I am to have you as my wife. I love you. I would thumb wrestle with you any time.

A New Chapter

This morning you took me to the airport. I really like that. Something about kissing you goodbye at the airport makes me feel safe.

When I got on the plane a sudden spooky thought hit me. I left today and it was that last "normal" night I will spend at home with my daughter before she heads off to college. While I am very proud of here now I am officially very sad about the whole thing. I don't think either of us were really ready for here to grow up like this. I know I suddenly do not think I am ready for what has been coming for some time.

I know this blog is supposed to be about you and us for the most part, but I think it is appropriate for us to at least think together about how this piece of "us" is heading off to a new part of her life. So I am going to list a number of things that we will surely miss about having that angel in our home every night.

I'll start with some obvious stuff. While we watch TV as a family it will be just the 3 of us. The good news for the younger daughter is that she gets to claim the chair and ottoman. The bad news is that no one will be talking the whole way through whatever we are watching with silly comments about this or that.

Dinner will be different as well. Did you ever realize just how much of the conversation she starts? How much she contributes? Many of the inane topics are about her life. The younger one will really have to step it up in the area. Hopefully she can do so with no food in her mouth. Maybe my web cam idea needs to come back into play.

Who is going to "run to the store for us"? I know she has only been driving for 2 years but she has become quite the convenience. Plus any time she ran and errand it gave us one more shot at her crowning family achievement. And that is...

The way she bounces into the house. Fills it with her glow. Gives the house more life. It is truly her most amazing feat. The one thing I think we will all miss the most. She doesn't just enter the room, she commands the room.

So how proud are we? How amazed are we that we produced such and amazing young lady. Just how lucky are all of us that you - her mother - guided her into such an amazing person?

As she starts the next chapter of her life she goes prepared. She goes with everything we have taught her about life and how to live it. She goes with the knowledge we instilled in her about how to enjoy her life with limits. I think she is ready. I hope she is ready. I pray she is ready.

Are we good parents? Yeah I think so. Are you an amazing parent? Yeah I know so.

I love you sweetie. I think we are about to start a whole new chapter in our lives too.

Lucky for me you are in all of my chapters.

Are you Ready For Bed?

Tonight I will go to sleep alone. Tomorrow I will wake up alone. Tomorrow I will go to sleep alone. The awake alone, then asleep alone. Sadly hundreds of miles away the one person I love more than anyone will be doing the same. It is really sad. Sad that two people who want nothing more than to spend all of their time together don't always have that chance. For that I am sorry.

So I figured I'd give you kind of a gift. It may only work once or it may work a thousand times. That is up to you. The gift is a full description of us going to bed together at home. With as much detail as I can accurately type.

We first need to get up off the couch. You first tonight my love.

You will straighten the couch and clear off the coffee table. I will carry whatever dishes into the kitchen and set them in the sink. You of course would have actually put them in dishwasher, but hey who is perfect? Assuming the girls are not awake (lets pretend it is a school night) I will turn off the light over the TV and the one behind the couch. Then I will follow you to bed. I'll hit the last light switch as we pass.

You will head into the closet to change. I turn on the TV and find Raymond or Doug and Carrie. I of course whip off my house pants and t-shirt (no shirt tonight) and throw them next to the bed as if I planned on putting them back on in the morning (sometimes I really do). Then I will start the process if undoing the massive layers of pillows and pillow cases on our perfectly decorated bed. I create my usual stack of bedding in the corner on that square thing on the corner (I am certain it has a name of some kind - but that is unimportant).

Then I crawl into bed. I put myself in a silly sexy pose. I do this fully knowing that my silly sexy pose does nothing more than make you laugh when you come out ready for bed.

You come out of the bathroom. I of course ask you if my silly pose has put you in the mood or not. You of course laugh at my silliness.

Then you sit on the bed and start taking off your earrings and wedding ring. At this point it should be noted that they total a little more than 3 carats of diamonds (in case you never considered that). During the earring removal you remind me that you need to get the different clasps on the back of them someday. Into the jewelry box on the nightstand they go. Then you fully climb into bed. I of course am still in some way shape of form hoping my silly sexy pose has done something for you. Silly me.

At this point you smile at me with you mischievous smile to remind me that despite the fact that I have been in bed for 5-10 minutes I still need to get up and turn off the light. I gasp and do exactly that. At the same time I close the door a little because I still think I won't be able to see the TV. The back into bed I climb.

At this point I get that little giddy feeling like a kid. It is either because I finally get to lay down or that I am so pleased to be in bed with you. I know it is the latter. Then I turn and snuggle as close to you as possible. My big gay leg flops on top of you and you (as always) flip it right back off. My arm and hand goes around your body in that familiar "hold". I can smell you at this point. It is such a sweet smell. I know in the morning you will smell like pancakes. I love that.

The I put the remote between us (even though it drives me nuts) and you set the TV to shut off auto-magically.

Then I kiss you on your cheek. Kiss you on your neck. Then I tell you "good night" and "I love you".

Good night sweetie - I can't wait until we wake up. Together.

I love you more than you will ever know.

Counting Crows

This is kind of weird writing whilst you are in the room with me. I guess that is really while I always intended to write these while I was away. The good news in that is that I haven't really been away all that much lately. To give you some idea - according to my travel log - I have only spent 8 nights away for work since June 1. That is no more than 4 nights a month. Since I never figured I would get that much time at home, I never figured on writing these at home. I guess I will have to change the plans. As I always have things I want to say to you.

This post hit me a few weeks ago on the plane while I was listening to my MP3 player. A Counting Crows song came on and as I listened to it I wondered why I like them so much. Everything kept pointing back to you. Some how, some way every CC song reminds me of you or at least makes me think of you. I did some research on the whole Counting Crows thing.

In the song "A Murder of One" they have the following lyrics:

I dreamt I saw you walking up a hillside in the snow
Casting shadows on the winter sky as you stood there counting crows
One for sorrow
Two for joy
Three for girls and four for boys
Five for silver
Six for gold and
Seven for a secret never to be told

It turns out it is how they got their name. The lyric is paraphrased from a mother goose rhyme. I am not certain which one. However, the lyric is intended to mirror the old superstition that your fortune in life was shaped by the number of black crows you found on your path to the world. In Adam's view you need only ONE person to shape your fortune in life. That one person is your true love. The song goes on to say you don't want to waste your life trying to improve your fortunes after you have found that one person.

So I thought to myself why do I love this band so much? Why does every song in some way make me think of you? Then it hit me. Adam is a hopeless romantic. He wants nothing more than to have found his one true love and have that one true love be his "counting crow". As he sings, I realize I have exactly what he desires. Something in every song reminds me of that.

I remember when I first discovered Counting Crows. I saw them on Saturday Night Live while you were sleeping. I woke you up to tell you how awesome I thought they were. We were together when I discovered them.

I remember the first time I heard "Anna Begins" and heard the lyric "...and every time she sneezes I believe its love, Oh lord I am not ready for this kind of thing..." I thought to myself that it was so romantic. There are so many little "sneezes" that you have that instantly remind me how much I love you. The difference between Adam and me is I am very ready for this sort of thing.

I was so happy when we saw them in concert and you were taken by Adam's ability to write songs. It again reinforced my bond with the band and you. If you really liked the band, it made them mean even more to me.

All of this aside, I think it is important to have you know that even though I am not the most vocal person in the world about these things, I spend my entire life associating the things I love with you. Enjoying something with you as a part of it makes it even better. My favorite band, my favorite team or even my favorite foods. I want you in every part of my life. I always have. My silly Counting Crows example is just one of many. You are my life. The only thing that truly makes me happy. The only thing that always give me joy. The only thing that I plan for the future with.

I love you so much. Today will be a good day - because I get to spend it in love with you.