Answering all those pryaers....

I know it has been a while since I posted to the blog.  It really hurt me to that you really notice the lack of posts and that it bothers you.  This one has been in my head for some time - but typing something so personal requires some privacy to do so, and I haven't really been in places where that has been true much the past month.

I read this article about how much bandwidth would be required to have god answer every prayer from every person.  The writer estimated that people pray to god nearly 5 times a day.  Interestingly, he was aware that nearly 80% of those prayers are not for thanks, not for comfort, but rather "requests" to have god give or provide something to the person making the prayer.

I started thinking that while I am not a man a great faith, I do - thanks to you - have a strong faith in belief.  You have finally turned me around to the higher power theory.  Because of you I know there is a plan for us all and that someone with greater influence than those of us on earth is in charge of that plan.  Even with that, I realized that I - unlike the rest of the population - never pray to have something provided for me.  I tried very hard to remember the last time I did so.  I think I figured out when that actual date was and even figured out what I asked god to give to me.

My prayer involved me asking god to make sure that I was never alone.  That I would always have someone to talk to and share my life.  That no matter what i did I was going to do it for more than just my sake, but rather for the sake of someone else.  That no matter what came along - good or bad - we would be sharing the outcomes together.

My prayer to god included me asking him to make me happy.  That everyday I had something to live for and that I would never feel sad.  That something joyful would be a part of my day - every day - and that that joy would extended itself to me.  That I would have a reason to smile and that my smile would be real.

My prayer also added that I be able to make someone else happy.  That I could pay him back for the happiness he provided me by making someone else smile.  It was, I guess kind of a deal I was making.  God if you give me this....I promise to....

My prayer was that I would have have a family of my own.  That my family would be wonderful.  We would all love each other and be grateful for one another.  We would be very close and want to share our love for each other no matter what happened.

My prayer was that someone would love me forever.  That I would be able to hold their hand forever.  That we would have a love so strong that nothing could come between us.

I remember now the day I made this prayer.  I remember thinking to myself that it was so much to ask.  I remember thinking that it was likely very selfish of me to request so much at one time.  I was young, not sure where I was headed and certain that none of my request would ever come true.  But like the million/billions of others the article referred to - I made my request.  In my defense, it wasn't like I asked for a new car or a big deposit to my bank account.  Those kind of request have to be ignored by god.  Just like the other in the article I am sure that just making the prayer was the biggest part of the result.  Getting the request off your chest is apparently most of the power of god.  It wasn't like it would really be answered right?

I guess I was wrong.  God did answer my prayers.  God did give me everything I wanted.  He didn't even make me wait to have each request answered separately.  He answered my prayers with in one big fantastic way - he put you into my life.

You made me never be alone,  you made me happy and able to share my happiness, you helped me have a family and made that family perfect, you gave me someone to love forever and love me forever.  God answered my prayers.  He answered them perfectly.  You are the answer to my prayers.  How could I ever even think to ask again.  What could top that?  So for the past almost 25 years, I haven't really needed to make one of those prayers like the billions of others.  Mine had already been answered.  Asking for another would just be selfish.  God already did his best work for me.

You're the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.