The Pursuit of Faith and Happiness

Its odd sometimes when inspiration hits you. I don't even like to watch Grey's Anatomy, frankly it is a dumb show. I am also not a big fan of 20/20 - something about John Stossel grates on my nerves. However, a night on the couch with you watching both shows stirred up the content of the blog entry.

We have had many conversations about faith in the past. To me faith is the power of believing in something. Believing that some how, some way your faith in that thing will guide you through whatever challenges you may face. The Grey's Anatomy show was all about tests of faith. Funny how such a dumb show could be so poignant.

There was a scene where Bailey and her estranged husband stood over their dying son. Bailey reached to grab his hand in comfort and he pulled away and went to the other side of the bed. Only later when they were forced to put aside their differences and couple their love for their child via a held hand did he begin to recover. While the context was corny, it really made me think.

Two scenes later the blonde doctor (I don't know her name) was thrust into a room by a co-worker to talk about a heart surgery with a patient. She didn't know why, but he co-worker assured her that despite her limited knowledge, it was her positive delivery that would help the patient through the surgery. Her faith in this being the right thing to do and convincing the patient that was true.

So I gathered my hand and reached over to you. You have no idea what kind of faith I have in that hand hold. That touch of my fingers to yours. The faith that no matter what I am presented with, not matter how I fail, no matter how I falter - that touch makes everything right again. When all else fails, I'll have that hand to hold. I have faith in that. I have faith in us.

Ironically, I often forget about that. Prior to tonight I have been home for some time. In fact I counted 26 straight days at home. I know we joked about how we went from the couple who never spent a night apart to one who gives thanks for stretch of 26 days. However, for some reason I started getting the feeling that something wasn't quite right with us as the time continued. Like we weren't as close or something. Nothing was really wrong, but something didn't feel right. It was all fixed with the reach out to your hand on the couch. It was all fixed by the reminder of the faith I have in our relationship.

The seond show was all about happiness. Why some people are inately happy and some are not. Why money doesn't truly buy happiness. What makes people feel happiness.

I have to admit I have never really thought of myself as a truly happy person. I have moments of happiness and my life is full of happiness, but I have always been the kind of guy who worries about this or that for little or no reason. There is nothing wrong with that. It isn't like depression or anything, but it is an on-going sense that I could always be doing more.

I could not be more wrong. You make me truly happy. Your smile. Your smell. Your sense of humor. I really don't need to go into it further, I just thought is was important to tell you that I realize how happy I am with you. You bring me happiness of the greatest kind.

A side note - you may not have watched the 20/20 but our oldest daughter fit the profile they showed of a person with a happy outlook on life. I just thought you should know that. I love her and her sister so much.

So that is my update. I apologize for the long delay, but the point of this was really to say the things I couldn't say becuase I was away. Since I was not away, I guess I don't feel too bad for not updating during the holidays.

I love you so much. This week is going to be really long.