Sleeping Alone

Tonight I started to get into bed and grabbed the Llama stuffed animal puppy.  I am not sure why but I pulled it my nose and took a sniff.  What a nice surprise.  It literally smells exactly like you do when you get into bed each night.  Since we have already established that you ALWAYS smell good at the end of the day, that is a really good thing.

The bad part was it reminded me how much I miss you.  I honestly start feeling that way one the train tot he airport.  Then as I hang up the phone I always just kind of stare out the window wondering how I will make it until I see you again.  Traveling sucks.  Anything that takes me away from you is a bad thing.

Its funny how I still feel that way when we are apart.  Remember when I used to be able to count the number of days we had spent apart on one hand?  I think my Grandfather's last days was actually the first time we ever slept apart (or maybe the girls births - you will remember the exact date).  I liked those days so much better. 

After all of this travel, I still can't sleep without you next to me.  It is roughly 2AM and I am still awake.  I need to be able to touch you.  Or feel the warmth of your body near me.  I'll toss and turn for the rest of the night.  It wouldn't happen if you were here or I were there. I'd likely be snoring away, sound asleep in our perfectly sized QUEEN sized bed.  I'd likely wake up, kiss you on the forehead while you slept and sneak downstairs for my paper and coffee.

You might not know it, but I often come upstairs several times after I get up.  Lots of the time I crawl back into bed and try to get back to sleep.  But more often than not I peek in on you.  I am always hoping you are awake.  If you are still sleeping I might try kissing you on the head or covering you up.  But I am really hoping you are awake.  I may not have tons of time every morning for it, but I always want that snuggle time to start.  And it can't start until you wake up.  Tomorrow I will wake up and have ZERO snuggle time.

I won't have anyone to "dance for" after I get out of the shower.  No one to try to trick into seeing me naked by pointing to things that are not really there.  I won't have anyone to joke around with or make me laugh.  My morning will basically suck.

So yes traveling sucks.  I can deal with the flights, the work, the airport, the hotels, etc.  But I can't deal with no sleeping with you.  For nearly 25 years it has been one of the best parts of my day.  It makes me feel safe.  Makes me feel loved.  Makes me feel comfortable.  Makes me feel loved.

Our life together is so wonderful.  Every part o my life is touched by you.  Every part of my life needs you in some way.  Even something as simple as sleeping.  I couldn't love my life more than I do.  Thanks to you.

I guess it is time to start the tossing and turning.  Ugh.

You're the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.