In Your Image

The risk in referring to the kids in this forum is risk of the loss of anonymity in such a public forum. To retain that anonymity I will refer to the kids as the “older one” and the “younger one”. Yes, I know they each have terrific names, but you never know who is reading.

My thought for this post hit me on Sunday evening while we all sat in the family room. The “older one” was engrossed in Cold Case and the “younger one” sat in the basement on her computer sulking a bit about her “forgotten” homework. As I watched them throughout the evening the reflection of you was all over them. While neither is exactly you (and who is right?), they each have so much of you in them. While I wouldn’t call them dependent on you, they each feel so comfortable with you they can really do or say anything around you. What a nice life they have thanks to you.

The “older one” wants so much to please you. You can see it so clearly in how she “joins in” on every joke you tell and how even the slightest inkling of disappointing you hurts her so. She cuddles only you. She smiles at you just a little differently than she does for anyone else. She hugs you first, kisses you first and tells you that she loves you so easily it is hard for me to not feel a little bit jealous. There are truly times when I think she would crawl back into the womb knowing how much you protect her. I am quite certain that the bond shared between you is something that she will carry with her forever. Somehow through all that she has been exposed to in her short life, you have made that beautiful little girl a confident young woman.

The “younger one” is much more like you - steadfastly independent, quick witted, funny and simply gorgeous. She even has your facial expressions. Like you she is somewhat reservedly confident, like a humble beauty that only a few can see even though it is always there. She can take care of herself, but readily will allow you to care for her. She can think for herself, but readily would allow you to make any decision on her behalf. I don’t think you really understand the extreme level of trust she has in you. Different from the “older one” she never questions you; to her you are always right. She shares and cherishes your little “inside jokes” and the fact that you both can tease others so well. She feels more comfortable around you than with anyone else, with you she can just be who she wants to be and you accept that.

You have done such a fabulous job raising them. While there is no clear text book for child rearing, you seem to do it with such an effortless flare. Almost every goal you established for them has come true. You kept it simple and they thrive because of it. You simply love them so much it forms a cocoon like atmosphere that can never allow them harm. Your goal of having them be able to look in the mirror and like what they see has become a reality. It has done so because you made it so. While they deserve some credit, you deserve more.

Our family is the family it is because you have taken such care to make it so. I love you so much and am so thankful for what you have given to all of us. Few people will ever accomplish in their lives what you have with our little girls.

I love you.

Turkey Day: Prelude to Chrismas

This is it sweetie. This official start of the holiday season. My favorite holiday. Thanksgiving.



I know you start the holiday season much earlier, in fact your noble attempt to make Thanksgiving a "gift giving" holiday is quite unique. I guess I should embrace the early holiday season start as well, if only because it really puts you in a great mood. I love it when you are in a good mood.



So with that debuts my first "list" in this blog. The list is just for you - your holiday list so to speak.

Top 10 Things My Wife Does to Make Holidays Special

10. The first decoration goes out in early November. In fact the "days left to Christmas" often requires manual intervention to create the number of days left. Just not enough 4's.



9. We actually discussed the potential location of a 5th tree. Yes a 5th tree for our home. Each decorated perfectly.



8. The password protected, perfectly organized, multi-highlighted "gift spreadsheet". The girls have o idea the depths you go to to make their holiday perfect.



7. The kids are 14 and 17 and you will still have "Santa" wrapping paper.



6. The unpacking of the ornaments. It is like a life history of your childhood and our family in one evening. Opening them is more fun than hanging them.



5. Finding the "wow" factor gifts. Every year you somehow take your vision for the morning of Christmas and turn it into reality for the girls.



4. Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Secretly I am lad we are having both at our house this year. Your dinner always tastes perfect. And heck we have plenty of oven space this year!



3. The Christmas cookies. Dozens of perfectly planned, perfectly created cookies. The house always smells so good.



2. The Christmas music. In the car, in the kitchen, on the computer and this year the perfect MP3 Playlist. Jack Jones would be proud. Is a concert in the works from you?



1. This year I plan on putting the mistletoe to good use. You can count on it.



So begins the family Christmas season. Without you and your influence it would be just any other time of the year.



I love you.

I Am Superman?

*** Special NOTE on this post - I originally thought NOT to post it, but after we discussed the weekend _ I thought it might mean even more to you. If you do not like it, I can delete it as this is blog is for you and not me. ****



So what happened? You already know. In fact you said it.



However, to better understand the situation, I think it is high tie you learned something about me. It is a bit shocking you already didn't know. I am Superman. Yes I am completely invincible. In fact I am quite certain that I am capable of anything I want to try or do. I cannot be defeated. Nothing I truly try to accomplish do I fail at, nothing I truly want to attain do I not attain. I, in fact, have never lost at anything that truly meant something to me. So amazingly confident am I in my "Superman-ness", that I truly believe it to be true. The flaw is that EVERY Superman has his kryptonite.



You are my kryptonite. Not in a bad way. But in the "Jesus be realistic you are not really Superman" kind of way. No one is really Superman. No one is invincible. Everyone needs that something that they cannot live without. You are my thing. Call it my kryptonite.



Being Superman is in my head. It is more of a thought process. Gives me courage. Makes me feel strong. You benefit from my Superman. I promised to "take care of you forever" many years ago and it created the Superman. So far I have done a pretty good job. Lately things have been going so well for me and us. Great job, budding new business (of my own creation), kids accomplishing so much every day, you being healthy, etc. At work people want to hear me tell them to "x" or maybe do "y". All Superman stuff. My marriage beats any one's, my kids top them all - my life is perfect!



That is why this weekend was was so hard. See this weekend I realized that there is one person I cannot "be above". One person that I need so desperately that it brings me from Superman to nothing in an instant. That is you. You are so important to me and so make me feel like the Superman I think I am, that any lack of your attention can kill me. This weekend you accidentally made me feel like something I had not felt in a very long time. You made me feel insignificant. You did it and didn't even do anything wrong.



For nearly 20 years everywhere we have gone, everything we have done and everything we are has been about us. Not the kids, but us. People really do meet us and think "wow, they are really perfect for each other". They really do wish they had what we have. This weekend, no one saw that us. You didn't need me to be you. You wasn't us. There is nothing wrong with that, but it hurt. It hurt so badly. For days it still hurt. You did nothing wrong, you were being the person I love so much. Funny, entertaining, and the life of the party. I was definitely not mad, but I was still hurt.



I did get over it. I put my Superman cape back on. However, I got kind of a wake up call from the whole experience. Without you I have very little. While that is an amazing life experience, it has potential for hurt. You are the one person I "let in" over that past few decades. With you I have vulnerability. You are my kryptonite.



I will close this by admitting that using this blog to tell you this is very cowardly. A real man says what he feels to his wife (and I did accomplish that) face to face. Superman looks past it and never says a word. I love you. I need you. I know that. I just know that a little bit more now.



Do I get jealous honey? Yeah I get jealous.



I Love You.

Our Song

In addition to being forced to listen to Mr. Roboto on the plane yesterday, I also had the pleasure of hearing our song. I find it funny that lots of couples have "their song", but most times I think it is tied to a moment in time rather than the song itself. "Our song" is a true representation of our relationship. It is a song we don't share with anyone else I have ever met. The song isn't obscure or anything, it is just uniquely us.

I decided to take the time to put the lyrics on a post and really illustrate just how closely they fit. As I mentioned once before, no song is a perfect fit for any couple. However, this one is really close to perfect.
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I could be discontent and chase the rainbows end

I might win much more but lose all that is mine

I could be a lot but I know I'm not

I'm content just with the riches that you bring

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What a terrific way to open the song. As the song kind of implies throughout, our relationship is in fact the crowning achievement of my life. Yes, anyone could want more in life. They could take risks to get more than they already have. I have no need to do that. I am truly content with the riches that you bring. This love, this life, this marriage. I want for nothing more. What ever else I achieve pales by comparison.

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I might shoot to win and commit the sin

Of wanting more than I've already got

I could runaway but I'd rather stay

In the warmth of your smile lighting up my day

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Maybe this is why people stray in marriages. Wanting more than they have already got. Running away to find something that they lack or at least perceive they lack. Our marriage lacks nothing. In a way it is simply perfect. Best friends, wonderful family, ability to make each other laugh. Why want more? How could one even imagine more? I would rather stay - having the warmth of your smile lightining up my day. How could anything be more perfect?

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The chorus is simple.

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You're the best thing that ever happned to me or my world

You're the best thing that ever happened, so don't go away

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Wow. No truer words ever spoken. My life is what it is because of you and the us we have created. I want nothing more than to recognized as the other half of us. It is a life accomplishment. Yes, you are the best thing that ever happened to my - to my world.

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I might be a king and steal my peoples things

But I don't go for that power crazy way

All that I could rule but I don't check for fools

All that I need is to be left to live my way

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I struggled to see how this fit. Then I realized how it fit with the rest of the song. Yes I could be king, but that isn't my way. All I need is to be left to live my way. My way is you. To be left to live the life we have and and feel the love we share, thats all I need. It gets you through good and bad. It makes each day worth waking up for. Yes left to live my way. The "just us" way. Let no one else or their ambition stand in the way of that.

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I could chase around for nothing to be found

But why look for something that is never there

I may get it wrong sometimes but I'll come back in style

For I realise your love means more than anything

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There is no need to look elsewhere for something that doesn't exist. When you even question that you come back to the same place over and over again. Yes your love means more than anything. All the riches in the world couldn't replace it.

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You truly are the best thing that ever happened to me - to my world. This love, this life, this marriage. Nothing can replace it, nothing has its value. You are the true love of my life.

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While I think this may officially be the most corny post to date, it pleases me that our song is as truly special as our relationship. I love you so much. Our love really is the most important thing to me - it means more than anything.

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I love you.