I Am Superman?

*** Special NOTE on this post - I originally thought NOT to post it, but after we discussed the weekend _ I thought it might mean even more to you. If you do not like it, I can delete it as this is blog is for you and not me. ****



So what happened? You already know. In fact you said it.



However, to better understand the situation, I think it is high tie you learned something about me. It is a bit shocking you already didn't know. I am Superman. Yes I am completely invincible. In fact I am quite certain that I am capable of anything I want to try or do. I cannot be defeated. Nothing I truly try to accomplish do I fail at, nothing I truly want to attain do I not attain. I, in fact, have never lost at anything that truly meant something to me. So amazingly confident am I in my "Superman-ness", that I truly believe it to be true. The flaw is that EVERY Superman has his kryptonite.



You are my kryptonite. Not in a bad way. But in the "Jesus be realistic you are not really Superman" kind of way. No one is really Superman. No one is invincible. Everyone needs that something that they cannot live without. You are my thing. Call it my kryptonite.



Being Superman is in my head. It is more of a thought process. Gives me courage. Makes me feel strong. You benefit from my Superman. I promised to "take care of you forever" many years ago and it created the Superman. So far I have done a pretty good job. Lately things have been going so well for me and us. Great job, budding new business (of my own creation), kids accomplishing so much every day, you being healthy, etc. At work people want to hear me tell them to "x" or maybe do "y". All Superman stuff. My marriage beats any one's, my kids top them all - my life is perfect!



That is why this weekend was was so hard. See this weekend I realized that there is one person I cannot "be above". One person that I need so desperately that it brings me from Superman to nothing in an instant. That is you. You are so important to me and so make me feel like the Superman I think I am, that any lack of your attention can kill me. This weekend you accidentally made me feel like something I had not felt in a very long time. You made me feel insignificant. You did it and didn't even do anything wrong.



For nearly 20 years everywhere we have gone, everything we have done and everything we are has been about us. Not the kids, but us. People really do meet us and think "wow, they are really perfect for each other". They really do wish they had what we have. This weekend, no one saw that us. You didn't need me to be you. You wasn't us. There is nothing wrong with that, but it hurt. It hurt so badly. For days it still hurt. You did nothing wrong, you were being the person I love so much. Funny, entertaining, and the life of the party. I was definitely not mad, but I was still hurt.



I did get over it. I put my Superman cape back on. However, I got kind of a wake up call from the whole experience. Without you I have very little. While that is an amazing life experience, it has potential for hurt. You are the one person I "let in" over that past few decades. With you I have vulnerability. You are my kryptonite.



I will close this by admitting that using this blog to tell you this is very cowardly. A real man says what he feels to his wife (and I did accomplish that) face to face. Superman looks past it and never says a word. I love you. I need you. I know that. I just know that a little bit more now.



Do I get jealous honey? Yeah I get jealous.



I Love You.