Finding My Way Home

I haven't really traveled as much this year as I have the past 3 years. If you have been checking the blog "Days Away from Home" tracker you would see that I am below the pace for days away I set at the beginning of the year. In fact while I used to count on Fridays at home, now I pretty much try to make sure that I am home Monday and Friday. I have had a few weeks where I didn't travel at all. While it isn't really necessary to "recap" my travels with you it does lead into the subject of my blog entry this week.

You know when I call and give you the "working my way back to you" song on the days I am travelling to get home? Well it's because I have truly been doing so. I realized this week that while I am away I spend most of my time "marking" the time until I get back home to you. It is kind of a game I play by myself as I wait to get back to you. In all honesty as soon as you drop me off, I am already thinking about the moment when you pick me back up.

Here are the ways I mark my time away from you.

• I track my TV schedule. It is really apparent to me that nothing good is on TV on Tuesday. I know that because there are no shows that I am watch with you that I am missing that night. So I always know that it is Tuesday and that once it is over I only have Wednesday TV until I get home. Wednesday night TV is something we watch together on the DVR.
  
• Tuesday is also the first meal I spend away from you. Dumb thing to think about I know, but I very much realize that I am eating alone that night.
  
• It is also my first night away from you to sleep. It is always hard to get to sleep. As much as you prefer the bed at home all to yourself, I hate not having you in bed with me. I generally do not get a lot of sleep on Tuesday adjusting to not having you there with me. Once I wake up on Wednesday morning I know I have only 1 more night of not sleeping with you.
  
• Then there is my ritual of packing. Wednesday night I get things ready for the next morning. Suits packed, dirty laundry packed and toiletries ready to be packed. Doing so reminds me that after I sleep, awake and get to work the next morning I will be on my way home to you.
  
• When I wake up on the morning I am coming home I always call you to remind you I am coming home that day. I know you always know that I am (you often make jokes like "really" or "oh crap I need to make my boyfriend leave"), but I am pretty excited by then. It is because I know there only a few items left before I see you again.
  
• I head off to work and muddle my way through my day. At lunch (and I almost always eat early) I know that it is one of the last things I will do before I leave. Whatever meeting I have after lunch is pretty useless because I am essentially clock watching until I pack my laptop up and head out the door.
  
• I always call to tell you I am on my way to the airport. You are hardly ever as excited about it as I am, but you often give me an excite tone of voice on the other end. Probably because you know that another call is coming soon once I get on the plane. But this is one of the final marks I make on my way back home.
  

Finally I am at the airport, get on the plane (delays really suck at this point), make the call and fly home. Once I land I am really excited. Anxious to see you. The phrase "Welcome to Milwaukee" means more to me than anyone else on the plane. They might as well say "welcome home, your wife is waiting for you". I get anxious waiting for the door to open, grab my bags and start pushing my way past the other people on the jet bridge.

Finally I call you and tell you I am at the curb. You pull up and it's over. I am home. Back with you where I belong. You have no idea how much I like having you pick me up at the airport. I hated adding the long drive home to this routine. It was just another step on the way. And since the steps essentially start for me as soon as you drop me off, I like removing one of them. Once I get in the car, I give you a kiss and mark myself as home.

Of course on Monday nights I have to deal with starting all over again, but hopefully that ends sooner rather than later.

So why waste a blog entry on this routine? Because I thought you might like to know that I spend whatever time I am away missing you. Making sure I know exactly what steps are required to get back to you. Hating being away from you. Checking off whatever I do as "one more thing until I get back to you".

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Our First Year

Silly me, I hadn't thought about this in a long time. But with our trip to Chicago and being near where we held our wedding and with it being just you and I for a few days, I started thinking back to when we first got married. What a romantic tale we share. What an amazing turn of events led us to this long life together. How we beat all the odds to get where we are today.

I know I blew all the pre-engagement stuff. I lamented for weeks over asking you. Certain you would say "no". Convinced that after hearing "no" there would be no way I could face you again. From Thanksgiving to Christmas that year I waffled back and forth on whether I was doing the right thing or whether the timing was right. Then I missed my first big chance. Christmas Day. You would remember it forever. He asked me on my favorite holiday. He couldn't afford a real gift so he gave me himself for life. It was perfectly romantic. However, in my mind you were going to say "no" and thus Christmas would be ruined forever. My roommate assured me I was wrong, but I still couldn't build the courage. The day came and went. Finally on New Years I decided to do it again. I would wait until the strike of the new year and ask after we shared a kiss. I almost got that right. Well not really. What I got was a hallway exit from the bathroom and a quick and scared "will you marry me". Figuring if you said "huh" or "no" I could laugh it off as a joke. If you said "yes" it would all be ok. Hardly romantic at the moment, but the month long process was very romantic in retrospect.

Then I blew the giving of the ring. I was so excited. I was so anxious to give you the single biggest and most important purchase of my life. I planned on it being romantic. But I didn't even come close. I have much regret on this one. I totally blew it. No excuses and a lifetime of apologies. Still that tiny ring fit so perfectly on your finger. We were official. Even if it took a microscope to find the diamond.

Then our best laid plans for a big wedding were interrupted by the ad-hoc visit to the justice of the peace. Married and not living together? Unheard of. Married and not able to really tell anyone? Seriously? It was ok, we had the big plans. The "licensing ceremony" allowed you to plan the blessed event. To make it perfect and everything you wanted it to be. We decided not to take the cash. Went with the ceremony. Then suddenly a trip to Nashville and a nosy co-worker and we were exposed. How unlikely and unlucky was that? Our secret marriage made public. Oh well, we could still explain the why and move on to the big moment.

Then we both have such incredibly lame roommates we find ourselves deciding to move in together. In all honesty I am not much of a "I remember details" guy, but I remember that little 550 square foot apartment. The first place I ever lived with you. With my wife. The first days of our real life together. It was incredible. Even if we did have to carry groceries up 1,000 stairs. Or if the dog took up as much room as either of us did. Or if the rats invaded once in while. Who cared. We were together in our first home together. Still planning all the while for the big ceremony.

Next came the Christmas outing at Six Flags. "When are you going to get off your lazy ass and have a baby" I asked. Unknown to either of us a single event intended to simply keep me from running off to school one night already had us there. For Christmas we got the ultimate gift. A baby on the way. It would certainly put a damper on our wedding plans, but I can't imagine either of us have ever been more pleased with ourselves. More scared and excited, more anticipating every moment of the rest of our lives. Sure you got sick, but we were about to go from being a married couple to being a family.

That pretty much sealed the deal on the wedding. Obviously we couldn't have the church ceremony. And I am not sure when we even decided to move forward with the party, but we did. It was a great time for all. But it was minor in comparison to what was happening between us. We were young and starting our family. We were naïve and together. Who cared? We had each other. Holding you in my arms as we danced to our song was a perfect moment in time. I can only wonder what all the eyes upon us were thinking. How the really thought we would turn out. I'll bet we surprised more than half of them (probably mostly on my family side right?).

It has been an incredible journey ever since. One more perfect day than the one before for 20+ years. A lifetime of holding hands, smiling at each other, kissing, amazement of our kids and happiness together. And yet no one ever imagined we would make it this far. No one figured we would make past the bad engagement, justice of the peace, blown proposal, rats, etc. Yet we did.

So when we were looking out over the golf course at the bar talking about the 377 person wedding all I could think was "they could only be so lucky to be us". No matter how perfect their ceremony, the engagement, the ring, the proposal or anything else was. They could only be so lucky to be us 20 years from now.

Thanks for making my life part of such a great story.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Having a Good Day

This may seem like an odd post, but since I was having such a good day and am in such a good mood, I figured this was a good time to do this.

Thank you.

See that is simply my thank you. Life has never looked so good. Our future has never looked so bright. For the first time in a few weeks, I feel like I have caught up and have a few moments to take it all in. yet every time I pause to assess what is going on in our lives I see only ONE thing. I see you.

Why do I see only you? Because without you none of this happens. You are like the center of my universe and no matter what I do it comes back to you. I love that. No one likes to accomplish things alone, they like to do it with and for someone. With you I have that. Someone to be proud of me, someone to be happy with me, someone to share my happiness with and someone to keep me wanting to do more. Do more for us and you.

So with a new lease on our health, a new business on the horizon, a current business doing well, happy children and a ton of love in our lives I feel like I have never been in a better place in life. And all I want to do is share it all with you.

I can't wait to spend a whole weekend with you and only you. It should be big fun.

So I am going to share some lyrics with you. Its yet another David Gray song, but one he has never played live. He plays it only for his wife. Read the lyrics and you will see why. The song is called "Be Mine".

"From the very first moment I saw you
That's when I knew
All the dreams I held in my heart
Had suddenly come true
Knock me over, stone-cold sober
Not a think I could say or do
'Cos baby when I'm walking with you now
My eyes are so wide
Like you reached right into my head
And turned on the light inside
Turning on the light
Inside my mind, hey

Come on baby it's all right
Sunday, Monday, day or night
Written blue on white it's plain to see
Be mine! Be mine!
That rainy, shiny, night or day
What's the difference anyway
Honey till your heart belongs to me?

If I had some influence girl
With the powers that be
I'd have them fire that arrow at you
Like they fired it right at me
Maybe when your heart and soul are burning you might see
That every time I'm talking with you
It's always over too soon?
That everyday feels so incomplete
'Till you walk into the room?
Say the word now girl
I'll jump that moon, hey"

I love you. You're the world to me. But today I am going to change my ending line. I think today only you should know that......

"That everyday feels so incomplete, 'til you walk in the room"

How romantic is that?

Rough NIght

Sorry you had such a rough night. I hung up the phone just now knowing that you were tired, sad and frustrated. And yet here I sit a virtual million miles away from were I should be. Right next to you. Easing your pain, making things right, holding you until you feel back asleep.

Friday better be the best day of our lives. Because I can't let what happened tonight happen again.

I feel like a ghost in your world when things like that happen. Like I let you down. Like I didn't or couldn't do anything to help. You should never have to have that sound in your voice. I should be there to protect you.

I am truly sorry I wasn't. I would have stayed on that phone for hours waiting for you to fall asleep if you would have wanted me to.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Perfect Skin redux

I have honestly never seen anything more beautiful. Ever.

As I gazed through a foggy shower door I saw perfection. I saw something so truly amazing I can't get the picture out of my head. I remember every detail.

Every curve. I honestly don't think I have ever looked at you that way before. You have such an amazing set of curves. It is exactly the type of figure I like best.

That smile. Your sheepish grin knowing the shock I would go through. Knowing how amazed I would be. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to get it out of my head.

Black is my favorite color. For obvious reasons, but now solidified as the color of choice.

The bent knee. The way you stood with your knee slightly bent. Because you KNEW how amazing you looked and how amazed I would be.

Touchable but untouchable. Made it even more amazing. More mysterious. More etched in my head forever.

Those eyes. Smiling themselves. Smoky and sexy. Waiting to see my response. Smiling when they saw my response.

I don't need a real picture. I have one in my head. I won't ever forget that.

How lucky am I? How blessed am I? How jealous must everyone else be?

I'll keep this post short by simply saying.....thank you. There is NOTHING more beautiful in this world.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.