My Lame Apology

I just looked at the VERY few posts I had during the month of August. One I am really proud of and 2 that were done either late at night or while I was at home. The good news is that the biggest reason I had so few posts was that I was home at night for all but 5 nights during the entire month. That is a very good thing. That the reason was due to your surgery is probably not such a good thing for you.

It was a rough past 10 days or so.

Your surgery was much rougher on you than either of us anticipated. I remember you had plans of exercising the 3 days after the surgery. Either the doctor was understated the amount of pain you would be in or we way underestimated the same. In either case your discomfort and pain has lasted longer than we thought it would.

Then we ended the week by taking our baby to her second year off at college. I am serious when I say we had just really had her back for a few weeks. It seemed that she became "the little girl we know and love" for only a short time before she left. It was much better than the "crappy obnoxious brat" she was the first month or so she was home.

Now our youngest heads off to her second to last year of high school. A junior? Wow. Where has time gone. While I am proud of her, I can remember how fast time went by for the older daughter at this point. Once she is gone we are on our own. As much as I am going to love being with you and having you all to myself, not having either of them around is going to be hard.

I am very sorry that my care for you was lackluster to say the least. I do try. Seriously. However, I just can't seem to get past times when you aren't really you. It frustrates me to have you feel bad and be able to do nothing about it. Then when aren't getting better and I can't do anything about it, I guess I get mad. First at me for being able to do nothing. Then at you for me not being able to make you feel better. Its a shitty excuse. And I am an ass for being that way. All I can say is that I am sorry.

It was good to see you smiling yesterday. I missed your smile. It was good to hear you laugh yesterday. I missed your laugh. It was nice to snuggle close to you when we fell asleep last night. I missed snuggling like that. Even though you aren't 100% yet, it is good to have you almost back. I missed you.

I'll try to start making it all up to you this weekend. I owe you at least that.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Your Perfect Nose

I am sitting in the recovery room with you right now. You keep switching from a truly peaceful looking sleep to slightly startled from something. I gave you a hug the last time and you fell right back to sleep.

So I thought while I waited with you I would finally get around to this weeks entry.

The topic is simple. I love you. Now I know the whole blog is supposed to be about that. However, today it seems especially necessary to tell you. You look so helpless right now. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a surgery or something major happen to me and not know that I had your love to get me through the ordeal. So I am going to make sure you have my love to get you through.

The nurses, et al, are quite shocked at your ability to sleep. They didn't even really give you that much anesthesia. But maybe you were just that tired and getting some really good sleep is what you need. Maybe if I AM LUCKY - you will need another hug soon. It was nice that it helped you calm down so quickly. Its the "power of love".

Your little nose is going to feel so much better. Now in addition to being the cutest nose ever, it will be the most functional nose ever. We will have to refer to it as the "super nose".

Now will be the time to take care of you. A few days of excessive attention and tender loving care is your reward for enduring the surgery. Some foot rubbing, a bit of ice cream, any meal you want, whatever you want to watch on TV, getting you this or that when you need something and laying next to you on the bed while you recover. That is what you need and that is what you will get.

Your daughters have been in constant contact about your status. They really love you. They don't sound as worried now that you are out of surgery. Me neither. I feel so much better knowing you are here safely next to me. You can't really hold a good hand right now, but it feels good to reach over and grab your hand from time to time. You are cooler than usual to the touch, but still have those amazing soft feeling hands I have loved for so long.

Ok I have to wrap up now, they are coming back in.

I Love you sweetie. I'll be so glad to have you be able to breathe again.



You're the world to me. I Love you more than anything in the world.

Keep it Loose, Keep it tight

It is just after 1AM. These late nights working are going to catch up sooner or later. But the irony is that I really enjoy the stuff I am doing for the new company and even the old one. Wish I enjoyed my job as much as I do the other stuff. Oh well, work is work and you have to do it or you starve right?

Anyway, I was starting to close down computer one when I panicked and thought "oh my god I forgot the blog". It isn't really that I forgot, but that I got busy. Then my Pandora gave me a gift. And since I haven't done the blog entry in the form of some lyrics in quite some time I figured this was a sign.

There is an artist that us "old" people really like these days called Amos Lee. He is very mellow and melodic. Nice guitar, nice lyrics and lots of soul. So as I was panicking about the blog. The song that he sings that reminds me of you came into my headphones. Using it as a sign - you get this entry.

The song is called "Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight". I know from history that you won't go look it up or listen to it, so no pressure there. But the lyrics are quite pretty and I thought I would share them with you and pick out the parts I think of you most on. I did confirm it is on Napster and it would mean a lot to me if you listened to it - I'm just saying.

"Well I walked over the bridge
Into the city where I live and I saw my old landlord
Well we both said hello
There was no where else to go
Cause his rent I couldn’t afford

Well relationships change
Though I think it’s kind of strange how money makes a man grow
Ah, some people they claim if you get enough fame
You live over the rainbow
Over the rainbow

But the people on the street,
Out on buses or on feet
We all got the same blood flow

Oh in society every dollar got a deed
We all need a place that we can go and feel over the rainbow

Some times we forget what we got
And who we are and who we are not
I think we got a chance to make it right
Keep it loose
Keep it tight
Keep it tight

I’m in love with a girl who’s in love with the world
Though I can’t help but follow
Though I know someday she is bound to go away and stay over the rainbow
Got to learn how to let her go
Over the rainbow

But sometimes we forget who we got
Who they are and who they are not

There is so much more in love than black and white
Keep it loose child
You gotta keep tight
Keep it loose child
Keep it tight
Keep it tight"

Now i know it isn't one of those message songs. But the way he sings the "over the rainbow" part just sounds so romantic. So "in love". Every time I hear I think of you. Seriously, it is a compelling thought of you. I gave thought to the "Wizard of Oz" reference and that you like that movie so much, but really it is just the sound of his voice. "I'm in love with a girl who's in love with the world"....I like that too. Because again he sings it so cool. So much like he means it so deeply.

But there is a part that not only fits us, but is relevant to some recent conversation we have had recently. "But sometimes we forget who we got, Who they are and who they are not, There is so much more in love than black and white" I don't think we ever forget. We know exactly what we have got. What it means and how important it is to both of us. Nephews, sisters and friends should all pay close attention to those lines. A reminder that this isn't the "I and me" in the relationship, but the "we and us".

They'll probably never get it though. I am glad we do.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A Beautiful Future

I have seen the future my love. It wasn't necessarily our future but it certainly could have been what our future might be going to hold. It was truly romantic.

I was at the airport today and while I waited for my flight there was an elderly couple waiting to go to Omaha. They were probably late 70's or early 80's. They were already smaller than they likely were 30 years ago. They were dressed in old people clothes. She was complete with a woolen sweater and "slacks", but certainly sporting her fashionable shoes. Her hair was a bit messy, but she clearly had tried to make it look as pretty as possible. He was clean cut with his likely weekly barber shop haircut. He obviously has no idea just where to adjust his belt as he assumed his waist was just below his chest. He had on a sweatshirt (UW-Madison!) and white socks. There was nothing funny about their appearance. They obviously had seen better fashion days.

However, it was how they interacted that struck me. "Edward" (as we will name him) NEVER stopped touching "Emily" (her assigned name). The only real separation they had took place when he went to get her a coffee. While they sat together they held hands. Not just for a second here or there, but the whole time they sat together. They took "glances" at each other. Not to see what the other was doing, but to make sure that the other was there and more importantly to make sure the other knew they were looking at them. They were truly romantic. Even from my spot two rows away I couldn't help but watch them. I even moved closer to them to observe from a better vantage point.

"Edward" got up to go after coffee for "Emily". She honestly looked anxious for the 5 minutes he was away. When he left he asked her twice if she "cared for something to eat". The second time he asked her, she asked "what do they have?" Edward responded with a disappointed "I don't know honey, but I think I know what you like". Then off he went. When he returned he not only tested her coffee to make sure it wasn't too hot, but he took copious effort to tear her muffin into perfectly sized edible pieces for her. She smiled every time her handed her a part of the muffin. I almost cried when more than halfway through it she told him that "blueberry was her favorite muffin". As though he didn't know that already, but she was pleased that he found her favorite. She had eaten 3/4ths of it before she even noticed.

She was not without her care for him. She straightened his collar at least 10 times and even did the "spit comb" thing for him once. She seemed so proud that her handsome man was with her. She watched his every move. The she reached into the vacant seat next to them and found a deserted newspaper. "The Brewers won honey" she said as she handed him the paper. She seemed happy for him that they won. Then she straightened the paper and turned it to the Brewers section before she handed it to him.

When the couple boarded the plane they did so hand in hand. The whole way down the jet bridge. Luckily they had only her small purse to carry. "Edward" let "Emily" board the plane first. I passed by them on my way to row 10 (they were in row 2). They were sitting, settled and holding hands. It was truly a nice thing to see.

I lost them when we landed in Omaha somehow because I was on the phone. I am certain they traversed the terminal hand in hand and he carried her bags for her. I didn't see that part, but I envision that is what happened.

So I don't know what their lives were like for however long they have been together. But I saw how much in love they appeared at their advanced age. "Edward" truly loved "Emily" and they both truly cared for each other. This is how I see us in 40 years. Hand in hand taking care of each other. Making sure that every day the other knows how much we love each other and making sure the things in life we enjoy are taken care of by the other.

We have so much to look forward to my love. Someday I hope some young, in love traveller sees us in the airport and types a "I can't wait for that to be us" blog entry to the person he loves most. The amazing love we have for each other is our greatest gift. Maybe someone will be equally and randomly impressed by us as well.

So do you want to get old with me? I'll get old with you any time.

You're the world to me. I Love you more than anything in the world.