You will see this and know how much I love you.

I was working late and listening to my MP3 player and realized just how much I miss you. I am pretty sure the reminder came from that Celine Dione song. Somehow I feel like it hasn't been a good week between us and you do not sound like you normally sound.

I hope we have a great weekend with no kids. Dinner at Piano Blu, some snowy afternoons and lots of time spent together.

I can't wait to see you. I love you so much.

A Weekend In Atlanta

I rediscovered the sun this weekend. But I think more importantly we rediscovered something much more significant. Our long time friends.

It would have been so much easier to have simply written off our friends after the debacle that was our summer vacation. It would have been so much easier to claim we had "outgrown" each other. I am glad it didn't work out that way.

Ironically, we were saved by our oldest daughter. Had our friends and us not had such a strong commitment to her and being at her graduation we would never have reached out to one another. We would have taken the easy route. We would have left ourselves with a huge void.

This weekend we got it all repaired. New fun, new memories, and some new stories to tell. We can now add things like pretending to be the "McKenzie's" to avoid the wait at the bowling alley, tales of a mysterious walk that got someone locked out, sing star addiction and repulsive dog farts (well not all of them were dog farts) to our 13 year arsenal of stories. Life is again as it should be.

It is nice to have them as friends again. We find very few people who really mesh well with our sense of humor and fun. They tag right along with tremendous ease. Think about how many time we have been drunk with them. I am certain we are topping the 3 digit area.

In classic list fashion I figured I would list some of the more memorable moments in our 13 year past. In no particular order:

1) Eating peanuts out of the beer vendor's hand. Eww can you imagine just how gross this sounds now?
2) Drawing Florida and guessing "Cuba". (the cheating references alone could be a list)
3) The best looking red-head ever.
4) Day time fireworks on the 4th of July
5) Blasting the Spanish station - and you laughing too hard to stop it
6) The spilled beer and the spitting at the Ranger game
7) "Making out" in the way back of the Explorer (we never believed you)
8) Adventures in the snow (poorly dressed for the occasion from what I hear)
9) The "Photo shoot"
10) Knowing the next INXS song before they even played it

I hope this made you smile and I am so glad everything worked out so well this weekend. I know how important to you they are as friends. I know not having them as friends bothered you more than you let on.

I love you.

Music On a Flight To Boston

As you are aware I really like my music. So many songs have peronsal meaning to me, so many have some kind of a message or tell a story of my life. The MP3 player has really allowed this to go to a new level. Couple that with too much time spent on planes and I really listen to a lot of music (now through some awesome headphones!)

So as I listened in "random" mode (I know you think my "random" is really "rotten"), I started marking down the songs and what they mean to me. What I found is that so many of them now tell a story of "our" life. Here is a smattering of the playlist (keep in mind it was a 3.5 hour flight - listing every song would take forever).

"World Leader Pretend" by REM - The whole REM Green album reminds me of you. I used to listen to it on my drive out to your sister's when we first started dating.

"She" by Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians - I never really realized how the lyrics to this song really describe out oldest daughter. A girl with some much life to give. A big part of our life.

"A Long December" by Counting Crows - I figure at this point I will have a dozen or so on this list. That you actually enjoy the Coutning Crows means a lot to me, because they are my favorite band. Being able to share that with you is important to me.

"Hot Blooded" by Foreigner - I obviously did not put this on there. However, I listen to it because you make me smile and clearly you intended this make me laugh.

"Dreams" by The BoDeans - '..ain't this what dreams are made of?....' Yes sweetheart it is.

"One" by U2 - I think this may be one of the most romantic songs ever. 'One love, We get to share it, It Leaves you baby, if you don't care for it'. We care for it just fine my love.

"Mr. Malcontent" by Lloyd Cole - This is one of those songs I put on the tape I made for you a long time ago. The lyrics represent the type of person I was before I met you - and you essentially saved my life.

"Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd - Wow do you remember this concert? One of our longest running jokes.

"Elephant" by Damien Rice - D-Rice is one of the greatest gifts you have given me over the past few years. Clearly among my favorite artists, without you I have no idea who he is. So much of his emotion is how I feel about you.

"Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind - Remember how close you got to him at the concert. I know - hottest guy ever.

"Silly Love Songs" by Wings - See without you in my life, silly love songs would just be silly songs.

"Dig" by Incubus - 'So when my weakness turns my ego up, I know you'll count on the me from yesterday'. A song about the complete forgiveness that only true love can provide. Almost like a child's unconditional love. A love we have.

"Barbie Girl" by Aqua - Ok I can't listent to this, but remeber the time Michelle holed herslef up in the EDGE studios? We have so many memories together.

"Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard - Awesome rocking tune. Also a memory from my drives to your sister's house.

"Only in my Dreams" by Debbie Gibson - Ok I had a high density of these songs on this trip. I think you have 14 such songs on my player. You are certainly funny.

"Shine" by Collective Soul - 'Tell me how to speak, tell me how to share, tell me where to go, that your love will be there'. See a song I never thought of before, but I hear it one time and it has meaning to me about you.

"Livin on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi - Sadly I can't remember whether I added this or it was one of your jokes. How embarassing.

"45" by Elvis Costello - Have we not seen Elvis 3 times? Remember when he nodded to you and we found out Eric was the best looking red-head ever? Great times.

The best part of this is that I really omitted very few songs form the actual flow. Yet somehow almost every song has some kind of memory or meaning in our life togteher. "Our life together". Huh, that has a cool ring to it doesn't it? We have a life together. A great life. A great love. Something truly special. Something so special, an ordinary flight can make it come to light in a big way.

I love you so much. I always will.

A Second Note

It is nearly 1 in the monring. I can't sleep. Not having you by my side just isn't right.

I love you my angel.

The Pursuit of Faith and Happiness

Its odd sometimes when inspiration hits you. I don't even like to watch Grey's Anatomy, frankly it is a dumb show. I am also not a big fan of 20/20 - something about John Stossel grates on my nerves. However, a night on the couch with you watching both shows stirred up the content of the blog entry.

We have had many conversations about faith in the past. To me faith is the power of believing in something. Believing that some how, some way your faith in that thing will guide you through whatever challenges you may face. The Grey's Anatomy show was all about tests of faith. Funny how such a dumb show could be so poignant.

There was a scene where Bailey and her estranged husband stood over their dying son. Bailey reached to grab his hand in comfort and he pulled away and went to the other side of the bed. Only later when they were forced to put aside their differences and couple their love for their child via a held hand did he begin to recover. While the context was corny, it really made me think.

Two scenes later the blonde doctor (I don't know her name) was thrust into a room by a co-worker to talk about a heart surgery with a patient. She didn't know why, but he co-worker assured her that despite her limited knowledge, it was her positive delivery that would help the patient through the surgery. Her faith in this being the right thing to do and convincing the patient that was true.

So I gathered my hand and reached over to you. You have no idea what kind of faith I have in that hand hold. That touch of my fingers to yours. The faith that no matter what I am presented with, not matter how I fail, no matter how I falter - that touch makes everything right again. When all else fails, I'll have that hand to hold. I have faith in that. I have faith in us.

Ironically, I often forget about that. Prior to tonight I have been home for some time. In fact I counted 26 straight days at home. I know we joked about how we went from the couple who never spent a night apart to one who gives thanks for stretch of 26 days. However, for some reason I started getting the feeling that something wasn't quite right with us as the time continued. Like we weren't as close or something. Nothing was really wrong, but something didn't feel right. It was all fixed with the reach out to your hand on the couch. It was all fixed by the reminder of the faith I have in our relationship.

The seond show was all about happiness. Why some people are inately happy and some are not. Why money doesn't truly buy happiness. What makes people feel happiness.

I have to admit I have never really thought of myself as a truly happy person. I have moments of happiness and my life is full of happiness, but I have always been the kind of guy who worries about this or that for little or no reason. There is nothing wrong with that. It isn't like depression or anything, but it is an on-going sense that I could always be doing more.

I could not be more wrong. You make me truly happy. Your smile. Your smell. Your sense of humor. I really don't need to go into it further, I just thought is was important to tell you that I realize how happy I am with you. You bring me happiness of the greatest kind.

A side note - you may not have watched the 20/20 but our oldest daughter fit the profile they showed of a person with a happy outlook on life. I just thought you should know that. I love her and her sister so much.

So that is my update. I apologize for the long delay, but the point of this was really to say the things I couldn't say becuase I was away. Since I was not away, I guess I don't feel too bad for not updating during the holidays.

I love you so much. This week is going to be really long.