My Kryptonite

I can't for the life of me figure out why I get this way. It is really silly. It is really childish. However, it is me when it comes to you.

I couldn't figure out why I was so down this weekend. I guess it kind of started when I got home Thursday. Then it just got worse from there.

You are the most important person in my life. No question. No one else is on my mind as much as you. There is no one else I want to tell things to more than you. No one I want to spend time with more than you. You are my life.

So I get a little upset when I don't feel like you think the same way I know it is stupid, but you and I have another 100 (accounting for medical marvels here) years together. Much of it will be just the two of us. So I worry when you have even moments where I don't feel as important to me as you are to me.

I know there is a lot going on right now. Our lives are changing. New things happen every day. They are as exciting to me as they are to you. I don't want those changes to change us. I guess that is an unrealistic thought.

On Thursday I walked through the door after my first long week away in quite some time. My arrival home didn't come with that very long "I missed you so much" hug. I did get a fine dinner and a discussion about the dinner I had just had with our daughter. Our daughter had already pretty much filled you in on the details of our dinner in my short hour long drive home. I looked forward to that hug for about 3 days, when it didn't come (I did get a hug - just not "that" hug) I was hurt. I guess you just have become accustomed to me being gone. Again a change in our lives, but one I didn't know happened.

From there the whole weekend seemed very rushed. While I saw it as some quality time between us, it became very much car trips and errands. Not what I was expecting. Nothing wrong with that, just not what I had in mind. That we didn't go to dinner wasn't the problem. That we weren't more excited to be alone together was more the issue.

Finally on Sunday before we left the thing that upset me most occurred. As we sat on the couch watching football together (a very nice time I might add) I watched you start to get up. You were about to go take a shower. I waited for you to give me a quick kiss or a quick hug. It never came. You just took a shower. It wasn't what I was expecting. To me it was just as unexpected as the hug that never came a few days earlier. Hurt just as bad.

You mentioned that I don't do thoughtful things for you. I do, but not in the same way you do them. My version of thoughtful things is to tell you how pretty you are. Or to hug you in the kitchen. Or to kiss your head. Or tell you I love you when you don't expect me to. I guess I could send flowers or something like that, but I do feel like I do thoughtful things for you. They are just different from the kind of things you do for me.

So I am over this. It wasn't really a big thing, just another example of this Superman getting his feelings hurt. You are still my kryptonite. The one thing that can get to me when no one else can. That is only true because I love you so much. Only because my world has really only you to count on.

I am sorry I was jerk. I'll try to not have it happen again. I can't guarantee it, but I will try.

I love you so much. Being in love with you is very important to me - I guess I have odd ways of showing that sometimes.