Up

(I know we discussed this, but I thought it needed to be in the blog for future reference)

A few weeks ago we watched the movie “Up”.  I find it hard to believe but a cartoon really touched me and made me think.

There was so much about the couple that reminded me of our lives together.  They had an unlikely first meeting.  A long romance.  And an  inseparable life together.

The story shows them spending their lives together just doing stuff.  Kind of like my reference to “killing time” together.  The things they did together in the movie were not extraordinary, but rather normal day to day stuff.  Very much like us.  They painted the house.  They ate meals. They watched TV.  It didn’t matter, so long as they were together.

The wife had very much wanted to have a life of “adventure”.  She wanted to go places and see things.  Spectacular things.  But somehow their lives never led them to those kind of adventures.  They had simply a life together, quite unspectacular to the outside world.  But quite amazing to them.

Sadly, the wife dies in the movie.  Leaving a sad grumpy old man for the rest of the world.  It is this part of the movie that I found so chilling.  The movie did such a good job of showing how in love they were together.  It did such a good job of showing how touching their lives were together.  How they held hands, watched each other sleep, fed each other, made each other laugh and smile.  So much like the past 21 years I have had with you.  That one of them had to die meant the worst thing in the world.  They were no longer inseparable.

The pain they showed the man going through was very difficult to watch.  That is what got me.  I know I have already told you this, but I have make certain that I out live you.  Not for selfish reasons, but for you.  As your “Superman” I know that I could never allow myself to be responsible for having you be that sad.  If I pass first, then you likely will be as sad as that old man.  I could never allow that.  I could never rest in peace knowing that I left you in pain every day.

It isn’t that I won’t be in pain when I am left alone.  I will hurt worse than any human has ever hurt.  But my “superman” powers will allow me to carry that burden for you.  Because this man could never allow you to have to carry that pain.  It would kill me over and over again to have it happen.  I don’t mean for this blog entry to sound morbid.  I just want you to know that no matter what I will protect you and keep you from being sad.  Even if it means I have to be sad instead of you.

Now having told this story to you after we watched the movie and quite frankly blubbering a bit as we hugged, I was overwhelmed by your card on our anniversary.  That you recognize, like the wife in the movie, that we have had so many “adventures” together made me feel more loved than any moment in my life.  That card was the greatest gift I have ever received.  I have read it 3 times since that day as it sits on our mantle.

So there you have it, I now know the purpose of being “superman”.  It is to keep you from eve feeling pain or being sad.  They let me take one super power sweetie.  I just didn’t realize until just recently which one I took.  I took the one that protects you.  Only you.  Always you.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

(PS – This is one of the few times I have written this blog that I teared up while I wrote it.)

Happy Anniversary – 21 Years

I really wanted to title this differently, but on the off chance you read through these from time to time I wanted you to be able to see the header.

Today is the day we celebrate our 21st year of marriage to each other.  There are “countless” things I want to say to you, so i figured I would make that theme of this post.  Since anniversaries are about the “number” (i.e. 21), the theme is “Countless”.

In the past 21 years there have been…

“Countless” times that just hugging you made my day or may me instantly feel better.

“Countless” times that I have looked at you and thought “how could anything be more beautiful”.

“Countless” times that you made me laugh.  Often with your humor, but most times just by being you.

“Countless” times that I have kissed and thought nothing could be any softer on my lips.

“Countless” times that I have held your hand and had that safe, comfortable and loved feeling find its way from my fingertips to my heart.

“Countless” times that snuggling with you in bed made me consider not even bothering to get up in the morning.

“Countless” times that I have seen other people be jealous of the relationship we have and wondered to myself why everyone can’t have what we have.

“Countless” times that wasting a night on the couch watching TV with you was the perfect way to spend my evening.

“Countless” times that I thought about what the rest of my life would hold and how you will be by my side forever.

“Countless” times that thoughts of you gave me that “special feeling” inside (sorry had to add that one one).

“Countless” times you amazed me by planning the perfect event or making something routine seem so special for me and the girls.

“Countless” times that I felt overcome by the need to tell you I love you and have everyone hear it.

Yes, there have been “countless” things over the past 21 years that remind me how perfect we are together.  “Countless” things that remind me that this was a match made in heaven.

But to make this very simple there has been ONE thing that only happened once and put all of this in place.

The moment you said “yes”.  Its the single best moment of my life.  Happy anniversary my love.  21 years of perfection.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

Facebook Conflicted

I posted this on Facebook as well, but since this blog is more lasting I kind of hope you ready it here first.

Life has a way of surprising you sometimes.  I thought I knew every Counting Crows song.  I thought Adam Duritz had a line for EVERY emotion I felt for you.  I was wrong.  Tonight I found a new song and a new lyric that just made me remember just how amazing my love for you is and how deeply you touch me.

So here goes.  It is from the song “August and everything after”.  It never made it to an album, but is apparently written on the cover of the album of the same name.

Just a few lines for you.

They're wakin' up Maria 'cause everybody else has got some place to go
She makes a little motion with her head,
Rolls over,
And she says she's gonna sleep for a couple minutes more
I've said "I'm sorry" to Maria for the cold hearted thing that i have done
I've said "I'm sorry", by now, at least once to just about everyone
She says, "I've forgotten what I'm supposed to do today,"
And it slips my mind what I'm supposed to say?
We're getting older and older, and older
And always a little further out of the way
You look into her eyes and it's more than your heart will allow
In August and Everything After, you get a little less than you expected, somehow...

I stumbled into Washington Square just as the sun began to rise
I lay down on the lawn of the cathedral
Right down with the shadow of St. Mary's in the sky
And I'm just one of these late model children waiting for the king
Yeah, but there ain't no sign of Elvis in San Fransisco
It's just me, and I'm playing this rock and roll thing
And She wants to be just like me
And I want every damn thing I can see.
One day you're Daddy's little angel,
The next day you're everything he wanted you to be
They dress you up in white satin
And they give you your very own pair of wings
In August and Everything After, I'm after everything.

There you go.  In my head all I can hear right now is Adam singing “You look into her eyes and it’s more than your heart will allow”.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

Dating Each Other

Next week at this time we will have been married for 21 years.  How amazing.  21 years together.  21 years of all the things that make us such a “special” couple.

I can’t imagine how my life could have worked out any better.  Our marriage was really the first step in the best part of my life.  The best part of our lives.  But since this isn’t our anniversary week just yet and this won’t be the anniversary blog entry, I figured I would address once and for all the this issue of the time before we got married.

We didn’t really date all that long.  We had a short courting starting in June, a “break”, the “get back together” and finally the transition from our engagement to our wedding.

I don’t really know if I can tell you how amazing our first date was together.  In all honesty I have been on a total of two real dates in my life.  Once with some girl that worked with me at Target (set up by my Dad believe it or not) and the date with you.  And since the first one involved my father and his girlfriend, I really have only had the one “date” with you.

While you may or may not believe it – our first date had all the elements that a real first date should contain.   I picked you up at home. You were dressed amazing.  We had dinner, went “out” and finished it with a traditional “dropped off at the door” first kiss.  It was perfect.

That date (more likely that kiss) then started more regular dating.  Traditional things like movies, dinners and just hanging out together.  We even did the “babysitting” thing once together for the boys.

Now I know that you don’t really give me credit for how I felt about you and how I treated you during that time.  You likely shouldn’t because of the terrible thing I did to you when we broke up.  However, you should know that I knew all along that you were “the one”.  I may have thought I had real feelings for other girls before you, but none of them made me feel like you did then and still do to this day.

Trust me that every time I made the long trek to South Arlington I had an anxious feeling.  A feeling of excitement.  I looked forward to seeing you all day.  I was disappointed when we didn’t see each other.  You gave me that “butterflies in my stomach” feeling.  You were special to me then and you remain that way over 21 years later.

I guess it really was love at first sight.  A true fairy tale of sorts.  A romantic 80’s movie with a story book ending.  Even though we split up for a time – I knew that you were the one for me.  And even though I acted like I had moved on – I hadn’t.  Somehow I knew that we would get back together.  And we did.

So while our marriage has been a true love story, our dating was too.  It had a “difficult” time in the middle, but it all worked out.

Our lives together have been perfect my love.  They have been since day one.  And while you may not believe and I may not have actually known it at the time.  I have loved you since the moment I first saw you.  I know what true love feels like – and I can tell you I felt it then.

Next week we celebrate 21 years of marriage.  This week I am celebrating more than 21 years of being in love with you.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

It was PERFECT – You Were PERFECT

This is officially the first time I wish this wasn’t a “anonymous” forum.  I’d give anything to post your picture from last Friday night.  Nothing has ever been more beautiful, more amazing – more perfect.

I made sure I told you this face to face before I posted it to this blog, but it needs to be said again.  Friday was one of the best days of my life.  Having you with me in Orlando was amazing.

My day went well.  My presentation went better than I could have imagined and my peers all told me so.  I finished in time to meet you at the door (while you hated your flight delay it really worked out for me).  I was glad I got to be the first to see you.

The girls caused some drama, but even that worked out.  I think I was able to get through to them what we had been trying to say for a few weeks.  Simply put – their mother is an amazing parent.  Even more simply put – she deserves every ounce of respect they can must.  Even more simply put – they should do it because they appreciate everything you do for the and not because they thought they were in trouble.  And finally – as the person who loves you the most I will accept nothing less than perfect treatment of you as their mother.  How they have missed all those points over the years I have no idea.  Youth is clearly wasted on the wrong people.

But what came next will remain on of my best days ever!

Seeing you in that dress, with that hair, with those eyes and with me was the most amazing thing I have ever seen.  Walking down the hallway to the elevator I was actually “giddy”.  How could someone so spectacular be with me?  It boggles the mind.

Even better was just how amazing you were with my co-workers.  You were so comfortable (even though I know you hate that) meeting people.  So charming talking to them.  So lovely in every way.

I felt most proud to have so many people tell you how much I talk about you.  Tell you how they know how in love I am and how many of them have wanted to meet you for some time to “see the person I go on and on about all the time”.  I hope that made you feel amazing.  There is no exaggeration there sweetie.  I literally tell everyone about you.  I always have.

While dinner was nothing short of “school cafeteria food”, you remained charming and funny throughout the meal.  You literally entertained my co-worker whom you barely knew.  But you made him feel comfortable at a time when he felt kind of out of place (he is new) and he appreciated it the whole time.

Finally, you helped me and my friends close out the whole gala and even the “after party”.  So even though we walked away with you shoes in my hands, your legend grew all the same.

On Friday everyone I know found out what I already knew…..I have the best wife ever!

So you were perfect.  Perfectly beautiful.  Perfectly elegant.  Perfectly charming.  Perfectly funny.  Perfectly well Perfect.

You’re the world to me.  I love you more than anything in the world.

It is like I am going to Disneyworld….

I know the title looks funny, but it is how I feel. Like a kid just before his first trip to Disney or the days leading up to Christmas.

In just a few days you will be here with me. I simply can’t wait. In almost an odd way. Yesterday seemed so long and today will seem longer. All in anticipation of you getting here on Friday.

I can’t wait to see you in the dress again. You looked so amazing. I can’t wait to “show off my wife” on Friday. You have no idea how proud I will be to do so.

So while we may be actually going to Disneyworld on Saturday, it is the “Disney” like event on Friday I am most anticipating. Me and the most beautiful woman (ok girl) in the world arm in arm. Awesome.

Trust me I will never be so proud.

You’re the world to me. I Love you more than anything in the world.