The Wedding Vows

I was touched by the vows that our nephew and his new wife shared with each other this weekend. Of course as I mentioned to you it made me a bit sad that you and I never had the opportunity to do the same for each other. I know that in lieu of the vent we got the gift of our first daughter, but as always I feel like you deserve everything and more.

So I thought I would share with you the vows I would have shared nearly 20 years ago. This won't replace the vows i will share with you on our 20th anniversary, but rather a type of traveling back in time set of vows. Think of me as 22 years old and you as a young (and extremely beautiful) 19 year old bride.

Here goes. It won't be our nephew's 4 sentences or his wife's perfectly crafted statement, it will sound a lot like me.

"I have never felt this way about anyone before. I have never looked at anyone the way I see you. No one has ever made me feel the way about myself that you make me feel. I stand here today a boy that has only the potential to become a man through you.

I don't think you know how afraid I was to ask you to share my life with me. There was no way in my mind that you would ever say "yes". Someone so beautiful, so smart and so sure of herself should want anything to do with me. Yet you do. You make me a better person. You make me feel loved. You make me feel like I can do anything.

I will spend the rest of our lives together trying to live up to what you deserve. I will be thankful everyday that you love me and never take for granted that you brought the first real love into my life.

I can't wait to start a family with you. You will be the perfect mother as well as the perfect wife. Our children will be so lucky to have you love them. I will tell them so because I too am lucky to have you love me.

So with great humility I start the rest of my life with you. Our lives together. I love you more than you will ever imagine. You saved my life."

That is pretty much how it would have gone. It is also pretty much how it had been so far. You did save my life. And in some way (although I didn't think it at the time) I kind of saved yours. We were made for each other. As much as you believe in fate, I believe that fate put us together. It was fate the made us find each other. It was love that has kept us together.

You made me the man I am today. You made me super-man.

I am as much in love with you today as I was nearly 20 years ago. I am as impressed with myself for convincing you to marry me now as I was then. I am invincible because of you.

I love you. It is as simple as that.

It was Late Sweetie

This weekend was such a nice time. I really enjoyed being with you and the girls. The wedding was great and we got to dance together. I love that.

I have a post ready last night but wasn't sure how it should end. Then I got rally tired. I figured out how to end it when I was laying in bed, but then I fell asleep.

I will update it to night. However, I didn't want you to think I forgot about you.

I love you so much. Check again tomorrow morning.

My Kryptonite

I can't for the life of me figure out why I get this way. It is really silly. It is really childish. However, it is me when it comes to you.

I couldn't figure out why I was so down this weekend. I guess it kind of started when I got home Thursday. Then it just got worse from there.

You are the most important person in my life. No question. No one else is on my mind as much as you. There is no one else I want to tell things to more than you. No one I want to spend time with more than you. You are my life.

So I get a little upset when I don't feel like you think the same way I know it is stupid, but you and I have another 100 (accounting for medical marvels here) years together. Much of it will be just the two of us. So I worry when you have even moments where I don't feel as important to me as you are to me.

I know there is a lot going on right now. Our lives are changing. New things happen every day. They are as exciting to me as they are to you. I don't want those changes to change us. I guess that is an unrealistic thought.

On Thursday I walked through the door after my first long week away in quite some time. My arrival home didn't come with that very long "I missed you so much" hug. I did get a fine dinner and a discussion about the dinner I had just had with our daughter. Our daughter had already pretty much filled you in on the details of our dinner in my short hour long drive home. I looked forward to that hug for about 3 days, when it didn't come (I did get a hug - just not "that" hug) I was hurt. I guess you just have become accustomed to me being gone. Again a change in our lives, but one I didn't know happened.

From there the whole weekend seemed very rushed. While I saw it as some quality time between us, it became very much car trips and errands. Not what I was expecting. Nothing wrong with that, just not what I had in mind. That we didn't go to dinner wasn't the problem. That we weren't more excited to be alone together was more the issue.

Finally on Sunday before we left the thing that upset me most occurred. As we sat on the couch watching football together (a very nice time I might add) I watched you start to get up. You were about to go take a shower. I waited for you to give me a quick kiss or a quick hug. It never came. You just took a shower. It wasn't what I was expecting. To me it was just as unexpected as the hug that never came a few days earlier. Hurt just as bad.

You mentioned that I don't do thoughtful things for you. I do, but not in the same way you do them. My version of thoughtful things is to tell you how pretty you are. Or to hug you in the kitchen. Or to kiss your head. Or tell you I love you when you don't expect me to. I guess I could send flowers or something like that, but I do feel like I do thoughtful things for you. They are just different from the kind of things you do for me.

So I am over this. It wasn't really a big thing, just another example of this Superman getting his feelings hurt. You are still my kryptonite. The one thing that can get to me when no one else can. That is only true because I love you so much. Only because my world has really only you to count on.

I am sorry I was jerk. I'll try to not have it happen again. I can't guarantee it, but I will try.

I love you so much. Being in love with you is very important to me - I guess I have odd ways of showing that sometimes.

A Proper Send Off

This is my first prolonged week away in quite a while. I knew that before I left Monday morning. I knew it all day on Sunday. Silly me I start missing you before I even leave now. This week I left with quite the send off. Probably a send off you weren't quite expecting. It was nice. Really nice.

I figured I'd keep this week very short and very personal. I am going to do it with a list of sorts. A list in code so to speak. One only you and I will know really understand.

Our Top 10 "Send Offs" (again it is code)

10. Purple-ish short skirted suit after we came back from an airplane trip

9. The Turner Turnpike

8. White night gown in your fathers family room (there were 5 stairs down into that room)

7. Stopping at the house to shower and change on 4th of July (it was around 1997 or 1998)

6. The "flaw" in your recorded mix tape.

5. Hot tub - celebrity hot tub (Pool - celebrity pool?)

4. Hi Sean!

3. Stopping the Expedition in our favorite parking lot post Starck Club

2. Trying to prevent me from going to class and the resulting angelbaby / A really bad movie and the resulting 'neesta

1. Rain and The Cure Disintegration CD

I didn't reference the first "send off" on the list for a reason. We can discuss that one face to face. But it is an impressive list isn't it?

I love you more than you will ever know.

I will be home soon enough. Then next week you get to "send me off" all over again.

I miss you baby.

Solid as a Rock

I can't believe it has been 2 weeks since I posted. The past few weeks have been a blur. Our oldest off to college, our youngest off to her sophmore year and our friend sharing her woes with us for a whole weekend. I promise you that updating this is very important to me. I promise you that when I do update this blog every word is important to me. I apologize for the missed week.

Summer is almost over. It seemed like it came and went so fast. So much has changed in our lives over the past 90 days or so. Child growing up and leaving home for her life adventure. Child changing from care-free youth to a teen with challenges of her own that we often cannot help her with. Nephew about to be married. Best friends going through a strange but troubled time that may ultimately lead to the end of their marriage. It all happened so fast.

However, through it all you remain a rock. You remain the one thing EVERYONE can count on. The one consistent in a world of change. I know you hate change, maybe it because it puts so much pressure on you to maintain for everyone including yourself. In the end I think we all take for granted that you will keep the world in order for all of us. In the end you provide safety and refuge for us all.

It is amazing the person that you have become. You weren't always like this. I know that can't be true. No one could carry this much strength for a lifetime. Or could they? Could that truly be your gift to the world? Your never ending ability to make others feel safe? Your ability to protect? Your ability to give your unconditional love to those closest to you?

I know you feel strongly that everyone has some kind of purpose in life. That we are all put here for a reason. After all you have been through I guess you have to believe that is true. My inclination isn't to believe in such things. But you make me believe it is true. You make me believe in things I wouldn't otherwise believe were true.

So here is what I think your purpose is life was meant to be - your reason for being so to speak.

You were to have those beautiful girls and love them and make them who they are.

You were to change your mothers life and make certain she didn't cause her own demise.

You were to be the one real family member your brother so desparately needs.

You were to save my life and make me the man I have become.

Everytime you look in the mirror you should see the miracle you have become. The miracle you are. You are some kind of an angel. Some kind of piece of heavan sent to all of us to make our lives real. To give us the love we all need so badly. To protect us from evrything including oursleves sometimes.

I love you so much and am so lucky to have you in my world. We all are lucky. We all love you so much. I love you above all else.

I usually end these posts with a heartful - I love you. However this one needs to end a bit differently.

This one ends with a Thank You for being who you are. A Thank You for being our angel.

Thank you my love.