I Count on You

So this morning as I grabbed my coffee and sat down at my desk, I looked at the pool of work in front of me.   What first?  I have some tidying up to do on a big presentation.  But honestly the real mood has yet to hit me on that project.  I have some clean up on a process I changed yesterday, but it appears to be working fine right now.  So no real hurry.  I started some mapping yesterday and really need to finish that.  Or I could take a few minutes and post something to the most important person in my life.

This morning she didn't look like she was "OK" when I left.  Last night while she slept, she kind of didn't have that peacefulness she has had all these years we have been sleeping in the same bed.  And all I could think was "this is all my fault".

This isn't an apology post.  This blog was never intended for that purpose.  So please don't read it as such.  Not that I truly don't apologize for being an ass.  I truly do.  I hope you know that.

So I am going to use this space to tell you how much you mean to me.  How on each of the few brief moments in the past 28 years I have taken that for granted, how I immediately regretted doing so.  How I couldn't imagine a day without you in my life.

First of all, I count on morning with you.  I count on my hug and "I love you too".  I hate that you are so aware that withholding that upsets me.  I count your smile when you wake up.  I count on you snuggling with me and sometimes not letting me get out of bed.  You start my day the way it should be started.  Happy.

Throughout the day I know there will be times when I just need to hear your voice.  I count on this too.  No matter what goes on it always helps me to hear you say "hello" when I call home.  I get great relief from stress when you are on the other end of  a call.  I need you to keep me centered, keep me focused and most of all make me know that so long as we have each other - everything is going to be just fine.

I count on you to make me laugh.  I count on you to make me smile.  I count on you to make me feel safe.  I count on you to make me feel loved.

Simply put, I count on you.  I hope you feel the same way about me.

So I kept this short and sweet, but hope I made my point.  Enough silliness my love, I need to make you smile.  I hope this helped.

You're the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

(just a note - about halfway through this post I got a phone call.  However, it doesn't appear to have interrupted the flow)