Because I Cannot Write Songs

Answering all those pryaers....

2012-02-06T10:03:00.002-06:00

I know it has been a while since I posted to the blog. It really hurt me to that you really notice the lack of posts and that it bothers you. This one has been in my head for some time - but typing something so personal requires some privacy to do so, and I haven't really been in places where that has been true much the past month.

I read this article about how much bandwidth would be required to have god answer every prayer from every person. The writer estimated that people pray to god nearly 5 times a day. Interestingly, he was aware that nearly 80% of those prayers are not for thanks, not for comfort, but rather "requests" to have god give or provide something to the person making the prayer.

I started thinking that while I am not a man a great faith, I do - thanks to you - have a strong faith in belief. You have finally turned me around to the higher power theory. Because of you I know there is a plan for us all and that someone with greater influence than those of us on earth is in charge of that plan. Even with that, I realized that I - unlike the rest of the population - never pray to have something provided for me. I tried very hard to remember the last time I did so. I think I figured out when that actual date was and even figured out what I asked god to give to me.

My prayer involved me asking god to make sure that I was never alone. That I would always have someone to talk to and share my life. That no matter what i did I was going to do it for more than just my sake, but rather for the sake of someone else. That no matter what came along - good or bad - we would be sharing the outcomes together.

My prayer to god included me asking him to make me happy. That everyday I had something to live for and that I would never feel sad. That something joyful would be a part of my day - every day - and that that joy would extended itself to me. That I would have a reason to smile and that my smile would be real.

My prayer also added that I be able to make someone else happy. That I could pay him back for the happiness he provided me by making someone else smile. It was, I guess kind of a deal I was making. God if you give me this....I promise to....

My prayer was that I would have have a family of my own. That my family would be wonderful. We would all love each other and be grateful for one another. We would be very close and want to share our love for each other no matter what happened.

My prayer was that someone would love me forever. That I would be able to hold their hand forever. That we would have a love so strong that nothing could come between us.

I remember now the day I made this prayer. I remember thinking to myself that it was so much to ask. I remember thinking that it was likely very selfish of me to request so much at one time. I was young, not sure where I was headed and certain that none of my request would ever come true. But like the million/billions of others the article referred to - I made my request. In my defense, it wasn't like I asked for a new car or a big deposit to my bank account. Those kind of request have to be ignored by god. Just like the other in the article I am sure that just making the prayer was the biggest part of the result. Getting the request off your chest is apparently most of the power of god. It wasn't like it would really be answered right?

I guess I was wrong. God did answer my prayers. God did give me everything I wanted. He didn't even make me wait to have each request answered separately. He answered my prayers with in one big fantastic way - he put you into my life.

You made me never be alone, you made me happy and able to share my happiness, you helped me have a family and made that family perfect, you gave me someone to love forever and love me forever. God answered my prayers. He answered them perfectly. You are the answer to my prayers. How could I ever even think to ask again. What could top that? So for the past almost 25 years, I haven't really needed to make one of those prayers like the billions of others. Mine had already been answered. Asking for another would just be selfish. God already did his best work for me.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Dating Again

2012-01-18T00:52:00.001-06:00

I feel really bad that it has been so long since I last posted. The past few weeks have been a blur for me. I have some stress to deal with, we have been busy with family and at work I never seem to find time in my day. However, I love you so much and I know you deserve better.

The girls go home this weekend and our new city-mate will soon be finding his own way. So that means we are going to start having time with just us again. I love that time. So because it is a "new year" (I missed that post too), I figured I would use this to tell you a few things I am looking forward to in our 2012.

For the first time we are going to have a proper Valentines date. I can't really remember us ever doing that over the years. But this year it will be filled with a fancy dinner (one you get o dress up for - because I LOVE THAT), flowers, candy and maybe even a surprise "event". It is kind of a shame that we haven't used the international day of romance to show the world how much we love each other. So Chicago beware! The two most in love people in the world are hitting the streets on the night of love. The city may never be the same.

I'd like to take a quick weekend trip together. Not too far - we don't even have to fly. Just a Friday / Saturday night trip to someplace that will pamper you properly. Maybe a return to the American Club in Kohler. Maybe we finally get to Mackinack Island. Maybe a romantic B&B off the shores of Laek Michigan during blueberry season. Who knows. It might be a great idea to to tie it to our 23rd wedding anniversary (yup 23 years) in March or maybe we wait for better weather. However, it will be just us. It will be relaxing. It will be romantic. It will be memorable.

I am really enjoying this "going out Fridays" routine we have suddenly started. So this year we are going to have to continue it as much as possible. We might even be regulars at Pippins - maybe even known by name! We have like a thousand bars we can hit, a million restaurants and hundreds of places to eat 4AM breakfast. Then we can spend Saturday just recovering, relaxing and hanging out.

This summer I want to spend as many Sunday's at zoo's, parks and beaches as possible. We have a world of places to have picnics (finally going to use that basket!), get some sun, have some ice cream (5 ingredients only worked huh?), a lemonade, an adult beverage...you name it. We are going to take advantage of the city we have in front of us.

So there are the plans. I didn't get much past summer, because we might not be int he city after that. But that is what I would like to do.

All of these things have one thing in common. We do them together. Hand in hand. Arm in arm. A Kiss here and a hug there. It is like we found the fountain of youth. We get to live our younger dating lives all over again. You were the best girlfriend ever in 1988, the best new bride in 1989 and the perfect wife and mother every subsequent year. Now we get to start doing dating things again. We get to make new memories, create new funny stories. We get to start a new romance with each other, even though we are already hopelessly in love.

I can't wait.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Merry Christmas Baby!

2011-12-25T00:00:00.000-06:00

December 25, 2011

(This is our 24^th Christmas Together!)

t. –

Merry Christmas my love. I can’t believe that this year went by so quickly. It seems like only yesterday we were preparing for Meg’s graduation. I can’t imagine a year in our near quarter of a century together where so much has changed. We became empty nester’s, we moved to a whole new city and we did all we could to manage the overwhelming amount of disruption to our lives. Most important, like always we did it all together. No matter how stressful things got, no matter how sad we were at times, no matter how excited we got over this or that – we did it together.

This holiday season has just seemed out of sorts the entire time. No chatty girls around all the time, no house to decorate, limited space, limited resources, etc. Yet somehow I know that when we wake up on December 26^th, it will be a memorable and fantastic Christmas that we will remember as fondly as we have the past 23 Christmases. It will be a Christmas of transition to a new way of managing our family. One we didn’t quite prepare for the right way, but in the end you will have made it amazing.

So with that in mind, I figured I would tell you what Christmas will be like for the next near quarter of a century. I did Christmas past, present and future a few years ago in this letter, but this year I am going to give you a “glimpse” of what Grandma Tracy Christmases will be like for years to come.

First of all, I will get you that “stop the car Uncle Frank” house just as soon as I possibly can. It is where you were born to be during this holiday season. How could I have missed that all these years? I mean I married a girl who did basement Christmas concerts in JULY when she was kid. Who better to have a house literally designed to be decorated for the holidays. So read the rest of this letter with that picture in your mind. A house with ceilings tall enough to put up 12 foot trees. Mantles galore adorned with stockings for our girls, their spouses and all of the grandkids. A staircase lined with whatever seasonal decoration meets your fancy that year. Fireplaces in every room imaginable each with crackling logs for warmth and that seasonal smell. I promise you it will be yours.

The Christmas holiday will need more than one day for certain. A single day won’t do for all of the traditions we will need to honor. The girls and their families (ok I cried at just typing that) will arrive a few days early. The first day you will leave me at home with husbands and grandkids while you and the girls go have lunch together. You will spend hours catching up (you know on all the stuff that happened on their flight/drive in – since you talked to them at length the day before anyway) while you are reminded how proud you are of them. How happy their lives turned out as perfectly as you had hoped. How happy they are and how loved and respected they are by their husbands and kids. Meanwhile, I will be pulling out the hundreds of toys you have picked up over the years to entertain the grandkids on visits and playing on the floor in a room somewhere. The girls husbands will be watching TV and catching up on their latest business endeavors and sports. It won’t be much catching up though, because the girls are still so close that their husbands are likely good friends anyway. But they get a chance to relax and I get to PLAY!

We will all go out for dinner somewhere nice. Then come home and it is your turn to revel in your grandkids. They can’t get enough of being with you. They want to tell you everything. Who their friends are, what they do at school, what their favorite color is, what their dog (well Sadie anyway) did that was funny, how soccer is going, how ballet was – you name it. Most of it isn’t that big of news to you, since you likely were at most of those events anyway. But hearing their excitement is the only gift you need. You put them all to bed very late, because they simply had so much to tell you – and you simply had to hear it all.

The next morning everyone goes last minute shopping. You help the grandkids buy “mommy and daddy” gifts, you help them wrap them, and get the under one of the many trees. Then you all start baking some cookies. Likely the candy canes that Megan loves so much or some new recipe our now very experienced baker Meg has concocted. You know the one her and her kids saved “just for grandma”. Kendall, meanwhile, helps with dinner. She brings a new specialty to you as well. One her and her kids make all the time that they are dying to share with grandma as well. We finish the night with a cinema-fest of your favorite Christmas movies. All of us crammed on to the couches, floors and chairs as a huge family. Watching into the night. Again you put everyone to bed, smile and hold my hand as we head off to our own bed.

On Christmas Eve day, we make sure we hit a show or the Nutcracker. Just like we have done for years. To get there of course you have to spend tons of time dressing the grandkids in the new outfits you got them just for the shows. You fix hair, out on dresses, sweaters, etc. They look perfect. The grandkids argue about who gets to sit next to you at the show. So at intermission the whole row is re-arranged to avoid conflict and to be fair. I of course, wish I could sit next you, but I take the seat just between my girls. After the show we all hit Starbucks for some hot chocolate. Then we head back home for a fine Italian meal – likely your famous lasagna or farfalle. It turns out that the girls husbands are secretly requesting that you make both every year and every year you make both.

That night you get to watch more Christmas movies and read “Twas the Night Before Christmas” to everyone. More fireplace action, more crowding onto couches, chairs and floors and more time with grandma. Finally, you and the girls take all of the kids outside to feed reindeer and see if they can see Santa or Rudolph. Local airplanes provide some magic for you and then you rush them off to bed. Everyone is giddy with excitement for the next morning. All of us parents spend time getting the gifts perfectly placed (and perfectly balanced by count) under the tree. Santa is – as always – really good to everyone. We all know who Santa is by now.

Christmas morning we are awakened by grandkids at like 5AM. They get their parents first, but then rush to our room and grab you. The literally drag you downstairs in excitement. I make some coffee, they rip into presents, one after the other with growing excitement. I get as many pictures as I can for the “Christmas book” (this will make more sense later). The play with toys, do fashion shows, call their friends and tell them what they got, etc. We all sit back and in wonderment.

Then the cooking begins. I suspect our turkey will be about 25 lbs and by then we may be sporting 2 of them. Megan starts asking about mashed potatoes and Kendall makes sure the “inside stuffing” has been appropriately apportioned. By luck, both husbands are huge brussel sprout fans. We bust through a few cheese balls and finally hit the table for a perfect meal. Of course, by now we have a real kids table to deal with. So you and I spend ample time jumping up and down to make sure they have everything they need.

The girls and their husbands manage to get the dishes done (it takes 3 hours because Megan and Kendall fight over when to start). Then we break out the cookies. We all cram back onto those couches, chairs and the floor and watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” – because it truly is one.

They all stay for a few days more then head home. We both cry because we want nothing more than for them to be there every day – like it was when they were younger. The grandkids cry because they’d much rather stay with you a while longer. The girls cry because they are reminded just how amazing you made their lives. It is the perfect ending to a perfect holiday.

A few days later we all board a plane on our way to Los Angeles to watch the Badgers win the Rose Bowl. Sorry I couldn’t resist.

I hope this is how every holiday goes for you baby. You have spent your whole life preparing for it to happen. It gets closer every day.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Merry Christmas!

Holding Hands

2011-12-19T13:23:00.002-06:00

Your comment yesterday made me feel so bad. I am racking my brains to try and understand why I never reached over to hold your hand the whole drive. I can't come up with a reason of any kind. It was a missed opportunity to hold the one hand I'd rather hold over all others.

Holding hands has always been one of my favorite things to do with you. It seems that our hands fit together perfectly. Like they were meant to hold each other.

I think holding hands is the best way for a relationship to bond. Hugs are great, kisses are great, other things are great too. However, holding hands is like a method of expressing love and providing support. Like giving each other the ability to lean on one another. Hand holding so often says things we don't actually need to say aloud.

We have been holding hands for almost a quarter of a century now. Walking hand in hand. Holding hands on the couch when we watch TV. Holding hands at dinner out. Holding hands while we drive in the car. A few times even in bed as we lay down to sleep. Both of our hands, perfectly made for each other.

I picture us as a younger couple walking hand in hand. Our hands swinging a little, like young couples do when they are just completely overwhelmed by their new found love. Swinging hands just a little, because it is as close to yelling "I love you" out loud for the whole world to hear as you can do without causing a scene. A young signal to each other that we didn't ever plan on letting the other go. A future sign of our forever together.

I see us a few years later. Holding hands in a hospital room. Awaiting the birth of our first child (or our second one). Holding hands tightly rather than speaking, because holding hands said exactly what we both wanted to hear. "Our baby is coming, I am so excited! Look what we have done together". Our hands tightly held together with the other hand over the coupled hands as a means of quelling our excitement. But also showing that we did something together. Something special worthy of an excited hand holding.

I see a few more years into the future. Holding hands at the side of our sick child's hospital bed. Holding hands to give each other the strength needed to know that soon everything will be ok. Holding tightly to let each other know that no matter what we are here for each other while give all of our attention to the sick little baby in the bed before us. The having the hand holding change to excited hand holding when we find out for certain that everything is going to be ok.

A few more years pass. We walk hand in hand behind out babies - who are walking hand in hand with each other in front of us. Their hand holding speaks of their trust and love for each other. Ours boasts of how proud of them we are at that very moment. How lucky we are to have them and have each other. How proud we are that we have the amazing little family we made together.

So many other things happen to make us hold hands tightly over the years. Yet we find more and more reasons to hold hands. Even as we start to notice that other couples our age have stopped handing hands. We laugh at how they are missing out. We just go right on holding hands.

Right now I love walking the city streets holding your hand. At times i find myself wanting to swing my arms a little bit, or even grip it a little harder. Using holding your hand to say things to you I don't need to say with words. Our fingers intertwined. Our grip still representing the forever we will share together. Using our held hands to support each other, to show love for one another and as a constant reminder that we are here for each other.

As I look into the future, I see us holding holding hands more gently. For longer periods of time. Needing to be there for each other. Proud hand holding at weddings. Excited hand holding at grand-kids births. Romantic hand holding for every major accomplishment our relationship surpasses. Holding hands for the next 50 years just as we have for the past 25.

How I missed an opportunity yesterday to do something I truly love to do, I have no idea. I am sorry.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Out of our control

2011-12-08T13:39:00.002-06:00

I cant believe that I have never considered this before right now, but it just kind of struck me out of the blue. It must be the song I am listening to or the fact that I miss you so dearly right now. It could be the length of this flight that has me anxious to get home to you like crazy. Who knows why these things strike when they do.

What if neither of our kids find love like we have? What if they are unable to find somebody in their live who will treat them the same way we treat each other? What will we do?

I can't accept that either of them wakes up next to someone who didn't go to bed the night before with the thought that today was another day when he was lucky enough to be with them. I know I go to bed that way every night.

I cant imagine them not having someone turn to them and randomly think to themselves, "oh my god she is beautiful, how lucky am I?". I know it happens to me all he time.

What happens if their husbands travel on business and don't count he minutes until they get home to their arms. What if the cab ride home doesn't make then anxious to see them? What if the flight home seems short instead of like an eternity? I know my trips home seem like the longest Christmas Eve in history.

How sad will it be if they have husbands who would rather spend time on the golf course with their buddies than hang out with them all day doing almost nothing? What if they don't really enjoy making spending time with them a priority? What if time together is just like any other time? I know my time is always best spent with you.

What if hey have just ordinary relatioships? With ordinary people? What if people aren't jealous of their marriages? What if people question why they are together? What if they don't look and act like they are perfect for each other? I know we are perfect for each other and people who see us together know it immediately. I can't even count how many random strangers have made comments about it to us. What if they never have those moments.

I know we can't hand pick spouses for them, but it sure would be nice. Then again no one would have picked us for each other and look how we turned out. I think we have found the saddest thing in our girls lives that we have no control over. We can't fix it for them if they don't do it right. We can only hope they get it right on their own.

We can only hope they find love "like we do" Which by the way is the song that prompted all of this. Funny how these things work huh?

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Turkey Day

2011-11-22T17:25:00.000-06:00

Only a few more days until we carve the bird. The smells of food will permeate the house. I'll get stuffed beyond belief and still find room for a piece of pie. Oh I love Thanksgiving day!

I guess this year we start the reluctant process of trying to determine what "future" holidays will be like for our family. What will we do when the girls have other commitments around the holiday? What about their husbands? What about where we have it? Ugh, it was all so simple when they were younger.

I won't make this a long post, because I am on the train and I always feel like people are looking over my shoulder. But I want you to know something and be assured for the rest of your life of something.

It isn't the meal that they will come back for every year. Although you are a turkey day genius.

It isn't the decorations around the house that will make them spend the day at home. Although they always look perfect.

It isn't the table-scape (insert Sandra Lee reference) and how amazing it looks that will have them at the table. Although it gets better every year.

They will make being with us on the holidays a priority because they want to be with you. They want to be with the one person who will always make sure that everything is just as they need it to be for them. The one person who thinks of them before she thinks of herself.

They'll come back for you my love. Every time. Every year. Because they love you more than they can ever imagine. Trust me on that.

Happy Thanksgiving.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Outlasted....them all

2011-11-17T19:15:00.000-06:00

I am sitting on the flight back from DC. It is really the first time in a while I have been able to listen to my iPod for a prolonged period of time. Lots of those songs that remind me of you - but then again I put them there for a reason.

Music sure has changed over the years. But so many of our songs have stood the test of time. How ever it appears that the bands haven't stood the same test. In fact we have outlasted more than a few of the bands that i relied so heavily upon to construct my life long "ode to my love".

A few examples:

Breathe - apparently they never made it past 1991. In fact after they provided us a few songs, they called it quits. Such a shame, they really were a solid band. Not quite as solid as you and I though.

R.E.M. - Sadly they broke up. We should have known that the Micheal Stipe act wasn't as solid as ours. However, they hold a special place in our history and we will always have the lyric "You are here with me/You are here with me/You are here and you are everything". I still remember hearing it in the car on the drive to your sister's house and knowing that having you with me was the right thing. On a side note, R.E.M. made it 31 years together, so we actually will have to catch up to them.

Anita Baker - according to Wikipedia, she officially called it quits in 2007 after a "heavily criticized performance of the National Anthem at the NBA All-Star game". She holds a truly special place for us because to my knowledge she sang the first songs you associated with me - rather than songs I associated with you. Plus man can she sing.

The Style Council - alas, they created a perfect song, we made it ours and they must have figured they could never top that accomplishment. I looked hard for the quote from Paul Wellar (their singer) where he publicly acknowledged that they "could never have more success than creating a song for the world most in love, meant for each other and long lasting couple." It doesn't exist on the internet. But them again the internet doesn't know everything. They broke up in 1998. Played their last concert in 1998 - and fittingly made "You're the Best Thing" the last song they ever played. I'll find that quote because I know it exists.

So as we move through the rest of our lives, we are going to have to know that music will come and go, fashion will come and go, TV shows, favorite actors/actresses, will all appear and disappear and we will just keep moving forward hand in hand. Because in the end we will outlast them all.

I like it that way. People will remember us long after Justin Beiber is into adulthood or Lady Gaga has finally stopped wearing meat products. Because they are fads. We are the real thing.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The Feeling I Get Sometimes

2011-11-10T16:36:00.002-06:00

I have these periods where I just feel so in love with you. I just can't stop wanting to kiss you, hold your hand, smell you or be close to you. It is often quite overwhelming - makes me miss you dearly. Even sometimes makes me shirk responsibility (aka work I have to accomplish) to get home to you. I have had that feeling the past 2 days or so.

I want so badly for this whole move and next phase of our lives to be perfect. I want to have great times, great memories and great friends. I want this to be our time together to grow older (not old) and truly take the opportunity to enjoy each others company for many many years. We have had some fun so far, but I can't wait until we have some "normal" time. So far it has been mostly hectic back and forth to Madison, get ready for the cruise, get ready for visitors time, etc. It will be nice when we have dinner, movies, tv nights and relaxation together (although this week has been really nice).

I really enjoyed the drive back from Madison listening to your iPod, waiting for our songs to come on, knowing that the more i heard them the more I wish I listened to them more often and the more they remind me of how I feel about you. It sure beat hearing the same 10 songs on Sirius over and over again.

I love you so much. I simply can't tell you how much. I can't even find a song that tells me how much. So I hope you feel it in my attention to you over the past few days. I just want you to feel how important you are to me.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

At least you were amazing....

2011-11-03T16:22:00.000-05:00

Our exciting Caribbean cruise was a flop. I think people all laugh when we refer to it as the "floating hillbilly festival" or refer to the people who never saw a buffet before (or who order 3 entrees because they are free). Add in the alphabet tour, obesity level and those with a lack of dignity and it was an overall mess. While we had some fun nights out and we did get to dance for the first time in forever, there are likely better ways for us to vacation in the future.

This won't be a long blog post because I am eager to get home to you tonight, but I had to mention that there was one thing I will always remember about that cruise. One thing I learned I need to provide you more opportunity to do in the future.

You looked amazing in your dresses. When you get dressed up you become the perfect combination of sexy, classy and beautiful. You wear a dress like no one else. You fix your makeup perfectly. You get the right shoes. Your hair (despite limited resource on the boat) looks perfect. When you walk out of the room - you are perfect. I have never been so amazed at your beauty. And I am always amazed by your beauty. But dressed up you add the perfect touches.

So now that we live in the big city, with fancy restaurants and places to have an elegant night out. I need to get you more opportunity to get dressed up. Maybe even buy some new dresses - who knows. You do it so well and make me feel so special to be with you. You are my arm candy. I couldn't be luckier.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Happy Birthday

2011-10-21T07:50:00.001-05:00

It is hard to believe that this blog is now 4 years old. It just keepsmgetting older and older every day. Ironically the person the blog is for, you my love, doesn't seem to be aging the same way. So while today is your "Happy Birthday", I guess we aren't really celebrating you getting older, but rather just you being you.

I say this because you just never seem old to me. After all of these years, you still have that youthful aura about you. You still seem younger than you actually are in years. You still look younger than you actuallyare in years. You obviously have a hold of some kind of magic potion.

I can see it in your eyes. They still sparkle. They still have that shien that they did when I first met you. Rather than getting old and steely through the yeras, they have a youthful glow to them. They are bright and open tomthe world. They clearly haven't aged, they have just become better.

You can tell you are young from your smile. It isn't "put on" and fake. It is real and joyful. It has an exuberance only seen in children. It lures people in with a curious need to be a part of your fun approach to life. Like a young child who always seems to have people drawn to them, you smile put you at the center of attention. It is young and vibrant. It hasn't aged, it has just become better through the years.

You still approach life with your "kind of silly, kind of me" attitude. A very youthful and fun way to live your life. The very reason that you are sp popular with our kids friends. People are drawn to your fun style. They love to be a part of the way you behave about things. It is hardly immature, but rarely mature. It is a polished method of being young, while still having the wisdom of adulthood. You are fun to be around at any given time. You are entertaining all the time. You bring smiles to anyone who crosses your path. You may have aged on the calendar, but in reality you remain as exuberant as you were as child.

So I guess we have to celebrate your birthday, but not because you are getting older. We can celebrate it in the truest form of the phrase. We will celebrate your "birth", because after 42 years you have remained young and vibrant. In the best form of the phrase, "you haven't gotten older, you have just become better". Lucky for me, I get to be with you every day. Birthday or no birthday, I celebrate you every day.

Happy Birthday my love.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Closer

2011-10-06T14:47:00.003-05:00

The move is over, the weekend travel is on hold. We are now living our lives in our new home. Things seem to have settled down. Our time is here.

I tried really hard to come up with some really poignant and clever way to make this post. Some really insightful way to let you know what I wanted to say. But my excitement overcame me.

Sweetie, for over 20 years I have waited for this time. A time with just you. Just the two of us. Don't get me wrong, I love the girls. But in all honesty the 3 of you have a circle I can't break. It is pretty amazing and very well documented in this blog. I have been on the outside of that circle, waiting patiently for my time with you for a while now. It is finally here.

We never really had much time without kids or huge life responsibility and it isn't like those things have gone away. However, the ability for "us" to move up the list of importance has finally come. Time for just you and I to make our way. We have been a very special couple for many years. Now we can become an extra special couple. It is like we are dating again. Starting something kind of new, but with a long history of the past to flavor our lives.

So far so good. We have had some really good times in just a few short weeks. We have already started experiencing new things (bad Chinese food included). We do it hand in hand. Together. Just us.

I can't tell you how much I love walking the city streets holding your hand. I can't tell you how much I love walking through the door to see just you. I can express how much I look forward to whatever we are planning to do for the night. Even if it is as simple as watching TV.

I love you sweetie. I love being with you. I love it when I get your attention. I love giving you my attention. I love it when you are being silly. I love it when we have serious discussions. I love it when we can't figure out what to talk about, but know it is OK to just sit there in silence.

You are my favorite person in the world. The person who amazes me most. The person who constantly surprises me. The person I count on.

You are the best date I have ever had. Even if that date has now lasted over 2 decades.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A Loving Look

2011-09-21T20:49:00.001-05:00

I don't have a really long post today. I thought of many ways to try and spruce this up into something longer, but everything I considered only got in the way of the message. So my only concern is that reading this will make you cry. Not sad cry, but happy cry.

Last night I couldn't sleep after finishing my work. TV was boring, so I decided to watch the girls videos on my iPad. I really l love those videos. The girls have no idea how often I watch them. They also likely don't comprehend how proud I am of them.

What hit me during the videos was that I noticed something had not noticed before. A certain pattern in the videos that crossed both girls, extened through every age and never changed. It was something you did/do. I think it is a special gift given to you by god for our children. It is a gift of comfort and safety, but I never realized how it was delivered.

I am sure you have seen a million pictures of proud parents holding their newborn babies and gazing at them. That special look you give to something so new that you love so much. The one where you are holding the baby in your arms extended in front of you and you just staring at them in awe. It is the kind of look they put on cards and in picture frames.

Ironically there is picture in both of the girls videos of you in that pose, with that look on your face. Your look is of course much better than the normal look. It shows your amazement in the babies. It shows how much you love them. It shows how much you care for them. It shows how much you will protect them. It is magical.

Here is the thing. The older they get in the pictures, you still look at them that way. It isn't even subtle. It is obvious. It never goes away. Like an on going Mona Lisa of sorts. Year after year. Situation after situation. Your magical blue eyes look down on them with amazement, wonder, care and love. Whether at age 10 months, 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, etc. It doesn't matter, it is always there for them. And just as they did as babies, they catch the look. They smile. They feel comfort. They feel safe. Most of all they feel loved.

I checked even some of the Facebook photos of recent times. The look is still there. Protecting them into adulthood. Caring for them like no one ever will. I think that without even knowing it, they have started to look for the look to give them comfort.

So there you have it, something new I learned about you after all these years. Something to add to the magic that is my amazing wife and mother of my children.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Less Than a Week Now

2011-09-07T17:23:00.005-05:00

In less than a week we will be officially moved out of Wisconsin and into the fine city of Chicago. Nearly 23 years after I promised to get you back home, I am finally doing so. I may be slow, but I always find a way to get you the things you really want in life.

I can remember how hard the decision to move from Texas was for us. We have that fine story about meeting people in Cabo and deciding to move on our own, but in reality it was a huge step for us. Nearly 8 years later, we are off again. This time it is just the two of us, but I gather that those little girls will find plenty of time to spend with us in our new home(s).

By my count we have lived in Wisconsin for 2,888 days, roughly 35% of our marriage. We have been in this house for 2,539 days. No matter how you look at it, we have spent a considerable portion of our lives and the girls personal development in Wisconsin. So no matter how excited I am about the move, I will be a bit sad to leave such an important chapter in our history together.

So because I have not done a Top 10 List in a long time, I figured I would do one for our time in Wisconsin and illuminate some of the memories we have created while we lived in the fine state.

10) The time that we spent on the back patio at the "ghetto house" with our good friends. We burned virtually everything in sight trying to stay warm. We even finally opted to give our good friend the cross she so desperately needed at the time.

9) Proms - both of our amazing daughters looked heavenly. They stood out from the crowd and these are memories we will never forget. Part of their coming of age so to speak.

8) Snow, snow, snow....by my count we likely saw over 600 inches of snow (did some research on this). That is 50 feet! I love the pictures of the girls first "snow" play, them learning to snowboard, how cool you look in gloves, a scarf and sunglasses, and frankly it is just darned pretty. I learned to love the cold as much as the warm.

7) Graduation celebrations galore. Parties our families will remember forever and I think our girls will be hard pressed to top for their own kids. No worries though, they have you to help out.

6) Sing Star baby. Countless hours of drunken singing. We dragged family, friends and kids into the mix. In the end we even found out that we can do it all by ourselves and still have a great time. Best sing star moments include, "oh my god we rocked rocket Man!", constant defeats at your hands on "Creep", singing "everybody wants to rule the world" with my baby and the introduction of fake instruments.

5) Living in one city and working in another. Mostly I remember how well you adapted, maintained and ensured the family remained as normal as possible.

4) Our "local" bar. we have really made our mark on the Centennial. We were officially regulars without being drunks. Lots of fun debates, arguments and silly stories.

3) The introduction of the Kayak. "Did they move Mcdonalds?"

2) The shuffle. It remains a top ten parental moment of all time across all parents. I recant that. It is top 3 - from any parent anywhere. It is on film, it is hilarious and it is why our girls worship their mother. Your sense of humor permeates all of us.

1) Really this one is a combination. While we ha da very short rough patch, the time we spent in WI are some of the best years of our marriage. We made it without and extended family to lean on. we grew closer all the time. Our family unit became a very tight unit who relies on each other for support and love. We grew so much as people. As a couple. As a family. These have been a great nearly 3,000 days.

Now off to start writing the next chapter. While I have so many things to look back on, you always give me so many things to look forward to every ay.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Our Time

2011-08-30T06:09:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was kind of a beginning of a new era for us my love. We have both of the girls off at college. While that was sad, it is hard to not feel really proud of both of them and ourselves for raising two amazing young ladies. They will both be very successful, very happy and we will all remain very close as a family. So officially I am claiming that the proud part has officially taken over the sad part.

Now it is left to just you and me. It's funny but I have that shrilling sound of Monica from the TV show Friends going off in my head when she realized it was going to be just her and Chandler - "I have to live with a boy!". Well, my love, I am your boy. From my end, I couldn't be happier.

Sunday will count as the "let it go day". A day of drowning our sorrows and at the same time enjoying a baseball game and each others company. It was fun, but I knew that most of the day your mind was elsewhere. I heard rumors of you texting all day long. That is ok. I know your will need some time to adjust to your new world as well.

Yesterday was the day. A start of sorts. Just you and I together. It couldn't have been better. I was reminded that we are best friends. That we really are that close. That any time we spend together is time well spent. We did normal things all day, and frankly it was a wonderful day.

I had a really proud moment this weekend. I was on the phone with our nephew. We were talking about this empty nest concept. His direct quote was, "yeah I think a lot of couples don't know how to respond to that, but not you guys. You are really close and really happy. I'm not worried about you guys at all". Coming from a guy who isn't prone to dole out compliments, I took that as praise in the highest order. The best part is that he is completely correct. We are "that close", we are best friends and we are the most important thing to each other. It is a formula for our success. Has been for over 20 years.

We have about 2 more weeks of "change" to deal with before we move. Then things will be really different. It will e some new turmoil, new stress, new tears and lots of change. But we will be more than just "fine" through it all. We will thrive. Because we are the world's greatest love story. We are the happy ending at the end of silly chick flick. We are the old couple walking off into the sunset at the end of a classic novel. More simply - we are perfect for each other.

So now we enter the next chapter of our lives. Another chapter of the best book ever written. I can't wait to turn a new page everyday.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

So Young

2011-08-16T17:19:00.003-05:00

It seems to me that we are about to embark on a very new time in our lives. One where our day to day lives involve only each other. One where we have kids away at school and very limited time committed to them on a 24-hour basis. Sure they will be part of our every day lives. There will be thousands of phone calls, video chats, urgent messages, etc. They will always need us (mostly you) in some way every day. They will be far but near. However, you and I will always be "near".

This got me to thinking about just what a great choice we made to have them when we were young. How opposite that is of most people and how amazing the opportunity in front of us as a result of our choice. We have always said that having them young would free us up at a young age to enjoy a long life together, but I think there are other forces that made our decision so wise.

We were barely kids ourselves when we had the girls. You officially were a teenager when you first got pregnant and I was not far from acting like one. We were young, knew very little about life or parenting and seemed way out of comfort zone. But magically it worked. Magically you made us a family.

One of the biggest benefits in having the girls at a young age is that we got to grow up with them. As we learned about life so did they. As we made mistakes we got to have them close by to comfort us. As we learned what life was all about we got to make sure they knew as well. Life lessons weren't far from our memories and so when they learned life lessons we were right there with in many cases very recent memory to guide us through the situation. We don't have those "back in the day" stories to compare our children's lives to, we have current days to compare to their current days.

Lets face it, most of our marriage we have been broke. We weren't "career" oriented or workaholics. Mostly because we were at ages in live where we worked for someone else and didn't have that great of work responsibility. It meant that we could be with our kids. We gave them time. And it wasn't just regular time - it was always fun time. We were able to really play with them. Enjoy them daily. We had the added benefit of the boys to be extra playmates. We did silly things like dress up, singing, hour long baths, playing in the yard, movies, etc. Mostly not expensive things, but always very involved things. We made them laugh and in turn they made us laugh.

We also had the benefit of being young enough to participate and understand in most everything they were doing. Coaching soccer, being a team mom, coaching little league, being a room mom or whatever. But we also were able to be involved in other things that older parents wouldn't have participated in. We enjoyed music with them, we got on Facebook, we video chatted, IM'd, texted, etc. Things many older parents would have scoffed at as ridiculous - we did right along with them. We embraced most of their friends, because we were young and sort of cool (you were always cool). We taught them to interact with adults because in a way we were also "interacting with adults". We were fun - so they hung around more than other kids did with their parents. It was good to be young - had we been old we would have had other priorities.

But the most important part is that we gave them all the love we had. We gave them all of us - everything we had to give them. They were our number one priority in life because we never had a chance to have other more important priorities. Even as we aged, we knew that including them closely in our lives was the only way to do things. They taught us to be good parents. we learned on the fly. I think being young made that so much easier - we made a good choice.

So now we move on to "adulthood". I don't think you will change at all. You will very likely be that "young" grandparent (not in a Florida white trash sort of way). You will get to start all over again. Pretty nice huh? This decision of ours just keeps getting better and better.

It will be odd to have them both gone. But I am sure they will teach us a few new things about being on our own too. See we all just keep growing up together don't we?

Just a quick reminder that they are so lucky to have you (as am I) - you made this family what is is today. Thank you my love.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Rain Rain Come Again

2011-08-08T10:08:00.003-05:00

I woke up Saturday night to the storm outside. There was lightning, some thunder and a pretty strong sound of raindrops. It was 2AM. The dog woke up as well, but only because she was afraid of the rain. Me? I love the rain. Not always, but there are certain times that it just makes me feel "different".

We have certainly had our connection to the rain over the years. It always seems to provide me with nice memories (flooded basements being the lone exception). I kind of associate our relationship with the rain. Not in the storm sense, but in the romantic sense.

It would be impossible for me to forget our first memory of rain together. It was among the most intimate moments of our lives. I am not sure why we were laying on the floor and not in a bed, but I remember how close our heads were to the open window. The rain fell beautifully outside. A clasp of thunder here a flash of lightning there, all filling our romantic evening together. The sound of The Cure's Disintegration CD played in the background. It was romantic, passionate and most certainly memorable. It was as if the rain fell in rhythm with us as we kissed and touched. It remains a moment I recall often and a moment I will never forget.

The rain quickly involved the girls. Even before we had them. OD you remember me telling you about my dream of how I was playing with them in the rain? We lived in the townhouse at the time. I am not even sure that Kendall was quite born yet. I know Megan wasn't. Yet had this very vivid dream on playing with them BOTH in the rain. I regrettably don't think that ever really happened. However, the dream was so real.

I remember numerous times when we got soaked together in the rain. However, one time sticks out. I remember kissing you in the rain. It wasn't raining that hard. We were both very wet though. Your hair was very wet and looked very sexy. I am not sure why we stayed in the rina, but the kiss is very memorable to me.

I can also remember a few times in our pool when you and I swam around while raindrops fell on top of us. While that isn't very safe, it was always very cool.

So when I woke up the other night and heard the rain. It just reminded me of how much I love you. It reminded me of how I pretty much associate everything with you in some way. But rain, although a nuisance to most, is not to me. It is way to relvie some really nice memories of you. Some truly romantic moments. Some truly cute moments. Some fun moments. But mostlyu, just moments when we were together.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Just a simple routine

2011-07-20T23:55:00.003-05:00

It is late. Really late. I tried sleeping but I can't. There is this other side of the bed where you should be and it is empty. There is a leg somewhere that my foot should be touching, but it isn't. There is a soft sound of someone breathing next to me somewhere, but I can't hear it here. Being in bed alone isn't how it should be - ever.

How does that happen? That you become so accustom to having things be a certain way that when they aren't you simply can't adapt? How is it that "normal" is so important in life?

Tomorrow I will eventually wake up and next I won't kiss you goodbye. I won't hug you or kiss you softly on the head while I sneak out of bed to get my morning coffee. When I get dressed I won't peek out the door at you sleeping, just to see you sleep. I love to watch you sleep, which is good because you really love to sleep. When I leave there won't be that last smell of your neck to last me throughout my day. There won't be your arms around me to send me off.

Why is that routine so important? It is like I am child who hates his routine disrupted. When things aren't like they should be, I can't function. Why does the routine mean so much?

Tomorrow I won't walk through the door and see you. I won't ask you how your day was or pester you about dinner. I won't ask where the girls are or what you guys did today. You won't show me something cool you did today or ask me about something we got in the mail. I won't follow you around the kitchen while you are busy trying to grab that first hug that is so important to me when I get home. In fact that hug wont' happen at all.

Tomorrow night won't wind up with us both on the couch. Watching something useless on TV. We won't fall asleep way before bed time. There won't be the "pillow" endeavor that prepares us for bed. I won't lay in bed while you are changing in the bathroom waiting to see what nightgown you picked. I won't flip back and forth between the "standard bed time TV shows" and the Brewer game while I wait for the bathroom door to open. There won't be any watching you play your last SNOOD of the day while I wait to see if "it" is going to happen tonight. No last hug of the day or kiss goodnight. No snuggling. No conveniently placed hands. Nothing but an empty bed.

You know something? After reading this post over again I realized something. My days are pretty good. Lots of things happen that I count on and love. They all involve you. I like that. I like my routines, my normal....my wife. For now - good night sweetie.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Rocking Hats

2011-07-12T07:08:00.002-05:00

I finally figured out how to get my pictures from my phone to my laptop. Thus I was treated to the gallery of pictures of you in your new hats. I must say, I am really impressed at how you rock the hats. Not surprised, but certainly impressed.

I had such fun with you this past week as we hit the Summerfest circuit. Day after day of music, drinking and fun. However, the best part was that I got to be in public with you on my arm for a full week. I got to show off how amazing my wife looks. I got to play "arm candy" nearly everyday.

It was fun watching you get ready every day. The "jean" selection, followed by the inevitable showing off of your truly fine backside to me. Then the - at a minimum - 3 shirt change, until you finally settled on the perfect selection (I found it also interesting that you could change bra's so quickly too. It all ended in me leaving the house with you looking your very best and me pretty excited about being able to show you off to the world. Nothing makes a man more proud than having his beautiful bride on his arm for every one to be jealous of - I got that for so many days in a row (although I did worry about the day you went without me - the same people saw you, but didn't have me there to claim you as mine).

The coolest thing was the end of each night. I really love you in hats. So the "pick tonight's hat" process was very cool. If you combine the pre-Summerfest process (see above), with the Summerfest drinks (that give you that sexy smile I love so much) and the addition of the sexy hats......well it is no wonder I couldn't keep my hands off you. You truly are THAT sexy.

Thanks for making me look so good all week. I can't believe that after 23 years together you just keep getting better. The current version of my wife is my favorite of all time. I am sure I'll say that again in the future as well.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Only You

2011-07-08T06:56:00.000-05:00

Only you my love.

Only you can make me smile the way you do.
Only you can make me feel at ease the way you do.
Only you can make me safe the way you do.
Only you can make me know everything is OK the way you do.

It's always you my love.

It's always a simple touch or the way you hold my arm when we walk.
It's always a small gesture like running your fingers through my hair.
It's always an unexpected kiss that takes my breath away.
It's always a hug at just the right time.

Nothing surprises me more my love.

Nothing surprises me more than the feelings I have when you are around.
Nothing surprises me more than how much I miss you when we are apart.
Nothing surprises me more than how much joy I feel when I see you again.
Nothing surprises me more than how quickly I know you are always right where I should be.

Time passes so quickly my love.

Time passes so quickly when we are just hanging around.
Time passes so quickly when we are thinking about the next 50 years.
Time passes so quickly when we talk about the past.
Time passes so quickly when we are in each others arms.

I love you my love.

I love you more than you will ever know.
I love you more than anyone could ever feel.
I love you more than words can say.
I love you more than I can ever express.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Styx Styx Styx

2011-07-01T13:43:00.004-05:00

Ok this blog will serve as my pre-concert apology for dissing Styx all these years. I really am looking forward to seeing them tonight and after much research on the band, their music and what not, I have to admit to just being a boneheaded idiot for trashing them for 2 decades. I blame Mr Roboto for placing the stigma in my head.

So a bit of trickery for you. Call it a lyrical magic.

One touch was all I need to know. For me to know you were my fate, my destiny. Your lovin has always seemed the best thing I ever had. You're the only woman that could show me what love could be. You're the only woman that understands a man like me. I thought you were an angel, but to my surprise, we climbed aboard this starship and headed for the skies. Come sail away, come sail away - come sail away with me. What can I do, when pictures of you still make me smile. What can I say when those pictures still make me cry. They say a man can't live in this world if he is wearing his heart on his sleeve. With you I can. And I will hold all your dreams in my hand. You're fooling yourself if you don't believe it. The best of times, are when I am alone with you. Some rain, some shine. We can make this a world for two. I've got too much time on my hands, to not fill my eyes with your beautiful smile. Cause you know it's you babe, whenever I get weary and I've had enough, who gives me the courage and the strength I need.

So there you go. Tonight's the night we make history. Only you and I. Come on, come on and dance all night. Despite the heat - it will be alright. Music is my game, but when I'm with you, I treat a lady like she is wearing a crown.

Tonight's the night - we make history.

I think Styx has essentially said it all huh? Can't wait for tonight.

You're the World to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Beautiful.....more than ever

2011-06-23T09:54:00.003-05:00

I have to admit I am in love. Puppy dog love. That is pretty nice after all these years. There are so many things I love about you, that a single blog entry won't allow for sufficient space. However, there is one thing that I need to mention now.

I mean it when I say "you have never looked better to me". Ever.

There have been many versions of my wife in terms of appearance. The "diet coke and ice cream figure", the pregnant version, the blonde version, short haired, long haired, curly haired.... the list goes on and on. However, it is the current version I think I like best.

You have worked so hard the past 2 years. Your have transformed your figure into something fit, trim and sexy-curvy. You should be so proud of yourself for all of your hard work. But frankly, I have always like your figure, not matter what physical shape it took on. The difference now is how you feel about how you look. Trust me that coming home and having you show me a sexy new pair of Joe's Jean on your amazing body is both a joy for me visually and mentally. You have regained the sexy swagger I have always loved about you. It is the perfect combination of your shy about you looks humility and your appreciation of just how attractive you really have become over the years.

But it isn't just your rocking body that I am currently in love with. You still have that youthful smile and attitude that sets you apart from every other woman your age. Looking at your face still gives me chills. You smile and you lose 10 years of age. You pull your hair back and you look youthful. I am sure that it is because you have those incredible eyes and that having your hair pulled back means they also light up your face. Add in the cutest nose ever, perfectly ears, the right amount of tiny freckles...what more could a guy want?

There are other things that you likely don't know that I find attractive about you and have for years. You smell amazing. This is actually something I can remember from one of our first few dates. I can remember thinking, how can someone smell so sweet? It wasn't perfume or anything, it was just you. Maybe that was the "pheromone" effect that makes one person attracted to another. But I can remember it like it was yesterday. No matter what ever happens, I know I will be able to tell your scent from any other person's scent. It will always make me smile.

You have an incredibly soft touch. The feel of your finger tips on me still drives me wild. Remember a long time ago how I would have your gently run your fingers across my inner forearm? It was that incredible soft touch that made it so amazing. The feel of your hands on the back of my neck while we are in the car? Drives me wild! Holding your hand and feeling your finger tips grasp the back of my hand is still a feeling that gives me goosebumps.

I consider myself to be the luckiest man in the world. My wife of more than 20 years just keeps getting better and better. She is sexier, softer, prettier and more loveable than she was 20 years ago. She is better than she was yesterday and not quite as good as she will be tomorrow. She creates a constant desire to be with her. No matter what you think, everyone is jealous of me. Every day.

You are in every sense of the word just like the song....."Perfect Skin".

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Celebrating Summer

2011-06-07T18:17:00.001-05:00

Summer is upon us my love. Soon the girls will both be out of school. The weather is changing again. This season and the fall are really the best times in the midwest. It is my favorite time of the year. Not for weather purposes, but because we start spending such quality time together.

The summer represents lots of grilling, chilling and fun for the two of us. It has already started. Sunday was really nice. We worked hard on the patio and planting plants. Then we did what I enjoy so much. We broke out some beers, some chips, some salsa and then the day just started getting away from us. It is so nice to spend that kind of time with you. We just sit, talk, enjoy the weather and enjoy being together.

I kind of thought back through our past and this isn't a new thing for us. We have always been summer people. Our first date, which by the way we celebrate a 23rd anniversary of on Sunday, was in the summer. We got our first baby in the summer. Our second baby came at the technical beginning of Texas summer. We had pool fun, park going fun, picnic fun, soccer trip fun, we always had the boys around more than usual in the summer and we always have each other. The summer is essentially our time. The season we have spent some of our best times.

Our best vacations have been in the summer. Hilton Head trips, Maui, Cabo San Lucas, Cancun with friends/family, Dells with friends and the few car trips to places like dinosaur valley or wherever in the early days. We always find somewhere to go or something big to do. Summer is our time.

You always look your best in the summer. You were a tan better than anyone ever has worn one. It brings out your dazzling smile and perfect eyes. Plus tan lines are so sexy! But I'll keep the blog at least PG rated this time.

So as we head into what may be the last really normal summer we have for some time, let's make it a great one. Let's make every Sunday grill and chill day. Let's find a day trip or two (Door County maybe?) to make with the girls. Maybe later this summer we splurge and take us all somehwere, who knows? All I know is I get to spend my 23rd summer with the person I want to enjoy life with the most. I can't wait. I hear a cold Miller Lite, some great music, some cool talk and can see that gorgeous face of yours now. Welcome back summer! It is officially hammock time! Want to share a sunny nap with me?

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A few weeks gone by

2011-06-01T15:07:00.002-05:00

My love I see that it has been two weeks since my last post. I last posted while I was in Nice. Since that time we have been together every day. It just never makes sense to me to take time away from you to write to you. I am sorry about that and sorry for missing a week.

It's June already. That time is finally here. Our younger daughter is about to graduate from high school. I just spent considerable time reading letters about Paige and how people thought about her and it got me to thinking what I would write about our little girl.

It struck me during the thought that I would write so many things about her that I have written about you over the years. How as amazing that people think of her, they likely think of you. She just has all of those "accomplishments" at a young age to display. Who knows what kind you may have had if you were raised by you? She has that advantage no matter what the comparison.

You must be so proud and yet so humbled at the same time. How can you not look at her or listen to her without it being a constant reminder of who you are? Same smile, same sense of humor, same "hidden" compassion for everything, same ability to defeat anything in your paths. She may never realize how many gifts you gave her over the years that were able to be unwrapped or shipped to her.

I am certain it is why she and I butt heads so often. I see so much of you in her and you love me so much, so why do she and I have such a different relationship? It must be some kind of chemical thing. However, I know that someday she will find her true love and he will feel the same way you make me feel. He will officially be the "second" luckiest man in the world.

So as we praise he for all she has accomplished, don't let it past you that she has done what she has done because she had so much of you inside her and the benefit of having you at her side to escape every adversity that was in front of you at the same age. While she is her own person in every way, she still represents so much of what you would have accomplished given the same opportunity.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Boxes of our Life

2011-05-16T19:24:00.001-05:00

This blog post has been breweing inside of me for some time now. I pretty much started when we decided to move to Chicago. Since that decision, we have had many opportunities to reflect on old houses, old Apartments and our collection of belongings. We have essentially been running through our 22 plus years together as bot a couple and a family.

The videos are priceless. I think we heard this somewhere recently and it hit home ( or we may have just said it ourselves - who knows - we can be poignant at times ), but "we had little but we had so much". There were so many happy times that weren't major holidays or birthdays. Just time spent as a family. The girls singing all the time. If not childrens songs, then singing along to something we played on the stereo. It seemed to be such a biog part of their lives. No wonder they both excelled in choir and that damned Sing Star game is so popular in our basement. There are grea videos of just time spent together. You may not remember my "day off" but I certainly do and having it on video made that skipped day of work worth the time. My only regret is that there isn't much video of the two of us. However, what I have seen of you on the tape only reminds me how amazing you have always looked.

Going through the boxes in the basement was really terrific fun. It made me happy, sad, joyous and scared all at the same time. Literally every box had some kind of memory in it of some kind. A drawing here, a story there, maybe a book report or just a hand written card that said "i love you mommy". That we saved almost everything turned out to be very important. There is no way to remember all of that without looking back at the actual stuff. The girls will one day spend a day like we spent doing exactly the same thing. They will show their kids and they will save their kids stuff in the very same way.

We have created a lifetime of memories together. Our family - the one you and I crafted - may not be perfect, but it is pretty spectacular. Our girls may take for granted how happy their lives have been, but I think they know how much we did for them. How much we did for us. How no matter what the odds, we always came through with the right things at the right time.

Thank you for making my life so happy. I know you believe in God's plan. His plan certainly included us being happy the past 22 years, and it will have us even happier for the next 50 or so.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

It has been a year...a good year

2011-05-16T10:59:00.000-05:00

I guess you noticed that there was no blog entry this week. I had a reason. I knew that I would be away from you, it would make me very sad and it would prompt me to give you a daily entry of the better part of a week.

A year has passed since I stopped traveling so much. So being away seems so much harder now. I know time will pass very slowly this week. Minutes will seem like hours and hours like days. In reality, the 5 days will be 5 days and I will then be back at home with you where I belong.

More than a year ago (January 2010), I started counting down the days until we were home together every day. Do you remember the countdown in the blog? 90 days, then 60 days, etc. That time seemed to take forever. As I counted down those days I had some concern that we had learned to be apart from each other so well, that being together all the time might be a problem. How would we respond to not having a weekly “coming home” feeling or a weekly “separation”? At times it made me nervous.

Boy was I wrong. Being with you every day is how it should be all the time. Being able to wake up with you every day. Fall asleep with you every night. Watch our TV shows together, eat our meals together, run errands together…. Just “be” together. Nothing makes me happier. Nothing makes me smile more.

There is an irony to this all. While you refer to the past year as a “tough” year, I think exactly the opposite. It has been one of the best years of our marriage. While we have had many challenges, I think as couple it was our best year. I have never been more in love with you. We have never been happier. We have managed to face every challenge together and we have beaten them all. 2010-2011 will be landmark time in our history. I promise you when we look back on it, it will be remembered fondly and age like a fine wine.

So I start now counting down the days until Friday. When I get to see the one person I love more than anything again. It will be like having a fantastic birthday present waiting for me.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

My Favorite Post

2011-05-06T16:03:00.003-05:00

I know Mother's Day is a day for you, but in a way it is a day for me as well. I look forward to the post where I get to tell you how important you arer to our family and how lucky we are to have you as the "mother" that makes us a whole family. All of those points are obvious, but how I perceive it is a bit different.

I am amazed by the role you hold in our family. Frankly, I really can't imagine what other families do without someone like you to hold them together. I know I have never witnessed anything quite like it in my life. I have never seen someone take the responsibility you take and the care and love with which you accept that responsibility. In my eyes, you are what a mother should be all about. It remains the polar opposite of what I think you or I have ever experienced.

Consider the famous "TV moms" of the past. They rarely had roles in their families as prominent as yours. I spent some time trying to fogure out which one you were most like, it didn't give good results.

Marion Cunningham? Come on. Not only did Howard run the family, he handled all of the difficult situations. You have little in common with her. She didn't even comfort Joanie when Chachi dumped her.

June Cleaver? Hardly. Not once in our marriage have you put on pearls and cleaned the house. Ward made all the tough decisions. June simply put on band-aids, served the soup and passed the phone to Ward. In our house, your role goes well beyond stuff.

Samantha Stephens and Laura Petrie do have one thing in common with you. They were both very attractive wives. Samantha did wear the pants in her family, but frankly she didn't give poor Tabitha the attention she deserved. Laura? Heck you hardly ever saw their kid. Not sure what great parenting skills were required for that.

In the 80's they got closer. How about Elyse Keaton. She was smart. You have that in common. She was compassionate. You have that too in common. But she was kind of a flake and frankly she had at least 2 kids who were kind of messed up. Claire Huxtable? Too perfect. Too fake. Not anything like you. Jill Taylor from "Home Improvement"? Maybe we are getting closer. She was strong willed, had a certain sex appeal and clearly kept Tim in line. The boys were good kids, but she raised boys not girls so she can't even compare to you.

The 90's gave us a few other to consider. But still no one who comes close. I know we joke that Rosanne might be a fit, but as funny as she was and as often as she bailed out her kids, I still think she had kind of a selfish approach to parenting. Your tendency is to put the kids/family first and yourself second (despite what you may actually say out loud). Amy Matthews (yeah Corey's Mom) may actually be closer than any of them. Always there to put Corey in his place, but tin the end there to give him the love and support he needed.

There really weren't any good ones in the 2000's. Debra Barone had no backbone. Beyond her there is little to consider.

So that means you have no peers. No one for comparison sake. A one in a million. The one in a million we are so lucky to have. Like our very own lottery ticket.

I found two pretty good quotes about motherhood that I do think apply to you. The first is from Pearl S Buck who said "Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same; and most mothers kiss and scold together." The second is a bit more simple. It is a Jewish proverb (which is odd because I think they make crappy mothers), "A mother understands what her family does not say". I like those and think they cover your role pretty well.

Happy Mothers Day my love. You likely need more than one day of celebration every year. I know the role you play gets harder and harder every day, but you always seem up to the challenge. You remain exactly what I think a mother should be. Thank you for showing me what it really means.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Spending a day.....

2011-04-29T12:36:00.001-05:00

Few people are as lucky as me. Few people have what I have, and even fewer can even grasp what makes up a good portion of my day.

What does my day entail? Much of it is dumb stuff. Pondering work issues, wondering about my sports teams, thinking about what I might eat next, over planning even the simplest of tasks or questioning why even the smartest people do dumb things (myself inlcuded).

There is one constant in my day that makes me always aware of how lucky I am at any given moment. It is the thinking of you portion. It dawned on me that over the more than 8,300 days we have been together (yup I still track it), a disproportionate amount of my time has been thinking about you.

Most of the thoughts are simple things. It would really puzzle to know how often I simply wonder "hmmm what is she doing right now". Just because it interests me and what you are doing, no matter how trivial, is always cool.

I think often about what I will do when I see you next. How will you look? Will you be smiling. What will you have to tell me. What do we have planned. I even sometimes think about what you will be wearing (you have few pairs of jeans I really enjoy right now).

I spend some time thinking about the next 20 years or so with you. How much fun we will have. How many laughs we will share. The hand holding. The kisses. The ..... (censored). Were will we be? What will our grandchildren be like? How will the girls be?

I think about what I can do to make you happy. It is my ultimate goal. Not happy to keep you from being angry happy. But in general happy. How can I make sure that you have a happy life. That you are never unhappy.

But mostly I spend time with so many of the glimpses of the past 22 years running through my head. Many times I cannot pinpoint the exact moment when an image comes into my head, but I know they are part of our history together. They always make me smile. They often make me laugh. Sometimes they make me..... ( censored ). They always make me happy.

So now you know how I spend my day. I dedicate a good portion of it to you. Why would I do anying else? It is why I am so lucky.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A Coming of Age

2011-04-20T12:49:00.009-05:00

This blog post is mostly targeted at our youngest daughter. Today she turns 18 years old. A sign she is now an adult. A grown up of sorts. A young lady. A young woman. As her parents we are so proud. So amazed at who she has become. So excited for what the future holds for her.

She starts her adult life with a strong head on her shoulders. A confident, yet cautious approach to life. She is certainly very intelligent. Her ability to grasp virtually anything in an instant baffles us every day. Her ability to reason through anything she confronts continually astonishes anyone who knows her for even the briefest of moments. Yet she approaches everything in kind of a "learn before I act" manner. Taking risks only when she has ultimately calculated the final outcome.

She is funny beyond her years. He ability to make jest of any situation is one her strongest assets. Her wit and charm keep anyone around her in stitches. Her ability to use "silly" fun to not only others, but even herself smile separate her from those around her. Her mature approach to finding the fun in life is beyond her age. The means by which she turns even a serious moment into a comfortable moment draw people in and makes them feel comfortable around her at any time.

She is beautiful. A sparkling smile. Dazzling eyes. She stands out in a crowd with little to no effort. Her humility towards her own beauty makes her even more striking. Dress her up and she dazzles. Dress her down and she still sparkles.

Her potential is boundless. As she heads off to college there is so much she can accomplish. She isn't one to rest on her laurels or past achievements. She seems to always look forward. She heads off to college with real goals she wants to tackle. She remains confident that everything she wants to do - she can do.

In short she gives us so much to be proud of, so much to brag about and so much to love. She makes it easy to be her parents. Easy to be around her and easy to know what a hole she will leave when she takes the next step of her life.

So why did I say this blog entry was "mostly" about our daughter? Simply put. After all of these years she remains the spitting image of her mother. Same girl different era. It is impossible to say your lives are exactly the same in terms of events and accomplishments. A comparison like that would be silly and fruitless. However, it is easy to recognize that you are so similar as people. Your humble, yet confident approach to life mirror each other. Your mannerism similarities are inescapable. Your with and charm are identical.

She is so lucky to have had her life under your wing. And even luckier for these past 3 years. She has grown into an amazing adult. One just like her mother. Who couldn't be in love with that?

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The Lingering Kiss Theory

2011-04-13T15:51:00.003-05:00

I know I mentioned this ahead of time, but here is my deeper thoughts on the "Lingering Kiss Theory".

First of all to answer your question, prior to you I had never had a lingering kiss. Why and how do I know? Because it is something that only a love like I have for you can produce. So using the transitive property (if A=B and B=C then C also = A) I know for sure that I never experienced real love before you, lingering kisses can only come from real love and thus I have never had one prior to you. Its simple math my love, I can't argue with real math and logic.

What is a "lingering kiss"? It is one of many kinds of kisses. There are the sexy kisses, the slow kisses, the sloppy kisses, grandma kisses, quick kisses, pecks on the cheek, french kisses (apparently many varieties exist, but the reading I did was kind of gross)...the list goes on. None, however, compare to the lingering kiss. It has some very special requirements.

It is the most intimate kiss. It must be slow and intoxicating. It must be relaxing and delicious. It can never be rushed. It must not be something you do without purpose.

For a meaningful kiss you have to pour your whole loving self into your partner, and with vulnerable surrender receive the loved one’s heart at the same time. The lingering kiss requires this. It is more physical way of expressing love than a physical act itself. It is an expression not an act. The kiss always results in some kind of loving glance or locking of the eyes. It has to because it is the kind of thing that you feel deep in you heart and soul.

How can this amazing event be accomplished? Only by truly being "in love" with someone. I think we may the only couple in the world who truly recognizes the difference between loving someone and being in love. While the wording seems to be subtle, the fact is that "being in love" is so much more powerful and meaningful. And I know that every day we are "in love". While we truly love each other, it is the being "in love" element that allows us to accomplish the amazing lingering kiss feat.

Lingering kisses cannot be planned. They happen at the oddest of moments. They come when you least expect them. They warm your heart. They almost always warrant a follow up hug or embrace. They come at the moments you most need them and at times when they have the greatest benefit.

We have shared so many lingering kisses. We could almost brag about them. Many people never truly experience them. We have them fairly regularly. We have them at moments that are unexpected. For example, recently I kissed you while you were laying on the couch and I was sitting on the floor next to you. We weren't doing anything special, just being together. Yet the intended quick kiss, turned into a lingering kiss. It was wonderful, unexpected, uplifting and warmed my heart. Exactly the feeling a lingering kiss will always produce. Not planned, not a staged situation, but rather just a random assertion of our love for each other.

I look forward to the next lingering kiss. I won't plan for it or force it. It will just happen. The best part is that I know it will come again and it will be amazing.

(side note, this does not preclude us from any of the other types of kissing while we wait for our next lingering kiss. Practice does make perfect)

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A Nice Rivalry

2011-04-07T12:35:00.002-05:00

It is rare when I get to use sports as something that I post in this blog. But as I had always dreamed I was lucky enough to marry a knowledgeable, savvy, sports fan. Add in her amazing ability to "talk smack" and well the relationship gets even stronger.

So that you are reminded that this post isn't about our respective teams and more about you, I'll remind you of this. One of the most attractive things about you is your ability to share things important to me with me. So we have the upcoming baseball season. We are both passionate about our teams. It gives us yet another thing to share with each other, even if creates an argument or two. It really gets good when I get to drop a few "you shouldn't even wear pants" comments during a given conversation. I love that we have that ability to communicate about so many different things and on so many different levels. Who knows maybe one day you actually care about the business I am in enough involve yourself in that as well. But we will save that for another time.

So now on to sports. Football season was easy. We share common interests there. Love our Badgers (for our family full of Badger girls!), both elated when we beat Ohio State, both cringed when the Horned Frogs pulled off the miracle in Pasadena. We both love the Bears and they took us for quite a ride this year. And while we argued over my love for Jay Cutler and your distaste for him, overall we were in sync all season. We both loathe the Packers and got to share the joys of despising their arrogance after the season ended in January.

We rooted on the Badgers in college basketball. Again a big victory over Ohio State and the introduction of the "trick TV watching" method that allows us to come back from big deficits so long as we aren't watching. You made my hospital stay entertaining with your cheering during March Madness for your Cinderella bracket.

That brings us to baseball season. One filled with high hopes for us both. My Brewers and your White Sox. Pundits are scattered over their opinions on both, but we both hold high hopes. It is going to cause some arguments and debates over the summer, but they will be the kind of thing we share together. I'll likely mention the 'pants" thing a few hundred times when you find little stat snippets and insights I wasn't expecting (I guess I should be expecting them by now). I'll smile when the Sox make you happy, you'll get mad when I sulk over a Brewer loss and we will both smile when our teams win. We will attend many games for both teams, with us squarely in Chicago come then pending Sox playoff run and me wishing I was able to attend more Brewer games during their September run.

For now I forgive you for turning my little girls against me on their Brewer fandom, but I had to know it was inevitable anyway. Plus I secretly love it when you all 3 have something fun to tease me about.

So if all goes well - a Sox vs Brewers World Series! We might actually need some of those separate rooms in the new place during those 2 weeks. But it will sure be a nice problem.

Thanks for sharing in all of my life my love. Not every husband is as lucky as I am and always have been. You just being you is as sexy as it ever was sweetie. I'll even refrain from dropping a "Go Brewers" in this post. But for you (and my curse withstanding as it is proven to not work in print) ---- "Go Sox!"

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

22 Years of Happy

2011-03-29T11:58:00.003-05:00

I realized on my way to work this morning that I hadn't posted a proper anniversary entry. I guess with our anniversary being on the weekend and "delayed" with the recent hospital stay, etc. this seems a proper a time as any time.

I can't believe we have been together for so long. It seems like only yesterday I picked you up at your sister's house in that amazing white dress. Only a few hours later we would have our first kiss - our first of so many amazing kisses.

I am kind of glad that Penny mentioned the incident on the streets of Chicago. The whole moment still seems so surreal to me. While I am certain this isn't exactly how it went, in my mind it was like a scene from a movie. Romantic streetlights, a light mist in the air, us holding both hands and then a perfect kiss in the darkness. It really was that very moment when I decided to marry you. That I would never be with anyone else. As that night progressed I became even more certain we would be together forever.

And so over 22 years later we are still together. Forever never looked so amazing. I wake up every day with the one true love of my life by my side and go to sleep each night with her in the exact same spot. I still love that every morning we hold each other, even if only for a few minutes, that is always the best part of my day. I still love that every night we snuggle just before we go to sleep, even if I do infringe on your pillow space for just a minute or two.

After 22 years we are still romantic. Even with the recent events, we remembered some of the fun things we used to do as a couple and tried to replicate them for our anniversary. Too bad we didn't have a Kroger nearlby with $0.99 Video rentals and a that Sonic no longer does the "Brown Bag Special". But either way we seem to remember how amazing our lives have been together at virtually every turn.

After 22 years I still find you the most amazingly attractive, sexy and beautiful girl on earth. I can't tell you how many times I simply look at you and think to my self how luck I am to have such a beautiful wife. I still find moments where I can't stop looking at you. Sometimes it is your eyes, sometimes your smile, sometimes the way you smell, sometimes how soft you are and many times something you do that I find oh so sexy. It is like a new surprise every day. A gift that keeps getting better and better every year.

After 22 years, no one makes me laugh the way you do. No one can take something so ordinary and make it into something fun the way you do. No one invents little games that seem to become part of of our lives the way you do. I smile hundreds of times of day from something you have done or said. Many times you don't even realize just how much you make me smile. I am never bored when you are around.

After 22 years, no one makes me feel as loved as you do. No one cares for me the way you do. No one makes me feel special the way you do. I hope I do the same for you, because it would be unfair if this only went one way.

After 22, years you still kiss perfectly. From that day in June 1988 the kissing has only improved. So soft, so gentle, so amazing.

Happy anniversary sweetie. I can't wait for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.....

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Hello Lois Lane

2011-03-23T14:34:00.003-05:00

I think this is a blog post you may read over and over again. Because, I don't think I have ever had anything more important to say to you.

The events of the past week have been odd. I have never really been sick before, never been hospitalized, never had to have someone care for me for so long and never needed someone else so much. So if anything, I am a bit out of sorts. I am having trouble with this role so to speak. But it has certainly made me think. Think hard.

I have to admit the oddest moment of the past week was the trip to the hospital with Jim. I was in so much pain, but something else was consuming my every thought. It wasn't "was I going to be OK". It was "oh my god, how badly must I have scared her" or "oh my god, how could I do this to her". How odd is that. I felt guilty about how I called you and how abruptly I hung up. There was no real regard for me. I finally get into the hospital room and all I can really do is ask the nurse where is my wife? Or exclaim, I need my wife. And it wasn't for me. I wanted to make sure you were ok. As I looked out the emergency room door for you to come in, I just wanted to see the look on your face. I wanted to make sure you weren't crying or upset. Because if you were, I would never have forgiven myself. When you came in and held my hand and you were ok, only then could I focus on making myself feel better.

So why is all of this important? Because I have to have you know that I love you that much. That nothing - absolutely nothing - is more important to me than you.

So when I tell you things like "I am head over heels, puppy dog in love with you", trust me it is really how I feel. It is so far short of finding a real way to tell you what is truly in my heart. But knowing that even when I thought I was having a heart attack, all I could think about was "did I cause you harm" is a pretty good measure of my real feelings. Knowing that how you feel is so often more important to me than how I feel, might be a pretty good way to measure my love for you.

We are going to live a long time together. In fact we are a few days from celebrating 22 years of blissful marriage to each. It is the start of forever. Our forever together. And you will know that you are loved every moment of that forever. Loved more than anyone has ever been loved.

I survived and I may very well actually be Superman, who knows. But I realized something. Superman needed Lois Lane. without her his heart broke, he had no powers and he was just ordinary. So you my love are officially my Lois Lane. And I will always be your Superman.

I love you so much. Trust me I have the rest of forever to actually find a way to put it into words.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

So very lucky

2011-03-19T06:18:00.001-05:00

I may not feel very lucky about a few things right now, but i feel very lucky abou one thing. You.

As I sit here in this amazingly uncomfortable bed, my side hurting and now my shoulder in pain i know that shortly you will be walking through the door. It will make me smile. I will feel instantly better. Having you sit in the broken chair next to me will make this more tolerable and i will make it through the day.

I love you so much. I cannot believe that my life has been blessed enough to have you in it. I must be the luckiest guy in the world. I cqnnot imagine making it through this without you. I am sorry if my call the other night scared you.

It will be a fine day of recovery until you have to go home again. Then i will just wait until you walk through the door with your amazing smile to make me feel better.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Fade into You

2011-03-03T12:13:00.002-06:00

I stole this song, it is actually by a band called Mazzy Star. But I heard her speak on some on-line radio show and what she said the song was about made me think of you. So I will intersperse some commentary between the lyrics.

The song is called "Fade into You"......

"I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth"

She says "fade into you" means to give yourself unconditionally to someone's love for you. Like being led into the dark in a blindfold, knowing that no matter what the other person will help you lead the way and get to wherever you were going. Because you love them you trust them. Because after you have "faded" you become a combination of people into a singular force of beauty.

After nearly 23 years together, I have "faded into you" - I know that with you everything is going to be fine. That when I can't see something, you will see it for me. That when I can't feel something you will feel it for me. After 23 years, I am pretty confident you to have "faded into" me.

"You live your life
You go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go blind
Some kind of light into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there."

Together - faded into each other - there is nothing we can't manage. Hand in hand, our eyes catching each other, arm in arm - we can accomplish anything. It is as though after 23 years, we are more than just two individuals who make a couple, but now more a couple who happen to be individuals. We are so in love. We have such a strong bond between us that nothing can break.

We have romantically transformed over the years into a unit of sorts. "Faded into each other" to form something we never imagined. Something amazing. Something so special.

"Fade into you
Strange we never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange we never knew
I think it's strange we never knew"

I changed the "you" to "we" because it fits better. It makes us perfect.

You are the love of my life. The purpose I sought. The feeling I craved. I can't imagine how life was without you. I can't fathom a new day without you there. To really steal a line "you complete me". I am forever grateful to who ever I should thank, that I found you in my life.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Sex Appeal

2011-02-23T16:27:00.002-06:00

My love, this is THE post that likely needs to be censored for adult content. But here goes.

I was thinking today that it must be odd for a husband to still have such strong desire for his wife after more than 20 years together. In virtually every movie you see couples who for one reason or another find a new shiny object of their affections after that long. And somehow, the movies make it seem normal or common. So likely that is the norm and what I feel is the exception.

I walked by a lingerie store today and all that really struck me was, "man I should go in there and buy something 'sexy' for my wife". Then it kind of occurred to me that it really would be more of a gift for me and not for you, so I just kept walking. Of course, I have now spent the past 90 minutes thinking how amazing you might look in whatever I was going to buy. And likely it is what got me thinking.

I still think you are sexy, you have an amazing sex appeal about you. Proper curves. Perfect smile. Crazy sexy eyes. Alluring scent. All the things I find attractive. All things that are "just you". It is often a bit overwhelming for me. But I guess you know that better than anyone.

So I guess it shouldn't surprise you that I constantly want to touch you. Or that I always want to kiss you and that despite your objections I can't just have it be a "kiss". My hands roam no matter how hard I try to have them not do so. When you are as attracted to someone as much as I am you, you really can't control yourself. I swear.

I, of course, blame you for all of this. It isn't my fault, it's yours. And thus you can't get mad at me if I pout when I can't have you. You put me in this situation. All on you. You are the elixir I need.

So there you have it, it is how I spent the past 90 minutes of my day. "Thinking" of you.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Waking up with you....

2011-02-16T06:34:00.001-06:00

We are on a streak of sorts. I have not really had to travel to any extent since about November. That means that pretty much every mornng I get to exerience one of my favorite things in the world.

Being home is awesome. We get to eat dinner together, watch all of our faorite TV shows and do al those things toegtehr that normal people get to do all the time. But my favorite part of being home with you is and always will be my ability to wake up in the morning with you no more than an arm's length away.

You always are so soft in the morning. You always smell so good in the morning. Your eyes are always so amazing in the morning. It is really your best time of the day (which is pretty amazing comsidering how awesome you are all day!).

I love that we still snuggle with each other in the morning. So many times we just find a way to hug or hold each other. We always make sure that we can touch the other - even if it is just a touching of our feet under the covers. Just being near one another is the best part of the morning.

Think about how many times we woke up at 630 or so and still find ourselves laying in bed when Regis and Kelly finally come on the TV. It is 2 plus hours of us jus being together. Sharing our time together. The time passes so quickly, but it is so perfect.

We have even had afew days in the past few months where we found ourselves still in bed well after 10. Then we panic and question where the day might have gone. But who cares, we spent that awesome time in each other arms. Is there any better way to spend a day?

The morning is currently my favorite part of the day. I look forward to waking up just to spend that special time together. It really sucks when i actually have to get out of bed for some work related reason. But lucky for us those days a few and far between.

I am suddenly wishing it was time to go to bed, so we can start the waking up all over again.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

My Best Friend

2011-02-09T13:26:00.002-06:00

Today's blog post is going to be the shortest ever. Because i want to make a simple point and make it very simply.

It dawned on me the other night when you made me laugh out loud that I am a very lucky man. I have someone to make me laugh right next to me all the time. Someone who makes life fun. I have a best friend.

I am so lucky to have you as not only my wife, but as my best friend. And frankly since I have so few friends, having the best one right next me every day is a real gift.

People like to hang out with their best friend. I am always hanging out with you.

People like to share everything with their best friend. I share everything with you.

People like to laugh with their best friend. I am always laughing with you.

Thanks for being the person that I am not only in love with, but also my best friend.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Dream Girl

2011-02-03T13:47:00.002-06:00

I want to start this off by simply saying that I am feeling so in love with you the past week or so. Not that I don't always feel in love with you, but there are sometimes that it is a quite compelling feeling. The past week has been one of those times. I just really like being with you right now. I can smell you when you are not near me. I can feel you even when you aren't there. You surround me - and it feels really good. I love you.

So I know you don't like it when I simply find song lyrics that remind me of you as blog entries. It does seem that when we are in grooves like the past week, that songs seemed to make themselves present to me. This week is no different.

I heard this Dave Matthews song that almost made me forgive him for dumping on the city of Chicago. It has so many lyrics that truly remind me of you. Rather than just post the song, I figured a few snippets wouldn't hurt. right?

The song is called "Dream Girl". In all honesty I don't know how it have avoided me for so long.

"Still you’re my best friend
And after a good, good drunk
You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep
Where I was Dreamin’, I was Dreamin’ of a
Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl"

So fitting. He has another verse where he says "after a good, good joke" as well. How fitting is that for us? Having fun together and joking around are staples of our relationship. You are my Dream Girl.

"Caught by a wave
my back to the ocean
it knocks me off my feet and
just as I find my footing
here you come again
Dreamgirl, aww Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl, Dreamgirl"

Not matters what hits me you are there....my Dream Girl.

The song is classically Dave Matthews mellow and passionate. You should certainly listen to it when you get the chance. I think he wrote it just for us.

My Dream Girl.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Exit 118 Arlington/Lodi

2011-01-27T06:19:00.002-06:00

It was a long drive to Minneapolis. It always seems to get be much longer there than back. I don't know why. The outcome in Minneapolis was really good. We are ever closer to putting this all behind us for good.

We all went together. A family event in support of one another. Although at times I wasn't sure it really was that way. The drive started out a bit stressful. Traffic downtown and we were arguing with each other. One child asleep and one still not even in the car. The weather was reasonable. So I just decided to "study". Car trips for us, usually have a different tone. This one seemed to be unusually stressful.

We get to Madison and pick up the older child. She as usual provides some distraction as we catch up on her life. But the trip still seems odd. Maybe it is the stress of the looming trial the next day.

We stop for dinner. Not one of your favorite meals. Then back in the car and after 3+ hours we arrive at our hotel. It is very late. We are very tired. But there still seems a looming stress. One that seems to be silent.

The next morning we are up. We dress. We head to court. As stressed as we were things seemed to be getting better. We make some jokes, as we always do, to relieve the tension. Then the event takes place. I won't go into the details, but the outcome was in our favor.

Then breakfast and we are on our way home. Although the event is behind us a few things are not as they should be.

Then it happens. Exit 118 in WI on I-94. The exit is for Arlington/Lodi. The "thing" I had beenb. The same gentle rub I had felt so many waiting for finally happens. You reach across the car. Put your hand on the back of my neck. A gentle rub I had felt so many times before. The one thing I like most about our long car rides. That gentle rub that reminds me how in love we are.

Why is it so important? Up to that point, we hadn't so much as held hands (not effectively) the whole trip. We hadn't really even smiled at each other. The stress of the trip was very large. But the things we usually do for each other weren't happening.

But then it happened. It was like magic. It was like it was the exact moment that we both realized that everything was going to be ok. From there on in it was almost like a totally different trip. We held hands for a good portion of the Madison to Milwaukee trip. We kissed several times at the restaurant. When we got home, we had a really nice hug.

So maybe I underestimated the stress we were all under this week. Maybe I didn't realize that we both likely needed a hug (where were those oh so supportive girls of ours?). Maybe I should have listened closer when i found out you had googled how to behave in court, what to wear, etc. But once it lifted it appears we can jump right back to normal with ease.

I am so glad this is almost over. I am so glad that I have you by my side. I am so happy that I know I can count on you to be there for me. I know you always will be there. I know I will always be here for you.

The events of Exit 118 is proof of it all.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The Meaning of Us

2011-01-20T14:55:00.002-06:00

As I sit alone in my office, being very productive and looking around how you put everything together so perfectly, I feel obliged to remind you of something important. To remind you how much I know that we are meant for each other. I'll do it in some what of a poem.

Some things you can count on ALL the time
Some actions will happen just because you know they will
Some people never let you down
Some times are just what you want them to be

Often I wonder what would had happened
Often I fear what might have been
Often I think just how lucky I am
Often I remind myself that you are here with me and not somewhere else

Never do I worry about being alone
Never will I have to wake up without you
Never will I not be able to share important hings with you
Never has my life been better

Yesterday was a good day, because you were there
Today was even better, because you were there
Tomorrow will beat today, because I know it will involve you
Forever will be perfect because I know you will be there

I know that all seems like rambling. But it hit me yesterday when you walked into my office. I had worried most of the day about when I was going to have time to puts things together. It was silly of me to worry. i should have know that you would take care of me. That without even thinking, you would make things just right. There should have been no concern.

I know you feel the same way. I will always do the same for you. I'll always make sure that you have no worries. No fears. Nothing you have to handle alone.

It is the "meaning of us". That we are there fo reach other. No matter how big or small. We always have each other. We do today. We will tomorrow. We will forever.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Date Time

2011-01-13T16:04:00.002-06:00

I think New Years traditions are a bit useless. No one ever really lives up to them, most are things you should have done anyway and likely they just aren't that important. So I am not calling this a New Year's Resolution, but rather and offer to change something.

I'd like to add date time to our regular "things to do" list. I am doing so mostly in preparation for the big move down south of here, but also because there is little more that I like to do than spend my time with you alone.

So here is my plan. We arrange to make certain that we do at least FOUR of these things a month - every month. It will prepare us to get ready to move to the big city. Where we will have so much to do all the time. We certainly don't want to hit the town as rookies who have forgotten how to "go out" now do we?

So from this list....

* Get coffee or tea or whatever in the morning. Just us two, not too late in that day and we both have to go inside.

* A movie. Popcorn. A big share diet coke.

* Dinner at a "nice" place. The kind that require reservations, most likely have those white table clothes I mess up so easily and refer to their specials as something the "chef" came up with.

* Lunch (option a). You come to my office. Come in to get me, everyone sees how beautiful you are, they get jealous of me, we leave together holding hands and go grab a sit down meal. Then you come back and give them the whole show all over again.

* Lunch (option b). You come pick me up, we hit a park or sit outside and eat a quick sandwich. Maybe even drive by the lake (although this option is WAY better once we make the move - better lake, better parks).

* A museum, a play or some kind of show. We get all dressed up and hit the town. We may even add one of those fancy dinners mentioned above. Of course when we do we can't count it as 2 of the 4....fair is fair. I need my time with you.

* A night at a cool hotel. Maybe hit the hotel bar for a while, maybe walk the downtown streets of the big city hand in hand, maybe just rent an in room movie and sleep in a different bed. Who knows. We can just see where it takes us.

* Pizza on the floor in front of the fireplace (likely reserved as a winter activity).

* Resurrection of the "Tuesday Brown Nag" night. Properly rented DVD, fast food from someplace inexpensive and sitting on the floor enjoying it all. I may even require that we not use the TV remote and I am forced to crawl over to the TV to change the channel.

* Go to a bar and just hang out. Have a few drinks, shoot the shit with the bartender, have insane conversations with other drunk people and then post the whole thing on Facebook, Twitter and text. Oh the stories they will tell.

Hopefully you can add to the list. It is just a reminder of how much fun we have together. And a further reminder of how close we remain after all these years. We can have tons of fun just between us. We have always been able to do so.

I do have an ulterior motive in this plan. I get to see you all dressed up. You always look so amazing. I get to show you off to other people. I know they are always jealous of me. There is always the "after date time" fun, if you know what I mean......

So there we have it - a real plan. Our first date time is slated for next Saturday night. I will fill you in on the details soon.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Accounting for Time.....

2011-01-04T22:19:00.001-06:00

We start the new year in our 23rd calendar year together. I really wish I had something poignant to say for that, but I don't at this point.

I figured I would start the year by keeping your blog update very simple, and I mean REALLY simple.

I love you sweetie. I simply can't say it enough. I can't find time enough in the day to tell you. I can't really find words enough to express it you. But I do. Simply put I love you more than anything.

We have spent so much time together over the years. Officially we have spent 8,138 days together. More than half of your life and as of tomorrow morning - more than half of my life. We have officially become the biggest part of both of our lives. And I would not trade a single day of the past 8,138 days. Not one.

I could not have imagined that after all this time I can still have that "feeling" when I see you. I still have that urge to just touch you. I still have that desire to hold you. I still love the way you smell. I still love the sound of your voice. I still long for just a glimpse of your eyes.

So in 2011 we start yet another chapter in our lives. We should have an exciting year. So many things will change for us this year. Some new things will come our way. But no matter what we will be together. Just like most of our lives. Just the two of us. Completely in love.

So again to keep it simple - I Love You.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Just a moment

2010-12-16T10:04:00.002-06:00

I had an entirely different theme planned for this blog. It was silly and Christmas related, but since Christmas is next week and I will be writing my annual Christmas letter I changed plans. You impacted that change with the surprise card you left me this morning anyway.

It takes just a moment for a different perspective. Over the years we have been together, you have clearly taught me to believe that is possible. This morning was a yet another example. So I derived short poem of sorts for you.

Just a moment
Is all it really takes
Just a moment
To change a smile into something that makes me tingle
Just a moment
For the warmth of your touch to make it all the way to me heart
Just a moment
To have that perfect joke turn bored into happy
Just a moment
To see how truly beautiful you are
Just a moment
To hear that love in your voice
Just a moment
To press my lips against yours
Just a moment
To feel the safety in your arms
Just a moment
To know that we are always on each others mind
Just a moment
To know how much I am loved
Just a moment
To know that a million moments are yet to come

I know our lives are filled with so many of these moments. I know the rest of our lives will have a million more moments to come. I'll never get bored of counting my moments with you. Every moment is just a little better than the last.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

2010-12-08T20:05:00.001-06:00

Just a quick reminder that on Friday we will be 2 weeks from Christmas Day. Hopefully you have completed you shopping by then!

I saw this morning a news article about a couple celebrating their 80th wedding anniversary. 80 years! Wow. That's 10 decades together. The interesting thing is that the wife referred to him as "her honey" throughout the news clip. After 80 years, she still uses pet names for him. They were also holding hands during the interview, further illustrating that a relationship that successful is made up of not one big thing, but so many little things that become so important over the years.

It got me thinking about what our "little things" are right now and which will still be those little things when we celebrate our 80th anniversary (which by the way is mathematically possible). So I figured a list was in order. Counting backwards....

10). The obvious will be that we too will still be holding hands. It remains one of our more romantic acts.

9). We will still have a laundry list of songs that remind us of each other. I figure by our 80th year we will have whole days worth of songs to commemorate our time together.

8). There will be a million stories that make us laugh about hints we have done in the past. Not the major stories but day to day stuff like who the dog talked about me behind my back or how you startled me at the most opportune times.

7). We will have our stated positions on whatever couches we have owned over the years. The places that made certain your feet always fit nicely across my lap.

6). Stories of our grandchildren. This will rank higher later in our life, but since our girls are VERY far from this stage of their lives, it places in the middle.

5). Stories of our various homes over our lives. The paces we lived. What was good and bad about each. From our first home to the ghetto to our place in the city.

4). This blog. Which might have over 5,000 entries by then. If blogs still even exist in 2069.

3). Stories of the various dumb things I have done over the years (this may be too long to mention by then). Like how I couldn't eat without spilling on myself, how I never got the a/an thing right or how many times I embarrassed myself in public.

2). A million well placed hugs. A million perfect kisses. A million snuggles.

1). Our amazing daughters and their amazing lives and how proud we were of them. How they are one of our greatest accomplishments.

So some of those aren't little things, but it will be 80 years worth of things we have had together. We will tell the stories like they were yesterday. We will hug during the stories and tease each other about how silly we were about things so often.

Maybe we too will be on the news. Who knows?

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Love Conquers All

2010-11-30T19:38:00.001-06:00

This blog post is a week late. I admit to not feeling well over the holiday week and apologize for the lapse. This is a post I really wanted to make last week.

I spent some time in New York with my nephew and his wife this past weekend. They are experiencing the most challenging part of their lives right now and it was nice to just hang out with them. It turns out I learned a lot of very good information about them. So this blog entry will couple a note about us in the same light as our young, recently married nephew and his wife.

I think few people really understand the true power of being in love with someone. So few people really get to experience what it really means. There are millions of people who date or even marry without really knowing what it means. Luckily, I now know a second couple who truly gets he true meaning and the real power of being in love.

True love is all about being there for each other no matter what the challenge. When life throws you one of it's many curves, having someone to manage through it with is important. Take this past summer for us, it was one of the most challenging times for our marriage. Only the fact that we truly love each other and have that knowing that we will always be there for each other made our challenge bearable. It was one of those times that we tapped into the power of our love to carry us through. Our nephew and his wife find themselves in a similar situation.

The power of true love allows you to do the following things...

It allows you to hide how scared you might be so at you don't upset the other, and still have them intuitively know exactly how you are feeling.

It allows you to find a way to sleep in a hospital bed together even though you know one of you might all to the floor.

It allows you to know when a hug is really the best medicine you need at that moment.

It allows you to see how amazing someone looks even youth they aren't showered, made up, or looking like they did when you first met them.

It allows you to hold a hand for as long as it needs to be held. Never for an instant considering letting go. Because at least one of you (and likely both of you) needs that hand to be held.

It talks about the future even when everything around you indicates that those conversations might not be the best fit right now.

It allows you to see past a bad day and know that good days are just around the corner.

It allows you to smile and joke around at the exact right time to make the other person feel just a little more comfortable.

It knows when you need that look from across the room that let's you know at this moment too will pass very shortly.

So we should be proud of our nephew and his wife. They seem to be pretty close to the path we took to truly being in love with each other. Because as we have learned over the years, the is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

As always I am in love with you.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Sealed with a Kiss

2010-11-18T08:55:00.001-06:00

So last night we spent a good amount of time kissing. Very nice kissing. Soft kissing. Romantic kissing.

Because kissing is among my all time favorite things to do with you, it made me wonder. Why do people kiss? When did it start? How do we rank?

Kissing it turns out is a biblical thing. It was a means of confirmation of your faith. The first kisses were simply nothing more than "pecks on the cheek". Over time it grew into something far more intimate. It grew into something used as a means to express love, affection, joy, friendship or passion. Hundreds of years after the peck on the cheek craze, people started pressing their lips together. From there it was well, nothing short of a miracle.

Kissing is more intimate than almost any display of affection. The obvious reason is that it is mouth to mouth and very little is more personal than ones mouth. However, the real reason is that a kiss is the perfect meshing of many of he best senses. The sense of touch, smell and taste. Literally the 3 most sensual of all of the senses. So kissing is essentially designed to be intimate.

So now at the. History lesson is over, I find myself wondering how we rank in terms of kissing.

First of all we have some memorable kisses.

Our first kiss is an event worth talking about at any time. It is almost story book. Neither of us expected it. Neither of us planned it. But neither of us could avoid it. It was a rare moment where two people had a moment that may have changed their lives forever. Just think if we hadn't kissed on that first date. Would there have been a second date? Would we have just assumed we were friends? You should know that you are the only first date, first kiss of my entire life. I never had that kind of courage. I never felt so at ease to make that move as I did with you on at night.

We have the kiss in the streets of Chicago in what remains an almost surreal moment. In my mind it replays like a movie scene. The lights found us just right, the mist in the background, the music playing behind us. Much of that may not have really been there, but in my head it replays that way.

Our kiss when we "got hitched". While it was a quickie it sealed something perfect, so it has to be mentioned.

The next question is "are we good at kissing"? I have watched a Tom of movies and TV. Seen a lot of people kiss over the years. And frankly none come close. Our kisses are soft. Our kisses are passionate. Our kisses have love in them. We don't slobber on each other. We don't force tongues where they shouldn't be shoved. We simply kiss. At the point we kiss we mesh perfectly. At the time we kiss, i never feel better.

So tonight when i walk in the Door, i plan on kissing you. Because a) walking through the door kisses are some of the best and b) I know it will be an awesome event.

After 22+ years we still have so much to offer each other. Kissing is still at or near the top of the list.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

And so it begins....Happy Holidays.

2010-11-10T11:28:00.001-06:00

Well it is THAT time of year again. The holidays are upon us. I find it kind of strange that you mentioned Thanksgiving to me this morning, because I saw my first real Christmas commercial last night and realized that the holidays have officially begun. Mark the goofy Radio Shack Super Hero commercial as my first of the season.

First up is the awesomeness of the turkey day feast. I really love that day. I am sorry it is such work for you. I'll do whatever I can to assist, but it is a meal you have mastered and I know there is little beyond menial tasks ( like pealing, chopping, etc ) that I can really assist with for the finished product.

This Holiday season will seem kind of odd because it will be the last in our house and it will be the last with a kid who "lives at home". Next year not only will we be somewhere different, both of our girls will have "come home" for the holidays. That just seems weird doesn't it? So i figure this one needs to be special. Really special.

So I made us a list of things we should accomplish this holiday season. I know how you love lists.....

1). We should likely shoot for the tallest most auspicious tree we have ever had this year. Let's see if we can't break the 14 foot mark. We have the ceiling space for it and I know we have ample ornaments.

2). Let's hit every possible holiday celebration we can. We get the Choir singing servers, the Dickens dinner, etc. But we need to find more. Maybe we can add ice skating somewhere or hit Door County for the holidays.

3). Presents galore. This has never been an issue, but I figured I should remind you.

4). We have to know someone who is having a real holiday party. Or maybe we savor this one for next year when we have real friends in Chicago.

5). Cookies. I will be home to help, I really have not been home for the past 4 years during the holidays to help. Lean on mean. I will roll dough, mix this or that, watch ovens, whatever you need.

6). Christmas movies, TV specials, old TV shows, etc. Let's watch them all. Maybe we plan for a 1 movie a night schedule until we have watched them all.

7). Charity. Let's find the right one and make someone else's holiday special. I was really quite shocked to hear how much we have already donated this year, in what was one of our worst financial years ever. Yet we still gave. Let's find a way to make someone have a great Christmas.

8). An all out X-Mas radio bonanza. I checked and 99.3 goes holiday next Saturday.

9). (gulp) A thanksgiving gift exchange.....

I am sure you can think of more things. You always do. This is clearly the time of year when you shine brightest. Like some kind of angel. Maybe that is what you really are. A holiday angel. That might just be what your special skill is in life. Maybe those summer days singing Jack Jones in your basement weren't silly, but rather training for the future.

This year I am all in for you baby. This holiday season seems like it is some kind of critical destiny like holiday for us and our family. I know that with you in charge we are in good hands. Because you truly make this season perfect in every way. You always have. The girls and I love that about you. Let's face it we just love you!

So this is your first Happy Holidays wish from me, there will be many more to come.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Crazy Love

2010-11-02T20:12:00.001-05:00

I was watching some sappy movie the other day and in the background they were playing the Van Morrison song "Crazy Love". As I think it may be the song most used in romantic movies ever, I took the instant to look up the lyrics. They are really quite romantic. I also noted that the moments that the song seems to get used are always perfect.

So while I won't post the lyrics word for word, I figured that a perfect couple needs to have at least some reference to the song in our history. So I am going to write a short move scene starring us, and have you imagine the song in the background. Here is the link to the Youtube of the song.

Our scene....

We are older. One of our girls is getting married, I won't pick one or the other. She is getting dressed and she is nervous. You are right next to her assuring her that everything is going to be fine. She is worried but won't say why.

I walk in and tell her how beautiful she looks. I remind her that we love her and we even love the guy she is marrying. He is perfect for her and we know he will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. You ask me tom leave so that you can finish. Surprisingly, she asks you to leave and give her a moment as well.

The song starts and suddenly it becomes apparent why she is nervous. The screen begins a series of flashbacks. Not of her and her future husband, but of us. Memory after memory of us flashes by on the screen. All of the hand holding, the hugs and the smiles. All of the glances across the room while we did nothing more than watch television. She reflects on how two people truly in love really should act. She knows that we are the model for such behavior.

Then it becomes clear why she is nervous. No matter how in love she may be, will her future hold the same relationship and love her parents had? A tear drips down her face and the song fades as you reappear in the room.

You ask her why she is crying. She tells you her fears. You tell her what she needs to hear and she smiles. I walk back into the room. The song comes back on and you grab my hand and squeeze it quickly. We taught our baby what it means to really be in love. We know it, she knows it. The song fades again as the scene moves forward to her walking down the aisle.

There you have it. Our use of the most romantic movie song ever. Somehow telling our love story to the whole world.

By the way, the movie ends with everyone in a happily ever after. Just like I love my movies to end.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Uncertain Smile

2010-10-27T06:27:00.001-05:00

"A howling wind blows the litter as the rain flows,
As street lamps pour orange coloured shapes through your window,
a broken soul stares from a pair of watering eyes,
uncertain emotions force an uncertain smile..." ("uncertain smile", the the)

I know you don't like the song lyric approach to the blog, but the lyrics above seem to fit the past few weeks around our house. It has been a difficult time and as you say nearly every day, "when is it going to stop"?

My love, while there is so much going on that causes us stress, angst, anger and hurt right now, we have to keep reminding ourselves of the amazing things that happen every day as well. Our lives may be going through a rough cycle now, but we too have been blessed by so many things we cannot take for granted.

The most important thing is our relationship. Few couples can bounce back from an argument like we do. Honestly, few couples have as few real arguments as we do. We truly love each other. No matter what happens I always know that is true. I can feel it in the way we hold hands or even in the reluctant hugs after we argue. We have an amazing ability to comfort one another with actually trying. We seem to be able to find the smallest things to reassure the other with when things are tough. It may be as small as getting coffee, making sure a stuffed animal is placed appropriately or a favorite meal is on the table, but we know what cues to give the other to subtly remind them that we are still in love. I know I say this too often, but this a relationship that exceeds normal relationships. It is truly special. It is a love affair others cannot comprehend.

We have our amazing girls. And while they frustrate us from time to time, they remain one of the greatest gifts we ever gave each other. One is struggling so hard to find her way in life. The other is struggling so hard to make sure she makes the right choices to create a path for her life. Maybe both are in the same boat, but at different times. Who knows. It causes us grief because all we want to do is make everything right for them. Think about how lucky they are that we care that deeply for them. Neither of us had such care at the same age, and while it often frustrates them, they will soon enough know how blessed they were to have us hold their hands through everything.

I will give you a moment that brings everything together. One that shows how blessed we are even in light of all that is going on around us. Consider the "skittles" episode on Sunday night. It brought all of us a great laugh, made all of us smile and was a reminder that no matter what happens we can create smiles that make us feel good at virtually any time.

So I know you are scared, and even the light at the end of the tunnel seems dim. I know that each smile you give me or share with the girls is a bit "uncertain". I know that behind the smiles and watering eyes are emotions that are founded in "uncertain" times (see how neatly I tied the lyrics back into this, pretty slick huh?). Just remember there are many things we can count on every day. Things that while maybe only glimpses are certain enough to lean on when uncertainty weighs too heavy on us.

When you feel afraid or uncertain, grab my hand. When you feel nervous or unsure, put your head on my shoulder. I will always be there. You will always know that I love you. You will always know you are not alone.

t., remember that I wake up every morning feeling lucky to have you in my life. I go to bed every night knowing that, no matter what my day was blessed because you were in my life. My love for you has no limits or thresholds. It will be tree for you always.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The simple truth

2010-10-19T19:32:00.001-05:00

After today I am really not sure what to write this week. I know it is your birthday week, but I felt that it was necessary to make sure you knew a few things....

I love you.
I can't imagine a day without you.
It kills me to know your are feeling the way you are feeling.
I will do whatever it takes to make things right. Anything.
You are and always have been the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.
I wish I could make it all better.
I love you.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Not so long ago....

2010-10-12T19:14:00.001-05:00

Not so long ago there was a couple who had everything they ever wanted.....

Two little girls full of smiles.
The happiest marriage anyone had ever seen.
The family of boys entertaining us at every turn.
Time spent together because that is how we wanted to spend our time.

Not so long ago there was a couple who had so many things to do....

A Christmas concert starring some yet to be known future choral stars.
A t-ball game where every run was a home run.
A soccer game with a shining set of stars.
A drive to just see the shiny lights and decorations, and no one really cared about a little spilt hot chocolate.

Not so long ago there was a couple who figured out to make the little things into big things....

Sunday morning donuts of all kinds of flavors.
A bagful of animal toys.
Bicycle rides and playing in the leaves.
The perfect first day of school outfit.

Not so long ago there was a couple who knew that even simple time together was good time together....

Watching our favorite TV shows.
Playing cards and always the same winner.
Silly rhyming games with rules we made up on the fly.
Dancing, no matter where we were.

Isn't it funny how "not so long ago" was so simple? We made so many memories together no matter what we had to endure. Today is no different. Tomorrow will be no different. Nor will next week or next month or next year.

We have each other. It is the key ingredient in that couple who made so much out of so little. You are still the only thing that matters to me. The only thing I need to make my life complete.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Senses Working Overtime

2010-09-28T19:41:00.002-05:00

Being away last week was really rougher than I remember it being. I can't even tell you how much I missed you. I think you think I just say those things, but I really spent most of my time counting the minutes and hours until I saw you again. I can't imagine how I did that for the better part of 4 years.

I had an odd phenomenon take place when I finally saw you. One that seemed weird at the time and over the days since I have been home seems stronger and stronger. It is likely why I can't keep my hands off you right now.

When I walked in the door I knew I missed you, but when we hugged I was overwhelmed with your scent. It was amazing. It was like an overpowering reminder that I hadn't smelled you in days. I know it isn't your perfume or haircare products that I smelled, it was your scent. Like a rush of pheromones coming over me as we hugged. A sweet and gentle aroma that drives me wild. I found myself over the past few days doing whatever I can to "sniff" you. Even the thought of it right now is driving me nuts.

The other thing I found that I missed was your soft touch. You have an amazing sense of touch with your hands. It is soft, it is sensual and it also drives me nuts. I love the feel of your fingertips on the back of my neck, I love the way you hand feels when I hold it in mine and even the softness of your feet feels good right now. Not feeling that touch for 4 days really made me yearn for your touch.

The last thing isn't a sense so much. Since I got back, I have noticed that your eyes have taken on a new color. They have an amazing blue tint to them right now that they have never had at anytime in the past. I know they have changed colors over the years, but they have never taken on a color so blue. I really can't get enough of looking at them - I think I have told you 50 times in the past few days how amazing your eyes look, now you know why.

I guess after 22 years together I can get addicted to certain aspects of you. I assume these are 3 of them. How lucky am I to have such an amazing woman in my life. One I am still so attracted to in so many ways. It is likely why I can't stop touching you right now.

I guess this means you should likely sleep with one pretty blue eye open, if you know what I mean.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Of Course They Do

2010-09-22T06:48:00.001-05:00

I was on the plane to Washington this week. I had barely been away from you for 12 hours and I missed you tremendously. I took out my nifty iPad and started flipping through the photos I had uploaded. They helped me feel like you were near me and that helped me not feel so bad for being away.

As I looked at all of the beautiful pictures of our family (and there are so many), I remembered a conversation we had just recently. Do people look at us and think "hey that is an attractive couple"? I submit the picture below and answer the question with an emphatic YES!

How could they not is really the question. Look at you. You are young. You are gorgeous. You smile like no other person in this world. You have sex appeal. You carry yourself with class. Without adding a million more adjectives, you are simply a stunningly beautiful woman. I am so lucky to have you on my arm.

I won't discuss the guy in the picture, but thanks to you he no longer has a mullet, his clothes finally match and he does have that sexy lady standing next to him.

Over the years I truly think you have become even more attractive. Yes part of that is because I grow more and more in love with you every day. However, there are things about your beauty now that you didn't have when we met. Your eyes have changed over the years. Not physically so much, but what in see in them has changed. Your smile has changed over the years as well. It has more confidence and true happiness. You carry yourself differently and while I can't put the rights words to describe what I mean by that, I prefer the new model to the old.

So do people look at us and think we make an attractive couple? Of course they do. Half of us is beyond amazing and the other half is the guy with you. If you add in your sense of humor, charm and quick wit it reminds them even more what great couple they are seeing. Don't even get me started on what they think when you add in those pretty little girls you raised into young ladies.

Now I know I have never posted a photo to this blog and it is intended to be anonymous, but in this case I felt it necessary to show you what people see. If you are uncomfortable I can remove the photo after you read this. But it is a pretty amazing picture isn't it?

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Your Forever – I Promise

2010-09-17T20:20:00.001-05:00

I posted a quick reference to this on your Facebook about a week ago, you didn’t know why at the time but it was in preparation for this post. Then I just never found the time to do this properly. Even now you could be looking over my shoulder and I just find that odd while I am typing these updates. It is exactly why I don’t do them in the office at home. Anyway, I digress….

We have been married for 20+ years now my love. I know that I promised to take care of you forever. I intend upon fulfilling that promise. However, for the first time in 20+ years you truly scared me. Really scared me. So much so that I am now beyond taking care of you and feel the need to make you feel safe – to protect you.

You likely don’t remember what happened because you had had a few beers. It is always then that those kinds of things that hurt us most come to the surface. Its ok, everyone needs some liquid courage every now and again. We were at your brother’s house, talks of when you guys where younger began, they shifted to the pregnant niece in Florida, they shifted to her worthless parents, then to a funeral conversation that took place long ago….I really don’t need to go further. Then you just got upset. Not angry upset. But hurt upset. It was like you suddenly realized that no one supports you. That no one cares about what happened. That no one is on your side. You held back tears because you didn’t want to bring every one down. You bit your lip so to speak. But I know when you are hurting. I know you better than anyone.

Its not true my love. You aren’t alone. You don’t have to deal with anything by yourself. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you are all alone in dealing with things, you aren’t. I am here. I am always here. I am that one person who puts you above all else. I put you above myself. I will always protect you.

I am always here to hold you. To hug you. To thrust whatever hurt you are feeling upon. To vent against. To take out frustration one. Whatever you need. I will always bee there with whatever you need. If you need me to be strong for you, I will be strong. If you need a laugh I will make you smile. If you need a shoulder to lean on I will stand upright forever. If you need a tear wiped, I will be your tissue. If you need to take for granted that I am there, I’ll accept that.

I know you think that God has a plan. a reason for why everything happens. I know it makes you mad that I don’t always feel the same way. But trust me in whatever plan God had for you – I was the thing he sent to make things better for you. Forever. To protect you. Forever. To take care of you. Forever.

I am your forever sweetie. No matter what you do to me I will always be there. No matter what you need from me – it is yours. Because of me you never have to be alone. You never have to deal with anything by yourself. I may not be perfect, I may not close drawers, I may not wipe off the counter or take off my shoes when you ask me, but I am here for you. I am the one person who loves you above everything else.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Not Sure How to Say This

2010-09-07T19:54:00.003-05:00

My love, I know I have been not myself lately. There has been so much going on in our lives and for the first time in a long long time I feel like we have taken different paths to address what is going on around us. We have always been so together and in sync. We have always taken things on together and been able to come out on top as a couple rather than as individuals.

This time seems so different. We seem so different. We haven't talked about anything that is going on and as soon as I feel like I am about to talk about it, something external comes up and I feel like I should not burden you further. You didn't need to see me not confident when you were dealing with our daughter all summer, or when she was moving back to college, you didn't need to see me nervous when you got the news about our nephew and then when you got sick I didn't feel like that was the right time either. As for this blog, with so much that I should have been saying to you face to face, posting in this blog just always seemed to cowardice. I am sorry for that.

I know at this point you don't believe me, but I was pretty scared when you were in the emergency room. It was officially this first time I ever imagined losing you. It was the first time I thought to myself, "oh my god what would I do without her". You looked so scared and in such pain. But selfishly all I could think about was what would happen to me and the girls without you. But again, that wasn't the right time to bring that up to you and as the days passed the moment to discuss it with you never came. Thankfully you got better quickly (well except the medication mishap - which also made me feel bad because I should have been giving them to you all along).

So I have been trying to deal with all of this myself. Trying to put things right. And just as you kind of "tossed in the towel" and felt sorry for yourself with your workouts, I did the same with our current problems. When I needed you most, you needed me not to need you. So I opted to try to muster whatever I had to be there for you and the "other" things going on around us. I tried to be superman. I really did. I tried very hard. So many times I lifted my chin, said "today is going to the day" and day after day it wasn't. I can promise you that there are so many days when I know how close I am to making this work. I know this business will work. I know that it will be everything I envisioned it to be. I know that it was the right thing to do. But it isn't happening fast enough. I trusted the wrong people and I only have myself to blame.

But as I suspected it was you I needed. As I have written so many times, it is you who gives me my Superman strength. Having you and having us be right is the one thing makes me go. So even today when we argued, I knew that while you were mad, you reminded me how you believed in me (it was subtle but it was there). How you are there for me - even when I am too dumb to notice it. You re-started my Superman strength. I got back to business and go a lot accomplished.

That is what makes us so great together. Being there for reach other. We have so many good times to look back on and so many better times to look forward too in the future. It is just us sweetie. We don't have much more than that, so we need to make sure that WE stay strong together. The better WE are the better our lives will be.

I love you so much. More than you I think you really know. You are such a huge part of my life. In fact you are pretty much my entire life. I have only one chance to be the most important person in the world to someone and that is you. So I selfishly rely on you for much more than I should. Rely on you to give me my super powers. I get angry at you when I think you are taking them away and giving them to someone else (that is my petty way of being jealous). I wake up in the morning thinking of you and I go to bed at night doing the same. The same way I do every day.

So I am using this blog post to put this all behind us. My focus is on the short term fix we need so badly. I will spend every day contacting anyone who will listen until I fix it. I promise you that. If I am really lucky at the same time the original vision for my new company will come to light as I thought it would, but I'll make sure the NOW is taken care of ASAP.

Just make sure you are beside me the whole time. I don't know what I would do if you weren't. I need you for my super power worse than ever. I love you.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The next 8,000 or so days.

2010-09-03T02:22:00.000-05:00

This past week or so has been pretty rough on you sweetie. From our daughter going off to college again, our other daughter starting her last year of school, very sick nephew and then very scary sick you. How you keep a smile on your face is beyond me.

Things will get better though, they always do. Seems like over the past 22 years (8,000 plus days) we have ridden so many ups and downs that we almost have become accustomed weathering storms. While a few of the most recent are far more severe than we have dealt with in the past, I know that they will pass too. They will pass with something positive on the other end.

I am suddenly excited about one new thing in our future. The idea of finding a new place that is "ours" and preparing for the future that will be mostly just you and me. Not that I don't love our girls, but spending the rest of my life with you alone has some real appeal. Making new or connecting with some old friends will be a bonus as well. Just think how much time we will have to spend relaxing, laughing and enjoying each other.

I have always wondered what life "after kids" (in quotes because I know you never really have after kids) would be like for us. How would we spend our days, what would we do, where would we travel, what new traditions would we create, the list goes on and on. We are getting very close to that time and while portions of it make me sad, much of it makes me excited.

It won't matter what we do so long as we do it together. Just as we always have. Hand in hand. Me and you. We could live in a shack, or a house or a downtown townhouse. It won't matter so long as we are together. It is still the best part of my life.

The countdown begins to the next 50 years. I know it isn't retirement, but it is a big change.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Letting Go - They will never have to....

2010-08-24T19:47:00.000-05:00

I know we have had a few "other" things come up in the past few days, but this thought crossed my mind last week and I felt it was necessary to update your blog with this thought. I wish there was more I could do on the other thing, I'll tap into my Superman powers when the time is right. I promise.

Most of my thoughts this week are part of your relationship with the girls. I watched how hard it was for you to leave the older one at colleg this week. I saw the unusually long hug your gave the younger one when she got home yesterday. So I know how hard it is going to be for you when they both are off at school. I know that is a year away, but I thought you would feel better knowing a few things about them before they go.

First of all they will always need you. I find it quite amazing that there is such a huge part of them that is really a part of you. They count on you for more than "mothering care", they count on you for continuing to remind them who they are and how amazing they have become as young ladies. While they may fight with you and argue with you, they only seem really pleased with themselves when they notice you approve. Not in a bad way, but in a good way. If they stumble and correct, they wait for your hug or smile to let them know they "righted" whatever was wrong. It is really amazing.

They count on you to be their ear. someone to listen to them gripe, take their side, counsel them on how ot respond and often times do the difficult things they really do not want to do on their own. You are like a really strong set of shouldrs upon which they can rest and get strength from at any time. They can always call you, talk to you or laugh with you when they truly need calming down. That is something they will always be able to rely on - no matter how old they are or where they live.

So why does this have anything to do with "letting" go? I guess because they know that neither of you ever have to let go. While the direct hold will change over time. There will be no letting go with your daughters. There will be no najor changes in theior life that won't have support. Therw will be no times when they wonder what they will have to do next. They will always have you. While "letting go" is part of life. You have with your usual style made it different for our girls. Maybe we should just call it "letting loose".

I am sorry that I missed a week in your blog. Things are just so insane right now. With everything going on, it just never seems like the right thing to do or the right time to do it. I'll be better. I hope that I cna use this to keep your spirits up over the next few months. i know they willbe trying times for you.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

I would have made you up....

2010-08-10T16:26:00.001-05:00

I hope this makes up for missing an update last week, but at the time it just didn't feel like you needed a blog entry form me. So this week I wrote you a poem of sorts.

========

If you weren't real, I would have made you up

If I hadn't found you, I would have never stopped looking
If I hadn't kissed you, my lips would still be numb
If I hadn't fallen in love with you, My heart would still be empty

If you weren't real, I would have made you up

If I'd never seen you, my eyes would still be sore
If I hadn't felt you, my hands would still be cold
If I hadn't had time with you, I wouldn't know what it was to miss someone

If you weren't real, I would have made you up

I would have picked those eyes, so I could see perfection at any time
I would have shaped those curves, so I could hold you in that way
I would have made you that kind of warm, so i would never be cold
I would have made your arms the exact length they are, so they fit around me perfectly

If you weren't real, I would have made you up

Your voice would sound just like it does, so when i heard "I love you" it would always sound perfect
You would smell just like you do, so that I always could find something sweet
You would taste just like you do, so that when I rested my lips on your body it would always taste perfect
You would sleep just the way you do, so that when I needed to find an angel I would know just where one was

If you weren't real, I would have made you up

I would have made you so funny, so that when I needed to smile I always had someone to amuse me
I would have made you so smart, so that when I needed challenged you could question me
I would have made you so charming, so all of my friends would be in awe of the person with me
I would have made you so beautiful, so that everyone noticed you wherever I went

Lucky for me, you found me
Even luckier for me, I found you
Because had I made you up, no one would have believed such a perfect being existed
Because had I made you up, people would have asked me to do it again and again

If you weren't real, I would have made you up

Lucky for me, I didn't have to

================

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A simple smile

2010-07-28T10:51:00.001-05:00

Just before I left you weren't feeling well, i hope youbare feeling better.

So i spent much of this past weekend following you around telling you how much I loved you. I think almost to the point where it was annoying you at times. So I figure I will use the blog to explain why i felt so compelled to tell you all weekend.

It was Thursday night during the flood recovery when it happened. Choas ensued throughout the house. Water pouring in from the outside and us trying to figure out how to get our stuff put up quickly enough to avoid damage. Just prior we had spent time in the basement avoiding a potential tornado. It was during these critical times that i realized you had your own super power.

Your power is your smile. You may not know this but at both times when the girls looked nervous you smilwd and said something witty. Both times even in your own uncertainty you made them feel safe and comfortable. Both times it was what you said near as much as the smile you gave them to make them feel safer. I felt it too. It was like suddenly you put all of us on your shoulders so we knew exactly what to do. And you did with one of your finest smiles making us feel comfortable.

So i started thinking. When have we seen that smile before? And we have. I have seen it way more lately than in previous yeras because you must hvae some sense of my nerves right now. We saw it in Hilton Head when you tried to calm the unstoppable nephew. It just turns out that the smile i saw is your "don't worry everything will be fine" smile. The best part is that I don't even think you know that you do it.

So it made me really attracted to you all weekend. It made me feel so comfortable to be with you. It made me realize that even after over 8,000 days together, I am still learning new things about the person I love so much. I know that this life with you will never be boring.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The Importance of OUR Family

2010-07-21T11:44:00.001-05:00

It was a long 12 days. There was certainly much fun. Certainly much activity. Certainly much drama. Certainly some memorable moments. But it wasn't the kind of relaxing vacation we as a family are used to taking. I had a great time though and look forward to the next one as always.

I did get to spend a considerable amount of time reflecting on a few things. Most of them are centered around the kind of family we have built over the years. Not the extended family, but our family of four. It's funny but I think I posted a very similar entry following our summer vacation to Hilton Head last year. I could be wrong.

So why I have I decdided to be so proud of my family? Why is it so important to post about how important we are to each other? I think the answer is in the future of all of us. What will we be like when we are "older" and more seperated? What will happen when "new" family members expand upon the small group we have now?

I saw this past week how some distance can cause some grief in a family. How not being together all the time or in constant communication with each other can suddenly make things that seem so normal and routine appear weird. I understand why you have such a strong desire to have the girls close. I understand why it is so important to make certain that they always feel comfortable reaching out to us for anything. I saw why a simple thing like daily phone calls and a routine "good night" call are so valuable to the family as a whole. Once some distance gets between you and your family other things start to take the place of the family. We can't let that happen. You have done such a strong job of not letting that happen. You keep our family close. You keep it in tact. While I know that will get harder and harder over the years, we all count on you to maintain what we have built.

Then I saw how adding a "new" family member completely changes the dynamics of a family. Suddenly this new member has input, contribution and impact on something that had remained so stable over a long period of time. Handling that appears to be very difficult. The balance of pleasing the existing family member who brough the new member and helping the new "very different" memeber adapt is tricky to say the least. I am pretty certain that a rigorous screening process should be undertaken before such endeavors are made official. How we are going to handle that remains to be seen and is hopefully many years in the future.

So what does all this mean and why did I think it was so important? I was proud of the family we have made. We are a strong unit. We bounce back well and always remember that we are together no matter what happens. We managed to make the best of strange situations. We managed to lead the fun whenever possible. More importantly we all looked out for one another when things were sketchy. I couldn't have been more proud.

I know that we do so becuase that is the kind of family you have always wanted. The kind fo family you designed. The kind of family you know that we all need to maximize our lives. I can't help but wonder where all of us would be if you hadn't taken such meticulous care to build this family the way you have. We likely take for granted how strong it is and how much it helps all of us. It is your greatest accomplishment in life.

So when we embarked on the 3 day trek home we did so together. More together than when we left and more together than the rest of the family we left behind. We had a great time on our "mini" post vacation (the 3 day drive) and we solidified our family of four yet again.

My love I can't thank you enough for our family. While it was my idea for you "to get off your ass and have a baby" it has been all you ever since. We reflect exactly what you wanted us to become as a family. You have done such a terrific job molding us into what we have become.

I love you so much for all of our family. I love you so much for being there for all of us. I love you so much for being the leader of our amazing family. Frankly honey I just love you so much. The rest of our family may be able to tout their educations, careers, money, successes or whatever, but you have built something so much more important. So much more rewarding and so much longer lasting. You have done it with style, flare and a huge smile. You are incredibly humble about it even where you should brag. You have done this one thing almost perfectly.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

My life the movie

2010-07-08T15:13:00.001-05:00

"a real tear jerker, the chick flick to end all chick flicks!" - LA Times

"more action than Benji - and twice the fun" - NY Post

"If superheroes were real, this would be their movie" - Paducah Post Gazette

Yup thats what the reviews would say. My life the movie. I guess that is a scenario we all think about. What if my life were a movie? Everything wrapped up in 100 minutes or so. Nothing left hanging. No unknown. Resolution at every turn.

So what would my life the movie be like? I figured i would start by telling you why I like so many of the movies I like now. You know the ones that make me laugh, think, and tear up so easily.

"Family Man" - Clearly one of my favorite movies. The perfect couple and an outside view of why. When either of them says the "we have made some sacrifices" speech I cannot help but think of us. "we've had a few surprises and made our share of sacrifices, but we always stay together. You see we're in love, unbelievably in love. And nothing is more important than that". Whther the Jersey thing fits or not, it is the same for us. But the best thing said in the movie is the part that fits us best. As Jack describes how his new life of success will make people Envy them she replies simply "Jack - they already do.". I can't help but cry. It is exactly what i think people think about us.

"Big Fish" - a man larger than life. A man who simply wants to make sure his life was memorable. A man who realizes that through him so many other people have been made special and who wants nothing more than to feel the same. Big fancy exaggerations of routine stories of life. So what they entertain. They make him bigger than life in his eyes. They make sure that he is immortal and the stories live on after he passes. How coul you not want that? All i ever think about when i watch that movie is how people will remember you and I. Will they talk about us like a lasting love story? A passionate tale of two people so enamored with one another that amazing life surrounded them? I sure hope so. We'll craft this "story of our lives" together. It will romantic. It will be a fairy tale. We wil be a big fish who's legend lives on long after we are gone.

"P.S. I Love You" - how anyone doesn't think this movie is the most uplifting movie ever i have no idea. How can anyome not be touched by a love story that goes beyond physical life? How can anyone not see that even after passing he knew that he had to care for her. To coach her into the next phase of her life. Because even in death she was still important to him and having her be happy was all he cared about? I am literally tearing up right now. I wilk take care of you forever my love. No matter how i have to accomplish it - no matter how it needs to be done.

"Superman" - ok this one is obvious. Needed a superhero rference and I got one. I will go to my grave believing in my super powers. My ability to accomplish anything. My ability to bear the burdens of the world for you if i have to do so. You give me superpowers like Superman. Your love powers me to feats i never imagined. Needed a superhero movie. Got one.

I couldn't thinkmof a good chick flick to mention, but you know how I love them. Not becuase they are chick flicks but becuase they all have one thing in common. They end happily. Which is all I want out of life. Our continued happy ending.

So with that in mind here is a summary of my life the movie. Its is simple. Boy meets girl. Girl changes boy's life. Boy changes girls's life right back. Boy and girl have a lifetime of adventures together. Boy and girl are inseperable. Boy and girl shar funny memories for decades. Boy and girl can't keep their hand off one another. Boy cherishes girls. Girl makes boy a better person for it. The ending is happy. The ending is memorable. The ending is perfect.

So if my life was a movie you would be the co-star. Maybe my life is kind of like a movie after all. Every day a new happy ending.

Finally on a totally seperate note. I read something romantic the other day and all I can remember was this phrase..."I can feel you breathing for me my love" - I feel that way about you all the time.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Knowing You Are There

2010-06-29T22:55:00.001-05:00

Sometimes it is difficult to come up with something for thsi blog that isn't simply a different way to say I love you or that you are beautiful or that you amaze me. So many times I start to write something and then think "didn't I just do a blog on that?". Tonight I started out that way. Call it writers block.

Then I looked down at the other end of the couch. It is Tuesday night aand it is kind of a night like any other night. You guys went and volunteered, I cooked dinner, we had ice cream delivered to us and then retired to the couch. A pretty routine night by any definition.

Then it kind of hit me. Why was I in such a good mood. Nothing spectacular happened today. Nothing shocking took place. But suddenly I knew why I was pleased.

I looked down at the end of the couch and there you were. Sleeping. Pillows under your head. Nothing special other than my usual enjoying seeing you sleep. But what is special is that simply having you so near me and being here with you is what made me smile. You are wrapped in the very blanket I got for you to sleep on the couch with every night. You look content, safe and comfortable.

It is all of that little stuff that makes me so happy right now. That I am here on the couch with you while you do it is making me even more pleased. knowing that in a bit we will both get up and go to bed together. Do our now very routine getting into bed things. TV on, lights off (usually me getting the lights), pillows shifted, maybe some soduku, you setting the timer, channel 18 firmly in place with re-runs - all the normal stuff. Then we fall asleep together.

So while I struggled to come up with some massively insightful blog entry tonight. I came up with something simple. And sometimes it is the little things that make our lives together so amazing. Something as small and insignificant as seeing you wrapped up and asleep at the other end of the couch.

Maybe tomorrow it will hapen again - who knows? But I can only hope.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The Luckiest

2010-06-22T22:37:00.001-05:00

After 22 years together i am still quite enamored with the fact that I hear songs and they make me think of you. New songs, old songs, songs of every genre. I still hear someone with "that tone in their voice" or sing "that perfect lyric" and feel compelled to share the song with you. Often I hear them and wish I was with you. I tend to hear them more often when I am not with you (maybe because you would never listen to "my" music) and often they make me either miss you more or feel like you are actually with me.

When I was in San Francisco last week I heard anothe one. This one by Ben Folds (he doesn't have the 5 anymore I guess). The song is hopelessly romanti. It is one of those "tells a story" kind of songs. It is a story of meeting, loving beyond imagination and leaving together. It is kind of "Notebook" like in a way. The best line is when he says "I love you more than I have ever found a way to say".

So here it is.

"The Luckiest" - Ben Folds

I don't get many things right the first time,
In fact i am told that a lot.
Now i know all the wrong turns ands tumbles and falls
Brought me here.
Now it was right before the day that i first saw your lovely face.
Now i see it everyday

And i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.

What if i'd been born 50 year before you
In a house on the street where you live?
Maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike,
Would i know?
And then i'd see your eyes,
I'd see one pair that i'd recognize.

And i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.

I love you more
Than i have ever found a way to say
To you.

Next door there's an old man
Who lived to his 90's
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away.
I'm sorry i know that's a strange way
To tell you that i know we belong.

That i know
That i am,
I am,
I am the luckiest.

Pretty good huh? You know he only has one thing wrong. He isn't the "luckiest". I am.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Preparing for Summer

2010-06-16T09:56:00.001-05:00

Yesterday my business partner and I were trying to determine when we could launch our next pilot in DC. I told him we needed to look at the calendar because in a week or so my “summer” started and it was busy. Then I realized how much I was looking forward to my summer. Then I realized how lucky I was to have such a wonderful wife plan out such and exciting summer for me and the rest of the family.

So I doubt this blog entry is going to fall into the “romantic” category. However, if will certainly fall into the “she is amazing category”.

Summer I guess officially starts for us on Friday. A short trip to Chicago. While we have some business planned, you have now managed to add an overnight stay, some dinner/party plans with your friends (I am so excited for you on that on) and I am certain short trips to grab some of my favorite Chicago foods. We can add to that a 90 mile car trip each way with some hand holding, one on one conversation and singing along with whatever we happen to pick on the radio.

The following weekend we took the Milwaukee annual Summerfest extravaganza to a whole new level. Started first with a casual invitation to our nephew and his bride. Grew into the addition of another nephew and finally the 3 musketeers completed with the final nephew. So now it becomes the “pre vacation” weekend. Such fun will be had with mass drinking, tailgating, concerts, fun food, Singstar, brewery tours and so much reminiscing over the all the other times we have spent together.

Barely two weeks will pass from then before we load up the family truckster (thanks Chevy Chase) and head across the country to the actual summer vacation. 2 1/2 days in the car one way. Stops at a few sights along the way. A bourbon tour and experiencing Louisville’s famous downtown atmosphere (you could buy a weekend condo it is so awesome) on the way there. Hours upon hours of family conversation about whatever along the ride. Innumerate times of asking the girls to stop arguing or to take off the headphones and pay attention. Again more hand holding for us, listening to whatever master playlist you created for the trip (come one you know you have this planned) and stopping at a variety of fast food joints we don’t have privy to in Wisconsin as though they were actually part of our vacation.

Then we arrive at Hilton Head. It will be the second straight year there, but this one will be so much better. This time we are with real family. We picked a better house/neighborhood. Know so much more about what we should/should not do. The boys, your sister, our girls and us all in a house for a week. Lots of sun. Lots of activity. Lots of game playing. Lots of Singstar. Sharing every story we have created over the years. Drinking way more than we should. Then actually drinking some more. Creating a whole new set of stories to share the next time we get together. So much fun. So little stress. So many memories.

A week later we head home. 2 1/2 more days in the car, but more stops planned along the way. The Vanderbilt house will be awesome. I know you are excited about that. More hand holding, more MP3 searching, more girls arguing. Just good family time.

So what does all of this have in common? You. What would we do without you making sure every detail was covered? Ad-hoc gathering of the boys. Finding the house. Coordinating the house decision. Planning the route. Taping together the map. Booking the hotels. All so that over the next 4-6 weeks we are able to create a thousand new funny stories, fabulous memories and appreciation of the family we have assembled.

I can’t wait for summer. I think we have underestimated just how packed it will be for us. And I haven’t even considered what we do after Hilton Head. I am sure you will think of something. And it too will be awesome.

So while this entry wasn’t a “romantic” entry, it will serve as a reminder of what our summer and a huge thank you to you for making it all possible.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Anan Cara

2010-06-09T09:44:00.001-05:00

The only drawback to the fact that I am finally home more often is that I don’t necessarily get dressed first thing in the morning. That means that the bracelet that we share together doesn’t always find its way to my wrist until much later in the day. I have stated in the blog before that bracelet has provided me with much protection and warmth over the years. Not having it on all the time seems weird.

The concept of the phrase is still so fitting for us. “Soul mate” or “friend of my soul” no matter which definition you find they all speak to our relationship. The Celtic tradition of having a companion to walk with you on your journey throughout life is so appropriate for us. We walk together in everything we do. Most often hand in hand. Sometimes arm in arm. Always with our hearts as one. We are perfect soul mates. The best way to be with our perfect love.

I gave a tom of thought to how I would write this blog entry. Then i stumbled upon an anonymous poem called “Anan Cara”. I read it like a million times. I had a few moments of tears of happiness as i read. It really is nearly perfect for us. So I figured I would simply post it for you and have you enjoy it as well.

Anan Cara
Only in love can we depend
A link stronger than steel
A bond that will connect us beyond the end
Embrace me with your iron bands Ana Cara
Hold me tight as my tears gently whisper
Let the world wash away around us
When we are apart tell the world “I miss her”
As rose petals float gently down to earth
Their silky velvet soft on my fingers
Anan cara, without words
The love i have inside for you flourishes and blooms
Anan cara – the whole world will know

The poem even speaks to the bonds the bracelets hold between us. How perfect.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Al and Tipper Gore

2010-06-02T12:01:00.001-05:00

So I kind of lied this morning. I heard the whole Al/Tipper Gore thing on GMA. Sad that a couple that appeared so happy for so long is not longer together. But i listened closely and know why that will never happen to us.

The key driver from what I heard was that they “grew” apart as their interests in life changed. All went Hollywood and Tipper didn’t go along with him. I am certain that she found things around Tennessee to occupy her time and put her effort towards. But as they remained apart they started getting “different” interests. Separation is the hardest thing for any couple to deal with on a regular basis. Even after 40 years they apparently failed.

The reason I know this will never happen to us is that we put so much effort into being together. Not always physically, but always together. That we take such copious effort to make sure that we have the regular things in our lives that keep them connected. That keep us connected.

I am certain Al Gore traveled a ton. Time away from Tipper. I traveled too. But did Al make certain he was in his room at a certain time every night possible to have an appropriate good night call? Did All and Tipper ever watch a TV show with the phone attached to their ears together from 500 or 1,000 miles away? Was Tipper sharing with Al what they got in the mail everyday as though the mail was some kind of daily event? These little things always helped bridge our physical distance from each other and make us seem so much closer. So much more “together”.

The other way people start to grow apart is when they develop interests that don’t involve the other. We have never done that either. While we have some small things that we both “like” that the other doesn’t “like”. We always take interest in what the other is doing (no matter how painful it is for you). Even small things like “The Kill Your Husband” TV channel, or my stupid books or the music we like. We never let the other have a “completely separate” piece of their life. Not in a creepy way, but in a “we are in this together for the next 70 years, so I had better be interested” kind of way.

They talked about how Al and Tipper changed after the kids where all grown and out of the house. We have been preparing for this for years. It is the time you and I spend together that is most important. We love the girls and the times we spend with them are so memorable. But we have so many memories of just you and I. So many simple times with funny stories or classic situations. Our time together with just us has been as much a treasure as the time we spent as a family. Someday one of the girls will make a book/dvd of the times their parents had together. Kind of like the book of adventures in “Up”.

So I don’t worry about what happened to Al and Tipper happening to us. No matter how “happy” any other couple is they aren’t “us”. No couple is – nor will any ever be. I only hope the girls get and their husbands get close. Al and Tipper likely failed long ago at prioritizing their lives. We never do. We won’t fail. Plus they are democrats for god sake – failure was in their genes.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Kisses Mark Time

2010-05-25T23:15:00.001-05:00

A long time ago I had a magically romantic night with my wife as the rain poured outside our window. It was Texas and the rain made for a cool breeze across our faces as we kissed and music played along with us.

The music seemed so appropriate at the time. The perfect beat. The droning romantic tones of a haunting melody.

“i will kiss you i will kiss you i will kiss you
forever on nights like this i will kiss you i will
kiss you and we shall be together...forever”

The singer sang those lyrics as the music played to our moment. I have loved the rain ever since. It like so many other moments are frozen in time in our past. Moments that remind us of the amazing romance our lives have become.

What I noticed in that romance is that the “kiss” has been such a large part of our memories.

The most important kiss is due for it’s 23rd anniversary in a few weeks. Our first kiss. That unexpected moment that neither of us saw coming. That moment of courage I had never managed to muster before. The classic “on the porch” first kiss. Magical moment in my life. Surprise moment of yours. The perfect kiss.

“Upon her lips I placed the perfect first kiss. Never so soft. Never so gentle. Never so long. A moment trapped in time. A moment trapped in my mind. Forever perfect. Forever ours”

We walked the streets of Chicago. Only hours after I arrived. An arrival unexpected and surprising. A night out with your friends. And your best friend dragging us all over town. The somehow we found ourselves on the streets. Under what seemed to be the brightest light. On the darkest street. In the middle of nowhere. It suddenly went quiet. We uttered “those” words for the first time. Then kissed. The moon seemed to get brighter as we kissed (maybe it was the light), but the moment remains frozen in time. A perfect kiss at a perfect time.

“And when I kiss the moon
She smiles and I sit for a while
Count the stars until the sky turn blue
I count the stars until the sky turns blue”

They all watched as we danced. The music played along at a level I swear only we could hear. Slowly we danced. In each others arms. Now in each others lives forever. The music played for what may as well been forever, because that music has never stopped in my head. They all watched. And unlike so many other “first dances” no one joined the floor. They left the moment for us. As the song ended we kissed. Your lips were so soft. Your smile afterwards so perfect. A moment so perfect that everyone who watched knew they were witnessing something truly beautiful.

“I could chase around for nothing to be found
But why look for something that is never there
I may get it wrong sometimes but I'll come back in style
For I realize your love means more than anything”

finally it is a moment we wish had been different. A moment we wish had come with so much more ceremony. Married rather than hitched. But the “kiss” was important. It meant we were forever together. It was the first kiss of the perfect marriage. By definition it was perfect.

So what brought this train of thought on? The kiss as you dropped me off at the airport. Sometimes memorable kisses come at the most amazing and unexpected times.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Feeling Happy

2010-05-19T23:22:00.000-05:00

This past weekend was my birthday. I had a great time with my family at the tailgating baseball game, grilled a really nice dinner and got some wonderful gifts. As you always do, you made my day really special. I love how you do that so consistently.

I had a strange thought during my birthday though. Why didn’t I feel happier than a usual day? I mean it was birthday right? Then a really cool thought hit me…..thanks to you I don’t need a special day to fell really happy. I feel that way every day.

Our life together is what makes me feel this way all the time. I have everything I could ever want. Beautiful wife who entertains me every day. Amazing children who make me so proud. Our future has never looked (or felt) brighter. Who wouldn’t feel happy?

I owe all of this to you. We all do our parts in making our family special. And I am certain that our “special family” is at the root of my happiness. But we all know that our family is exactly as you envisioned it to be. So we all owe you for our happiness.

Every day is fantastic. I wake up next to a simply gorgeous and sexy woman. There is always some hugging and snuggling. It is a great way to start a day. We spend most of the day together, usually just “doing stuff”, but together. We have lunch together. Dinner together. Then retire to the couch for our evening shows. Then it is off to bed where we can fall asleep close to each other before we awake and start all over again.

Summer is coming quickly and those days are even better – if that is possible. We will have the girls around full time, maybe have some picnics, maybe the zoo, but we will all be together. We can nap in the hammock together as often as you like. But as long as we are together, I am happy. As long as I can reach across and hold you hand, I am happy. As long as I can see your amazing eyes, I am happy. As long as I can hear your voice, I am happy.

Being with you makes me happy.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The Return of Superman

2010-05-12T00:00:00.001-05:00

Much has changed since my last update. Our future is now and we both may be a little bit scared. No bosom of a large company to protect us – only what we accomplish in front of us. I know you are nervous. But no worries my love – you married Superman.

I promised that I would always take care of you and that will never change. So to make you feel better I went into the closet and found my cape. The return of Superman. Time to use all of the magic powers at my disposal. But I am going to use them not to make myself successful, but rather to make you feel safe.

You deserve all the things you have become accustomed to the past few years. Not the material things. That is easy. But rather the ability to live your life as you have been doing. Helping your family out when needed. Bring the boys on vacation. Surprising your sister with trips to New York. Donating to a shelter. The things that truly give your life purpose. The one thing that makes you the happiest – doing things for other people. To make sure you can continue that life, Superman has to make certain everything is ok.

I told you the other day that all that matters to me is you. That every day I wake up knowing that if I go to sleep that night with you in my life that it was a good day. So I am recommitting myself to making sure that you feel safe and secure. That every day you wake up with no worries or uncertainty. I just want you to be happy. I promise you will be.

As long as we have each other we can handle anything. As long as we are together any challenge is possible. Superman gets all of his powers from “us”. I have never felt so powerful.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Happy Mothers Day

2010-05-08T10:34:00.001-05:00

So this morning finds you celebrating the 21st Mother’s Day of your life. I kind of find it ironic that YOU celebrate Mother’s Day when it is us who should continually celebrate you being the Mother in our family. But I guess we get all the other 364 days and you get this one day.

I’m not certain what other people are doing today for the Mom’s in their families and I am further uncertain that whatever we do will be sufficient for you, but I know that this is a day you deserve. More than any other Mother in the world.

I looked up the definition of Mother and found it to be quite interesting. It lists 5 categories: female Parent, woman acting as parent, originator, origin of something and protector. I think you fit under all 5.

The female stuff is obvious. We all know you are the girl’s parent and act as the female parent in our family. Those require no further insight. However the others offer some real understanding of how important you are to our family.

“Originator or origin of something”. Wow that is you alright. You started this family. Crafted it in exactly the image you wanted it to be. Every moment, memory and event carefully crafted so that our girls had such amazing memories of the childhood. From birthday parties, to Christmases, to graduations, to proms, to random reasons to make them smile…the list goes on. You created a family that not only cares about each other, but is always there for one another. Someday when everyone is older and we have grandkids, our girls will have been given a roadmap to a happy family that they will have picked up from years of their own mom making certain their every moment was special.

“Protector”. Definitely your domain. While you joke often about “running someone over with your car”, we all know that your protection capabilities are far more important than random retaliation against some mean teenage girls. I think protector in your case is about how safe you make the girls feel. How they know that no matter what you will make sure that they are taken care of in some way shape or form. Sometimes so much so that they make you feel taken for granted. I can’t remember where I read this (it was long ago), but the definition of success for a parent is realizing that you kids have come to expect and rely upon the parent that you are for them. I am pretty sure that every night our kids go to bed knowing that no matter what lies in front of them you will be right there by their side helping them through. You provide them the courage and the strength to know that “things will always be ok”. You protect them from any harm.

Now is that part where I get sappy.

My love, a family isn’t a family without a mother. A good family isn’t a good family without a good mother. A remarkable family is only remarkable because of a remarkable mother. We are a remarkable family, because you are a remarkable mother.

I can’t imagine you being any more perfect for the role of mother in our family. You make us smile, you make us safe, you make us laugh and you make us all feel special and loved. Our family is what it is because we have you with us every day. I am so thankful that you are the head of my family.

I love you more and more every day as wife, mother and friend. Because all of the things you provide our family as a mother you also provide me as a wife and friend. There is nothing more amazing than the feel of one of your hugs. It makes us all feel safe, loved, special and warm. Only the most amazing “mother” in the world could accomplish that.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A Blog-jacking

2010-04-26T23:43:00.001-05:00

There have not been many instances where I used the blog for more than just stories of “us” or odes to you. But I figured this weekend’s event warrant a ‘special” edition dedicated to our youngest daughter. I did the research and the blog started after the oldest daughter’s prom event, she would have warranted an entry as well.

I guess I should start by reminding you that I have always thought the younger daughter reminds me of you. She has your wit, your smile, facial expressions and (it has to be said) thumbs. So I can’t help but wonder if what I witnessed this weekend might have been similar to seeing you go to prom as well.

The whole prom thing go exciting for me about a month ago. I love our little girl so much, but have always wish she could see how beautiful a young lady she has become. I think the trip to Chicago for dress shopping was the start. I’ll take time to remind you that you have made certain that they will remember “prom dress shopping” as an event. They are so lucky to have a mother who wants to make their lives so memorable.

Store 1 in Chicago was uneventful. No dresses of any consequence. store two wasn’t much better. Then she found the black dress at store 3. The look on her face when she walked out and saw herself. She was amazing. People stopped to look at her. She knew it. It was the next dress that put us all over the top. I’ll remember the look on her face as she saw herself in the mirror forever. I remember your smile because you knew it was the “one”. Add in the shoes of her dreams, the text from the boy and well she was in heaven.

Making court made her even more proud. I know how important it became to her, even if she didn’t think she was going to make it at first. But you were thee making her feel like she deserved it, helping her believe in herself. She likely had visions of herself in that dress with every vote that was counted.

I’m going to skip a ton of other details like the mass of people for the pictures or the “tennis” scare. They aren’t as important as the next part.

I hope she is reading this because she has to know that she was breathtaking. Clearly the most beautiful girl in the entire court. The most amazing during pictures. A picture of perfection. That dress was clearly made for her specifically. He hair was perfect, her makeup made her look just a bit older, I can count at least 4 times I teared up just looking at her. My little girl didn’t look little anymore. She looked like a grown up. She looked like an angel.

The prom court event at prom was truly an amazing thing to see. She was so nervous, but she was for one fleeting moment the complete center of attention. As she walked up there after her announcement all I could think was how much she deserved this moment. When I saw her dance I knew that she was feeling “awkward” but I knew she was smiling the whole time.

Even when she came home between prom and post prom she was still smiling. Then when she came home the next morning she was still smiling. Being that beautiful made my daughter so happy. Seeing her happy is all I have ever wanted for her.

So my young lady all I can say is thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your special weekend. Thank you for creating a memory I know I won’t forget, but I know you will never forget. You were picture perfect. I have shown your pictures to a dozen people already, i am so proud.

So there you have it, a hi-jacked blog entry. Our little girl was amazing. She was likely as amazing as you were my love. A vision of beauty and perfection.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Tomorrow Morning Never Comes

2010-04-21T23:22:00.001-05:00

For the first time in the over 4 years we have been doing this “travelling husband” thing I have to come up with a solution for waking up without you. The past 5 weeks have reminded me that it is not acceptable to not wake up in the morning next to the one person I want to have near me when I first open my eyes. Tonight the streak of 32 straight nights (and 45 of 47) comes to an end. Facing not waking up to you has me more than a bit sad.

So I came up with a solution. Never go to sleep. That way I don’t have to wake up without you. Rather, it will just be a long day away from you. A long day and not a night. Sounds good right? I guess it is a silly approach, but I can’t really think of another way.

The rambling above may be silly, but it is a reminder of how nice it has been to have a pretty normal life the past 6 weeks or so. So many people likely take for granted that they spend time with their families. That they have dinner together, run to the store together, have lunch together and ultimately turn out the lights, lock the doors and go to bed together.

I don’t take it for granted sweetie. I know that all those little things are what makes life wonderful. Those routine events that make our “life” together. we are still the only couple I see holding hands on the walk from the car to Sendiks. We are also the only couple I know who makes going to get coffee and event. Stopping at Cafe 1505 and grabbing a sandwich for lunch even though we are both in out workout clothes – and then heading home because you like the chips at home better is awesome. Dog training classes are fun – even though our dog really doesn’t know the commands and I suck at teaching her (I need training).

I was there for NHS induction, birthday dinners, in fact I didn’t miss a thing. It was so nice. We will eventually get to where it is the routine of every day. I can’t wait. And I will cherish every tiny moment then too. Thank you for making every day and every little thing so amazing for me. You make time worth spending.

Now I just need to stay awake for 8 more hours.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Yes You Are That Pretty

2010-04-14T08:24:00.001-05:00

You know you have had quite a bit of fun the past few days teasing me about the “girls of my past”. I guess Facebook has a funny way of finding everything that is true. Even if it turns out to be embarrassing.

It doesn’t matter because no matter what any previous girls looked like, meeting you completely changed how I look at girls/women. Now all I do is compare them to you. Are they pretty relative to you? Do they have your smile? Do they have your eyes? They never do and haven’t since I met you. After a while you just stop looking.

I have always thought you were pretty my love. From the very first moment I saw you. You are just different. Different good not different bad. You have an amazing youthful look about you. You look not only beautiful, but fun and charming. You have a smile I can’t get enough of and eyes I could stare at for days. Add in that perfect nose and well…..you are perfect. But I have never been shy about telling you how beautiful I think you are at any given time.

What wound up being cool is how it appears to have made you feel about how pretty you are or at least I think you are. That is a good thing. You are clearly the most attractive woman I have ever had in my wife, and I am glad you finally “know” it. Even if you have mad it part of a little joke. You knowing how attractive you really are provides me even more benefit, because the more confident you are about it the more attractive I find you to be.

There is really no need to compare you to anyone, there isn’t a comparison to make. And it isn’t just girls of the past my love it is all girls everywhere. You are the single luckiest thing to ever happen to me. I have lifetime “arm candy”. How can I lose?

So go ahead and Facebook away my love. Find out whatever you need to find out. It always seems to work to my advantage.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

5 Minutes of Time

2010-04-07T10:10:00.001-05:00

Our family trip for “Spring Break” was fun. While our friends don’t always comply with the “fun” part, we still had a good time together as a family.

One of the nicest moments was on the pane ride home when we were watching “The Notebook” together. I was sure that it wasn’t going to be as “touching” as you guys told me it was, but you proved me wrong. I can only imagine what the other people on the plane were thinking when you and I were hugging each other with tears in our eyes. It was a nice moment no matter who was watching.

The movie kind of struck me in different ways. First of all I’d give all of my super powers to make the ending come true for us as well. I’ll start trying to figure out ways to make that happen. Of course it makes me start thinking about the “end” so that isn’t good. But if us passing hand in hand with no pain for the other one to endure is possible, then it has to be a goal.

The part of the movie I most enjoyed was the extent that he would go to get “5 minutes” of his wife back. No matter how painful the time afterwards was going to be for him. To spend all day telling a story so that for a brief moment he could get back what was most important to him is truly romantic. But it made me wonder, just how important is 5 minutes now?

So I thought of some 5 minute things I truly enjoy about you. By 5 minute things I mean things that happen pretty much every day that many couples take for granted. Here is what i came up with:

A dozen glimpse of your smile
10 times holding hands in the car
The time after we eat dinner that you make me stay at the table, even though I want to get up
Watching you get dressed
Checking your daily “color” selection
Making sure that the TV is set to the proper channel when we go to bed
Anytime we are in the home office back to back doing whatever it is we happen to be doing at the time
Anytime you make me laugh
More glimpses of your smile
Waking you up from the couch to go to bed at night

I guess there are so many things we do all day long that make up our time together. That he went to such lengths to get 5 minutes – any 5 minutes – to have the person he loved back with him is truly romantic. I do the same thing to get any 5 minutes back from you.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Up

2010-03-30T22:47:00.001-05:00

(I know we discussed this, but I thought it needed to be in the blog for future reference)

A few weeks ago we watched the movie “Up”. I find it hard to believe but a cartoon really touched me and made me think.

There was so much about the couple that reminded me of our lives together. They had an unlikely first meeting. A long romance. And an inseparable life together.

The story shows them spending their lives together just doing stuff. Kind of like my reference to “killing time” together. The things they did together in the movie were not extraordinary, but rather normal day to day stuff. Very much like us. They painted the house. They ate meals. They watched TV. It didn’t matter, so long as they were together.

The wife had very much wanted to have a life of “adventure”. She wanted to go places and see things. Spectacular things. But somehow their lives never led them to those kind of adventures. They had simply a life together, quite unspectacular to the outside world. But quite amazing to them.

Sadly, the wife dies in the movie. Leaving a sad grumpy old man for the rest of the world. It is this part of the movie that I found so chilling. The movie did such a good job of showing how in love they were together. It did such a good job of showing how touching their lives were together. How they held hands, watched each other sleep, fed each other, made each other laugh and smile. So much like the past 21 years I have had with you. That one of them had to die meant the worst thing in the world. They were no longer inseparable.

The pain they showed the man going through was very difficult to watch. That is what got me. I know I have already told you this, but I have make certain that I out live you. Not for selfish reasons, but for you. As your “Superman” I know that I could never allow myself to be responsible for having you be that sad. If I pass first, then you likely will be as sad as that old man. I could never allow that. I could never rest in peace knowing that I left you in pain every day.

It isn’t that I won’t be in pain when I am left alone. I will hurt worse than any human has ever hurt. But my “superman” powers will allow me to carry that burden for you. Because this man could never allow you to have to carry that pain. It would kill me over and over again to have it happen. I don’t mean for this blog entry to sound morbid. I just want you to know that no matter what I will protect you and keep you from being sad. Even if it means I have to be sad instead of you.

Now having told this story to you after we watched the movie and quite frankly blubbering a bit as we hugged, I was overwhelmed by your card on our anniversary. That you recognize, like the wife in the movie, that we have had so many “adventures” together made me feel more loved than any moment in my life. That card was the greatest gift I have ever received. I have read it 3 times since that day as it sits on our mantle.

So there you have it, I now know the purpose of being “superman”. It is to keep you from eve feeling pain or being sad. They let me take one super power sweetie. I just didn’t realize until just recently which one I took. I took the one that protects you. Only you. Always you.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

(PS – This is one of the few times I have written this blog that I teared up while I wrote it.)

Happy Anniversary – 21 Years

2010-03-25T08:50:00.001-05:00

I really wanted to title this differently, but on the off chance you read through these from time to time I wanted you to be able to see the header.

Today is the day we celebrate our 21st year of marriage to each other. There are “countless” things I want to say to you, so i figured I would make that theme of this post. Since anniversaries are about the “number” (i.e. 21), the theme is “Countless”.

In the past 21 years there have been…

“Countless” times that just hugging you made my day or may me instantly feel better.

“Countless” times that I have looked at you and thought “how could anything be more beautiful”.

“Countless” times that you made me laugh. Often with your humor, but most times just by being you.

“Countless” times that I have kissed and thought nothing could be any softer on my lips.

“Countless” times that I have held your hand and had that safe, comfortable and loved feeling find its way from my fingertips to my heart.

“Countless” times that snuggling with you in bed made me consider not even bothering to get up in the morning.

“Countless” times that I have seen other people be jealous of the relationship we have and wondered to myself why everyone can’t have what we have.

“Countless” times that wasting a night on the couch watching TV with you was the perfect way to spend my evening.

“Countless” times that I thought about what the rest of my life would hold and how you will be by my side forever.

“Countless” times that thoughts of you gave me that “special feeling” inside (sorry had to add that one one).

“Countless” times you amazed me by planning the perfect event or making something routine seem so special for me and the girls.

“Countless” times that I felt overcome by the need to tell you I love you and have everyone hear it.

Yes, there have been “countless” things over the past 21 years that remind me how perfect we are together. “Countless” things that remind me that this was a match made in heaven.

But to make this very simple there has been ONE thing that only happened once and put all of this in place.

The moment you said “yes”. Its the single best moment of my life. Happy anniversary my love. 21 years of perfection.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Facebook Conflicted

2010-03-18T23:56:00.001-05:00

I posted this on Facebook as well, but since this blog is more lasting I kind of hope you ready it here first.

Life has a way of surprising you sometimes. I thought I knew every Counting Crows song. I thought Adam Duritz had a line for EVERY emotion I felt for you. I was wrong. Tonight I found a new song and a new lyric that just made me remember just how amazing my love for you is and how deeply you touch me.

So here goes. It is from the song “August and everything after”. It never made it to an album, but is apparently written on the cover of the album of the same name.

Just a few lines for you.

They're wakin' up Maria 'cause everybody else has got some place to go
She makes a little motion with her head,
Rolls over,
And she says she's gonna sleep for a couple minutes more
I've said "I'm sorry" to Maria for the cold hearted thing that i have done
I've said "I'm sorry", by now, at least once to just about everyone
She says, "I've forgotten what I'm supposed to do today,"
And it slips my mind what I'm supposed to say?
We're getting older and older, and older
And always a little further out of the way
You look into her eyes and it's more than your heart will allow
In August and Everything After, you get a little less than you expected, somehow...

I stumbled into Washington Square just as the sun began to rise
I lay down on the lawn of the cathedral
Right down with the shadow of St. Mary's in the sky
And I'm just one of these late model children waiting for the king
Yeah, but there ain't no sign of Elvis in San Fransisco
It's just me, and I'm playing this rock and roll thing
And She wants to be just like me
And I want every damn thing I can see.
One day you're Daddy's little angel,
The next day you're everything he wanted you to be
They dress you up in white satin
And they give you your very own pair of wings
In August and Everything After, I'm after everything.

There you go. In my head all I can hear right now is Adam singing “You look into her eyes and it’s more than your heart will allow”.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Dating Each Other

2010-03-17T02:10:00.001-05:00

Next week at this time we will have been married for 21 years. How amazing. 21 years together. 21 years of all the things that make us such a “special” couple.

I can’t imagine how my life could have worked out any better. Our marriage was really the first step in the best part of my life. The best part of our lives. But since this isn’t our anniversary week just yet and this won’t be the anniversary blog entry, I figured I would address once and for all the this issue of the time before we got married.

We didn’t really date all that long. We had a short courting starting in June, a “break”, the “get back together” and finally the transition from our engagement to our wedding.

I don’t really know if I can tell you how amazing our first date was together. In all honesty I have been on a total of two real dates in my life. Once with some girl that worked with me at Target (set up by my Dad believe it or not) and the date with you. And since the first one involved my father and his girlfriend, I really have only had the one “date” with you.

While you may or may not believe it – our first date had all the elements that a real first date should contain. I picked you up at home. You were dressed amazing. We had dinner, went “out” and finished it with a traditional “dropped off at the door” first kiss. It was perfect.

That date (more likely that kiss) then started more regular dating. Traditional things like movies, dinners and just hanging out together. We even did the “babysitting” thing once together for the boys.

Now I know that you don’t really give me credit for how I felt about you and how I treated you during that time. You likely shouldn’t because of the terrible thing I did to you when we broke up. However, you should know that I knew all along that you were “the one”. I may have thought I had real feelings for other girls before you, but none of them made me feel like you did then and still do to this day.

Trust me that every time I made the long trek to South Arlington I had an anxious feeling. A feeling of excitement. I looked forward to seeing you all day. I was disappointed when we didn’t see each other. You gave me that “butterflies in my stomach” feeling. You were special to me then and you remain that way over 21 years later.

I guess it really was love at first sight. A true fairy tale of sorts. A romantic 80’s movie with a story book ending. Even though we split up for a time – I knew that you were the one for me. And even though I acted like I had moved on – I hadn’t. Somehow I knew that we would get back together. And we did.

So while our marriage has been a true love story, our dating was too. It had a “difficult” time in the middle, but it all worked out.

Our lives together have been perfect my love. They have been since day one. And while you may not believe and I may not have actually known it at the time. I have loved you since the moment I first saw you. I know what true love feels like – and I can tell you I felt it then.

Next week we celebrate 21 years of marriage. This week I am celebrating more than 21 years of being in love with you.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

It was PERFECT – You Were PERFECT

2010-03-09T22:56:00.001-06:00

This is officially the first time I wish this wasn’t a “anonymous” forum. I’d give anything to post your picture from last Friday night. Nothing has ever been more beautiful, more amazing – more perfect.

I made sure I told you this face to face before I posted it to this blog, but it needs to be said again. Friday was one of the best days of my life. Having you with me in Orlando was amazing.

My day went well. My presentation went better than I could have imagined and my peers all told me so. I finished in time to meet you at the door (while you hated your flight delay it really worked out for me). I was glad I got to be the first to see you.

The girls caused some drama, but even that worked out. I think I was able to get through to them what we had been trying to say for a few weeks. Simply put – their mother is an amazing parent. Even more simply put – she deserves every ounce of respect they can must. Even more simply put – they should do it because they appreciate everything you do for the and not because they thought they were in trouble. And finally – as the person who loves you the most I will accept nothing less than perfect treatment of you as their mother. How they have missed all those points over the years I have no idea. Youth is clearly wasted on the wrong people.

But what came next will remain on of my best days ever!

Seeing you in that dress, with that hair, with those eyes and with me was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Walking down the hallway to the elevator I was actually “giddy”. How could someone so spectacular be with me? It boggles the mind.

Even better was just how amazing you were with my co-workers. You were so comfortable (even though I know you hate that) meeting people. So charming talking to them. So lovely in every way.

I felt most proud to have so many people tell you how much I talk about you. Tell you how they know how in love I am and how many of them have wanted to meet you for some time to “see the person I go on and on about all the time”. I hope that made you feel amazing. There is no exaggeration there sweetie. I literally tell everyone about you. I always have.

While dinner was nothing short of “school cafeteria food”, you remained charming and funny throughout the meal. You literally entertained my co-worker whom you barely knew. But you made him feel comfortable at a time when he felt kind of out of place (he is new) and he appreciated it the whole time.

Finally, you helped me and my friends close out the whole gala and even the “after party”. So even though we walked away with you shoes in my hands, your legend grew all the same.

On Friday everyone I know found out what I already knew…..I have the best wife ever!

So you were perfect. Perfectly beautiful. Perfectly elegant. Perfectly charming. Perfectly funny. Perfectly well Perfect.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

It is like I am going to Disneyworld….

2010-03-02T23:42:00.000-06:00

I know the title looks funny, but it is how I feel. Like a kid just before his first trip to Disney or the days leading up to Christmas.

In just a few days you will be here with me. I simply can’t wait. In almost an odd way. Yesterday seemed so long and today will seem longer. All in anticipation of you getting here on Friday.

I can’t wait to see you in the dress again. You looked so amazing. I can’t wait to “show off my wife” on Friday. You have no idea how proud I will be to do so.

So while we may be actually going to Disneyworld on Saturday, it is the “Disney” like event on Friday I am most anticipating. Me and the most beautiful woman (ok girl) in the world arm in arm. Awesome.

Trust me I will never be so proud.

You’re the world to me. I Love you more than anything in the world.

The “Bear” Told Me

2010-02-24T06:50:00.001-06:00

Sweetie it was an “odd” weekend. We really should never have those times when we are not in sync as a couple. I said it this weekend and it will always be true. We are not a couple where “loving each other” is sufficient, we have to “be in love with each other” to make things work. While I know it is a subtle difference we both know it is the “thing” that makes us different from any “regular” couple.

I am truly sorry about the situation on Thursday morning. In no way would I ever want to bring any of your insecurities to the surface. I feel even worse that some of those insecurities are a result of something I had done during our relationship. I know I can’t fix that, but I can assure that no matter how you feel there is only important person in this world for me - and it is you. That hasn’t changed since 1988.

If it helps you should know that you are truly the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I am so in love with and making you happy is really all I want in life. I know it is not appropriate for me to ask you to ignore any kind of insecurity you might have, but you should also know that I would never do anything to cause you hurt or make you feel sad.

For 2 days we were out of sorts. We talked, but not really. We hugged, but not really. we even went out, but still something didn’t seem right. So how did I know that the time was right to “make amends” between us?

On Friday night we had a weird “go to bed” experience. You wore a tee shirt and no nightgown, I didn’t do the Banana Republic thing, but the key was that the bear in our bed wasn’t under your arms. In fact it was though he had some sense that things were not right, because he slept all night in spots that made me truly uncomfortable. He belongs under your arms.

On Saturday night when I woke you up I did so because the “bear” had found himself back in his rightful place under your arms. It was as though he was telling me that you needed a “real” hug and that I needed to do that now. I am pretty sure he smiled at me as well.

I am so glad we talked about all of this and you were so honest with me about things. It is why we are such a great couple.

I can’t wait for Orlando. It will be fun and I am excited to show off my amazing wife to people. And Mickey Mouse? Can’t wait.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Every Last Detail…..

2010-02-16T22:59:00.001-06:00

Thank you for letting me be your valentine again. Now I wait a whole new year wondering if you will say yes again.

It was a really nice weekend. The hotel was as always perfect, both dinners were good (they had pluses and minuses), the symphony was really cool and you looked beautiful at every turn. On Sunday you really just looked amazing in your jeans and cool shirt.

I thought long and hard about this blog entry. I was going to recap this weekend, but I think it speaks for itself. So I am gong to focus on something you should hear more often.

Sweetie – you look amazing! I am not sure that you even really understand how much your months and months of workouts have changed the way you look. It shows so much on weekends like last weekend when you get dressed up to go out.

At every turn this weekend you looked better than the moment before. On Friday night you looked fabulous in your cool shirt – even if I am uncertain that I ironed it properly. You really can wear a pair of jeans! You “overcame” the makeup incident and despite things be done out of order your face lit up the whole dinner.

Saturday you went more formal. The blouse really showed off some of your best “assets” and the skirt fit you perfectly and you made it look not only sophisticated, but quite sexy. If only the shoes were the right size huh? Even then you make heels something to behold.

The new nightgowns didn’t go un-noticed. They covered just enough to keep me peaking anytime i got the chance. They were sleek and sexy. You have all the right curves and they clearly showed them off – for me i might add!

As I said on Sunday you just looked amazing. I know it was “just breakfast” and just a casual outfit, but it was awesome.

So even if we didn’t exchange gifts, I got one anyway. For 3 days I was with by the most attractive woman in the whole hotel. A thing of true beauty. A fantastically sexy girl. My valentine.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Be Mine (part 22)

2010-02-10T21:49:00.001-06:00

The timing is a bit off this week. Valentines Day falls on the weekend and we will be enjoying our lovely weekend at our favorite hotel during the time I should be updating this blog. As only a fool would make a blog entry during a romantic weekend, I have to accomplish my annual task early.

This is the 22nd time I will beg you to be my Valentine. As of now I am riding a 21 year streak of yes answers. Can I get that lucky again? Last year I finally declared the Valentines Day card as an insufficient means of expressing my love and asking you to be mine. The year before I reminded you of the perfect gifts I could give you to convince you to be mine.

This year…..I stole a song for you. I found this song a long time ago (ok a few months ago) and I knew instantly that it would be my Valentines blog entry. It is the perfect ext to ask you to be my Valentine. So aptly named “Be Mine”.

Rather than simply list the lyrics, i am just going to steal parts of it and use them to plead my case.

“From the very first moment I saw you
That's when I knew
All the dreams I held in my heart
Had suddenly come true
Knock me over, stone-cold sober
Not a think I could say or do
'Cos baby when I'm walking with you now
My eyes are so wide
Like you reached right into my head
And turned on the light inside”

Its is so true my love. You awakened me. You made me the person I am today. Had you not come into my life the light would have never gone off. I would never have found the person who makes me feel this way. The person who made love possible in my life. How could you not “be mine”?

“If I had some influence girl
With the powers that be
I'd have them fire that arrow at you
Like they fired it right at me
Maybe when your heart and soul are burning you might see
That every time I'm talking with you
It's always over too soon?
That everyday feels so incomplete
'Till you walk into the room?
Say the word now girl
I'll jump that moon”

There is an episode of The Office where Pam tells Jim why her dad left her mom. It was because Jim told her dad how he felt about Pam and he had never felt that for her mom. He said “he knew you were the one from the first moment he laid eyes on her and how he felt every time she walked into a room”. The part of the song above says the same thing and I so feel the same way. I could simply sit on the phone with you. We don’t really need to talk. You just have to be there. I get an excited feeling when I see you and a sad feeling when I don’t know where you are. Its like the time I was getting my hair cut and you weren’t there. Literally every person that walked by that wasn’t you left me feeling empty. It is the kind of true love I feel. Is it enough for you to “be mine”?

“Rainy, shiny, night or day
There's nothing in the way now
Don't you see?
Be mine! Be mine!

Winter, Summer, day or night
Centigrade of Fahrenheit
Baby till your heart belongs to me
Be mine! Be mine!

Thursday, Friday, short or long
When you got a love so strong
How can it be wrong now? Mercy me!
Be mine! Be mine!

Jumpin Jesus, holy cow!
What's the difference anyhow
Baby till your heart belongs to me?”

I am not sure how much more I could plead with you. Be my Valentine again this year and I’ll continue to give you my entire heart. Every beat, every pulse will be for you. My heart will beat not only to give me life, but because you gave me life.

So for the 22nd time. Will you be my Valentine? I’ll wait for Sunday to hear the answer.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Indigo Eyes

2010-02-03T00:15:00.001-06:00

I think I have some pretty good news for you my love. You may actually have “indigo eyes”. And likely not for the reason you thought you did.

i did some research on what exactly makes ones eyes “indigo”. And it turns out it isn’t really the color. The phrase “indigo eyes” started in Greek literature. Orpheus appears married himself a “less than virtuous woman”, but he loved her. He and his wife, Eurydice, lived together for a near eternity and she became somewhat of a matronly figure to all of the gods children. However her past could not avoid her.

Hades came to punish her on her deathbed (for she was a mortal married to a god) for her sins prior to her marriage. And by law she was forced to descend into hell. It literally crushed the love struck Orpheus. His grey eyes cried so much that they turned colors. The tears of love turned his eyes to a beautiful indigo color. However they could not hide his sadness over the loss of his wife.

Legend grew over Orpheus eye color. It grew all the way to Hades ears. Hades approached Orpheus with a deal. Trade me your eyes and I will return your wife. However, as all Greek myths go, the tragedy was that he would never be able to see her again (as he now had no eyes).

Orpheus made the deal. He had to to get the love of his life and his reason for being back. He was happy again. Eurydice returned to her matronly ways and eventually became pregnant.

She and Orpheus had a son. A son with beautiful indigo eyes. Ones that allowed Orpheus to see his wife again – if only through his child's eyes.

Peter Murphy wrote a song about the story called (ironically) “Indigo Eyes”. It was as romantic as the story.

So you do have “indigo” eyes. Eyes that start grey and because of the love they have appear indigo. Your have the “indigo” eyes you desire my love. Even if the color doesn’t exactly say so.

So while this post isn’t perfect, it is a love story of epic proportions. A man who gave his perfect “indigo” eyes for the love of his life.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Short Post – Big Love

2010-01-28T02:36:00.001-06:00

Hi sweetie, this is likely a pretty short post. I am pushing my second night of working until 3AM on the “new business” stuff. The product is really working well – better than I even imagined!

So while I am working I have my headphones on listening to my iTouch. It is amazing how song after song reminds me of you or us. After about an hour I started making tick marks on my tablet to see how many I came across while in random mode. In just under 4 hours I counted 16 songs. I am sure that it is just the way I added songs to my ITouch that causes that, but it was still kind of cool.

It does kind of provide proof that i am always thinking about you. I was thinking about you when i added the songs to my ITouch, thinking about you when I bought most of the CDs and then thinking about you while I listened to them. All of the songs mean so much to me and it makes me feel like you are here with me. I like it when you are with me.

Oh well – I am sure you thinking about me all the time too. Right?

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

A perfect smile

2010-01-21T07:24:00.001-06:00

There is this photo i found on my laptop that i decided to make a my new background. It is likely a picture you don’t like, but I like it. It was taken in NYC at the airport. It is you and the younger daughter acting kind of goofy as we waited for the shuttle to the other terminal. She is looking at you with a funny grin (kind of that “oh god mommy sometimes you are crazy” look) and you are literally laughing out loud.

So while the picture isn’t perfect the smile on your face is perfect.

Just having it on my desktop makes me smile too. Thanks from wherever i am right now.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

You Are Amazing

2010-01-20T02:04:00.001-06:00

My love it was so hard to not have you with me on my big day. I stressed so much about that very fact last night on the plane and as I tried in vane to get a decent nights sleep. How could I embark on such a very important part of our lives without? I know that you wished you were here, but I couldn’t get past the fact that you were not. Not here to meet my new team, see what I have built and celebrate over dinner.

Then this morning you pulled off your magic. You did the thing that makes you so amazing. The perfectly placed surprise. The thing you do so well. Plan out ways to make things memorable for all of us. Just the same way you do birthdays and Christmas.

As I reached into my suitcase to get my “t-shirt” there it sat. The card. The card that let me know that you not only wanted to be with me, but in our hearts you were with me. “Stupid Card” it reads “It gets to be with you and I don’t”. “I love you” it reads. “…I will be thinking of you…”.

A big tear or 3 suddenly wells up in my eye. Instantly I am sad that you aren’t here for this big day. The suddenly it hits me that this card makes me know that you are here with me. Maybe not physically. Maybe not able to celebrate with me. But here with me all the same. Why? Because you are always here with me. And you did it with a perfectly placed surprise.

So I embarked on my day with you “by my side”. While I was still nervous, I had with me what I needed. I had you. Nothing is more important to me. Having you be proud of me and excited for me is all I needed. Because in the end, every thing we do is about US.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

MMMM Truffles?

2010-01-12T23:53:00.001-06:00

The event at the restaurant this weekend was really amusing. We have so many great memories and stories that we will be able to share for the next however many decades. $100 worth of truffles will certainly be one of them.

I did some research on the whole “white truffle” phenomenon and it turns out we may hot actually received a bargain of sorts. The truffles we ate came from Alba, Italy (from the Ristorante Bartolotta Seasonal Menu website). In November 2009 a 1.6 lb White truffle sold for $150,000 at the Alba Food Festival in Italy. They are actually referred to as “the diamonds of the kitchen” by some French guy in the 18th century.

It is the kind of funny story that really good families share forever. Since we are a really good family we have a lot of those great stories. So many are funny – funny – funny. I figured I would break out a top 10 list of sorts to illustrate. Using acronyms like D1 for the older daughter, S1 for your sister and N3 for the youngest nephew. You get the picture. We have to protect the anonymity of the family right?

In no particular order:

There was the one time I let you drive home after a night out dancing and drinking. I remember the stop at Trinity Blvd and 157 and you laughing hysterically.
The emergency “stop” at the convenience store after Mexican food in Ft Worth. You and D2 in the elevator that night was classic.
D1 wondering aloud about the weight of her hard drive with all those “heavy” files on copied to it.
D2’s continuous efforts to have milk come out of her nose when she laughs (someday she will have to explain this to us).
N3 standing up with his head out of the sun roof and “hey my hat!”
D1’s first driving experience on the way back from the BBQ place in sunny Mequon. So much wrong with this story.
Your sister finally letting go at the Texas house. This one night actually deserves several points. So include in this one N2 and his chain smoking, N1 “impregnating our house” and the invention of the “stage” upstairs for dancing.
Shadow and the “dancing” in the backyard. Yuck.
McDonalds just keeps getting further and further away doesn’t it?
You ordering essentially 1 of everything on the menu at the IHOP.

There are tons more stories, but these are what came immediately to mind. Life has been fun together hasn’t it sweetie?

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Warmer than Warm (A Surprise Post)

2010-01-08T16:33:00.001-06:00

Ok I am on my flight and I was listening to a live Damien Rice concert. He played the song Grey Room and before the song told the story of the lyrics.

He lamented that he writes his best music when he is really down about life and love. He hates that. And now that he is on tour basically playing nightly a whole album (genius album) an album he wrote when he was down he thinks his songs have taken a new turn. Just like a horoscope he is suddenly able to make what was written as sad, sound uplifting. So he wrote “Grey Room”.

The song is about how when he is down, he knows this “certain someone” who always makes him feel worthwhile. I gather her name is Desole (see the lyrics below). Here are the lyrics. One thought from me to you sweetie - “Warmer than warm, oh yeah” (read below.

“Grey Room” – Damien Rice

Well I've been here before
Sat on the floor in a grey grey room
Where I stay in all day
I don't eat, but I play with this grey grey food

Desole, if someone is prayin' then I might break out,
Desole, even if I scream I can't scream that loud

I'm all alone again
Crawling back home again
Stuck by the phone again
Well I've been here before

Sat on a floor in a grey grey mood
Where I stay up all night
And all that I write is a grey grey tune

So pray for me child, just for a while
That I might break out yeah
Pray for me child
Even a smile would do for now

'Cause I'm all alone again
Crawling back home again
Stuck by the phone again

But I still got you to be my open door
But I still got you to be my sandy shore
But I still got you to cross my bridge in this storm
But I still got you to keep me warm

If I squeeze my grape and I drink my wine
Coz if I squeeze my grape and I drink my wine
Oh coz nothing is lost, it's just frozen in frost,
And it's opening time, there's no-one in line

But I've still got me to be your open door,
I've still got me to be your sandy shore
I've still got me to cross your bridge in this storm
And I've still got me to keep you warm

Warmer than warm, yeah
Warmer than warm, yeah
Warmer than warm, yeah
Warmer than warm, yeah

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

2010 is an Important Year

2010-01-05T22:17:00.001-06:00

Here we go again. More time apart. More time where the best we can get together is a phone call or an IM during the day. By April it will have been 4 years of this back and forth time away from each other.

I can’t wait for it to end.

I left today at 5:15AM. Drove myself to the airport. Went through security. Boarded my plane. Made “the call”. And then it hit me. I missed you. Yup that quickly. I looked at my watch (awesome BTW) and it was only 6:10AM. Not even an hour had passed.

While that may seem like a ridiculous amount of time, I knew what was coming. The next 3 days I wake up alone. No wife in the bed next to me. No trying to quietly take out the puppy and then play with her while you sleep. I changed my IM status (I have no facebook – so its the best I have) to read “Tomorrow morning is going to suck”. No one but me knows why. Well I guess now you do.

Remember when we could claim that we had not spent even a single night apart in our marriage? That seems so long ago.

I guess you should be flattered. I really need to be near you. It makes me so much happier. I feel so much more a part of your life when i am home. I want to be with you at home. Period.

That is why this new business is so important to me. While the money will be nice, the best part will be having a normal life with you. It will be so nice to be able to take normal day to day stuff for granted.

So 2010 is the year. The year we get back to normal. A life together. Really together. No more days away counts. Scarily we will top 500 days at some point early this year. 500 DAYS! That is almost a year and a half! 2010 is the “Year of Togetherness” for us. Count on it. I will make it happen.

So while this blog entry wasn’t romantic or poignant. It is important. I need you to know how important us being together is to me. How much I want to be with YOU every day. I just want you to know that is my most important goal for 2010. It is my resolution of sorts.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T10:46:00.001-06:00

I know I already gave this to you, but I figure it is just as good posted here. I love you – Merry Christmas Sweetie.

December 25, 2009

This makes 22 Christmases together!

Merry Christmas my love. I can’t believe we have spent 22 Christmases together. Seems like we have come a long way since exchanging what seemed like “mirror” gifts to one another in 1988. We have gone from a dating couple to newlyweds, to new parents, to a small family and now finally to a bigger family. So much change over 22 years.

Since we are seeing a “Christmas Carol” I thought it would be nice to show what the 3 ghosts would have shown us. We have Christmas pasts a plenty, a pretty great Christmas present and Christmas futures galore to come.

Christmas Pasts

Some of our best memories are certainly of the kids. We found out we were pregnant with Kendall during Christmas. Of all of the presents we could every want our angel baby tops them all. We had so many “perfect” mornings for the girls. Presents seemed to be everywhere. We spent as much time blocking off rooms so they couldn’t peak, grabbing Megan’s stocking (noisy to this day!) so it wouldn’t wake them up and “putting together” things for them to see in the morning (do you remember the bicycle handlebars that were actually wrong for months after Christmas?).

Every Christmas morning seemed magical for them. Often even a bit overloaded. Paper was always strewn about the floor. “Thank you Santa’s” being yelled at the top of their lungs. Little did they know who Santa really was all those years? That they believed for so long added to the magic. The video that Megan added to Kendall’s graduation present pretty much says it all. Kendall reading her letter from Santa and Megan tearing into presents in such a cute “Megan” way.

You also made sure that the whole season was special. A routine for decorating the tree (made better when we moved to WI and started chopping our own). The advent calendars with candy to suit them both. Decorations with holiday memories placed all over the house. Only a real elf could have kept up the “Santa hand writing” for so long and so consistently.

You have created such terrific holiday traditions for the whole family. Many are just us, some from your childhood and some just plain traditional.

Christmas Present

This year’s Christmas may be the biggest of them all! I really like that we
have added a Christmas “outing” to the mix. The ballet last year and the
play this year. It is a nice family event for all of us to enjoy and kicks off the 3 days of the holiday perfectly.

This year we will have added a new family member to the mix. Kendall was so excited. By now Megan has her big gift, I’ll bet she is shocked although we may never see her again (Megan cave calling).

Having Christmas be just the four of us is actually very nice. Keeping the focus on our family and not sharing our “special time” with anyone else is the best way to spend the holidays.

As this is the “present” portion let me officially tell you Merry Christmas for 2009. You outdid yourself this year.

Christmas Future

This is where it is really going to get good. I was telling someone about your plans to have the girls be “required” to spend Christmas with us after they have their own families. Everyone I have told agreed that it causes some real family stress. However, I have told EVERY ONE of them that it won’t be an issue for us. 22 years of perfect Christmases have ensured that they wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at this very special holiday.

I figure it will go something like this. Both girls sleep in their own rooms (with husbands and kids) on Christmas Eve. We all wake up in the morning to the shrieks of grandkids opening the tons of presents Santa left them. They’ll know that Santa makes his best visits to Grandma’s house! You’ll have created spreadsheets for every grandchild, rows of gifts well over 50 by that time! Dinner remains perfect and we may actually get to the point where we need multiple 23-25 lb turkeys.

You and I will sit and watch our ever growing family enjoy your favorite holiday. For a few days ever year you get to be a young kid again. It will go on until there are great grandkids and so on and so on.

So there you have it sweetie, your Christmas legacy has been built. You have created decades upon decades of Christmas magic. A thought just occurred to me. Maybe there really is a “Santa Claus”. I think it’s you.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Merry Christmas!

Good morning sweetie

2009-12-17T06:28:00.001-06:00

Well I hope your night went well. Just remember only 1 more night to go before we are together for the rest of the year.

This is likely the last entry of the year before the annual Christmas letter entry. The year seemed to go by so fast didn’t it? Christmas is now in the single digits away! I know you have so much to do and it is causing you stress, but the the reward is always worth it for you.

Today I find my self missing you quite a bit. Last night when we went to bed I had one of those moments when I knew that what we had was perfect. You curled up next to me so you could be warm. There you were lying next to me in your nightgown, smelling perfectly feeling warm, content and perfect. It was as though you were created to be in that spot with me. A perfect fit. I whispered in your ear “I Love you” and you told smiled and told me you loved me too. Then you fell asleep. It was one of the best nights sleep I have had in a really long time.

When we woke up we were still in almost the same position. It made for a pretty great morning too. Thus when I tried to fall asleep tonight without you things just weren’t right. So if you didn’t know, I was missing you even more all night.

After 20+ years it amazes me that we find so many of those little perfect moments. so many tiny little things that remind us how lucky we are to have each other. So many thing that remind us how in love we are.

When the older daughters friend came to the house this weekend and you told me about her father situation it made me think. I thought I wonder did she notice we hold hands in the car? Even on a short trip to get something to eat. Did she notice that we stop at various points throughout the house and hug/kiss? even though there isn’t a “required moment” for doing so? I know at one point she turned her head and heard me tell you that you looked “really good” in your jeans. She smiled after i said it. Maybe it was less because I was ogle-ing you and more because she just thought it was nice that we did so for each other.

I bet our kids take for granted that we still have such a great and close relationship with each other after all this time. For a few days, I hope a stranger thought it was nice. Ironically, I only thought of this after she left. That makes those little nice things we do so much more natural. Its good to be in love isn’t it?

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

The Holiday Season

2009-12-09T02:04:00.001-06:00

The next two weeks are going to be long ones. I guess they always are at this time of the year. However, once they are done it becomes the official “old fashioned fun family Christmas” time.

It sure is your time of the year. Right from the start of October (you know you will probably hit September next year) through the week after Christmas. It is like your own “quarter” of the year. You start the thinking in October and this year even some of the buying. You get decoration round one out of the way with the Halloween decorations, then fall decorations, some more shopping, turkey day is perfect, some more shopping, Christmas decorating, shopping, baking, a Christmas concert, a Christmas event (this year a Christmas Carol), presents galore!, more turkey, a bevy of family calls (ok one call with 4 people to talk to), the annual ski trip and finally New years celebration (this year at our house). Whew what a season. So much to do and so precious little time. But you always pull it off.

I wonder to myself where this massive focus on this holiday originated. I know you have told me of the summer time Jack Jones concerts in the basement, but what really drives your desire to make this holiday so perfect? I guess the easy answer is the girls. Making sure they have the perfect experience, but at this point I think they are really all about the presents. The presents are really just a small part of the whole experience you have given us over the years. The rest of the holiday is equally as big to you. Where did it all come from? What makes you so focused on this time of the year.

I racked my brains on this and really only came to one conclusion. This is how you wanted your family to be at the holidays. Just like the many holiday movies you love so much. It isn’t because it mirrors your childhood memories, but because you are creating our families memories. The things our kids will remember forever. The things that you and I will look back on in 40 years about Christmas past.

I guess all we can say is “Thank you”. I may call it “your season”, but I know you do it for us.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Poets write Poetry

2009-12-03T23:29:00.001-06:00

husbands do not….

However sometimes we try.

She smiles
And it lights up my world
She laughs
And I become more happy with every tone
She speaks
And every word is music to my ears

And with her my world gets better all every day

She asks
And the answers bring me joy
She sees
And the vision paints a picture
She hears
And the sounds are a symphony in my head

And with her my world gets better all every day

I take
Because everything she gives makes me loved
I feel
Because her presence give me life
I love
Because she makes me feel loved

And with her my world gets better all every day

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Snow is for you

2009-12-03T07:24:00.001-06:00

I am very sorry I didn’t have a “real” update this morning. The disappointment in your voice made me feel really bad. It won’t happen again as I remain flattered that you look for them after so long.

So I ran down to the meeting and it turned out to be breakfast. I grabbed some coffee and came back here real quick to post the one thing I thought today.

It snowed here last night. Probably 2-3 inches or so. I can’t look at snow without thinking of you. Snow is for you. I love how excited you get about it and how it makes you smile. For someone who soooo loves to sit on the beach, I think you like snow even more.

So all day as I look out the window and see the snow, I will be thinking of you. Of course, I am always thinking of you anyway, but today it will be “pretty, happy, snow smile” you.

I need to get back to the group now.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Snuggly Nights

2009-11-17T23:27:00.001-06:00

I realized something cool last night. It happened when we got into bed. And now I think it is some kind of strategy on your part. Let me explain.

It appears on nights when travel the next morning you are far more snuggly than on any other night. When we get into bed on a “normal” night you in most cases just go to sleep. Nothing wrong with that. We have been sharing a bed for so long that our ‘space’ is our ‘space’. We sleep well together. We always have.

However, on nights when I travel the next day going to bed together seems a bit different. You always turn and face me. You always seem to fin a way to snuggle up in my arms. You always seem to find a way to have me hold you. It is truly my favorite way for us to go to sleep.

And it isn’t just regular snuggling. It has a completely different feel. It feels so loving. So perfect. Almost as though it is some kind of indication I shouldn’t leave at all. It is one of those moments when all I can do is think how much I love you and how lucky I am that it is YOU snuggling up to me. It is the time when many of these blog entry ideas come to me. A moment when i remind myself how much in love I am with you.

So this is where I think you are being strategic. I think you do it purposefully. Maybe it is you way of providing subtle reminder that I am going to miss you. Maybe you just want me to have the perfect memory of you the next time I go to sleep – which will be without you. Maybe you do it in hopes that I won’t leave at all.

I might be wrong but I believe you do it on purpose. And if that is true I couldn’t be more flattered. That you love me enough to make my last nights sleep somehow important before I leave is a truly wonderful gesture. Then again this could all be in my head. I doubt that though.

However, pretty soon I won’t be leaving at all. Then the pressure to make every night perfect will begin.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Staying Put

2009-11-11T00:51:00.000-06:00

I hadn’t really thought about it until we discussed it this past weekend. But you were right. It has been a long time for us that we have had opposite “schedules”. So much time apart for a couple who should spend so much time together.

I guess it started when we first got together. We had your evening schedule, my day schedule and my working every Saturday (we needed the extra money). Then we had a break while you watched the boys at our townhouse and I got to come home at 330 every day and help you. I was still gone every Saturday though. However, it goes into the “more normal” part of our lives.

We did pretty well there for a while. Even though we had the brief time when I worked overnight and then tried to be “normal” during the daytime, we weren’t too off schedule. It was however the first time we didn’t go to bed together every night.

Without giving you a history lesson neither of us want to re-hash we have spent a ton of time away from each other. The past few years being the worst of the distance. Now I get presented with an opportunity for yet another long distance opportunity. and only during that discussion did it hit how “far apart” we have been “for so long”.

So I am putting an end to it now. We can’t go on like this anymore. Actually we could, we are that rare couple who can withstand anything. That couple who no matter what gets thrown at us we fall back on each other and make our way through. But why should WE have to endure anything like this anyway?

This is what I picture. I get up at a normal time and get dressed. I get into my car and drive to my office that is no more than 10-12 minutes away form our home. At lunch you stop by the office. You say hello to the people I work with because you know them well – because well you do come by the office often. I drop what i am working on as i usually do and we take off for lunch. on a nice day we picnic, on a cold day we certainly get hot chocolate (well I get coffee of some kind) and we are so well know as the “lunch couple” at every spot in town we never have to wait. after lunch i kiss you goodbye and finish my work day. I leave the office at a reasonable time and head home to eat dinner, run errands, watch our favorite shows and rub some feet.

Pretty much every day goes something like that. Pretty much forever.

It is going to happen soon sweetie. I promise. Two people who love each other like we do should not be apart. I am just thankful that our amazing girls have been there for both of us when the other wasn’t home for so long. Since they are growing up i can’t leave you alone. It won’t happen.

So start making those lunch plans.

You’re the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Amazing “Memorable” Success

2009-11-04T06:25:00.001-06:00

Well you pulled it off and made the surprise happen. Kept everything in order and treated everything to a great time. It was just another amazing feat accomplished by an amazing person.

This past weekend in New York was a lot of fun. No one will ever dispute that. We will all remember the things we did, the lasting jokes, the "storied" memories. We will tell the "do you remember that time in NYC when…" stories and laugh. It will have been a memorable occasion.

What will eventually be kind of forgotten is how we all go there. How one person in the family had the vision of how it should be and made it happen. That person is you my love. Eventually the fact that you managed to get all of us there and together won't be the lasting memory about the weekend. In fact we had so much fun this weekend we even started to forgot how we all got there. We started remembering stories of "missed planes", "forgotten numbers", "bar doors needing to be opened", "spelling words with rocks", etc. But in the end we all have you to thank for the whole thing.

You are some kind of an amazing human being. Do you remember that episode of friends where Phoebe tries to do something for someone else and not get any reward from it? Then she realizes she can't do it? Well I think you are one of those rare people who truly does things just to make others happy. And this weekend your plan made so many people happy. I truly believe that while you had fun yourself, your biggest joy was making the rest of us so happy. What kind of amazing person can really be able to do that?

This isn't the only time you have done this kind of thing. The NYC trip was surely a surprise. But just think about how you plan Christmas for the girls. It is all about them having that "awed" moment when they see all the presents under the tree, more "awed" moments when they open each one and the list of memories about the day.

How about the high school graduation celebration? A perfect event. A perfect set of memories. No one will remember the meticulous detail you went to plan the whole thing, they'll just remember all the fun they had on that weekend.

You managed to make perfect memories for both the girls when they got their cars. In some ways the event of giving them car was more important than the car itself. However, them remembering the moment was a big part of the plan.

You are an amazing person my love. You give so much to everyone and expect so little in return. You are in the process of making so many memorable moments for the people that you love and we all are so lucky to have you in our lives. I don't think we will ever thank you enough or even really fully understand what we are thanking you for, but we appreciate everything.

How could anyone not be in love you? I am so lucky to have you in my life – you have made life so much more memorable.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

If They Only Knew

2009-10-29T06:14:00.001-05:00

I know this blog is supposed to be about us, but tonight I figured I would follow up on a topic we discussed last week. It was about the things the girls will remember that you did for them that "were special". That you even wondered if they would have trouble with thinking of any was really quite surprising. The number of little things is innumerable and the big things are pretty countless as well.

I really can't list them all, but I think you can get kind of a flavor for them.

How about the whole "movie Monday" thing? The younger one looked so forward to those nights. She loved them. I am honestly quite amazed at how many movies the two of you mentio that you saw but I didn't. I am certain she will expect these again this summer.

How about the "shuffle" training session? Or the impromptu dance session (the one with the "slapping"). Precious moments – all of them.

LIke today there are the "sudden unplanned" trips to Madison or wherever. They like those things. Why? Because the like spending time with you. They enjoy how you make them laugh with your silly approach to things. The love the shared jokes you have together. I'll bet you three could fill hours on goofy dinner table jokes alone.

How about the endless nicknames you have for them? They will remember that stuff forever. The zoo trips, mall trips, lunches together, the list goes one.

I guess the point is that they have no idea how huge you are in their lives. You have done so much more than take them to museums and big stuff. You have given them your time. All of your time. All of your attention. They'll never forget that. They will remember so many moments. And when we are really old they will sit and remind us and our feeble memories of those moments. And in return for all you did for them.

I looked at a picture taken just a few days ago of the older daughter lying on the couch with her head in your lap. She is nearly 20 years old. And she still does that with you. She will remember that.

The "walker" is still hanging out there somewhere for you and the younger daughter to "hide" on each other. It's silly and goofy. She is over 16 years old. She will remember that.

Face it sweetie. You are unforgettable. You are a memory all of your own.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.

Happy Birthday!

2009-10-21T06:33:00.002-05:00

Happy 40^th Birthday my love.

I was going to have a post where I listed the 40 ways I loved you, but realized there were thousands.

I was going to have a post where I listed the 40 ways you were beautiful, but the decided that 40 wouldn't cover the list.

I was going to have a post where I reminded you of the 40 ways you make me smile, but I got to number 800 and realized I was not even close to being done.

I was going to have a post where I mentioned 40 sexy things about you and figured out there were so many more than 40.

So I figured in order to have the post I really wanted I was going to have to wait until your 1,000^th birthday or so to have ample room to cover all the topics I wanted to cover. I know that is not possible, but I sure would be happy if I got to spend that much time with you.

So I will keep this simple and spend my day making your 40^th Birthday a truly happy one.

Happy Birthday my love, no one has ever made 40 look as good as you do.

You're the world to me. I love you more than anything in the world.